inner child

Relationships

January 29, 2019 By Judy Lipson

Whether you are in a romantic relationship or are examining your friendships, there are certain guiding principles to consider

By Judith E. Lipson, M.A., LPC

SELF-WORTH

When you find yourself complaining about the people in your life, it may be time to take a look at the self that you bring to relationships. When you improve your self-worth, you are better able to bring your best self to any relationship!

Be strong!

Don’t betray yourself and don’t negotiate your integrity. Compromise is fine when it is done willingly, but don’t agree to something to be “the nice person”.
Advertise your strength: Whether seated or standing hold yourself tall, use a confident voice, breathe from your power center (your solar plexus located above the navel), feel as if your feet are firmly connected to Earth, draw your shoulders down away from your ears.
Know who you are so that you can attract those you want (friends, partners, business associates).
Don’t settle. Don’t tolerate another’s disrespect.
Respect yourself and make this clear to others by how you dress, move and speak.
Your Inner Child might be cautious or angry because of past events. Take care of yourself and your Inner Child will respond. Treat him/her compassionately and assure the Inner Child that s/he is safe now.

When your inner-self (who you are and how you really feel) is in alliance with your outer-self (the person that presents to others), others will respond to your authenticity and you will draw more people of quality into your life. Actively increase your friend base by bringing people into your life that make you happy and support you, just as you support them.

REDEFINING RELATIONSHIPS

Want to change the dynamics of a friendship that you now realize is not good for you, but you still need (or want) to be in relationship with them? The tendency is to look at how the other has harmed you, disrespected you, or used you. And while all that may be true, I encourage you to see how you can affect this relationship. Boundaries are more about you and your expectation than about the other individual. When YOU have the expectation, YOU know that you are defining this relationship differently. This will bring you that authentic ‘power’, which has always been yours.

To actively begin to create this change, [Read more…]

Recognize Yourself in the Mirror of Others

September 20, 2018 By Judy Lipson

By Judith E. Lipson, M.A., LPC

“They’re meant to be mirrors for us, always reflecting back what we need to see. The question is: Do you want to look in this mirror, and be open to what you need to learn, or simply pretend it’s not there and pass it by?” John Holland

I have always found human interactions fascinating, and in my work with clients I can observe and address the many layers of relationships that are occurring. Here’s a sample.

Mirror One: Imago wounds

Some intimate relationships are based on the premise that Dr. Harville Hendrix teaches in his book Getting the Love You Want, A Guide for Couples. Dr. Hendrix, and his Imago Relationship Therapy process, teaches that individuals often select partners who resemble (closely or distantly) the key people, usually from childhood, who created emotional wounds. The premise says that your inner child may have selected someone who subconsciously reminds them of this individual, but this time the inner child is hoping it will not experience similar wounds, seemingly healing the original wounded relationship. Dr. Hendrix further teaches that these relationships (when there is no danger of abuse) can be places to heal, but only when both partners are conscious of the relationship and how they trigger each other. This foundation is paramount to following his additional strategies, and achieving understanding and healing.

Mirror Two: Looking outward to see inward

Ending relationships, whether friendships or romantic partners, can be challenging. I’ve observed some individuals believe their peace, confidence, good experiences, and inner feelings are due to the ‘other’. I’ve watched them [Read more…]

Romantic Relationships and Soul Mates

July 27, 2017 By Judy Lipson

Anyone that loves you deeply and who you open your heart to, will shine a light so strong into the very essence of who you are, that everything that is not in alignment with this light will come up to the surface to be healed. – Cissi Williams

By Judith E. Lipson, M.A., LPC

All people with whom you come in contact are mirrors for your own ‘stuff’, but the people with whom you form partner relationships provide an exquisite opportunity to know yourself better, and to address your Shadows.

A quick glossary of terms:

PARTNER RELATIONSHIPS – For this article it refers to your romantic partner whether you are married or single, and regardless of their gender.

MIRROR – The opportunity to see your own issues because your partner either reflects them back to you (verbally or indirectly), or because you project these issues on your partner so that YOU can see the issues, although it’s common to assume that your partner is the problem.

THE SHADOW – Those parts of yourself that you would prefer to keep hidden because you have either been taught that they should not be allowed to be visible (and these may even be valuable traits like speaking up for yourself) or because they embarrass you and you wish they didn’t exist.

TRIGGERS – Things that occur around you which set off strong emotions or create judgmental thoughts about yourself or others.

YOUR ‘STUFF’ – This refers to your shadows and triggers (see above) that can increase your emotionality, affect your perceptions of situations and people, and generally interfere with and complicate your relationships.

SOUL MATE – The impression that you are with a person that you are supposed to be with. There’s a deep sense of knowing this person and often a deep attraction as well. It’s interesting to note that not all soul mates are destined to be your romantic partner, but all soul mates provide an opportunity to be your mirror. So one question to ask yourself is whether this person who feels like your soul mate should also be your romantic partner.

INNER CHILD – The little boy or girl that resides within you who recalls the fears and challenges that you experienced in childhood. When familiar events or emotions re-trigger the inner child, s/he alerts you to the danger, but does so from the perspective of the child-victim instead of from the empowered adult that you are now.

INTER-GENERATIONAL PATTERNS – Students of metaphysics believe that individuals carry patterns established by our ancestors whether or not it is carried in our DNA. As you do your own work, you heal inter-generationally as well. Native Americans believe that this extends seven generations forward and seven generations back. (But why limit to seven?)

It’s no surprise that couples experience so many challenges in committed relationships. According to Harville Hendrix and his Imago theory, there’s a tendency to choose partners who [Read more…]

When Fear and Anger Aren’t What They Seem

June 29, 2016 By Judy Lipson

Antecedents are the key to understanding and releasing

By Judith E. Lipson, M.A., LPC

Years ago, I acquired a mini-poster showing how anger is actually due to a myriad of other emotions. It was one of those moments that helped to bring so many things into perspective. Anger is more of a reactive symptom, so when I see anger in my clients I look for the antecedent/cause.

I often show the poster to my clients so that they can understand their own anger, or the anger of a significant other. As many have explored their own anger, two additional causative factors have been added: feeling misunderstood and betrayal. Here is the complete list (in no particular order). Are there any influences that you would like to add?

Anxiety
Shame
Sadness
Fear
Hurt
Guilt
Worry
Frustration
Disappointment
Embarrassment
Jealousy
Misunderstood
Betrayal

Think about the times that you have felt or acted angry, and look at the list to identify your underlying emotion(s) to better recognize the real issue(s). Next, I encourage you to additionally go one step further. Think back and identify when in your history, most frequently during your childhood, you experienced that earlier emotion. Emotional extremes, like anger, are usually triggered by an earlier experience, for which the current event is a reminder. Now you have the potential to address it at its root in order to release the anger.

Fear is another emotional extreme. [Read more…]

An Interview with Judy Lipson: Licensed Professional Counselor

December 1, 2015 By Spiral Wisdom

By Cheryl Heppard, Examiner.com July 31, 2010

Can you please tell us about your field of expertise, and explain your personal mission?

My field of expertise is working with individuals (students of all ages, as well as adults) who have characteristics or diagnoses of ADHD, anxiety, Autism Spectrum, Aspergers Syndrome, learning style differences and other IEP or 504 conditions. My intention when providing psychotherapy or academic support is to facilitate each client’s journey toward their most complete expression of their truest self. [Read more…]

Emotion: Anger is Not a Primary One

September 30, 2015 By Judy Lipson

While chances are good that you or someone you know has ‘anger issues’, there is much more to anger than you probably realize.

By Judith E. Lipson, M.A., LPC

In our society, most people are not in touch with the majority of their emotions. You are likely familiar with joy and happy, and sometimes even bliss. You can recognize sadness, and will likely assume that you or someone else is experiencing grief after a significant loss. You probably know about numerous other emotions, but primarily as a definition. Most people do not know what they are really feeling, especially when it comes to what our society refers to as the negative emotions.

Anger is certainly recognized by society as a negative, yet it also seems to be the most accepted, or expected, of emotions. This is especially true of men who are discouraged from expressing sadness, worry, and many other feelings. Historically, it has been frowned upon for women to express anger, yet increasingly women do so as well.

An interesting fact is, though incredibly prevalent, anger is not a primary emotion. Actually, it is the expression of other emotions. It is only when you identify that underlying experience and its corresponding response, that you can stop your explosions.

The next time you begin to feel the buildup of anger, I urge you to look deeper to find the origin. Here are a number of emotional possibilities that can guide you to the root of your anger: [Read more…]

Lightbody, Lightworker and Ascension

November 22, 2014 By Judy Lipson

Whether you are new to these concepts or are quite familiar, they are all part of

Remembering and Becoming Who You Really Are

By Judith E. Lipson, M.A., LPC

Lightbody, Lightworker, Ascension: My goal is to explain these trending concepts for individuals who have never heard these terms, as well as to provide more extensive information for those who already have familiarity.

Remembering….

LIGHTBODY describes the awakening to Awareness that so many are experiencing at this time. It is the process of bringing more Light, in the form of Divine Intelligence, into your physical form, thoughts, energy field and your life experiences. Light is Goodness, Divine Knowledge, and Harmony. This Light floods our whole being and begins the effects or sensations that may be experienced as a result of the physical body trying to Shift into Lightbody. You will read more about this later.

It is no coincidence that many are following a more spiritual path with a focus on community, love, peace, harmony and compassion. You may find your source of Spirituality from Divine Intelligence or within, in prayer, meditation or in nature. Nothing is outside of nature. Nature is the Divine; Divine is Nature; it’s all part of the natural workings of the universe.

I offer harmony as a potentially new concept for your consideration. Many strive for peace. Yet peace often refers to the absence of conflict and is a term used in a world where we perceive Separation. Even the synonyms of peace include: reconciliation and ceasefire. In contrast, here are the similes for harmony: accord, synchronization, congruence and coherence. Harmony means even when you are not in agreement with others you are willing to work together to make it so. Peace often includes tolerance. Harmony is acceptance.

Did you resonate with the synonyms of harmony? You are likely on the path toward Lightbody. Here are other signs of Lightbody: Your students, children, grandchildren and you [Read more…]

Your Inner Child

December 31, 2012 By Judy Lipson

The events that occurred during your childhood can affect you as an adult.

By Judith E. Lipson, M.A., LPC

Have you ever had a situation that REALLY bothered you? If an observer was present they might have been surprised at how intensely you were affected; maybe it even surprised you. When an individual has a highly emotional response to a conversation or situation, there is likely a deeper reason for the reaction. When I provide counseling I ask if there was a similar challenging situation that occurred sometime in the person’s history. Often the person doesn’t recognize the connection, but the inner child does.

Who is this inner child? Though you may be an adult, your inner child remains within and remembers the wounds, dramas and traumas from those earlier years. [Read more…]

Relationships

Recognize Yourself in the Mirror of Others

Romantic Relationships and Soul Mates

When Fear and Anger Aren’t What They Seem

An Interview with Judy Lipson: Licensed Professional Counselor

Emotion: Anger is Not a Primary One

Lightbody, Lightworker and Ascension

Remembering….

Your Inner Child

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