anxiety

The Opposite of Love is Not Hate, It Is Fear

October 29, 2023 By Judy Lipson

By Judith E. Lipson, M.A., LPC

One of the things that really concerns me right now is how fraught with fear we are becoming. Fear has always been a prominent emotion. After all, our nervous system is wired to look for cues of danger.

For most of us, our ability to rise above this tendency, as well as our resiliency, are reduced. I write this so that we can each be reminded of the importance to keep our nervous systems as calm as possible, even during these incredibly challenging times. Regardless of our faith or ethnicity we have had difficult histories – some more challenging, some during certain times. Even though we did not live through those histories personally, we are affected. This is referred to as ancestral, or generational, trauma. We carry these traumas and wounds within us in addition to the intuitive need to look for danger. No wonder we have such a tendency to be anxious, worried and even fearful.

The current world events are frightening. Yet, we cannot respond most effectively if we do not stay grounded and calm. (Looking for proof of this concept? As examples, reflect on surgeons in the operating room who encounter a medical crisis, or the pilot Sully Sullenberger who landed his plane safely on the Hudson River. If they had responded in panic, the outcome would not likely have been successful.)

I’m not going to pretend that it’s easy to calm our panicked nervous systems, but I do encourage you to continue to learn ways to do so. Each time you practice a technique, you are reinforcing your parasympathetic system’s ability to calm yourself down, and each time that offers the potential for it to be a little easier the next time.

Why should you do this practice? Well, it’s really hard on the body to be in fight and flight for long periods of time. Also, it feels really awful!!!

And here is another important reason: The opposite of love is not hate, the opposite of love is fear. [Read more…]

STRESS AND ANXIETY BEGIN IN THE BODY

November 26, 2022 By Judy Lipson

By Judith E. Lipson, M.A., LPC

I began learning about polyvagal theory, founded by Dr. Stephen Porges, years ago while attending the international trauma conference in Boston. I had the privilege to hear him talk and knew it was vitally important. I have continued to read, attend lectures, and view videos on the subject. Additionally, over the last year I have participated in a weekly polyvagal practice group. As I gain a better understanding, I’m learning how to utilize its principles for my own well-being and my clients.

Sensitives and those who have encountered trauma are not the only ones who are challenged by the external and internal sensory impact on their nervous systems. Dr. George Thompson says: The motto of the amygdala [part of the nervous system] is “better safe than sorry”. We all deal with a reactive nervous system. Psychologists call it negative bias. Recognizing that challenging thoughts and feelings originate in the body’s nervous system helps me to explain the process to others and to recommend helpful responses.

Dr. Gabor Maté explains: “The usual conception of trauma conjures up notions of catastrophic events: hurricanes, abuse, egregious neglect, and war. This has the unintended and misleading effect of relegating trauma to the realm of the abnormal, the unusual, the exceptional. If there exists a class of people we call ‘traumatized’, that must mean that most of us are not. Here we miss the mark by a wide margin. Trauma pervades our culture, from personal functioning through social relationships, parenting, education, popular culture, economics, and politics. In fact, someone without the marks of trauma would be an outlier in our society. We are closer to the truth when we ask: Where do we each fit on the broad and surprisingly inclusive trauma spectrum? Which of its many marks has each of us carried all (or most) of our lives, and what have the impacts been? And what possibilities would open up were we to become more familiar, even intimate, with them?”

Physician, Dr. Lucy McBride wrote in her 10/17/22 newsletter: “It’s what some medical professionals, including myself, are calling ‘post-pandemic stress’, which is not an official diagnosis (nor does it mean that COVID is gone!) but is characterized by anxiety, mood instability, and mental exhaustion that is interfering with quality of life. I witness the full spectrum of this trauma response among my patients. I feel it myself. Some of us lean on friends; others seek solitude. Some rigidly adhere to strict diets; others binge on alcohol or sugary foods. Some grieve quietly; others lash out on social media — or at the supermarket — in anger. As trauma specialist Dr. Gabor Mate said, ‘Trauma is not what happens to you, it’s what happens inside you.’ Isolated for over two years, we’re being forced to confront our interior worlds — and each other. No matter how one processes loss, this transition out of this pandemic requires us to face uncomfortable truths about ourselves. We must normalize any feelings of despair and face our self-sabotaging behaviors to more appropriately direct our angst. Healing from the psychological toll of the past two years and rebuilding healthy relationships requires embracing our vulnerability. It requires accepting that we will not have all the answers, and that some questions simply don’t have one. To do so, we must embrace the practice of ‘holding paradox’. Holding paradox is about abandoning black-or-white thinking. It involves reframing our mindset to view issues as ‘both-ands’ instead of ‘either-ors’. It’s about approaching each day with an open, curious mind, instead of the impulse to predict, control, or win every argument.”

Ultimately, I now understand that polyvagal theory informs us of the body’s major role in one’s mental health. Sure, our thoughts and feelings are important. But it all begins in the nervous system….in the body. And we therefore must include [Read more…]

Coming out of Sanctuary

March 30, 2021 By Judy Lipson

By Judith E. Lipson, M.A., LPC

I talk to a lot of people – friends, colleagues, and clients – and I watch the patterns of conversation. Over the last few months, we have talked a lot about the shift away from social isolation toward finding ease in returning to a more active way of life (while maintaining masks, hygiene, and proper distancing as recommended by the CDC). Initially, these conversations were to provide preparation for when that time would come.

Recently, more adults have received their COVID-19 vaccines, and students and staff have returned to school. These conversations have now taken on more of a timely need and an urgency.

Not surprisingly, a number of people are delighted to return to activities and events that are more reminiscent of times pre-pandemic. Others have expressed that they have felt quite comfortable with some, or many, aspects of the life that they have experienced over this last year and are struggling to make the shift.

This article is written for this latter group. If you are one of these people who looks back at this last year with a partial or complete thought of: please don’t mess with me now! then this article is for you. If you have always (or are now) struggling with general anxiety or social anxiety, this is for you. If you are not personally resonating with this concept, I still encourage you to read it so you can better understand your students, colleagues, friends, and family members. I’ve also included some tips to help you or them to venture out.

WHAT WE ARE EXPERIENCING

No two people are the same so not everyone will describe it the same way, but here is what I’ve been hearing, and it may not be what you expect. What you probably think is that folks are scared of contracting COVID-19, but actually most people do NOT quote their concern of developing COVID as their primary reason for their reluctance to venture back to activities. [Read more…]

My Spiral Story

December 19, 2020 By Judy Lipson

By Judith E. Lipson, M.A., LPC

When I recently updated my logo, I returned to the image of my original spiral. It seems appropriate now to explain the story of that spiral and its significance in my life and work.

This story starts several decades ago when I was learning to reduce my anxiety. Knowing me now, you wouldn’t even believe how anxious I was as a youth and early(ier) adult! I was taught breathing and calming exercises, and then meditation. Even that was frightening for this anxious young woman. But little by little over the course of a year I began to let go and allow my body and mind to relax as I returned to my roots as an intuitive empath.

Eventually I began to notice visualizations in these early meditations. The shape was always the same – a spiral. It always had the same direction and the same number of whorls. Eventually, I tried to do research to find out more, but if you can believe this, there was very little about spirals. Without the internet (or maybe it had just begun), there were no links to spiritual messages. There were books, but they only talked about spirals in nature (i.e.: the nautilus shell, plants, etc.) and mathematics (i.e.: the Fibonacci spiral). However, none of that felt satisfying to understand why I was seeing spirals, and this specific spiral, in repeated meditations.

Eventually, I began to experience more diverse visualizations in my meditations. Yet I always remembered those spirals. THAT spiral.

Fast forward to February of 2002 when I opened my private practice, Spiral Wisdom LLC. In the year prior, while I tried to develop a name, I remembered (how could I forget!!) my link to spirals and incorporated it in my business name. I thought this was a full circle moment, but that was yet to come.

My original logo had a very raw image of my spiral, so in 2010 I worked with a graphic designer who suggested a really cool logo that incorporated a spiral into a hand. I accepted it, and even loved it, but I have to be honest that I always missed MY spiral.

In 2012 I traveled to Sedona for a retreat to acknowledge the significance of the date, 12/12/12. As part of our events, we traveled to a local petroglyph site (dated 500 CE – 1425 CE). Our docent was discussing the significance and meanings of the various carvings on the large wall. Most of these carvings were very elaborate and could be measured in feet (see photo below). [Read more…]

Discomfort and Equanimity in the Era of Covid

August 16, 2020 By Judy Lipson

By Judith E. Lipson, M.A., LPC

This pandemic is getting so difficult for so many! This is really not surprising! It’s been nearly 6 months since many began their sheltering-in-place practices. When the weather got nice, and school was over for “summer vacation”, there was an especially acute longing to get back to life – as we knew it. After all, summer is that glorious time when we travel with our families, by ourselves, or with special friends to escape the harried life of work and home responsibilities. Summer has become equivalent for many of us as the time for escape. But instead of getting the green light to take our escape, we were met with resistance. Some saw the resistance coming from the CDC, or their governmental leaders, while some recognized that this is a result of the impact of the novel coronavirus. Regardless, many see this as a time when one’s desires are being thwarted. And we don’t like that!!

In all my years of talking to people I’ve realized that one’s ability to shift and adapt varies. Actually, I will rephrase that to say one’s willingness to shift and adapt varies! One way to improve your adaptability is through equanimity. I’ve written about it previously, but I want to discuss it again in the context of COVID-19, and all that it is revealing to us socially, politically, environmentally, financially, educationally, medically, etc, etc.

I’d like to invite you to take a few introspective moments and look at “being uncomfortable”. This is not about justification that you have a right to your thought or feeling. We’re going deeper than that. Do you even have an awareness of the discomforting thought, feeling, or action? Or have you been so intent on avoiding the discomfort that you hadn’t even sat with it long enough to recognize it occurring? Identify what drives you, what troubles you, what ultimately makes you uncomfortable. In other words, what have you been avoiding or running from?

Thoughts: i.e., “I don’t want there to be a pandemic.” “There really isn’t anything to be afraid of or react to.” “People aren’t going to tell me what I can or can’t do.” “I deserve this …… (vacation, experience, etc).” Those are only some of the possible thoughts that may have led to your discomfort. What are yours?
Feelings: Anger and fear are the main emotions that people discuss. But I encourage you to go deeper. Is there frustration? Grief? Loneliness? Anxiety? Worry? Sadness? A sense of betrayal or injustice? Disappointment? Agitation? Feeling misunderstood? What feeling(s) are you experiencing? And have you been running from them?
Actions: For some people, this is the easiest route to then access the rest. What action have you been taking that has provided you the opportunity to not have to feel the uncomfortable emotion, or think the uncomfortable thought, that you identified above? For instance, these are two extreme positions, but do you go into public with no consideration of the CDC recommendations? Do you stay home in your bubble when it is not medically required? What actions might you be taking that provide you an escape to avoid feeling the uncomfortable emotions or thoughts?

Now I would like to invite you to look at all of this a bit differently. [Read more…]

Understanding Empaths: Energy, Frequencies and Vibrations

November 28, 2018 By Judy Lipson

By Judith E. Lipson, M.A., LPC

The more I understand about empaths, the more I learn concepts that I had never considered. Please read to the end for the newest information.

Empaths experience more than empathy. Empaths not only care about the others’ feelings, but also feel the other’s physical sensations and/or emotions in their own being. It’s a wonderful gift and is especially prominent in those who serve in the healing professions; yet this gift is often accompanied by the challenges that can arise when one feels deeply, intensely and expansively.

Unfortunately our society doesn’t talk about it (thereby normalizing it), nor do we teach our children to understand, accept and foster this gift, thus minimizing potential challenges.

How I have approached the challenges:

Cognitively: It is not your role to take in the fullness of another’s experience so that they may be spared their own distress. As a healer (medical, spiritual, or even as a friend), you only need enough information to know what the individual experiences in order to direct them, or your healing modality, to their healing. For this to happen, you only need a little information. Think filling a thimble instead of a bathtub.
Energetically: Now that you understand ‘why’ you needn’t bring it all in to you, it is often important to know how to modulate the entry. I use the visual model of the whale or dolphin’s blowhole, which opens after coming to the surface of the water, and closes before diving again. Since it is most likely that you access others’ energetic information at your gut, close your eyes and try to identify the size of your own ‘blowhole’. Then try closing it a bit, and opening it again. Just play with the idea and use your imagination. See how you feel when you are more open, and see if you feel differently when it’s more closed. Play with the concept and see what size works best for you, in this moment. Please note that some folks like a different concept for modulating their energy intake. Consider a screen/weave, or a color that is translucent (pink) to opaque (red). I have also had kids and adults choose ocean waves, firewalls (computer security concept), selectively permeable membranes (biology – cell membrane), force fields (Star Trek), and other ideas. Find what works for you.

During the last year, I have had clients (a couple adults, and even a 7 year old) who felt certain that it is their job to take others’ discomforts. They were not deterred by the teachings described above. So we took the following approach:

If it is indeed your role to be the receptacle, must you KEEP their stuff for them? As these individuals acknowledged, from their own intuitive knowing, that they are to be the receptacle, but not maintain the input, they have used guided imagery to remove from their own system what has already accumulated. They instantly felt better.
Can you create a way where you remain the receptacle, helping others to release, but then set a ‘drain’ within you for continual release from your own energy field? All of this is done with intention and imagination. See what resonates for you as you acknowledge your ‘receptacle’ and ‘drain’. The technique(s) that you develop today might change in the near or distant future.

Recently, I have been learning about energy frequencies and vibrations. It only partially reflects the procedures and explanations that I have previously taught about energy modulation. It is raw, and there is more for me to learn, but I’ll share it with you now:

When information is shared, received and interpreted, all at the level of frequency, there is less chance for misunderstanding (every stage of transmutation risks altering the message). [Read more…]

Late Bloomers

October 21, 2018 By Judy Lipson

By Judith E. Lipson, M.A., LPC

“So called ‘late-bloomers’ get a bad rap. Sometimes the people with the greatest potential often take the longest to find their path because their sensitivity is a double edged sword – it lives at the heart of their brilliance, but it also makes them more susceptible to life’s pains. Good thing we aren’t being penalized for handing in our purpose late. The soul doesn’t know a thing about deadlines.” Jeff Brown

When many parents bring their kids to see me, we discuss their children’s unique and wonderful traits. Yet many of these children are challenged to live their magnificence in the educational system in which they are provided. As a result, their parents, doctors, teachers, and others label them and sometimes even chastise or shame them for “not fitting in”. This experience often burdens these children for years after they have left their education behind. (I know because I often meet them as adults.)

The lucky ones [Read more…]

Living With Discord and Finding Equanimity

August 22, 2018 By Judy Lipson

By Judith E. Lipson, M.A., LPC

Discord is defined as a disagreement or lack of agreement. However, in the context of this article, discord refers to the emotional discomfort that you feel when what you want is not congruent to what is happening within or around you.

What do you do when you don’t like what’s happening and you can’t control the outcome? (This might be because you can’t control it, or because it’s not your place to do so, or because you don’t have permission.) Do you then select a different part of your life to grab hold of and hang on to tightly? More so do you actually think, pretend, or assume that you have now gained mastery over the events that your unconscious knows you really can’t control? And importantly, do you realize that this is what is happening?

I have talked with many clients about these experiences. The vast majority don’t even recognize all these aspects at a conscious level until it is discussed. In fact, it is not uncommon for an individual to focus on an event or a relationship, recognizing the discord there, when the primary source of discord is something else completely.

Have you noticed feeling strong emotions over an event, and you or others are surprised at your extreme reaction? In fact, the real area of discord is likely something else – for instance, unfinished grief from the loss of a loved one, a job, or a move.

Here are a few examples to help you begin to recognize the layers of discord:

Your focus is on the recalcitrant child, but the underlying discord is with a spouse, boss or other adult.
You are hyper-vigilant about your child’s rather normal developmental event, but through conversations it becomes apparent that the real area of concern is the health of your own parent, the status of your employment, or some other fear.
Social, political or natural events are overwhelming you and you try to find the small areas of your life where you can maintain a sense of control.

This is not meant to minimize any of the emotionally charged events, or your responses. I am encouraging you to [Read more…]

Neuro-Sensitives and Frequencies

July 21, 2018 By Judy Lipson

By Judith E. Lipson, M.A., LPC

It wasn’t until recently that I learned that if I sit in a ‘mindful’ state and think of people or locations that I know well, I can “feel” each individual or space differently. I’ve come to think of this as being able to identify their primary, or signature, frequency. I realized then (at least at this level of my understanding) that each living thing and environment has its own frequency.

The majority of us move unthinkingly through life, interacting with each other and all the other things around us without this recognition. Yet we are all affected by these interactions, whether imperceptibly or noticeably. If you are an energy-aware individual you probably realize this, though you might not have thought of it in these terms.

To explore this awareness try the following exercise:

Quiet your mind and think of an individual you know well. Imagine in your mind how it feels to be in their presence. Don’t overthink this exercise and don’t spend a long time thinking about the person. Whether or not you have this awareness yet, release your attention on this person, and think of a different person now. See if there might be a subtle difference in how the energies feel. Shift back to the first, and then to the second. If you‘d like you can switch your attention now to a third and then fourth individual, or even a pet.

You are not seeking how they feel emotionally, nor how your emotions feel in their presence, you are sensing the subtle vibration/frequency that you recognize as you bring your awareness to each. As you switch your attention from one being to the other, you might notice the subtle shifts that occur in your awareness, even if you can’t yet identify what it feels like. Sensing that there is a difference may be all that you get.

Now try this same exercise, but with locations that you have visited – specific cities, favorite landmarks, types of geographic areas.

Play with the exercise. You are potentially developing awareness. Please don’t judge yourself if you can’t do it. Maybe you are still developing your intuitive muscles, or maybe my instructions didn’t match your learning style.

Hopefully this exercise has made you more aware of the subtleties that people sense around them, whether you understand it at the thought level or experience it at the energy level.

As I work with the continuum of neuro-sensitive individuals [Read more…]

Shadow Work

October 28, 2017 By Judy Lipson

By Judith E. Lipson, M.A., LPC

If you’ve ever been involved in therapy or self-improvement you have unknowingly been involved with your shadows. Additionally, you might be surprised to know that if you have ever been angry with another person, you were likely interacting with your own shadow in that situation.

The shadow is that part of you that you’d prefer to not admit to or look at. Interestingly, after doing your shadow-work you may find it easier to accept your human-ness, and even accept your imperfections, and yourself, as being ‘just perfect’.

Shadow work may seem like the hardest work that you have ever done, but it is also the most profound for providing insightful life-changing transformations. Here are techniques to begin your shadow-work.

Since many people want to ease into making life-changes, you can begin with the more traditional self-improvement efforts that you’ve already considered. Are any of your actions now habits that are not serving a beneficial purpose? Do you want to take control of that now? Dealing with these issues will familiarize you with the process of making changes and allow you to realize that though there might be emotional discomfort, it is temporary. Confidence and security are paramount when you are addressing the tough issues that you wish you didn’t see – your shadows.

When you have adequately tackled one or more of those habits/behaviors and are ready to dig deeper, consider the following questions that were shared at a recent retreat by Karlta Zarley to identify a potential shadow issue for your exploration.

What is no longer needed?
What is no longer wanted?
What is no longer in your best interest?
What are you afraid to look at?
What have you never even considered?
What is not tangible, yet you still know it’s important (for instance, an intuitive knowing)?
What have you not seen at all (obviously one of the hardest to find)?

Although shadow work can seem daunting, [Read more…]

The Opposite of Love is Not Hate, It Is Fear

STRESS AND ANXIETY BEGIN IN THE BODY

My Spiral Story

Discomfort and Equanimity in the Era of Covid

Understanding Empaths: Energy, Frequencies and Vibrations

Late Bloomers

Living With Discord and Finding Equanimity

Neuro-Sensitives and Frequencies

Shadow Work

Specialties

Recent Articles

Contact Information

Spiral Wisdom Newsletter