By Judith E. Lipson, M.A., LPC
Discord is defined as a disagreement or lack of agreement. However, in the context of this article, discord refers to the emotional discomfort that you feel when what you want is not congruent to what is happening within or around you.
What do you do when you don’t like what’s happening and you can’t control the outcome? (This might be because you can’t control it, or because it’s not your place to do so, or because you don’t have permission.) Do you then select a different part of your life to grab hold of and hang on to tightly? More so do you actually think, pretend, or assume that you have now gained mastery over the events that your unconscious knows you really can’t control? And importantly, do you realize that this is what is happening?
I have talked with many clients about these experiences. The vast majority don’t even recognize all these aspects at a conscious level until it is discussed. In fact, it is not uncommon for an individual to focus on an event or a relationship, recognizing the discord there, when the primary source of discord is something else completely.
Have you noticed feeling strong emotions over an event, and you or others are surprised at your extreme reaction? In fact, the real area of discord is likely something else – for instance, unfinished grief from the loss of a loved one, a job, or a move.
Here are a few examples to help you begin to recognize the layers of discord:
- Your focus is on the recalcitrant child, but the underlying discord is with a spouse, boss or other adult.
- You are hyper-vigilant about your child’s rather normal developmental event, but through conversations it becomes apparent that the real area of concern is the health of your own parent, the status of your employment, or some other fear.
- Social, political or natural events are overwhelming you and you try to find the small areas of your life where you can maintain a sense of control.
This is not meant to minimize any of the emotionally charged events, or your responses. I am encouraging you to [Read more…]