Parenting

Late Bloomers

October 21, 2018 By Judy Lipson

By Judith E. Lipson, M.A., LPC

“So called ‘late-bloomers’ get a bad rap. Sometimes the people with the greatest potential often take the longest to find their path because their sensitivity is a double edged sword – it lives at the heart of their brilliance, but it also makes them more susceptible to life’s pains. Good thing we aren’t being penalized for handing in our purpose late. The soul doesn’t know a thing about deadlines.” Jeff Brown

When many parents bring their kids to see me, we discuss their children’s unique and wonderful traits. Yet many of these children are challenged to live their magnificence in the educational system in which they are provided. As a result, their parents, doctors, teachers, and others label them and sometimes even chastise or shame them for “not fitting in”. This experience often burdens these children for years after they have left their education behind. (I know because I often meet them as adults.)

The lucky ones [Read more…]

Neuro-Sensitives and Frequencies

July 21, 2018 By Judy Lipson

By Judith E. Lipson, M.A., LPC

It wasn’t until recently that I learned that if I sit in a ‘mindful’ state and think of people or locations that I know well, I can “feel” each individual or space differently. I’ve come to think of this as being able to identify their primary, or signature, frequency. I realized then (at least at this level of my understanding) that each living thing and environment has its own frequency.

The majority of us move unthinkingly through life, interacting with each other and all the other things around us without this recognition. Yet we are all affected by these interactions, whether imperceptibly or noticeably. If you are an energy-aware individual you probably realize this, though you might not have thought of it in these terms.

To explore this awareness try the following exercise:

Quiet your mind and think of an individual you know well. Imagine in your mind how it feels to be in their presence. Don’t overthink this exercise and don’t spend a long time thinking about the person. Whether or not you have this awareness yet, release your attention on this person, and think of a different person now. See if there might be a subtle difference in how the energies feel. Shift back to the first, and then to the second. If you‘d like you can switch your attention now to a third and then fourth individual, or even a pet.

You are not seeking how they feel emotionally, nor how your emotions feel in their presence, you are sensing the subtle vibration/frequency that you recognize as you bring your awareness to each. As you switch your attention from one being to the other, you might notice the subtle shifts that occur in your awareness, even if you can’t yet identify what it feels like. Sensing that there is a difference may be all that you get.

Now try this same exercise, but with locations that you have visited – specific cities, favorite landmarks, types of geographic areas.

Play with the exercise. You are potentially developing awareness. Please don’t judge yourself if you can’t do it. Maybe you are still developing your intuitive muscles, or maybe my instructions didn’t match your learning style.

Hopefully this exercise has made you more aware of the subtleties that people sense around them, whether you understand it at the thought level or experience it at the energy level.

As I work with the continuum of neuro-sensitive individuals [Read more…]

Maslow’s Hierarchy and the 7 Major Chakras

March 20, 2018 By Judy Lipson

By Judith E. Lipson, M.A., LPC

Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs has always fascinated me. The premise is that you must have your Physiological needs (food, water, breath, sleep), and your safety needs (employment, health, prosperity) met before you have the ability to adequately experience Love/belonging (friendship, family). Once these three aspects of the hierarchy have been attained you can reach Esteem (confidence, achievement, respect of and by others, self-esteem), and ultimately Self-actualization (morality, creativity, spontaneity, life’s meaning). Maslow believes everyone seeks self-actualization though it may not always be achieved.

Educators recognize that basic needs must be met for effective education to take place, and that the brain’s mechanism for protection (the amygdala) decreases learning in a hungry, worried or frightened child. To approach this problem systemically many districts are now creating trauma-informed schools, which provide a layered approach for safety and healing. (TraumaAwareSchools.org) These trauma-informed schools are appropriate for all socio-economic areas and also support neuro-sensitives who deal with the continuous “little t” traumas of sensory overload.

Chakras

The seven major chakras:

1^st – the Root chakra is at the base of your torso. It is your connection to your tribe and relates to security, abandonment by the group, and physical survival.

2^nd – the Sacral or abdominal chakra relates to your relationships with family and others, and financial security.

3^rd – the Solar plexus chakra is just above the navel. This chakra deals with your relationship with yourself: personal power, honoring the self, etc.

4^th – the Heart chakra is in the center of your chest. It is your connection to love – for self and others.

5^th – the Throat chakra is in the front of your neck and deals with your ability to speak your truth. It also relates to will. (Do you yield your power too willingly to others? Do you adequately support your own needs? Do you exert your power too strongly?)

6^th – the Third Eye chakra is located between and just above your eyes in the center of your forehead. This chakra is identified as your connection to intuition and introspection.

7^th – the Crown chakra is located at the top of your head and connects you to that which you call the Divine.

If you are interested in learning more about chakras, there are numerous books and websites.

Chakras and Maslow’s Hierarchy [Read more…]

Sensitives: Tantrum Or Meltdown?

February 19, 2018 By Judy Lipson

By Judith E. Lipson, M.A., LPC

Last month’s article, Neuro-Sensitives and Sensory Overload, focused on how parents and professionals can reduce the sensory burden that neuro-sensitive children and adults experience every day of every week during various activities in their lives: medical, social, entertainment, school, shopping, etc.

As a continuation of that information, this month’s article will focus on the resulting behaviors that occur when the Sensitive, or their parent/professional, cannot adequately reduce the overwhelming level of sensory input. Certainly different individuals have different tolerances, but sensitives and empaths who understand this phenomenon, and can communicate it, have all described their meltdowns, or of recognizing its approach.

For non-Sensitives, even those who conceptually understand empathy, it may be hard to understand that someone can experience this extent of sensory sensitivity. As a result, since many parents and professionals can’t see it coming, they don’t know how to recognize these sensory meltdowns. In fact, frequently it is assumed that the individual is having a temper tantrum. However, tantrums and meltdowns are triggered by different things and require different responses.

THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN TANTRUMS AND MELTDOWNS

STEP ONE: UNDERSTAND SENSORY OVERLOAD

Sensitive children are hyper-aware of their surroundings. To better understand their experience, think about the input that they receive from all five senses, and realize that they have minimal ability to decrease or minimize it. Additionally, they are often intuitive, and as empaths they are highly aware of others’ emotions to the point that they feel these emotions in their own bodies.

Unfortunately most empaths don’t realize this is occurring. They either assume they are feeling an intensification of their own emotions, or they just react. Empaths who understand what’s occurring describe their experiences as more than empathy. (Empathy is described as, “I can imagine how it must be for you.”)

Here are some statements that empaths have told me to describe being an empath: [Read more…]

Neuro-Sensitives and Sensory Overload

January 30, 2018 By Judy Lipson

By Judith E. Lipson, M.A., LPC

Recent statistics indicate that 1 in 68 children are on the autism spectrum; however autistics are not the only ones who experience sensory overload.

It is very likely that you know someone professionally, in your social group, or in your family who is neuro-sensitive. Sensitives can be autistic or neuro-typical (without autism). Over the years in my practice I have seen many children and adults who are neuro-sensitive. As their prevalence increases, so does their sensory awareness and responsiveness.

There is much speculation as to why there are more individuals who experience the world in this way. It could be evolutionary, neurological or the additives, drugs and pesticides in our food network.

Regardless of the cause, with the increasing number of individuals affected, there is a responsibility to learn how to best support Sensitives. There are a number of traditional approaches provided by occupational therapists, behaviorists, and speech and language therapists. There are also less-conventional approaches. I wrote about these in Setting Boundaries and Energy Cleansing.

You are encouraged to increase your awareness of the many situations that can create difficulties for the neuro-sensitives in your life so that you can support that individual or help to bring about systems change.

SCHOOLS

Kids spend the majority of their day in these environments for twelve or more years. We can reduce their sensory impact and ease their experiences.

LIGHT SENSITIVITY: Fluorescent lighting creates visual and auditory challenges. Highly sensitive individuals are bothered by the pulsations that fluorescents emit, as well as the sound from light ballasts. Light sensitivity can also affect reading: ease, accuracy, memory, concentration, and comprehension. Using natural or incandescent lighting in schools and at home can increase your child’s relaxation, reading skills, and even their willingness to do homework.

RECESS AND PHYSICAL EDUCATION: Weak muscle tone and poor coordination increase the likelihood that sports and team activities may not be [Read more…]

ACCEPTING YOUR CHILD’S DIFFERENCES

November 29, 2017 By Judy Lipson

By Judith E. Lipson, M.A., LPC

Do you have a child (of any age) who is not like you?

I have worked with a number of families. Sometimes the client is the parent while other times the client is the child, or an adult child. Regardless, our conversations are often about scenarios that show how the child is wired differently from the parent; yet frequently neither really understands this. Here are the main topics that come up.

SOCIAL

I see a number of individuals who avoid social scenarios. They may only have a few friends, and may even avoid time with their family. This can be very disconcerting for a parent, and this is what I often hear:

“My child seems lonely, and I don’t want him/her to grow up alone.”

“Why is his/her school/college experience so drab? Why can’t s/he enjoy it? Why doesn’t my child go to school games and parties? College, tailgating, and parties were an amazing experience for me, and s/he is not participating!”

“Friends are important, and my child is missing out on social opportunities and experiences!”

If your child is a Sensitive (neuro-diverse) and experiences sensory overload, s/he will want more alone time and may seem more anxious, moody, or intolerant of others and their environment. It’s also possible that s/he misunderstands social scenarios and communication.

This child is not wired like you and does not receive the same pleasures in social company as you. As a matter of fact, I hear these individuals describe social activities as anything but fun. Let’s remember that they are very sensitive to the energies, the sounds, and the people in their environments. In addition to the sensory challenges they usually don’t have the social skill set that you (a neuro-typical) do, and they find every social or communication encounter as a potential landmine: “What do I say/do in this situation? Will it be right? Will they approve? Will they make fun of me (again)?”

Teaching these individuals the nuances of conversation, and developing their confidence and self-worth will significantly help, but they are still not wired like you. As a result, they will likely prefer more isolated experiences than you do. This does not mean it’s bad. They’re just different.

ACADEMICS/CAREERS

Parents hope and expect that their children will grow up to have amazing and prominent careers. Many families expect their children to go to college and study finance, business, law, medicine, etc. Graduate school is often an expectation. Yet, the academic experience of these different kids may not provide them successful college (or K-12) experiences.

For your student, [Read more…]

Multi-Dimensional Children in our One-Dimensional World

July 29, 2016 By Judy Lipson

By Judith E. Lipson, M.A., LPC

If you have been reading my articles, you already know the terms Indigo, Crystal and Star Children. These children (and adults) whose traits include being wise, intuitive and caring, often seem like old souls. I also recognize their growing multi-dimensional qualities. They know the importance of peace, love, acceptance, and unity for all beings – human and otherwise – and for Earth herself.

Being multi-dimensional means being aware of dimensions that many others are not yet aware. One dimension that is recognized is the energy within and around us. Perceiving this energy as thought, images or sounds, and accessing information from your inner and outer environment, including across time and space, brings a wider range of knowledge.

What happens if you are one-dimensional, with minimal to no awareness of the additional information, or even its availability, and your child or student is multi-dimensional? I’m noting in my practice that these children realize that they can access more knowledge and subconsciously believe they must take care of their parent, constantly monitoring the adult’s comfort levels and feeling immense responsibility for the well-being of their parent. This is not a healthy situation for the child, the parent, or the relationship.

Does your child act like he or she needs to take care of you? This pattern can be changed.

I have had the privilege of counseling children and pre-teens that attend sessions with their parents. [Read more…]

A LETTER TO YOUR INNER CHILD FROM YOUR HIGHEST WISDOM

April 3, 2016 By Judy Lipson

By Judith E. Lipson, M.A., LPC

You probably don’t remember, but when you were born you were authentic and you remembered Who You Really Are as well as your plan for this lifetime. But as is so common, you forgot much of that and now I, your Highest Wisdom, have noticed that you are trying to hold on to Who You Really Are, while you are also trying to fit in. The reason that I’m talking to you today is because I noticed that you don’t think that you can be your real self and be like others.

You may be thinking that to be liked by others you need to be just like them. Are you finding that really hard? Adults and even kids say that you should be your own individual, be your own person. Yet they also tell you to be just like them. How confusing. You wonder, “Am I supposed to be like all the others? Does that mean that I can’t be Who I Really Am?” And then you feel even more lost and confused.

To make things more complicated, you might recognize yourself as really different. There is a reason for this. [Read more…]

Emotion: Anger is Not a Primary One

September 30, 2015 By Judy Lipson

While chances are good that you or someone you know has ‘anger issues’, there is much more to anger than you probably realize.

By Judith E. Lipson, M.A., LPC

In our society, most people are not in touch with the majority of their emotions. You are likely familiar with joy and happy, and sometimes even bliss. You can recognize sadness, and will likely assume that you or someone else is experiencing grief after a significant loss. You probably know about numerous other emotions, but primarily as a definition. Most people do not know what they are really feeling, especially when it comes to what our society refers to as the negative emotions.

Anger is certainly recognized by society as a negative, yet it also seems to be the most accepted, or expected, of emotions. This is especially true of men who are discouraged from expressing sadness, worry, and many other feelings. Historically, it has been frowned upon for women to express anger, yet increasingly women do so as well.

An interesting fact is, though incredibly prevalent, anger is not a primary emotion. Actually, it is the expression of other emotions. It is only when you identify that underlying experience and its corresponding response, that you can stop your explosions.

The next time you begin to feel the buildup of anger, I urge you to look deeper to find the origin. Here are a number of emotional possibilities that can guide you to the root of your anger: [Read more…]

Parenting Your Adolescent into Adulthood

May 1, 2013 By Judy Lipson

If parent and child both want independence and autonomy, why the conflicts?

By Judith E. Lipson, M.A., LPC

There is a process of transition between childhood and adulthood through which children and parents need to progress. The goal is to achieve this with as much ease (for both of you) as possible. Parenting the adolescent is not a hands-off affair and once reaching adulthood, developmental stages don’t end.

According to psychologist Erik Erikson:

ADOLESCENCE: 12-18 = Identity vs. Role Confusion

YOUNG ADULTHOOD: 18-40 = Intimacy vs. Isolation

MIDDLE ADULTHOOD: 40-65 = Generativity vs. Stagnation

LATE ADULTHOOD: 65-Death = Integrity vs. Despair

Developmental timing is a challenge to parenting adolescents and young adults. You are likely assessing your legacies at the time that your most important legacy, your child, has not yet mastered independent living. This makes it difficult to resist the urge to rescue.

PREPARING YOU: This is an important step to allow a relationship with your adult child. [Read more…]

Late Bloomers

Neuro-Sensitives and Frequencies

Maslow’s Hierarchy and the 7 Major Chakras

Sensitives: Tantrum Or Meltdown?

Neuro-Sensitives and Sensory Overload

Multi-Dimensional Children in our One-Dimensional World

Does your child act like he or she needs to take care of you? This pattern can be changed.

A LETTER TO YOUR INNER CHILD FROM YOUR HIGHEST WISDOM

Emotion: Anger is Not a Primary One

Parenting Your Adolescent into Adulthood

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