Judith E. Lipson, M.A.

Licensed Professional Counselor / Trainer / Facilitator

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Relationships

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Whether you are in a romantic relationship or are examining your friendships, there are certain guiding principles to consider

By Judith E. Lipson, M.A., LPC

SELF-WORTH

When you find yourself complaining about the people in your life, it may be time to take a look at the self that you bring to relationships. When you improve your self-worth, you are better able to bring your best self to any relationship!

Be strong!

  • Don’t betray yourself and don’t negotiate your integrity.  Compromise is fine when it is done willingly, but don’t agree to something to be “the nice person”.
  • Advertise your strength: Whether seated or standing hold yourself tall, use a confident voice, breathe from your power center (your solar plexus located above the navel), feel as if your feet are firmly connected to Earth, draw your shoulders down away from your ears.
  • Know who you are so that you can attract those you want (friends, partners, business associates).
  • Don’t settle. Don’t tolerate another’s disrespect.
  • Respect yourself and make this clear to others by how you dress, move and speak.
  • Your Inner Child might be cautious or angry because of past events. Take care of yourself and your Inner Child will respond. Treat him/her compassionately and assure the Inner Child that s/he is safe now.

When your inner-self (who you are and how you really feel) is in alliance with your outer-self (the person that presents to others), others will respond to your authenticity and you will draw more people of quality into your life. Actively increase your friend base by bringing people into your life that make you happy and support you, just as you support them.

REDEFINING RELATIONSHIPS

Want to change the dynamics of a friendship that you now realize is not good for you, but you still need (or want) to be in relationship with them? The tendency is to look at how the other has harmed you, disrespected you, or used you. And while all that may be true, I encourage you to see how you can affect this relationship. Boundaries are more about you and your expectation than about the other individual. When YOU have the expectation, YOU know that you are defining this relationship differently. This will bring you that authentic ‘power’, which has always been yours.

To actively begin to create this change, consider the following. In each occurrence with this friend you may choose:

  • Will I go? (Or let them come over?)
  • Will I participate in this particular topic of discussion?
  • Will I engage the same way that I used to?
  • Will I spend as much time as I used to?

Be ready to firmly and politely hold your ground (inwardly, as well as to the other) to uphold the response you want.  Remember it is important that it be firm, respectful and calm so that the other can hear your message.

ENDING A RELATIONSHIP

Have you decided that it is time to fully release a relationship? I know it’s hard. You were so happy and you felt so good when you were together.  You want it all back: the person, the happiness, the serenity, everything. It seems to all be rolled into one beautiful uncomplicated package: HIM (or her). Of course, you have already forgotten about the complications of your relationship: the disappointments, the arguments, the tension and the drama. What you do want back is your contentment and the buzz of love.

If a relationship has ended and you find yourself pining for the other, recognize that much of what you miss is the exuberance, love and creativity that you felt while you were together. The great news is that this state of happiness, that you feel was lost, is still there. It has been yours all along. Your partner had provided you the gift of being a mirror of who you really are. It’s not the partner who is necessary for you to continue to experience yourself; it’s you.

The ease in letting go comes when you realize that your relationship provided a mirror to know yourself. The warm feelings that you had for your partner were real, but they were also you experiencing your own nature, and the love you have for yourself.  It could be this that is missed. It was really you all along. Remember that you don’t need another to make you whole. You never did. A relationship isn’t two people coming together to form one. It is two people who come together to share life. It is within this model that you support each other through life’s experiences and find added opportunities to appreciate yourself. This mirror is the gift that your loved one provided to you.

Now it’s time to reclaim you! Find an expression of your soul’s creativity in activities that used to bring you joy. This might be art, dance, music, volunteering, or time in nature. Any activity that helps you remember your True Self will help you to let go. Welcome back to your life!

 

Judy Lipson is a Licensed Professional Counselor and educational strategist in West Bloomfield, MI. She helps clients of all ages who have learning difficulties, work or school related anxiety, ADHD, Asperger’s Syndrome or Autism Spectrum Disorders, and those who wish to Remember and Become ‘Who You Really Are’. Contact Judy at 248.568.8665 and judylipson@spiralwisdom.net, and visit www.SpiralWisdom.net for more information.

This article is for informational purposes and is not meant to replace medical care.

Understanding Empaths: Energy, Frequencies and Vibrations

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By Judith E. Lipson, M.A., LPC

The more I understand about empaths, the more I learn concepts that I had never considered. Please read to the end for the newest information.

Empaths experience more than empathy. Empaths not only care about the others’ feelings, but also feel the other’s physical sensations and/or emotions in their own being. It’s a wonderful gift and is especially prominent in those who serve in the healing professions; yet this gift is often accompanied by the challenges that can arise when one feels deeply, intensely and expansively.

Unfortunately our society doesn’t talk about it (thereby normalizing it), nor do we teach our children to understand, accept and foster this gift, thus minimizing potential challenges.

How I have approached the challenges:

  • Cognitively: It is not your role to take in the fullness of another’s experience so that they may be spared their own distress. As a healer (medical, spiritual, or even as a friend), you only need enough information to know what the individual experiences in order to direct them, or your healing modality, to their healing. For this to happen, you only need a little information. Think filling a thimble instead of a bathtub.
  • Energetically: Now that you understand ‘why’ you needn’t bring it all in to you, it is often important to know how to modulate the entry. I use the visual model of the whale or dolphin’s blowhole, which opens after coming to the surface of the water, and closes before diving again. Since it is most likely that you access others’ energetic information at your gut, close your eyes and try to identify the size of your own ‘blowhole’. Then try closing it a bit, and opening it again. Just play with the idea and use your imagination. See how you feel when you are more open, and see if you feel differently when it’s more closed. Play with the concept and see what size works best for you, in this moment. Please note that some folks like a different concept for modulating their energy intake. Consider a screen/weave, or a color that is translucent (pink) to opaque (red). I have also had kids and adults choose ocean waves, firewalls (computer security concept), selectively permeable membranes (biology – cell membrane), force fields (Star Trek), and other ideas. Find what works for you.

During the last year, I have had clients (a couple adults, and even a 7 year old) who felt certain that it is their job to take others’ discomforts. They were not deterred by the teachings described above. So we took the following approach:

  • If it is indeed your role to be the receptacle, must you KEEP their stuff for them? As these individuals acknowledged, from their own intuitive knowing, that they are to be the receptacle, but not maintain the input, they have used guided imagery to remove from their own system what has already accumulated. They instantly felt better.
  • Can you create a way where you remain the receptacle, helping others to release, but then set a ‘drain’ within you for continual release from your own energy field? All of this is done with intention and imagination. See what resonates for you as you acknowledge your ‘receptacle’ and ‘drain’. The technique(s) that you develop today might change in the near or distant future.

Recently, I have been learning about energy frequencies and vibrations. It only partially reflects the procedures and explanations that I have previously taught about energy modulation. It is raw, and there is more for me to learn, but I’ll share it with you now:

When information is shared, received and interpreted, all at the level of frequency, there is less chance for misunderstanding (every stage of transmutation risks altering the message). [Read more…]

Late Bloomers

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By Judith E. Lipson, M.A., LPC

“So called ‘late-bloomers’ get a bad rap. Sometimes the people with the greatest potential often take the longest to find their path because their sensitivity is a double edged sword – it lives at the heart of their brilliance, but it also makes them more susceptible to life’s pains. Good thing we aren’t being penalized for handing in our purpose late. The soul doesn’t know a thing about deadlines.”  Jeff Brown

When many parents bring their kids to see me, we discuss their children’s unique and wonderful traits. Yet many of these children are challenged to live their magnificence in the educational system in which they are provided. As a result, their parents, doctors, teachers, and others label them and sometimes even chastise or shame them for “not fitting in”. This experience often burdens these children for years after they have left their education behind. (I know because I often meet them as adults.)

The lucky ones [Read more…]

Recognize Yourself in the Mirror of Others

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By Judith E. Lipson, M.A., LPC

“They’re meant to be mirrors for us, always reflecting back what we need to see. The question is: Do you want to look in this mirror, and be open to what you need to learn, or simply pretend it’s not there and pass it by?” John Holland

I have always found human interactions fascinating, and in my work with clients I can observe and address the many layers of relationships that are occurring. Here’s a sample.

Mirror One: Imago wounds

Some intimate relationships are based on the premise that Dr. Harville Hendrix teaches in his book Getting the Love You Want, A Guide for Couples. Dr. Hendrix, and his Imago Relationship Therapy process, teaches that individuals often select partners who resemble (closely or distantly) the key people, usually from childhood, who created emotional wounds. The premise says that your inner child may have selected someone who subconsciously reminds them of this individual, but this time the inner child is hoping it will not experience similar wounds, seemingly healing the original wounded relationship. Dr. Hendrix further teaches that these relationships (when there is no danger of abuse) can be places to heal, but only when both partners are conscious of the relationship and how they trigger each other. This foundation is paramount to following his additional strategies, and achieving understanding and healing.

Mirror Two: Looking outward to see inward

Ending relationships, whether friendships or romantic partners, can be challenging. I’ve observed some individuals believe their peace, confidence, good experiences, and inner feelings are due to the ‘other’. I’ve watched them [Read more…]

Living With Discord and Finding Equanimity

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By Judith E. Lipson, M.A., LPC

Discord is defined as a disagreement or lack of agreement. However, in the context of this article, discord refers to the emotional discomfort that you feel when what you want is not congruent to what is happening within or around you.

What do you do when you don’t like what’s happening and you can’t control the outcome? (This might be because you can’t control it, or because it’s not your place to do so, or because you don’t have permission.) Do you then select a different part of your life to grab hold of and hang on to tightly? More so do you actually think, pretend, or assume that you have now gained mastery over the events that your unconscious knows you really can’t control? And importantly, do you realize that this is what is happening?

I have talked with many clients about these experiences. The vast majority don’t even recognize all these aspects at a conscious level until it is discussed. In fact, it is not uncommon for an individual to focus on an event or a relationship, recognizing the discord there, when the primary source of discord is something else completely.

Have you noticed feeling strong emotions over an event, and you or others are surprised at your extreme reaction? In fact, the real area of discord is likely something else – for instance, unfinished grief from the loss of a loved one, a job, or a move.

Here are a few examples to help you begin to recognize the layers of discord:

  • Your focus is on the recalcitrant child, but the underlying discord is with a spouse, boss or other adult.
  • You are hyper-vigilant about your child’s rather normal developmental event, but through conversations it becomes apparent that the real area of concern is the health of your own parent, the status of your employment, or some other fear.
  • Social, political or natural events are overwhelming you and you try to find the small areas of your life where you can maintain a sense of control.

This is not meant to minimize any of the emotionally charged events, or your responses. I am encouraging you to [Read more…]

Neuro-Sensitives and Frequencies

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By Judith E. Lipson, M.A., LPC

It wasn’t until recently that I learned that if I sit in a ‘mindful’ state and think of people or locations that I know well, I can “feel” each individual or space differently. I’ve come to think of this as being able to identify their primary, or signature, frequency. I realized then (at least at this level of my understanding) that each living thing and environment has its own frequency.

The majority of us move unthinkingly through life, interacting with each other and all the other things around us without this recognition. Yet we are all affected by these interactions, whether imperceptibly or noticeably. If you are an energy-aware individual you probably realize this, though you might not have thought of it in these terms.

To explore this awareness try the following exercise:

Quiet your mind and think of an individual you know well. Imagine in your mind how it feels to be in their presence. Don’t overthink this exercise and don’t spend a long time thinking about the person. Whether or not you have this awareness yet, release your attention on this person, and think of a different person now. See if there might be a subtle difference in how the energies feel. Shift back to the first, and then to the second. If you‘d like you can switch your attention now to a third and then fourth individual, or even a pet.

You are not seeking how they feel emotionally, nor how your emotions feel in their presence, you are sensing the subtle vibration/frequency that you recognize as you bring your awareness to each. As you switch your attention from one being to the other, you might notice the subtle shifts that occur in your awareness, even if you can’t yet identify what it feels like. Sensing that there is a difference may be all that you get.

Now try this same exercise, but with locations that you have visited – specific cities, favorite landmarks, types of geographic areas.

Play with the exercise. You are potentially developing awareness. Please don’t judge yourself if you can’t do it. Maybe you are still developing your intuitive muscles, or maybe my instructions didn’t match your learning style.

Hopefully this exercise has made you more aware of the subtleties that people sense around them, whether you understand it at the thought level or experience it at the energy level.

As I work with the continuum of neuro-sensitive individuals [Read more…]

Are You Looking For Your Soul-Directed Mission?

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By Judith E. Lipson, M.A., LPC

What is a mission? Interestingly, the Oxford Dictionary offers a variety of definitions. The first is an important assignment carried out for political, religious, or commercial purposes. This is not my preferred definition. On the surface it doesn’t sound problematic, but I prefer the third definition of mission: a strongly felt aim, ambition, or calling.

Over the years I have had an opportunity to speak to many adults. Many are sensing something significant that they are pursuing, and a desire to follow this important path that they are feeling. They have suspected its existence since they were young. The children and teens that I speak to also talk of their mission for this lifetime. What is especially extraordinary is that they have sensed this need from a young age, younger than most of the adults who have expressed it.

I have been writing recently about the kids of the future – those who are paradoxically here today. Have you seen these children on the news? These are compassionate and passionate children with a deep desire to create change, who seem to feel obligated to do just that. (For more information read Hippies, Indigos, Crystal Children, and Beyond).

Have you had conversations with these kids? Have you really listened to them? I recently had a conversation with a young woman who is involved in very important work to change systems. She feels that this work is not just her job, and it is more than a vocation. Her commitment is so strong that her whole being shows up for every conversation, every presentation, and every action. She is an example of our youth who take on missions of grand importance

She and I began to explore together what separates her and her passionate work from that of some others. First she recognized that this is her soul-mission work. As we talked further, we recognized that integrity is the key ingredient. Integrity is defined as the quality of being honest and having strong moral principles. I (we) believe that it is the merging of integrity with the mission that makes the work so powerful, so soul-filled.

Everyone has goals in life, work that they do, a sense of a purpose in life. I encourage you to look at your mission and work, as well as the missions/work of those whom you admire. Is it a soul-driven mission? Here are some characteristics, which can be viewed as scaffolding, to help you identify integrity within mission.

THE INTEGRITY OF YOUR MISSION [Read more…]

HIPPIES, INDIGOS, CRYSTAL CHILDREN, AND BEYOND

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By Judith E. Lipson, M.A., LPC

Are the generations evolving?

Who are these young people who are changing paradigms?

I’m technically part of the Baby Boomer generation. As teens and young adults many of us were called hippies. Though I was aware of hippies during my teen years and wore a few hippie-type outfits (although a true hippie would have scoffed), I know I was not a hippie. But I did agree with many of our generation’s mottos, particularly: “Question authority”, and “Make love, not war”. We were very proud of ourselves for seeing the world differently, and not bowing to the establishment’s pre-conceived notions. We really believed things would be different and that we were the ones to make that happen.

Fast-forward to the subsequent generations. The Center for Generational Kinetics believes that “generations are not cute stories or catchy memes, but groupings of people who help us to see them and the world differently – and more clearly. They make their mark on society and history.” According to the Center:

  • Baby Boomers were born 1946-1964
  • Gen X was born 1965 to 1976
  • Millenials (also called Gen Y) are currently the largest group of employees and consumers and were born 1977 to 1995
  • Gen Z was born 1996 to the present.This group is recognized by the fact that 9/11 has always been a memory to them.

Unfortunately, Gen Z seems to have another tragedy in common as well. As I listen to today’s children and teens, one key component of their life is that they all have been affected by the 1999 mass shooting at Columbine High School. These students’ school experiences [Read more…]

One Introvert’s Experience at THE MARCH FOR OUR LIVES

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By Judith E. Lipson, M.A., LPC

It wasn’t long after the Parkland, Florida high school shooting that I heard about the March For Our Lives movement and the plan to hold a march in Washington DC on March 24, 2018. I immediately put it in my calendar to keep it on my radar. While I thought it sounded amazing, I had no plan, expectation or even a desire to attend. My husband knew immediately that he needed to be in DC, though he could have attended one of several local marches. “But not me,” I told everyone.

You see, I am an extroverted introvert. Or is it an introverted extrovert?

I enjoy talking with and meeting new people. To others, I appear as an outgoing individual.

Sounds like the classic extrovert, right? But I’m actually an introvert. People think being an introvert means keeping to oneself and speaking sparingly to others. But being an introvert actually describes how one replenishes their energy. Like other introverts I boost my energies best when I am by myself, and often in a space with minimal sensory input.

In addition to being an introvert, I am also an empath. This means I sometimes knowingly, and sometimes unknowingly, pick up the energies and emotions of others. Being an empath can feel exhausting and overwhelming for some, and it has felt that way for me for most of my life. For all these reasons I thought that being at a national march was a ridiculous idea for me. Why would I knowingly and willingly place myself in the middle of a huge group of people who are feeling sadness, anger, frustration and other strong emotions? Why would I willingly be in a group, most likely standing in close proximity to many others, with no opportunity to move to a location by myself? [Read more…]

Sensitives: Tantrum Or Meltdown?

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By Judith E. Lipson, M.A., LPC

Last month’s article, Neuro-Sensitives and Sensory Overload, focused on how parents and professionals can reduce the sensory burden that neuro-sensitive children and adults experience every day of every week during various activities in their lives: medical, social, entertainment, school, shopping, etc.

As a continuation of that information, this month’s article will focus on the resulting behaviors that occur when the Sensitive, or their parent/professional, cannot adequately reduce the overwhelming level of sensory input. Certainly different individuals have different tolerances, but sensitives and empaths who understand this phenomenon, and can communicate it, have all described their meltdowns, or of recognizing its approach.

For non-Sensitives, even those who conceptually understand empathy, it may be hard to understand that someone can experience this extent of sensory sensitivity. As a result, since many parents and professionals can’t see it coming, they don’t know how to recognize these sensory meltdowns. In fact, frequently it is assumed that the individual is having a temper tantrum. However, tantrums and meltdowns are triggered by different things and require different responses.

THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN TANTRUMS AND MELTDOWNS

STEP ONE: UNDERSTAND SENSORY OVERLOAD

Sensitive children are hyper-aware of their surroundings. To better understand their experience, think about the input that they receive from all five senses, and realize that they have minimal ability to decrease or minimize it. Additionally, they are often intuitive, and as empaths they are highly aware of others’ emotions to the point that they feel these emotions in their own bodies.

Unfortunately most empaths don’t realize this is occurring. They either assume they are feeling an intensification of their own emotions, or they just react. Empaths who understand what’s occurring describe their experiences as more than empathy. (Empathy is described as, “I can imagine how it must be for you.”)

Here are some statements that empaths have told me to describe being an empath: [Read more…]

Spiral Wisdom LLC

Judy Lipson is a Licensed Professional Counselor supporting ADHD, Anxiety, Autism Spectrum/Aspergers as well as those who wish to explore their Life's Purpose. Judy provides Counseling, Educational Consultations, Academic Support and Presentations/Workshops. Make an appointment with Judy to develop effective Strategies, Improve Motivation and Self-Esteem, develop Advocacy and Empowerment, identify Accommodations for IEPs and 504 Plans, understand Sensitives and Become Who You Really Are. Make an Appointment

Specialties

  • Anxiety
  • ADHD
  • Autism and Aspergers Syndrome
  • Empowerment and Advocacy
  • Sensitives
  • Guided Imagery
 

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Contact Information

Judy Lipson, M.A., LPC
Spiral Wisdom LLC
5665 West Maple Road, Suite A
West Bloomfield, MI 48322
Phone: (248) 568-8665
Fax: (248) 626-8836
judylipson@spiralwisdom.net

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