Personal Improvement

Romantic Relationships and Soul Mates

July 27, 2017 By Judy Lipson

Anyone that loves you deeply and who you open your heart to, will shine a light so strong into the very essence of who you are, that everything that is not in alignment with this light will come up to the surface to be healed. – Cissi Williams

By Judith E. Lipson, M.A., LPC

All people with whom you come in contact are mirrors for your own ‘stuff’, but the people with whom you form partner relationships provide an exquisite opportunity to know yourself better, and to address your Shadows.

A quick glossary of terms:

PARTNER RELATIONSHIPS – For this article it refers to your romantic partner whether you are married or single, and regardless of their gender.

MIRROR – The opportunity to see your own issues because your partner either reflects them back to you (verbally or indirectly), or because you project these issues on your partner so that YOU can see the issues, although it’s common to assume that your partner is the problem.

THE SHADOW – Those parts of yourself that you would prefer to keep hidden because you have either been taught that they should not be allowed to be visible (and these may even be valuable traits like speaking up for yourself) or because they embarrass you and you wish they didn’t exist.

TRIGGERS – Things that occur around you which set off strong emotions or create judgmental thoughts about yourself or others.

YOUR ‘STUFF’ – This refers to your shadows and triggers (see above) that can increase your emotionality, affect your perceptions of situations and people, and generally interfere with and complicate your relationships.

SOUL MATE – The impression that you are with a person that you are supposed to be with. There’s a deep sense of knowing this person and often a deep attraction as well. It’s interesting to note that not all soul mates are destined to be your romantic partner, but all soul mates provide an opportunity to be your mirror. So one question to ask yourself is whether this person who feels like your soul mate should also be your romantic partner.

INNER CHILD – The little boy or girl that resides within you who recalls the fears and challenges that you experienced in childhood. When familiar events or emotions re-trigger the inner child, s/he alerts you to the danger, but does so from the perspective of the child-victim instead of from the empowered adult that you are now.

INTER-GENERATIONAL PATTERNS – Students of metaphysics believe that individuals carry patterns established by our ancestors whether or not it is carried in our DNA. As you do your own work, you heal inter-generationally as well. Native Americans believe that this extends seven generations forward and seven generations back. (But why limit to seven?)

It’s no surprise that couples experience so many challenges in committed relationships. According to Harville Hendrix and his Imago theory, there’s a tendency to choose partners who [Read more…]

Establishing Boundaries

April 1, 2017 By Judy Lipson

#Resist: Fear and Denying Your Self

As I talk to clients and others I realize how many children and adults, but especially females, have trouble saying no. While being compassionate and kind are important, respecting yourself is at least as essential. You must know where your boundaries are, where they need to be and how to honor yourself by communicating these boundaries to others.

You have a right and a responsibility to care for yourself, which is why flight attendants instruct you to put on your own mask before assisting your children or those around you. Yet too frequently, you have assisted or done for others until you felt used and exhausted. If you did finally say no or asked for assistance, it’s probable that you also felt guilty doing so. This takes a toll on your physical and emotional health.

Most children are not explicitly taught how to assert their needs in a respectful and self-assured manner. Girls, especially, have been taught to be “nice” and to not make waves so it is problematic for most women to learn how to express their own needs in a healthy manner. Males are not immune from this difficulty.

In the absence of instruction or modeling, people stifle their voice and find themselves exhausted and resentful until their frustration builds to a deafening roar, and they angrily express themselves.

VERBAL

Breathe into your diaphragm. Soften your throat. Speak your needs respectfully and assertively, without aggression. Speak concisely, calmly and with strength.

THOUGHTS [Read more…]

A Time of Great Change

January 28, 2017 By Judy Lipson

One seemingly common thread across the U.S., and across political parties has been the desire for change. This article is not about politics, or those differences.

By Judith E. Lipson, M.A., LPC

We humans are a funny lot. Oftentimes we appropriately complain about our situation – relationship, family, work status, coworkers, etc – and we hope that it will change. But when the opportunity for change actually arises, there is a tendency for the individual to retreat as a fear response, and continue with what is familiar.

I have been fascinated by the acceleration of change that has been taking place over the last decade or more. I have witnessed this acceleration of change in my own life, as well as in my clients’. Children and adults arrive for counseling for a particular reason, yet often learn that there is an underlying frustration or a lack of congruence between their inner self/goals and their outer actions. I help clients to align the two and to tolerate the lack of ease that they temporarily experience in the meantime.

I’ve seen many children and adults over the last few decades who are feeling a pull to something different and know that there is something more. Are you one of them? Here’s what you might be experiencing: [Read more…]

WANTING MORE

November 30, 2016 By Judy Lipson

By Judith E. Lipson, M.A., LPC

You may be wondering why an article of this title would come out, especially right before the holidays. We urge you to think carefully of what you seek. And not just at the holidays. It’s too easy to try to fill oneself with material goods when one is really seeking spiritual or personal fulfillment.

So we ask you now to search deeply and answer the question that is really on your mind: “What do I really want?”

Is it fulfillment?
Is it gratitude?
Is what I am seeking actually what I want to be giving?

Strive to look beyond the surface-meaning of the thing that you believe you want. Avoid evaluating with your head when you can be listening through your heart and soul. You may find direction to your answer by identifying how you think you will feel if you achieve it. What does this thing you want symbolize? What does it represent?

To do this, access the right hemisphere of your brain. This is your creative aspect.

Use different types of art media to draw or create.
Create or play music, or dance to the representations of your feelings.
Disconnect your left-brain analyzing-mind with activities like yoga or tai chi.
Meditate or pray.
Channel information from your Higher Wisdom or from your Guides.

If you are not yet skilled in the technique of channeling, you can allow yourself to write whatever comes to mind, even if it seems unrelated, silly, or ridiculous at first. This can be done with pen and paper, but it is also helpful to close your eyes in front of your computer or tablet and type whatever comes to mind. Be patient and be curious and see where it takes you.

‘Wanting more’ is not a negative, but we do urge you to identify your deeper, truer desire at every opportunity, to regain or maintain connection with your Self. ‘Wanting’ is therefore really asking the question, “Who am I and what do I need?” and realizing that the answer never really was about the sweater, the car, the life partner or the job promotion.

Judy Lipson is a Licensed Professional Counselor and educational strategist in West Bloomfield, MI. She helps clients of all ages who have learning difficulties, work or school related anxiety, ADHD, Asperger’s Syndrome or Autism Spectrum Disorders, and those who wish to Remember and Become ‘Who You Really Are’. Contact Judy at 248.568.8665 and judylipson@spiralwisdom.net, and visit www.SpiralWisdom.net for more information.

This article is for informational purposes and is not meant to replace medical care.

Hearing Your Own Voice; Owning Your Own Voice; Patience

October 29, 2016 By Judy Lipson

By Judith E. Lipson, M.A., LPC

What do you know about patience? Patience is the virtue that allows you to listen to your higher soul, attend to your inner voice, and bring integrity to your thinking and actions. Have you learned how to listen to your inner voice? Do you see how patience is required to do so accurately and effectively?

Patience in action allows things to slow down. When you engage in an activity with patience you direct your mind to be in the moment and to address what is right before you. You have felt the world slow down, and when it does you resonate with that sensation. This is the experience of being in the now. Unfortunately, most people only know this experience (described as “time just stood still”), as the result of a very frightening crisis like a near traffic accident. The good news is that you can access this state of consciousness without a crisis, and therefore without anxiety.

In our society, most people recognize that they function from a “monkey mind” – jumping from one thought to another – and proud of every opportunity to multi-task (whether it’s effective or not). But when you slow your mind to focus on one thought or activity at a time you will note that your inner being becomes calmer and slower, which allows you to slow your outward movements as well. The irony is that the more you slow your mind, the more efficient your actions will be.

The good news is that it is not hard to slow your mind and to hear your inner voice, but it does require practice because you are developing a new pattern.

First, develop patience. Begin a practice of daily focus in the now. This can be meditation, prayer, movement, time in nature; it can even include chores – if you focus ON the chore and not on the monkey-mind that is excited to have been unleashed.

Become increasingly aware of times that you squelch your message and [Read more…]

A Metaphysical Explanation of Hate

September 3, 2016 By Judy Lipson

Hate is not the opposite of love. Hate is a manifestation of fear.

By Judith E. Lipson, M.A., LPC

Looking at something metaphysically includes understanding it from a broader perspective than we are accustomed to doing. The interesting thing is that we often recognize the metaphysics internally, at a place that is hard to access with our thinking mind. And even when we do recognize it cognitively, we tend to only be able to use the words that we know from this three-dimensional existence in which we live.

I, and others, have already written about hate’s inability to see the commonalities of seemingly different people (gender, ethnicity, faith, etc). When I look at hate from a metaphysical approach, I see a deeper misunderstanding that each of us is also experiencing.

THE PAST: AS PERCEIVED IN THE PRESENT

Our past. We used to be one – with others and with the Divine. But then separation occurred, and this separation is a very uncomfortable sensation. Most of us are aware of this separation only subconsciously, but it doesn’t mean that we don’t unconsciously remember how it felt to be connected with the energy of All That Is. This connection felt (and feels) wonderful. Whole. Complete. In fact, it feels like our gestalt (which means the whole is greater than the sum of its parts) becomes complete.

We are actually evolving to return to Oneness, but some of us don’t realize that yet. And some who are attempting to achieve Oneness are misdirected. As a result of separation we generally follow two paths: Abundance Seeker or Scarcity Follower; and scarcity followers might be inclined to follow Opportunists. [Read more…]

When Fear and Anger Aren’t What They Seem

June 29, 2016 By Judy Lipson

Antecedents are the key to understanding and releasing

By Judith E. Lipson, M.A., LPC

Years ago, I acquired a mini-poster showing how anger is actually due to a myriad of other emotions. It was one of those moments that helped to bring so many things into perspective. Anger is more of a reactive symptom, so when I see anger in my clients I look for the antecedent/cause.

I often show the poster to my clients so that they can understand their own anger, or the anger of a significant other. As many have explored their own anger, two additional causative factors have been added: feeling misunderstood and betrayal. Here is the complete list (in no particular order). Are there any influences that you would like to add?

Anxiety
Shame
Sadness
Fear
Hurt
Guilt
Worry
Frustration
Disappointment
Embarrassment
Jealousy
Misunderstood
Betrayal

Think about the times that you have felt or acted angry, and look at the list to identify your underlying emotion(s) to better recognize the real issue(s). Next, I encourage you to additionally go one step further. Think back and identify when in your history, most frequently during your childhood, you experienced that earlier emotion. Emotional extremes, like anger, are usually triggered by an earlier experience, for which the current event is a reminder. Now you have the potential to address it at its root in order to release the anger.

Fear is another emotional extreme. [Read more…]

Transforming Fear

May 24, 2016 By Judy Lipson

By Judith E. Lipson, M.A., LPC

From listening to politicians and the news media, and even your neighbors and family, it’s easy to conclude that these are scary times. This article will explain fear and anxiety, provide you anxiety/stress reducing tools, and offer a way of looking at the world in which we live from a metaphysical perspective.

Fear is defined as “an unpleasant emotion caused by the belief that someone or something is dangerous, likely to cause pain, or a threat” (Oxford Dictionaries). The amygdala, that part of the brain that determines safety, hasn’t evolved to distinguish the difference between a true imminent threat and an area of possible concern. It evaluates every input from one of your senses including what is seen, heard, touched, smelled, tasted, and emotionally felt. From a safety perspective this makes perfect sense. But the amygdala has not learned to differentiate between a bear on a forest path and a call to the boss’ office. Both result in the same physiologic fight, flight or freeze response. Additionally, the amygdala and its supportive systems rarely distinguish between a threat that is happening to you and a threat that is happening to someone else while it’s viewed on the news or in a movie, or is told to you by another. The mind/body/emotions respond as if the threat is happening to you, right now.

To make matters more complicated, if you happen to be one of the many highly sensitive individuals (not just those on the autistic spectrum), your amygdala is hyper-vigilant. And if you are a worrier, then every additional worry-thought after the original trigger keeps your amygdala continuously responding.

The amygdala’s response is designed to be temporary, not to keep the system on high alert 24/7. Since the amygdala response actually lasts only 90 seconds, anything longer is due to the amygdala being repeatedly triggered by either the continuation of the real danger or by the mind’s continued focus on the perceived danger (actually a worry-thought).

Here are some ways to keep your amygdala response to the more manageable 90 seconds: [Read more…]

A LETTER TO YOUR INNER CHILD FROM YOUR HIGHEST WISDOM

April 3, 2016 By Judy Lipson

By Judith E. Lipson, M.A., LPC

You probably don’t remember, but when you were born you were authentic and you remembered Who You Really Are as well as your plan for this lifetime. But as is so common, you forgot much of that and now I, your Highest Wisdom, have noticed that you are trying to hold on to Who You Really Are, while you are also trying to fit in. The reason that I’m talking to you today is because I noticed that you don’t think that you can be your real self and be like others.

You may be thinking that to be liked by others you need to be just like them. Are you finding that really hard? Adults and even kids say that you should be your own individual, be your own person. Yet they also tell you to be just like them. How confusing. You wonder, “Am I supposed to be like all the others? Does that mean that I can’t be Who I Really Am?” And then you feel even more lost and confused.

To make things more complicated, you might recognize yourself as really different. There is a reason for this. [Read more…]

Remembering…And Becoming…Who You Really Are

February 29, 2016 By Judy Lipson

Are you ready to live your authentic life?

By Judith E. Lipson, M.A., LPC

The next time you are in the presence of an infant or young child observe the authenticity with which they approach life. If something brings pleasure, they fully radiate joy, and if something is not making them happy, they will certainly express that as well. The real beauty is that they can swiftly return to joy with incredible ease.

Many of you inadvertently lost touch with your authenticity after the socialization process. Seemingly insignificant conversations might have affected your ability to know and remember yourself. An example might be when you were told to hug your visiting aunt. When you said that you don’t like getting close to your aunt, the adults in your world insisted that you ignore your feelings and go hug her anyway. Each time you saw yourself discounted for the ‘greater good’ there was the potential to lose a bit of your authentic self.

Another common situation was when, as a child, you were intuitive or knew things that your adult caregivers didn’t remember, didn’t believe, or feared. Could you see auras? Did you know things about people? Could you predict the future? The child is reliant on physical and emotional safety from others, so you may have discounted your abilities and suppressed them in order to be or feel safe. [Read more…]

Romantic Relationships and Soul Mates

Establishing Boundaries

A Time of Great Change

WANTING MORE

Hearing Your Own Voice; Owning Your Own Voice; Patience

A Metaphysical Explanation of Hate

When Fear and Anger Aren’t What They Seem

Transforming Fear

A LETTER TO YOUR INNER CHILD FROM YOUR HIGHEST WISDOM

Remembering…And Becoming…Who You Really Are

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