By Judith E. Lipson, M.A., LPC

Life sure does feel like a roller coaster lately. In my November Newsletter for Transformation, I wrote about the personal transformations that I had been seeing in myself and others in the previous month. I am continuing to see this trend.

If you missed my information about transformation in the November newsletter, you can read it here.

Another common topic last month was my clients’ reactions to the election results. When this came up, my role was to hold a space for their grief and remind them how to regulate their nervous systems. You can read tips on regulation in that same link above.

As I look at the patterns that I see in our society, it makes me wonder if our country is experiencing its own transformation….

I’m a woman of a certain age, and I remember the efforts in the 1960’s and 1970s to facilitate peace, civil rights, and rights for women. We’ve been seeking CHANGE for a long time!

When I think back to when Barack Obama became the president of the United States, his platform was about CHANGE and millions of Americans rallied around his chant: Yes We Can.

I truly believed that we were on the precipice of real growth a few years ago when the inadequacies of our systems were becoming more visible during the #BlackLivesMatter, #MeToo, and other important movements. (You can read more about this in my articles Hope, from January 2021, and Transformation: Let’s Not Miss This Opportunity in March 2022.)

Fast-forward to the end of 2024, and I’m trying to understand the election results. As I’ve listened to the media discuss the possible reasons why our country voted as it did, one pattern stood out to me, and that was the apparent desire for CHANGE. Some appear to be longing for a time when women, immigrants, and people of color had limited rights. (This is something that I truly cannot fathom or condone.) It is theorized that others focused on a single issue – i.e.: our educational system, medical and insurance practices, finances, the Middle East, or government in general. It was their rallying cry for that specific thing to CHANGE. Others took up Vice President Harris’ rallying cry during her campaign: We Won’t Go Back.

The one commonality is CHANGE. It seems that the U.S. is transforming, just as so many of us are experiencing personal transformations. I see in my own and others’ processes how uncomfortable it can sometimes be while we are in the middle of it. It’s not surprising then that something as large as the United States with all its systems, policies, and people would take a long time to achieve CHANGE, nor how messy it can look and feel on the way. (It reminds me of a woman’s experience of navigating perimenopause, while her children are going through adolescence – two big changes simultaneously. 🙃 YIKES! Maybe some of you can relate.)

WHAT’S UP WITH ALL THIS OTHER-ING?

Years ago, I learned that the opposite of love is not hate, but rather it is fear. Fear blocks connection and the potential for understanding, acceptance and love for another. Unfortunately, fear and anxiety also make it more difficult to physiologically access or process new information.

As I thought about this, striving to further understand how so many people in the United States and around the world are focused on hate and personal greed to the exclusion of others, I was reminded of Abraham Maslow’s Self-Actualization Hierarchy.

Maslow taught that it is difficult for an individual to ascend their personal pyramid toward social connection (which is ironically a major way that we calm our nervous systems), when they lack a sense of safety and security.

Sadly, many politicians, leaders and media pundits promote and encourage insecurities by surrounding us with 24-hour news that focuses on breaking news alerts and visual and auditory repetitions. These cause our nervous systems to stay in fight-and-flight mode and to repetitively look for cues of danger.

Many local and national candidates have taken advantage of this fear by describing groups of people as “not like us, but rather like others”.  We have seen throughout history that an effective way to establish power over others is to make people believe that they are endangered and that some other individual or group are the cause furthering fears and separation.

Think about the relevance of the following quote:

First They Came 

by Pastor Martin Niemoller

First they came for the Socialists, and I did not speak out – because I was not a Socialist.

Then they came for the trade unionists, and I did not speak out –because I was not a trade unionist.

Then they came for the Jews, and I did not speak out – because I was not a Jew.

Then they came for me – and there was no one left to speak for me.

SO, WHAT CAN WE DO ABOUT THIS?

First and foremost, sit with and allow your feelings even if they are messy and overwhelming. When you acknowledge the truth of how you feel in this moment and recognize your feelings they can process more quickly.

Be cautious of being sucked into the ever-present fear and anger that our media (and even well-meaning friends) would have us mired in.

Find your center and hold the light! Before engaging with others, or getting mired in negative thoughts, go within to connect with that part of yourself that resonates with peace, light and love.

Remember that you are not alone in your idealism and desires. Find your tribe and stay connected with them.

Keep your vibration up. That might mean not watching a lot of news, and limiting communications with some parts of your community (live, chat, or on social media) who are engrossed in their anger and fear.

IT’S OKAY TO NOT KNOW WHAT COMES NEXT

On the day after the election, I pledged to greet each person that I encountered professionally, socially, or transactionally (walking by an individual, at a store counter, etc.) with a subtle, extra-long eye contact and a connecting smile. I have continued this before and since as I strive to see the true spirit of the individual and connect with that.

Staying in this present moment helps to draw your focus away from the frustrations of the past and the worries/fears of the future. A client (who is also a clinician) told me that when she is interacting with another, she notices that she intentionally holds that space of NOW, forgetting everything else, and finds within it “beauty, love and strength”. We discussed how intention is the key, and how we can deliberately find that space, even in that interminable space in between the times when we already know how to be fully present.

Reach out to others, including those that are different from you. You don’t have to try to “bring them to your side of thinking”. That’s not the point. Identify your similarities – it may be in the work that you do, the family members that you share, the similarities of life situations in your families, your hobbies and interests, or the places that you have traveled. Be creative and seek your commonality to recognize how alike you really are, even as you are different. Twenty years ago, I helped to facilitate a program for healing, a year after the tragedy that was 9/11. We encouraged participants of different faiths, colors, cultures, affluence, and ethnicities to talk to each other and look past their perceived differences as they engaged in various community service projects in and around the city of Detroit. It worked! It was transformative for the 1000 participants … for us all. For more on this, closer to home, read NPR’s article, Have a politically divided family? These tips help you talk across the dinner table.

A year ago, after the October 7^th attack on Israel by Hamas, and the subsequent counterattacks in Gaza, I joined with a Jewish psychiatrist, a Muslim psychiatrist, and a Muslim psychologist to discuss how we can best work with all clients who might have different beliefs, histories or alliances. As busy women, we don’t have the time to meet monthly as we had hoped, but we still meet regularly. I wrote an article about it a year ago, shortly after we began, called Bridging for Peace.

My own transformative experiences have been welcomed and appreciated, and I am additionally privileged to be a part of America’s transformation as well. Still, I had hoped that America’s transformation would be from a foundation of unity, respect, and compassion for others. Instead, the focus seems to be on what can be provided to a single individual, or to a group of people who hold antiquated beliefs even as they’re screaming for CHANGE.

I believe that we all know how important these times are. We care about democracy, our country, our families, and the future of our children and grandchildren. Our difference is in how that vision will look. I would love the end-goal, and the process, to be based in unity, compassion and caring for others.

I hope that you will focus on calming your fearful nervous system while maintaining connection, care, and compassion for others. THIS is where I will hold my light. I hope that you will join me.

Namasté,

Judy

Judy Lipson is a Licensed Professional Counselor and educational strategist in West Bloomfield, MI. She helps clients of all ages who have learning difficulties, work or school related anxiety, ADHD, Asperger’s Syndrome or Autism Spectrum Disorders, and those who wish to Remember and Become ‘Who You Really Are’. Contact Judy at 248.568.8665 and judylipson@spiralwisdom.net, and visit www.JudyLipson.com for more information.

This article is for informational purposes and is not meant to replace medical care.

By Judith E. Lipson, M.A., LPC

Discord is defined as a disagreement or lack of agreement. However, in the context of this article, discord refers to the emotional discomfort that you feel when what you want is not congruent to what is happening within or around you.

What do you do when you don’t like what’s happening and you can’t control the outcome? (This might be because you can’t control it, or because it’s not your place to do so, or because you don’t have permission.) Do you then select a different part of your life to grab hold of and hang on to tightly? More so do you actually think, pretend, or assume that you have now gained mastery over the events that your unconscious knows you really can’t control? And importantly, do you realize that this is what is happening?

I have talked with many clients about these experiences. The vast majority don’t even recognize all these aspects at a conscious level until it is discussed. In fact, it is not uncommon for an individual to focus on an event or a relationship, recognizing the discord there, when the primary source of discord is something else completely.

Have you noticed feeling strong emotions over an event, and you or others are surprised at your extreme reaction? In fact, the real area of discord is likely something else – for instance, unfinished grief from the loss of a loved one, a job, or a move.

Here are a few examples to help you begin to recognize the layers of discord:

• Your focus is on the recalcitrant child, but the underlying discord is with a spouse, boss or other adult.
• You are hyper-vigilant about your child’s rather normal developmental event, but through conversations it becomes apparent that the real area of concern is the health of your own parent, the status of your employment, or some other fear.
• Social, political or natural events are overwhelming you and you try to find the small areas of your life where you can maintain a sense of control.

This is not meant to minimize any of the emotionally charged events, or your responses. I am encouraging you to realize that when you have minimal ability to affect a major issue, you will likely try controlling something else because you think you can, and peace will not be achieved.

Psychology and Buddhist teachings remind us that you can rarely change the people and events around you, but you can change the way they affect you. The first step is to identify that underlying and hidden discord (see above). At a visceral or emotional level you know the things over which you don’t have control. But maybe it feels too big to your subconscious so you don’t want to see it. This leads you to grasp those alternative things that don’t truly acknowledge or fulfill your need. Unfortunately, these other things may then negatively impact other people in your life.

Knowledge is power, and it’s helpful to get in touch with the source of your discord. It may feel counterintuitive at the moment, but the best way to reduce the discord, inner tension, worry, fear and anxiety is to willingly face that which you are avoiding. Eckhart Tolle teaches that when you finally turn to look at that from which you run, you realize that it is not nearly as scary after all! Turn to see the issue that is hiding in the shadows. It may even be something that you thought you had already dealt with like an underlying fear or a profound loss. The original source, like Tolle says, is not nearly as uncomfortable as it has seemed, because it was perceived through the additional layers of the experience of running away.

Now that the discord has been identified at its original source without its complicating layers you can minimize its influence. Here are two powerful techniques:

• Mindfulness:
  • Stay in the present moment and resist the tendency to focus on the past.
  • Review the past situation ONE time in order to assess it so that you can learn what you might have done differently. Avoid reviewing it again, because it won’t change the outcome that has already occurred.
  • Stay out of the future where worry resides. Instead, allow yourself ONE assessment of the fearful event that is coming up, and create a proactive plan to be ready.
  • Stay in the present by: focusing on your breath, or attending to whatever activity you are doing in that moment.
  • If your thoughts stray back to the past, or to worrying about the future, redirect your thoughts and return them to the present moment.
• Equanimity:
  • It is defined as mental calmness, composure, and evenness of temper, especially in a difficult situation.
  • I think of it simply as the acceptance of what is.
  • Allow for the conscious realization that the things around you are truly outside your control and you may as well stop fighting them. As they say in AA: grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

Using mindfulness and redirecting your thoughts will help lessen the discord that seems ever-present in life, and help you to achieve a state of equanimity.

Judy Lipson is a Licensed Professional Counselor and educational strategist in West Bloomfield, MI. She helps clients of all ages who have learning difficulties, work or school related anxiety, ADHD, Asperger’s Syndrome or Autism Spectrum Disorders, and those who wish to Remember and Become ‘Who You Really Are’. Contact Judy at 248.568.8665 and judylipson@spiralwisdom.net, and visit www.SpiralWisdom.net for more information.

This article is for informational purposes and is not meant to replace medical care.

#Resist: Fear and Denying Your Self

As I talk to clients and others I realize how many children and adults, but especially females, have trouble saying no. While being compassionate and kind are important, respecting yourself is at least as essential. You must know where your boundaries are, where they need to be and how to honor yourself by communicating these boundaries to others.

You have a right and a responsibility to care for yourself, which is why flight attendants instruct you to put on your own mask before assisting your children or those around you. Yet too frequently, you have assisted or done for others until you felt used and exhausted. If you did finally say no or asked for assistance, it’s probable that you also felt guilty doing so. This takes a toll on your physical and emotional health.

Most children are not explicitly taught how to assert their needs in a respectful and self-assured manner. Girls, especially, have been taught to be “nice” and to not make waves so it is problematic for most women to learn how to express their own needs in a healthy manner. Males are not immune from this difficulty.

In the absence of instruction or modeling, people stifle their voice and find themselves exhausted and resentful until their frustration builds to a deafening roar, and they angrily express themselves.

VERBAL

Breathe into your diaphragm. Soften your throat. Speak your needs respectfully and assertively, without aggression. Speak concisely, calmly and with strength.

THOUGHTS

Resist FEAR – False Evidence Appearing Real. Fear tactics are used to repeatedly alarm you and make you think that you are endangered even when you are not. In the world of Fight, Flight or Freeze, your cognitive (thinking) processes are minimized, making it more difficult for you to discern your truth and maintain your personal goals of confidence, unity, peace and wellness. In fact, you will find yourself repeating the fear-based thoughts even in the absence of the original stressor, potentially disarming you.

Practice mindfulness. Challenge your fear-based thoughts (whether they come from within, or were inserted by others). Use your breath to break the fight/flight/freeze biophysical process, and reboot your body, your emotions and your thoughts back to wellness. Minimize overwhelm by identifying one thing to put your efforts toward – donate, volunteer, etc. Remember who you really are to keep your focus on peaceful coexistence and unity.

PHYSICAL

I loved the scene in Dirty Dancing: This is my dance space. This is your dance space. I don’t go into yours; you don’t go into mine. You gotta hold the frame.

Some people need a larger physical space than others. It’s important to know what yours is. If needed, start by identifying the boundary of your body. You can outline yourself in the sand or on large paper. Then begin to identify where your comfort boundary is. It may vary with the different people in your life: children, romantic partner, friend, co-worker, boss, etc.

Now that you know where your body is and where your boundary needs to be, use your physical frame to confidently express your needs: Elongate your posture in a relaxed manner, breathe gently but fully, and keep your eyes forward.

ENERGETIC

Ground yourself for strength: Stand or sit with your feet firmly on the ground. Allow that earthy power to rise up through your feet spreading confidence throughout.

Depending on your personal needs, identify how much personal space you require and place an imaginary barrier at this location. Some people visualize a bubble, a white or pink light, a force field or a firewall. Use the image that works for you. Place an intention (expectation) that no negative words or moods will permeate this selected barrier. See it as a permeable membrane. You select what gets through – towards you and from you. This way you can still send love and compassion outwardly, while guarding yourself from negative words and feelings. This technique is especially helpful for those who feel others’ emotions intensely (empaths).

As you encounter the challenging aspects of life you may leave parts of yourself behind. This can also impact your sense of self and your confidence. Spiritual teacher Caroline Myss calls the process of pulling these pieces back, soul retrieval. One strategy is to imagine these pieces floating like star lights. You need not recognize the situations that they represent; with intention invite them back to join you once again. Then breathe in the fullness that is you.

RELATIONSHIP

Caring for another should not mean that you stop caring for yourself. Are you wary of hurting another’s feelings or worry that you will disappoint your partner, friend or co-worker? Remember that sometimes the loving response is “No”.

You have likely identified a large circle of people that you care about and for, but repeatedly fail to put yourself in that circle. It’s time that you include yourself in this group of important people! You have every right to be there. Don’t feel guilty for giving yourself the same care that you offer to others without hesitation.

As you incorporate these components of boundary development, your self-confidence will increase and your ability to speak your truth will be enhanced. Take care of your being, your thoughts and your emotions and be the role model for self-care to your friends, family members and children.

Though these techniques are for everyone, if you are in an abusive or dangerous situation please seek professional assistance.

Antecedents are the key to understanding and releasing

By Judith E. Lipson, M.A., LPC

Years ago, I acquired a mini-poster showing how anger is actually due to a myriad of other emotions. It was one of those moments that helped to bring so many things into perspective. Anger is more of a reactive symptom, so when I see anger in my clients I look for the antecedent/cause.

I often show the poster to my clients so that they can understand their own anger, or the anger of a significant other. As many have explored their own anger, two additional causative factors have been added: feeling misunderstood and betrayal. Here is the complete list (in no particular order). Are there any influences that you would like to add?

Anxiety
Shame
Sadness
Fear
Hurt
Guilt
Worry
Frustration
Disappointment
Embarrassment
Jealousy
Misunderstood
Betrayal

Think about the times that you have felt or acted angry, and look at the list to identify your underlying emotion(s) to better recognize the real issue(s). Next, I encourage you to additionally go one step further. Think back and identify when in your history, most frequently during your childhood, you experienced that earlier emotion. Emotional extremes, like anger, are usually triggered by an earlier experience, for which the current event is a reminder. Now you have the potential to address it at its root in order to release the anger.

Fear is another emotional extreme. This is because there are rarely any situations of true endangerment. Yet our physiologic system doesn’t differentiate, and assumes that we are in true danger. When we understand the process, we can actually minimize our physical symptoms and our related thoughts and feelings. I have written about this in numerous articles including Transforming Fear. To summarize the techniques:

• Remember that the fight/flight response lasts only ninety seconds
• Use mindfulness, breath, and relaxation to calm your thoughts and body’s reactions
• Change from worrying to doing
• Reduce your sensory and emotional input with energy modulation and other techniques
• Use good boundaries
• Stay out of story (fear is False Evidence Appearing Real)

I believe that fear, like anger, can be looked at as a secondary issue. In fact, fear and anger appear to often be distractors and thus agents of resistance. Let me pause for a moment to acknowledge that sensory overload and other biological factors can be the source of anxiety, or elevated emotional states that trigger anger. But I have seen that worry and anger flood the system so that you are effectively distracted from the real issues. Thus patterns, themes, and root causes are often buried under layers of behaviors and words. Consequently, fear and anger can be perceived as communicators – pointing you, or a therapist, to the underlying truths.

Humans by nature are inclined to move away from those things that are uncomfortable. Regarding fear, author Eckhart Tolle reminds us to stop running from the fear and to turn to look at it instead. I’ve actually done this, and it’s true that the thing that was kept in hiding is not as big and scary as formerly believed. In fact, it’s always smaller and less frightening than the unknown that I was running from. Tolle is right!

What is the truth that you may be running from?

• Often it is a misunderstanding or inaccuracy that developed from the experiences of your Inner Child. Transform yourself into the caring adult and assure your inner child that you have a deeper, broader understanding of the events, as well as the skills to keep your inner child/you safe.
• If you experienced a traumatic event, I urge you to partner with a qualified trauma expert to help you release without reliving the trauma. These include professionals trained in Havening Therapy, EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing), EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique), or Somatic (Body-Oriented) Therapy.
• Are you running from your own worth? Author Marianne Williamson says, “Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us…. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

Might you be ready to uncover the layers between you and Who You Really Are?

Judy Lipson is a Licensed Professional Counselor and educational strategist in West Bloomfield, MI. She helps clients of all ages who have learning difficulties; work or school related anxiety; ADHD; Asperger’s Syndrome or Autism Spectrum Disorders; and those who wish to Remember and Become ‘Who You Really Are’. Contact Judy at 248.568.8665 and judylipson@spiralwisdom.net, and visit www. SpiralWisdom.net for more information. 

This article is for informational purposes and is not meant to replace medical care.

By Judith E. Lipson, M.A., LPC

From listening to politicians and the news media, and even your neighbors and family, it’s easy to conclude that these are scary times. This article will explain fear and anxiety, provide you anxiety/stress reducing tools, and offer a way of looking at the world in which we live from a metaphysical perspective.

Fear is defined as “an unpleasant emotion caused by the belief that someone or something is dangerous, likely to cause pain, or a threat” (Oxford Dictionaries). The amygdala, that part of the brain that determines safety, hasn’t evolved to distinguish the difference between a true imminent threat and an area of possible concern. It evaluates every input from one of your senses including what is seen, heard, touched, smelled, tasted, and emotionally felt. From a safety perspective this makes perfect sense. But the amygdala has not learned to differentiate between a bear on a forest path and a call to the boss’ office. Both result in the same physiologic fight, flight or freeze response. Additionally, the amygdala and its supportive systems rarely distinguish between a threat that is happening to you and a threat that is happening to someone else while it’s viewed on the news or in a movie, or is told to you by another. The mind/body/emotions respond as if the threat is happening to you, right now.

To make matters more complicated, if you happen to be one of the many highly sensitive individuals (not just those on the autistic spectrum), your amygdala is hyper-vigilant. And if you are a worrier, then every additional worry-thought after the original trigger keeps your amygdala continuously responding.

The amygdala’s response is designed to be temporary, not to keep the system on high alert 24/7. Since the amygdala response actually lasts only 90 seconds, anything longer is due to the amygdala being repeatedly triggered by either the continuation of the real danger or by the mind’s continued focus on the perceived danger (actually a worry-thought).

Here are some ways to keep your amygdala response to the more manageable 90 seconds:

PHYSICALLY

Focusing on your breath provides mindfulness, and also acts as a reboot for your physiologic system. Watch the movement of your chest and abdomen: observe without controlling, or strive for longer, but not deeper, breaths.

Observe your body for tension and anxiety. Drop your shoulders away from your ears to open your lungs for a more complete breath. Practice progressive relaxation techniques.

Exercise is a great de-stress technique, but if it is unavailable change your position to move your body, and also to change the visual scene that has your attention.

Participate in sensory experiences, i.e.: sip hot tea, take a bath, listen to preferred (and preferably calming) music, or pet an animal. As you do these activities immerse yourself in all the sensations that are involved (temperature, flavor, sounds, textures, etc).

Practice “tapping”. Use your fingertips to gently tap your collarbone; or tap the side of your hand on your opposite palm.

EMOTIONALLY

Change from worrying to doing. Allow yourself only one assessment of something that happened in the past. Reliving it as a memory will not change it and will only recall the negative emotions and physiology. Also, allow yourself only one assessment of something that is to come in the future, thereby changing your worry to an action plan of what can be done to address the area of concern (start the project, enter a to-do list in your calendar, practice a conversation, etc).

Infuse yourself with laughter and humor: comedians, funny books, amusing movies, etc.

Practice energy modulation to reduce your empathic response: Focus on your inner space that absorbs others’ emotions and energy. Find a visual imagery (balloon, weave, etc) that lets you reduce its size when desired and needed.

COGNITIVELY

Boundaries are important. Decide when and how long you’ll entertain the worry. Select a specific time to think about this issue and limit the amount of time you will address it. Ten to twenty minutes should be sufficient. If it doesn’t seem complete, then make another appointment time.

Question your beliefs. Are they real? Is it true? Is there a different perspective? Talk to a trusted friend or professional so that you can get the fear-thoughts outside yourself where they can be looked at objectively (from the shadow to the light).

Look for the “stories”. These are assumed truths that masquerade as reality. Remember that F.E.A.R. stands for False Evidence Appearing Real. Find the stories in your thoughts and dispel them.

METAPHYSICALLY

To minimize anxiety, align your outward actions with your inner beliefs and values. Make sure that when necessary you speak your truth respectfully, and act in alignment with your truest self.

Metaphysically we also understand that to bring in more light, the shadow must be seen. As the shadows come out of hiding, their visibility makes it easier to address. Fearing a shadow makes it heavier, denser, darker and more recalcitrant. By making it visible and turning to look, we bring it to the light with compassion and understanding. This is true for you personally, and also our society.

Judy Lipson is a Licensed Professional Counselor and educational strategist in West Bloomfield, MI. She helps clients of all ages who have learning difficulties; work or school related anxiety; ADHD; Asperger’s Syndrome or Autism Spectrum Disorders; and those who wish to Remember and Become ‘Who You Really Are’. Contact Judy at 248.568.8665 and judylipson@spiralwisdom.net, and visit www. SpiralWisdom.net for more information.

This article is for informational purposes and is not meant to replace medical care.

While chances are good that you or someone you know has ‘anger issues’, there is much more to anger than you probably realize.

By Judith E. Lipson, M.A., LPC

In our society, most people are not in touch with the majority of their emotions. You are likely familiar with joy and happy, and sometimes even bliss. You can recognize sadness, and will likely assume that you or someone else is experiencing grief after a significant loss. You probably know about numerous other emotions, but primarily as a definition. Most people do not know what they are really feeling, especially when it comes to what our society refers to as the negative emotions.

Anger is certainly recognized by society as a negative, yet it also seems to be the most accepted, or expected, of emotions. This is especially true of men who are discouraged from expressing sadness, worry, and many other feelings. Historically, it has been frowned upon for women to express anger, yet increasingly women do so as well.

An interesting fact is, though incredibly prevalent, anger is not a primary emotion. Actually, it is the expression of other emotions. It is only when you identify that underlying experience and its corresponding response, that you can stop your explosions.

The next time you begin to feel the buildup of anger, I urge you to look deeper to find the origin. Here are a number of emotional possibilities that can guide you to the root of your anger:

• SADNESS can lead to anger if you don’t allow yourself to acknowledge and express the sorrow.
• FEAR (False Evidence Appearing Real), WORRY, and ANXIETY are very uncomfortable and create inner tension. Some people are more prone to release this tension with tears, some with movement, and others by striving to control their world. When this control is not successful (it rarely is), angry outbursts are often the result. Therefore, fear is one of the first emotions that I look for when I see anger.
• FRUSTRATION occurs when you think you are trapped and disempowered.
• DISAPPOINTMENT with self, others or scenarios (real or imagined).
• EMBARRASSMENT leading to anger can be a cover story for shame, anxiety, or perfectionism.
• JEALOUSY can really be a questioning of your own sense of value.
• HURT feelings are often your “inner child” (see below) being triggered, leaving you feeling vulnerable.
• Being MISUNDERSTOOD can be an indicator of not being seen as Who You Really Are.
• GUILT’s purpose is to learn from an experience. One’s perfectionism (and subsequent shame) can lead to anger.
• SHAME is one of the most complex. Author/psychologist Dr. Brené Brown explains: “Guilt says: I made a mistake. Shame says: I AM a mistake.”
• SENSORY OVERLOAD is when you are overwhelmed by the five senses or by an onslaught of emotions, triggering excessive inner tension that explodes as anger.

Learn to defuse and neutralize your anger with these steps and ideas:

• To familiarize yourself with the precursors, go through each of the emotions above and identify an example that occurred at some time in your life.
• Plan to identify your anger-precursor any time that you explode, or even better, when you feel anger mounting.
• Learn ways to release your inner tension. These are similar to the strategies for decreasing stress and anxiety:
  • MEDITATION or MINDFULNESS
  • BREATH-WORK
  • RELAXATION
  • REFRAMING YOUR INTERNAL DIALOGUE by recognizing truth instead of assumptions
• Learn to express yourself to others assertively, not aggressively.
• Be willing to acknowledge your true self so that you know what you really need rather than “being the good boy/girl” and “not making waves”.
• Recognize that many of the emotions listed above are carry-overs from your childhood. This is called your “inner child” and s/he thinks s/he is warning you about events in the now, but s/he only has the perspective of the powerlessness of childhood. S/he needs to be assured that you, the adult, have the ability to handle this situation from an adult perspective. And you do!
• Write a letter that is NOT sent, expressing how you feel. If you prefer a more verbal method, do this orally (without the person present).
• Release the inner tension and your deepest feelings with singing, art, or movement such as exercise or dance.
• Share your frustrations and hurts as they occur while they are still small, bearable and manageable, so that you don’t need to experience the erupting volcano.

Please seek the assistance of a professional if you are unable to identify your precursor emotions, you can not defuse your angry response, your anger leads to the damage of property, you find yourself wanting to hurt yourself or others, or you find previous traumas being triggered. Emotions are neither good nor bad, so enjoy learning and identifying!

This article is for informational purposes and is not meant to replace medical care.

Judy Lipson is a Licensed Professional Counselor and educational strategist in West Bloomfield, MI. She helps clients of all ages who have learning difficulties; work or school related anxiety; ADHD; Asperger’s Syndrome or Autism Spectrum Disorders; and those who wish to ‘Remember and Become Who You Really Are’. Contact Judy at 248.568.8665 and judylipson@spiralwisdom.net, and visit www. SpiralWisdom.net for more information.

Published in Eydis Magazine October 2015

Our intuition is always there, always reading the situation, always trying to steer us the right way. ~ Arianna Huffington

By Judith E. Lipson, M.A., LPC

I’ve known about my sixth-sense for some time. I first heard the term six-sensory from author and spiritual teacher, Sonia Choquette. Being a six-sensory means that you process your world with more than the conventional five senses (visual, auditory, touch, taste, smell).

Your sixth sense is your gut instinct. It’s natural, normal and everyone has it. The parental version of sixth sense awareness happens when children first venture away from parents: When you get there, if something doesn’t feel right I want you to call me or leave right away. Others talk about business relationships and opportunities: I just knew from the start that this was not a good person/idea, but I didn’t listen to my gut and I got burned. Think about the varied ways that your sixth sense has been involved in your life.

Now that we have established that you have a sixth sense, the question is: Do you listen to yours or have you ignored your inner voice?

Choquette believes that “your sixth sense should be your first sense”. Author Sophy Burnham (The Art of Intuition) says it’s the subtle knowing without ever having any idea why you know it. If you are ready to embrace your six-sensory self, there are ways to develop, and learn to hear, your inner voice / gut instinct / intuition: 

RECOGNITION – It is already communicating with you, but your mind’s chatter hides it. Busy minds and activities make intuition difficult to receive.

SOLITUDE AND CREATIVITY allow you the opportunity to reconnect with yourself, so strive to regularly build them into your schedule.

MINDFULNESS – Silent meditation is the most common, but you can be mindful during chores, exercise or any other activity. Focus your mind on each aspect or movement of the activity to quiet the chatter.

BREATHWORK – In your mind’s eye watch the movement of your chest and abdomen as it moves away from your spine on the inhale and then back inward on the exhale. This also helps to focus the mind and still your thoughts.

RECEPTION – You may ‘hear’ the message, see symbols or visual pictures, feel sensations or emotions in your body, or have a vague yet clear ‘knowing’. It may seem like a subtle whisper or a powerful download.

WRITE/DRAW – Relax your mind, close your eyes if you wish and write or type whatever comes to mind. You can similarly draw in a free association manner.

DREAMS – Dreams and intuition both come from the unconscious. If you remember your dreams, they can become a source of information. Begin each night with a request for information about a specific question. When you awaken, write in your journal everything that you can recall about that dream as well as your questions and recent life events. Review your journal regularly looking for symbols and patterns.

DISTINGUISH the difference between mind chatter and your inner voice. As you practice you will likely notice that your inner voice speaks clearly, concisely, gently and without judgment. These are not the typical descriptions of your inner chatter.

MAKING A DECISION? Imagine a path or a doorway for each of the choices that you face. As you approach each: feel for density, heaviness, thickness; observe the visual cues of light, dark, color, sparkles; look for excitement, dread, fear, approachability, resistance, expansion.

PRACTICE will allow you to trust your inner voice/instinct/intuition. Begin with small questions that don’t feel life altering, such as, which route should I travel to my destination today?

EMPATHY – Your empathic abilities are a gift. You don’t require the fullest amount of input to have the knowledge. Instead, modulate the amount of information that comes in to you. Use intention as well as the techniques described in Energy Cleansing.

TRUST your intuition and allow it to become a more significant part of your daily life!

Living life as a six-sensory is beneficial because all of your senses are more attuned to give you the fullest information. This allows you to see the many options that are available, to know when to proceed and when to withdraw, in relationships and professionally, and to ultimately recognize and live your life’s purpose.

When you are connected to your inner wisdom you can experience a deep, strong connection to your true Self. This provides a calm and confident power, fewer emotional triggers and less anxiety or depression. Living a six-sensory life is a profoundly empowering experience.

Judy Lipson is a Licensed Professional Counselor and educational strategist in West Bloomfield. She helps clients of all ages who have learning difficulties; work or school related anxiety; ADHD; Asperger’s Syndrome or Autism Spectrum Disorders; and those who wish to Remember and Become Who You Really Are. Contact Judy at 248.568.8665 and judylipson@spiralwisdom.net, and visit www. SpiralWisdom.net for more information.

Help your child to worry less and feel relaxed.

By Judith E. Lipson, M.A., LPC

Kids today have full schedules: school, athletics, family time, and extra-curricular and other activities. Busy kids respond to their hectic lives the same way that adults do: sleep is impacted, proper nutrition ignored, and kids feel generally overwhelmed. Hectic schedules also minimize quiet times that are imperative for development and well-being.

I recently heard a police officer on the radio describing how he takes care of business: he avoids emotion so that he can respond effectively to crises, save people and keep himself protected. Is this the effect that busy schedules have on your child? Your child may move from crisis to crisis (appointments, homework, studying, keeping family and friends happy) and without even realizing, shut down feelings. You may need to guide your child to find the opportunities to open his or her heart, feel emotions and attain inner peace.

If your child also struggles with low self-esteem or perfectionist tendencies, there is an additional subconscious tendency to avoid inner feelings and thoughts. Taking care of business and busyness seem preferable to avoid focusing on the underlying emotions and negative internal messages.

It is important that your child not be constantly focused on activities outside of the self. When your child takes the time to be inwardly aware, then s/he can maintain an open heart, allow emotions, and recognize and develop the authentic self. Teach your children the following skills: 

Change Thought Patterns

The situation and its accompanying feelings are challenging enough; minimize suffering by responding only to what is.

Einstein said we can’t solve a problem with the same set of information that got us there. Encourage your child to share thoughts so s/he can be advised where they might be inaccurate. FEAR is False Evidence Appearing Real.

Sharing thoughts aloud brings them into perspective and reveals inaccuracies, giving them less power over your child.

Release the worry thoughts for a more appropriate time. If it’s time to learn, take a quiz/test, study or sleep then worrying is a hindrance. With imagination, place the worry thoughts in a hot air balloon, an elevator, a drawer, etc. For this to work, retrieve these worry thoughts at a later time: after school, the next day, in counseling, or with a trusted adult; limit the worry time to a specific time frame, i.e.: 15 minutes.

Stay in the Present

Focus on activities, like chores, as they occur rather than multi-tasking. When walking, be mindful of the footsteps rather than the thoughts.

Focus on the movement of the chest and abdomen with each inhalation and exhalation. The breath is always there; while focusing on breathing, worries are kept at bay.

Relax

Drop the shoulders away from the ears during some exhalations.

Beginning at the feet or head, progress slowly through each body part. “I relax my toes and feet, I relax my ankles and calves….” If your child gets distracted and realizes the mind is wandering again, have them acknowledge without judgment and draw the awareness back to the breath; then begin the relaxation again (even if the progression was nearly complete). Remind your child that this is not a contest or a race; the process is important.

Open the Energy Channels

When emotions are avoided or ineffectively expressed they can create blockages in the body and lead to dis-ease.

Move the body: walk, pace, change position; allow music to direct the body’s movement.

Participate in yoga, tai chi, cranial sacral therapy, acupuncture, Reiki, EFT, etc.

Where possible, remove the triggers and challenges in your child’s life to reduce stress and worry. Teach your child that when the outer world cannot be adjusted, s/he can alter the inner response. The tools listed above can assist in that process. Begin teaching these tools to your child at a young age if possible; yet, it is never too late to learn.

Judy Lipson is a Licensed Professional Counselor and educational strategist in West Bloomfield. She helps clients of all ages who have learning difficulties; work or school related anxiety; ADHD; Asperger’s Syndrome or Autism Spectrum Disorders; and those who wish to Remember and Become Who You Really Are. Contact Judy at 248.568.8665 and judylipson@spiralwisdom.net, and visit www. SpiralWisdom.net for more information.