(Grief, Near Death Experiences, Death Doulas, d/D Death)

By Judith E. Lipson, M.A., LPC

GRIEF

As a reader of my newsletter, you know that I am a fan of the work of Karla McLaren and her writings about emotions. A client recently brought one of McLaren’s articles to my attention, and after reading it I found I had a lot of reflections. I hope that you will read the article, and then my reflections. https://karlamclaren.com/grief-the-deep-river-of-the-soul/

I believe the river of souls is that deepest place of ourselves, of each of us, the part that we all have in common: that depth in each of our souls. That part that knows, and feels, and experiences.

In the article she also mentions the river of tears. I suspect this is a metaphor for that place to which all grievers go. That very deep, dark, hard place where you feel heavy and the best you can do is drop. And wail. However, most of our society does not allow that, let alone nurture and support it.

I do like the idea of the altar, especially for complicated and complex grief, because it can be so incredibly overwhelming and all-consuming for the body and the being. And I don’t think she means to insinuate that grief should be over in a matter of a couple of months. But I think her technique, and suggestions for this altar, could be helpful so that the being knows that the intense grief happens here, ceremonially and in real time. And this would allow for the option that when some time passes and you want to live life, while still grieving, you have a way of knowing that this is the place where it can take place safely.

It gives permission to really let the body and the feelings completely release, which is how grief heals. She talks about the need to really go down. To that place that most people don’t want to go to. That place that many in grief have found themselves in, numerous times. That place where so many are terrified to be, to feel. And it seems, within our culture, that to experience this depth, in the days and weeks after, would be so much easier, because our culture might accept a deep grief response, but not after a “given time”.

And then to Ceremonially release the process, by taking down the altar and repurposing the photos and mementos, and by possibly burying or burning some part of it to acknowledge to the being – the self – that this process, depth of process, has now completed.

My greatest take-away from this article is the reminder to all of us that grief is hard, and hurts, and it’s painful, and it’s really really scary. But when you grow up in a culture where you are allowed to wail, wail freely, and wail safely in the circle of loved ones, and the process has the potential of not being nearly so frightening, then everyone has seen that it has an endpoint because everyone has witnessed others do the same.

I found these personal reflections after reading this article quite meaningful. I remember being a kid and either overhearing adult family and friends, or reading in novels, about people who experience that intense grief, and wailing, and being given medicine to be numb to it all. I remember fearing that someday I would be in that intense place of feeling, and that it would be taken away from me. I think that is why this article was something with which I really resonated.

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NDE (Near Death Experience)

I had the opportunity to hear the personal story of a friend’s NDE that occurred when he had an adverse reaction to a medication. While being treated at the hospital he slipped into unconsciousness. While his wife watched the medical staff work on him, she witnessed the challenges that his physical body experienced – shaking, unconsciousness, etc. When he returned to consciousness, she immediately asked him, “Where were you?” (She knew she didn’t want him to forget.) He spoke of his awareness of being in a space of light. He had no sense of his body in this space, and in fact he could not describe the space itself as he didn’t sense any dimensionality to it. He sensed that the light had no source, yet it was all around, everywhere. He knew he wasn’t seeing any of this with his eyes. He felt great peace.

He has always had a strong sense of the soul/spirit, and wonders if he had the opportunity to observe the presence of his own soul/spirit, particularly without the joint awareness of the body.

Was this an out of body experience (OBE)? Was it a NDE? We can’t know for sure, but a large group of medical personnel were working rapidly to stabilize him when a known blood test/marker was beyond dangerously low. Many patients describe seeing their bodies and hearing their doctors, but this was not this gentleman’s experience. Yet, what seemed far more profound for him was getting to recognize his soul….as a separate entity from his body. You know what they say (and especially since he is alive to tell the tale)…….. PRICELESS!

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DEATH DOULAS

What? You’re never heard of this? Well, I hadn’t either. Years ago I attended a conference by Jewish Hospice and Chaplaincy about death and grief. It was a profound day, and I was intrigued to learn about death doulas. I was fascinated by the concept and wondered if in the future I might join hospice or become a certified doula. But I had enough on my plate personally and professionally and decided that “there was always the future”.

I had previously heard about birth doulas though not until after my three (now adult) children had been born. The role of the birth doula is also intriguing to me and is to support the mom and the birth process, helping individuals transition into life.

Correspondingly, death doulas help with the dying process.

This past April, my 92-year-old father passed away. We were blessed to have the presence of hospice workers to support his process and our family. (And I highly recommend that if you currently, or in the future, are dealing with the death of a loved one that you bring in a hospice team. They help the patient to die with dignity, and in comfort, and they are amazingly supportive for the family members.)

On the night that my dad died I called for a hospice nurse to see him. She was such a blessing. She took his vitals, observed him, and explained to me that his time was drawing near. She drew my attention to how he looked outward and beyond without focusing in the room. She explained that he was hovering between the realms – this one where his body was, and “the other side of the veil” where I knew his soul/spirit was going. She gently touched him, and called his name, and gave him permission to go to those whom he saw on the other side who were waiting for him. I recognized then that as a hospice nurse her role was also that of death doula, supporting his process for him and for me.

But there is actually more to this story. You may know that I do a lot of energetic, meditative, journey-work. I’m realizing that much of it is shamanic in nature. During the last weeks of my dad’s life it was very hard to communicate with him and I began to talk to him soul-to-soul and also in light language.

In those last days of his life, as my dad’s time drew to an end, I found myself engaging in energy work, non-traditional communication, and shamanic journeys to facilitate his transition. It was a profound experience for me and our relationship, and I really believe that it was profound for him as well. I am very appreciative that Spirit provided me the necessary guidance so that I could be his death doula.

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d/D DEATH – TRANSFORMATION

Recently I wrote about T/t trauma and explained that most people think of the more traditional explanation of trauma (T) that includes assault, war, accident, etc.; and that Sensitives experience (t) traumas daily when their sensory experiences create a physiologic effect that is similar to those who experience T trauma and PTSD. Read more about T/t Trauma here.

While talking with a colleague recently about death, transformation, the work that I do as a therapist, and my recent role as death doula, we realized that the process of dying and death can also be explained with a ‘D’ and a ‘d’.

Death with a D is the more obvious and traditional, referring to one’s transition from this life on Earth including one’s release of the physical body to cross the veil.

Death with a small d can refer to all those things that one releases during one’s lifetime, including but not limited to: expectations, prior beliefs, ineffective patterns, relationships, and old ways of defining oneself. One experiences a small d death process when they retire, leave a job, become empty nesters, etc. Interestingly, one also processes the small d death process when they head off to college, marry, start a new job, have children, move to a new home or any other significant change. As we do each of these things we have the opportunity to release our old patterns and definition of self in order to shift to our new experience, and thus have a fuller awareness of Who We Really Are.

I invite you to look at the puzzle of your life up to this point. How many ways have you redefined yourself in relationship, in work, or even in your inner experience? And how many of those old patterns are you still carrying with you? Do they drag you down? Drag you back? Author Carolyn Myss cautions us that if we continually look into the rear view mirror of our life, then we will be led by our caboose (our past) rather than our engine. I invite you to release your old patterns as well as your previous definitions so that you can embrace Who You Really Are now.

As a result of all these reflections, I now understand the more expansive definition of the death doula’s role. S/he is one who helps others to release their old, tired, and ‘dead’ patterns, and to assist in true transformation.

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That might have been a lot for you to read and process. How are you doing? I would love to hear your stories, and your reflections.

If you are interested in learning more about talking soul-to-soul you can read the article Soul to Soul Communication that I wrote in 2004. I will write about Light Language in the future.

Judy Lipson is a Licensed Professional Counselor and educational strategist in West Bloomfield, MI. She helps clients of all ages who have learning difficulties, work or school related anxiety, ADHD, Asperger’s Syndrome or Autism Spectrum Disorders, and those who wish to Remember and Become ‘Who You Really Are’. Contact Judy at 248.568.8665 and judylipson@spiralwisdom.net, and visit www.JudyLipson.com for more information.

This article is for informational purposes and is not meant to replace medical care.

Remembering and Becoming Who You Really Are

By Judith E. Lipson, M.A., LPC

Lightbody, Lightworker, Ascension: My goal is to explain these trending concepts for individuals who have never heard these terms, as well as to provide more extensive information for those who already have familiarity.

Remembering….

LIGHTBODY describes the awakening to Awareness that so many are experiencing at this time. It is the process of bringing more Light, in the form of Divine Intelligence, into your physical form, thoughts, energy field and your life experiences. Light is Goodness, Divine Knowledge, and Harmony. This Light floods our whole being and begins the effects or sensations that may be experienced as a result of the physical body trying to Shift into Lightbody. You will read more about this later.

It is no coincidence that many are following a more spiritual path with a focus on community, love, peace, harmony and compassion. You may find your source of Spirituality from Divine Intelligence or within, in prayer, meditation or in nature. Nothing is outside of nature. Nature is the Divine; Divine is Nature; it’s all part of the natural workings of the universe.

I offer harmony as a potentially new concept for your consideration. Many strive for peace. Yet peace often refers to the absence of conflict and is a term used in a world where we perceive Separation. Even the synonyms of peace include: reconciliation and ceasefire. In contrast, here are the similes for harmony: accord, synchronization, congruence and coherence. Harmony means even when you are not in agreement with others you are willing to work together to make it so. Peace often includes tolerance. Harmony is acceptance.

Did you resonate with the synonyms of harmony? You are likely on the path toward Lightbody. Here are other signs of Lightbody: Your students, children, grandchildren and you may be having more intuitive experiences. You may be questioning commonly held personal or societal beliefs. You may feel a quickening within. You may notice that you see things from a higher perspective. You may have a sense that our humanity is destined for something much different than what you are inundated with on the news – war, hatred, conflict, FEAR. You sense that there is something wonderfully significant coming for yourself or for humanity. And you may even wonder if what you are personally or professionally doing is sufficient. All of these are signs of increased Spirituality that opens you further to the Wisdom of the Light.

Have you noticed that many of society’s previous beliefs are now being questioned? Societal relationships used to be understood through separateness and fear, but more and more of us are now realizing that we are all One. In fact, each of us is helping to create a new paradigm. Some will emanate the Light (harmony, compassion, Oneness) while others will illuminate the Shadow (fear, separateness, conflict). Both Light and Shadow are required in this journey that we are on as we – our bodies, Spirit, Soul, Earth, and even our Galaxy and Universe – evolve.

Light/Shadow is one of many contrasts that you know. Additional contrasts include day/night, Divine Masculine/Divine Feminine, yin/yang, individual/community, and separateness/unity. These contrasts, and the paradox that recognizes the importance of both sides, are part of your life experience. The paradox of Separateness and Unity is an evolution that began when the Soul explored Unity through Oneness. Then at some point, to more fully understand Oneness, our Souls recognized the paradoxical need for contrast and chose the experience of exploring Unity through Separation. The time is now to come full circle and to again make our connection to Source. This Unification does not replace the knowledge and information that we have attained during our period of separation. On the contrary, the knowledge that we have accumulated has brought us the ability to prove the esoteric Truth that so many of us Know and that will bring us fully to the evolved state of Oneness. It isn’t “either/or”, nor is it separation vs. oneness. Rather it is “both/and”, as well as unity and individuality. We can feel Oneness while fully appreciating individuality. These are significant paradigm shifts!

LIGHTWORKERS are helping individuals and society make these shifts, using the principles of Light to heal themselves, others, the planet and other dimensions.

One of the hallmarks of Lightbody work is bringing Balance to the seemingly paradoxical contrasts in society, and within you. Many previous generations have lived with the focus on the Divine Masculine essence: a belief that one thought and action is correct and that all others are wrong; doing and fixing; perceiving the world in a rather black and white manner; dominance over others in personal relationships and even governments. As so often happens when change occurs, there’s a tendency to move to the opposite side of the spectrum. We are now moving in the direction of the Divine Feminine: to live and work cooperatively; being rather than doing; allowing various shades of gray to peacefully coexist. The Divine Feminine nurtures, heals, comforts, motivates and manifests. The Divine Masculine allows us to do, take action and move things forward. Both are needed for optimal living and co-creating. Balance of the Masculine and Feminine is necessary for systems, relationships, and within you as an individual.

Shifting from Separation to Oneness and establishing the balance of the Feminine and Masculine may not be as easy as one thinks; and these are only two of the paradigm shifts that we are undergoing. The challenge in Lightbody work is shifting your many facets – thoughts, emotions, intentions, energy and your physicality – and moving from the old paradigm to the new.

Becoming…..

ASCENSION is this evolution toward full Lightbody. It involves the shifting of many different paradigms and takes time. The speed and duration vary for different individuals. Willingness and proper support appear to ease and sometimes speed the process.

The process will include shifts in thought, emotion, energy and physicality. Yet this is not linear.

ENERGY is the easiest to shift since energy follows the Light and your own inner Truth. It may seem as if the Awakening began when an idea was read or heard and you noticed a deep resonance of Truth within. But Truth is not recognized by your mind. The recognition comes from the hologram of Knowledge, carried within your energy/Soul, of the time when you were Unified with Source. Thus, your energetic hologram was reminded of Who You Really Are, and your energy then directs your thoughts, emotions and physicality.

THOUGHTS can be relatively easy to shift once you give yourself permission to accept an alternate belief. Your logical mind will replace an old thought with a new belief, especially when it is recognized as part of a Truth that was temporarily lost. If you find yourself resistant, it may be coming from your emotions, as opposed to beliefs.

EMOTIONS – There is a tendency to get pinged by your Ego when you try to see differently and move to Oneness. The Ego is not a fan of different or change. The Ego, and its cousin the Inner Child, thinks that change will place us in grave danger. This is paradoxical because Separateness is what has kept you from feeling safe, and Unity is what brings you to security and wholeness.

Though the process of shifting the emotions can seem messy and feel scary, the deep Safety that is experienced is well worth the journey. In fact, it doesn’t take a long time to experience your inner Safety. As Eckhart Tolle wrote in The New Earth, the pain-body fears and runs. The pain-body is nearly tangible and is full of fear and emotional pain. It is actually your fear of looking at what is in the pain-body that causes the distress. When you finally stop running from your own fear, and instead turn to face what you thought you were running from, you realize that it is not very scary at all. Even considering this possibility may have you ‘quaking in your boots’. I had that same response when I read about the pain-body in Tolle’s book several years ago. I could not imagine that he was speaking Truth. But one day, months after, I was tired of the Fear and decided to try. It is truly amazing! I hope that you will try this yourself to know that it is indeed accurate. And once you turn to face yourself, you recognize a strength that you have never known before.

PHYSICALITY – Everything, including your body, is ascending at this time. From the first holographic memory of Who You Really Are, your body was infused with Light and began its ascension. Since the body is dense it has difficulty comfortably shifting with this infusion of Light. The resulting Lightbody effects are often experienced with what our societal model calls Symptoms. This is most disconcerting when you don’t understand what is happening.

Allow me to provide a different paradigm model for what is happening, as well as how to minimize the symptoms and ease the process:

Your physical body is now, quite literally, trying to move at the speed of the Light with which it has been infused. Shifts happen more easily when Light moves Light, but we believe our bodies to be solid. Though the physical body is carbon-based, Dr. Candace Pert and Dr. James Oschman have explained that we have an inner matrix of liquid crystals (i.e.: fascia/connective tissue) that allows for extraordinarily fast and complete communication throughout your entire system. Not only is your body becoming more crystalline, your body is trying to bring all the parts to equal expansiveness. This is the Ascension to Lightbody within your physical body.

What does this process feel like? When you bring your thoughts into a new paradigm, which may even include reading this article, or release old emotional patterns, or come in contact with new or rapidly moving energies, you may feel the response of your physicality trying to shift. In the old paradigm, these were called symptoms; in this new paradigm, it is known as processing, and may include the following:

• Fuzzy thinking, memory issues, distractibility, not thinking straight.
• Exhaustion (a sleeping body can process much more rapidly when the conscious mind gets out of the way).
• Increased sensitivity of the five senses.
• Major toxic releases – odors, hives, excrement changes, rashes, itching.
• Frontal headaches due to pituitary gland changes.
• Back of head (occipital area) headaches due to changes to the pineal gland.
• Nausea, fever without being sick, palpitations, anxiety.
• Pain or rashes that move without explanation.
• Evaluations by physicians without finding a cause.

You may even note different reactions to medications, lack of responsiveness to former treatment modalities, or changes in dietary or exercise needs.

Thankfully there are many things that you can do to support your body:

• Limit caffeine and sugars.
• Rest, hydrate, move (exercise, dance, walk, etc).
• Receive energy work: Reiki, Healing Touch, Therapeutic Touch, Quantum Healing.
• Get bodywork: massage, chiropractic, acupuncture, acupressure.
• Stretch and shake the body to realign the liquid crystals.
• Replenish electrolytes (i.e.: EmergenC, Airborne)
• Epsom salts baths.
• Flower essences (i.e.: Flower Essence Society; Bach Flower Remedies).
• Reduce stress, balance time, delegate, release control, empower yourself.
• Set proper verbal, physical and energetic boundaries – See Energy Cleansing and Setting Boundaries.
• Be present, live in the now.
• Detoxify your body with the 5 elements:

Air-movement through air, oxygen therapy, slow deep breathing

Fire–heat, sun, sauna, observing candlelight and fireplaces

Water–bathe, hydrate, observe water

Earth–mud or Epsom salt bath, herbs, healing with crystals

Ether-essential oils, flower essences

Use all 5 simultaneously: i.e. Take a hot bath with Epsom salts (with essential oils sprinkled on them) and breathe deeply.

The following will support your entire self as it shifts to Lightbody:

• Look at recurrent emotional patterns symbolically and deal with them.
• Address your triggers, issues and fears, and remember that Grace (the helping hand that lifts you up) will help ease your process.
• Practice unconditional love and forgiveness of yourself and others.
• Ask Spirit and your Highest Wisdom to guide you.
• Trust your innate wisdom and embrace your intuition.
• Follow a daily spiritual practice (prayer, meditation, art, music, communing with nature – anything that puts you in the zone).
• Practice a nightly review to identify WITHOUT JUDGEMENT AND WITH COMPASSION what you did right as well as how you could respond differently in a future time.
• You are more than your body, so ground more expansively by multidimensional grounding: Become aware of your whole energy field, and from that expansiveness ground down to Earth and up to Source.

Living authentically and in congruence with your truest Self is the essence of Being Who You Really Are. You will joyfully exhibit honesty, compassion, and integrity. Additionally, you may notice the following:

• An awareness of multiple dimensions at once.
• A greater ability to heal self or others.
• No fear; less attachment to emotional hooks; an ability to face the old fears more easily.
• Awareness of Sacred Geometry and energetic body changes.
• Increased intuition.
• You can feel your energy “go out” to others without feeling personally depleted.
• You are more willing to set aside judgments and be in harmony.
• You can dwell in unconditional love during conflicts and stay out of judgment and fear.
• Others will see your Light and be Awakened.

This is a journey that each of us with Awareness is taking now. Each has a different role in the Multiverse and may experience the process of ascension differently, but our bodies, Spirit, Soul, Earth, and even the Cosmos are ascending.

Though this is a rewarding journey, there can be moments of uneasiness as you struggle to understand the larger context, may be resistant to healing old wounds, or don’t know how to adequately support your body’s changes. Consider journaling, reading, attending workshops, and joining or creating a group of like-minded individuals.

It may be essential to seek a professional who understands Ascension to Lightbody to help you clear old patterns and triggers. This person can hold an energetically safe place while you process your more challenging personal issues. This may be a Lightworker who understands the process of evolution into Lightbody, and who has expertise in spiritual guidance, energy work and/or bodywork. Consider the following as you do so:

YOU DON’T NEED TO REMEMBER, YOU JUST NEED TO RELEASE.

YOU DON’T NEED TO KNOW, YOU JUST NEED TO LET GO.

It is no coincidence that you are alive now. Be Who You Really Are and joyfully embrace your place in the Multiverse.

This article is for informational purposes and is not meant to replace medical care. Product names are offered as descriptive examples and are not intended as endorsement.

Judy Lipson is a Licensed Professional Counselor and educational strategist in West Bloomfield, MI. She helps clients of all ages who have learning difficulties; work or school related anxiety; ADHD; Asperger’s Syndrome or Autism Spectrum Disorders; and those who wish to Remember and Become Who You Really Are. Contact Judy at 248.568.8665 and judylipson@spiralwisdom.net, and visit www. SpiralWisdom.net for more information.