Personal Improvement

BRIDGING FOR PEACE

November 30, 2023 By Judy Lipson

By Judith E. Lipson, M.A., LPC

When I look at the world (locally and globally) I see an environment of conflict and separation, while I believe in oneness and unity. There is a great need for mending fences and finding connection, but the problem(s) feel way too big for me to make a significant impact.

When my clients have expressed similar sentiments to me, I point out that we do what we can. Sometimes that is donating money or time to an important cause, but when those are not manageable you can still add light and peace to our world by smiling and connecting with everyone (including complete strangers) that you encounter in lines, behind store registers, or even while passing them on the street.

This small act can brighten another’s day, lift their heart and put a smile on their face. A colleague recently shared that saying “Awwwww” in your mind (like you would when seeing a cute puppy), will allow for the opening and sharing of your heart space, without saying a word.

Me? I do what I can. I donate, I smile, I share my heart space, I pray, and I meditate. And like you, I question if it is enough. These actions, over time, have proven to be a bridge for an incredible experience.

A few weeks ago, I was approached by a couple of Muslim therapists, to meet with Jewish therapists, so we could discuss the importance of maintaining the therapeutic alliance in our work when we encounter clients of different faiths, nationalities, and beliefs particularly during these difficult times. (I’m writing this in November 2023.)

Due to our desire to initiate this quickly, and challenges of availability during the holiday season, we started small. Four of us sat for a nearly 2.5 hour conversation at our first meeting. It was impactful. We talked about our families to create connection and commonality, and then with intention we led with our hearts. We asked each other gentle questions and probing questions. We answered honestly and authentically. We looked at our common beliefs and core values as well as our seeming differences. We sought to understand where these differences came from and what holds us to them.

What was our secret? [Read more…]

The Opposite of Love is Not Hate, It Is Fear

October 29, 2023 By Judy Lipson

By Judith E. Lipson, M.A., LPC

One of the things that really concerns me right now is how fraught with fear we are becoming. Fear has always been a prominent emotion. After all, our nervous system is wired to look for cues of danger.

For most of us, our ability to rise above this tendency, as well as our resiliency, are reduced. I write this so that we can each be reminded of the importance to keep our nervous systems as calm as possible, even during these incredibly challenging times. Regardless of our faith or ethnicity we have had difficult histories – some more challenging, some during certain times. Even though we did not live through those histories personally, we are affected. This is referred to as ancestral, or generational, trauma. We carry these traumas and wounds within us in addition to the intuitive need to look for danger. No wonder we have such a tendency to be anxious, worried and even fearful.

The current world events are frightening. Yet, we cannot respond most effectively if we do not stay grounded and calm. (Looking for proof of this concept? As examples, reflect on surgeons in the operating room who encounter a medical crisis, or the pilot Sully Sullenberger who landed his plane safely on the Hudson River. If they had responded in panic, the outcome would not likely have been successful.)

I’m not going to pretend that it’s easy to calm our panicked nervous systems, but I do encourage you to continue to learn ways to do so. Each time you practice a technique, you are reinforcing your parasympathetic system’s ability to calm yourself down, and each time that offers the potential for it to be a little easier the next time.

Why should you do this practice? Well, it’s really hard on the body to be in fight and flight for long periods of time. Also, it feels really awful!!!

And here is another important reason: The opposite of love is not hate, the opposite of love is fear. [Read more…]

Your Tribe

May 25, 2023 By Judy Lipson

Who are your people?

Find them.

Stay in touch.

By Judith E. Lipson, M.A., LPC

I love my tribe. My tribe feels like home. And my tribe is the group where I can most fully express myself. My close friends are an aspect of my tribe because they are friendly, caring, compassionate, and open-hearted.

But my truest tribe are folks who share my love and exploration of spirituality, metaphysics and the great beyond. We also believe in possibility, oneness and so much more (too challenging to put into words). THESE are my people. My tribe.

Once upon a time this was called New Age. Yep, that’s how old I am. (I mean how long I’ve been into this.) I had likely listened to a few speakers locally and I had listened to a lot of books on tape. Then, for my 40^th birthday my mom gifted me with a trip for the two of us to my first mind-body-spirit conference. It was called Celebrate Your Life. (I think, now, that this may have been their first) and it was in Chicago. It was the most fabulous experience to be with like-minded people (my tribe), with ample opportunities to learn about spirituality, and myself.

I returned there a few more times over the decades and even had the chance to attend two week-long trainings from Omega in Rhinebeck, NY: there was Past Life Regression certification by Dr. Brian Weiss, and another summer I learned a particular energy training with Danis Bois.

Meeting other participants who attend the same trainings and sessions, and sharing information with others who have attended different speakers, enhances the whole experience. Another added bonus that makes the larger experience magical is being a part of hundreds (not tens) of people who share the desire to grow personally and spiritually. My tribe.

During the last 10+ years, I have focused my Tribe experiences and training differently: small group intensives with one teacher, everyone learning together. These have been delightful, educational and intimate, and I have had no complaints. Yet, I realized as the world has “re-opened” after Covid (2023) that I missed the more expansive experience.

[Read more…]

STRESS AND ANXIETY BEGIN IN THE BODY

November 26, 2022 By Judy Lipson

By Judith E. Lipson, M.A., LPC

I began learning about polyvagal theory, founded by Dr. Stephen Porges, years ago while attending the international trauma conference in Boston. I had the privilege to hear him talk and knew it was vitally important. I have continued to read, attend lectures, and view videos on the subject. Additionally, over the last year I have participated in a weekly polyvagal practice group. As I gain a better understanding, I’m learning how to utilize its principles for my own well-being and my clients.

Sensitives and those who have encountered trauma are not the only ones who are challenged by the external and internal sensory impact on their nervous systems. Dr. George Thompson says: The motto of the amygdala [part of the nervous system] is “better safe than sorry”. We all deal with a reactive nervous system. Psychologists call it negative bias. Recognizing that challenging thoughts and feelings originate in the body’s nervous system helps me to explain the process to others and to recommend helpful responses.

Dr. Gabor Maté explains: “The usual conception of trauma conjures up notions of catastrophic events: hurricanes, abuse, egregious neglect, and war. This has the unintended and misleading effect of relegating trauma to the realm of the abnormal, the unusual, the exceptional. If there exists a class of people we call ‘traumatized’, that must mean that most of us are not. Here we miss the mark by a wide margin. Trauma pervades our culture, from personal functioning through social relationships, parenting, education, popular culture, economics, and politics. In fact, someone without the marks of trauma would be an outlier in our society. We are closer to the truth when we ask: Where do we each fit on the broad and surprisingly inclusive trauma spectrum? Which of its many marks has each of us carried all (or most) of our lives, and what have the impacts been? And what possibilities would open up were we to become more familiar, even intimate, with them?”

Physician, Dr. Lucy McBride wrote in her 10/17/22 newsletter: “It’s what some medical professionals, including myself, are calling ‘post-pandemic stress’, which is not an official diagnosis (nor does it mean that COVID is gone!) but is characterized by anxiety, mood instability, and mental exhaustion that is interfering with quality of life. I witness the full spectrum of this trauma response among my patients. I feel it myself. Some of us lean on friends; others seek solitude. Some rigidly adhere to strict diets; others binge on alcohol or sugary foods. Some grieve quietly; others lash out on social media — or at the supermarket — in anger. As trauma specialist Dr. Gabor Mate said, ‘Trauma is not what happens to you, it’s what happens inside you.’ Isolated for over two years, we’re being forced to confront our interior worlds — and each other. No matter how one processes loss, this transition out of this pandemic requires us to face uncomfortable truths about ourselves. We must normalize any feelings of despair and face our self-sabotaging behaviors to more appropriately direct our angst. Healing from the psychological toll of the past two years and rebuilding healthy relationships requires embracing our vulnerability. It requires accepting that we will not have all the answers, and that some questions simply don’t have one. To do so, we must embrace the practice of ‘holding paradox’. Holding paradox is about abandoning black-or-white thinking. It involves reframing our mindset to view issues as ‘both-ands’ instead of ‘either-ors’. It’s about approaching each day with an open, curious mind, instead of the impulse to predict, control, or win every argument.”

Ultimately, I now understand that polyvagal theory informs us of the body’s major role in one’s mental health. Sure, our thoughts and feelings are important. But it all begins in the nervous system….in the body. And we therefore must include [Read more…]

THE PREGNANT PAUSE

September 24, 2022 By Judy Lipson

By Judith E. Lipson, M.A., LPC

I find it fascinating how, in my work, certain themes or strategies will appear and then repeat for days or weeks. September, 2022 found me repeatedly talking about the pregnant pause. Let me share an example and see if it resonates with your life journey, as well.

My client could very much sense that a change was coming but had no idea what this next thing was going to be. She could tell that she wanted it and sensed that she needed it to manifest. Why wait? was her inner experience. Because it felt so wonderfully new, good, and necessary, she wanted to experience it right away. Her frustration had her wondering if she was resisting allowing this (assumed) awesome thing to happen. And if so, what was her resistance about?

I understood. In fact, I have had this same experience numerous times. It can be frustrating, and in fact if the individual is not careful, they can jump to an incorrect assumption that they are doing something wrong (or it would be here now).

Another potential error is [Read more…]

Find Your Truth: Re-Write the Messages That You Erroneously Learned in Childhood

June 11, 2022 By Judy Lipson

By Judith E. Lipson, M.A., LPC

Many of the inaccuracies of your life were learned during childhood and especially the middle school years. I know it was true for me, and I have spoken to many pre-teens living it, adolescents learning that they can let it go, and adults who didn’t realize how many misrepresentations came from their childhoods and middle school/junior high years who are now learning to recover from these falsehoods by reframing their Truth.

Having had those experiences has helped to shape the type of work that I do. In fact, one of the most rewarding educational experiences I had was to teach classes of middle school students what to do if they encountered bullies. I taught them empowerment, how to use their voice, and to utilize physical, verbal, and energetic boundaries. (If you would like to learn these tips, read my article: Empower Your Child. All the concepts in this article can also be utilized by teens and adults.)

But let’s come back to those inaccuracies. What do I mean by that? Pay attention to the messages that you say within your own mind about yourself in any given day. It’s amazing how most of us would never say those things to another person, especially someone that we care about, yet we speak them to ourselves – in the silence of our minds – every single day. I’m suggesting that you pay attention to those messages, so that you might confront them with a healthier and more accurate viewpoint.

Here’s how it tends to happen: You started your life connected to ‘all that is’ without preconceived notions about others or yourself. In the beginning, there was pure joy and love. By your preschool years parents and teachers began the socializing process with messages like: ‘take turns’, ‘sit still’, ‘be quiet’, ‘don’t do that’, ‘be polite’, etc. Unfortunately, you may have interpreted this to mean that you were fundamentally ‘not ok’.

If you struggled in elementary school academically or socially you may have internalized the ‘not okay’ message further, even if no one was judging or comparing. Subsequently, middle-school [Read more…]

Transformation: Let’s Not Miss Our Opportunity

March 23, 2022 By Judy Lipson

By Judith E. Lipson, M.A., LPC

A little over two years ago in March 2020, much of our world came to a screeching halt because of the COVID-19 pandemic. Even during this frightening time many observed clear skies and quiet roads, and soon there was a renewed appreciation for educators, health providers, and the many folks who kept supplies in our stores and provided services to us all. There was gratitude for the efforts we took to stay connected to each other. I even appreciated the unique opportunities to enjoy theater and concerts online. During this time I found myself seeing, and seeking out, even the smallest ways to appreciate what was good around me as I found opportunities to support those who had greater need than myself.

I found that during this time there was a quietness within, and many took advantage. I certainly did. That first summer (and honestly since then as well), I have found myself undergoing massive personal transformations that have led to more subtle changes in my professional work. During this time, I have also witnessed the transformations of so many others: clients, colleagues, strangers, friends, and family. This has been a time for transformation, and it wasn’t just for us personally. [Read more…]

Reflections on Death and Grief

July 26, 2021 By Judy Lipson

(Grief, Near Death Experiences, Death Doulas, d/D Death)

By Judith E. Lipson, M.A., LPC

GRIEF

As a reader of my newsletter, you know that I am a fan of the work of Karla McLaren and her writings about emotions. A client recently brought one of McLaren’s articles to my attention, and after reading it I found I had a lot of reflections. I hope that you will read the article, and then my reflections. https://karlamclaren.com/grief-the-deep-river-of-the-soul/

I believe the river of souls is that deepest place of ourselves, of each of us, the part that we all have in common: that depth in each of our souls. That part that knows, and feels, and experiences.

In the article she also mentions the river of tears. I suspect this is a metaphor for that place to which all grievers go. That very deep, dark, hard place where you feel heavy and the best you can do is drop. And wail. However, most of our society does not allow that, let alone nurture and support it.

I do like the idea of the altar, especially for complicated and complex grief, because it can be so incredibly overwhelming and all-consuming for the body and the being. And I don’t think she means to insinuate that grief should be over in a matter of a couple of months. But I think her technique, and suggestions for this altar, could be helpful so that the being knows that the intense grief happens here, ceremonially and in real time. And this would allow for the option that when some time passes and you want to live life, while still grieving, you have a way of knowing that this is the place where it can take place safely.

It gives permission to really let the body and the feelings completely release, which is how grief heals. She talks about the need to really go down. To that place that most people don’t want to go to. That place that many in grief have found themselves in, numerous times. That place where so many are terrified to be, to feel. And it seems, within our culture, that to experience this depth, in the days and weeks after, would be so much easier, because our culture might accept a deep grief response, but not after a “given time”. [Read more…]

T/t Trauma

May 23, 2021 By Judy Lipson

By Judith E. Lipson, M.A., LPC

I had never intended to work with folks who deal with significant traumas, so when my colleague and friend suggested that I accompany her to see Bessel van der Kolk who was speaking in Ann Arbor on trauma, I insistently told her no, several times. But Barb can be very persistent and so I signed up for this great opportunity. I can’t thank her enough! This is one of those trainings that has greatly informed my work with Sensitives.

Dr. van der Kolk taught the group about the common responses that individuals frequently experience emotionally, relationally, and especially physically as a result of their traumatic experience. Because of his information, I suddenly had this ah-hah about the Sensitives that I work with and recognized how their experiences can be understood in the context of trauma that we recognize professionally and as a society. (I now refer to major illness, assault, accident, war, abuse, and neglect as the big T traumas). This information has informed my work ever since, and is key to what I teach my families, my clients, and professional groups about Sensitives.

Sensitives are those who are highly attuned to one or more of the 5 senses (taste, touch, see, hear, smell) and are typically also very intuitive, empathic and energy-aware. At the time of that conference, I already knew of the strong sensory awareness in the autistic population and was seeing it in folks who often experience ADHD and/or anxiety. I began to see the students and adults that I worked with as being on this sensory continuum of Sensitives. I focused on identifying these folks and helping them and others to focus on their strengths while mitigating their weaknesses. At the time I had only a few techniques to address the challenges for Sensitives. These included explaining the situation to their loved ones and their teachers so they can ‘walk a mile in their shoes’; recommending the removal of fluorescent lights, using natural lighting, and generally dimming room lights to address light sensitivity; and teaching the individuals how to modulate their empathic gifts.

Dr. van der Kolk explained [Read more…]

Coming out of Sanctuary

March 30, 2021 By Judy Lipson

By Judith E. Lipson, M.A., LPC

I talk to a lot of people – friends, colleagues, and clients – and I watch the patterns of conversation. Over the last few months, we have talked a lot about the shift away from social isolation toward finding ease in returning to a more active way of life (while maintaining masks, hygiene, and proper distancing as recommended by the CDC). Initially, these conversations were to provide preparation for when that time would come.

Recently, more adults have received their COVID-19 vaccines, and students and staff have returned to school. These conversations have now taken on more of a timely need and an urgency.

Not surprisingly, a number of people are delighted to return to activities and events that are more reminiscent of times pre-pandemic. Others have expressed that they have felt quite comfortable with some, or many, aspects of the life that they have experienced over this last year and are struggling to make the shift.

This article is written for this latter group. If you are one of these people who looks back at this last year with a partial or complete thought of: please don’t mess with me now! then this article is for you. If you have always (or are now) struggling with general anxiety or social anxiety, this is for you. If you are not personally resonating with this concept, I still encourage you to read it so you can better understand your students, colleagues, friends, and family members. I’ve also included some tips to help you or them to venture out.

WHAT WE ARE EXPERIENCING

No two people are the same so not everyone will describe it the same way, but here is what I’ve been hearing, and it may not be what you expect. What you probably think is that folks are scared of contracting COVID-19, but actually most people do NOT quote their concern of developing COVID as their primary reason for their reluctance to venture back to activities. [Read more…]

BRIDGING FOR PEACE

The Opposite of Love is Not Hate, It Is Fear

Your Tribe

STRESS AND ANXIETY BEGIN IN THE BODY

THE PREGNANT PAUSE

Find Your Truth: Re-Write the Messages That You Erroneously Learned in Childhood

Transformation: Let’s Not Miss Our Opportunity

Reflections on Death and Grief

T/t Trauma

Specialties

Recent Articles

Contact Information

Spiral Wisdom Newsletter