By Judith E. Lipson, M.A., LPC

Life sure does feel like a roller coaster lately. In my November Newsletter for Transformation, I wrote about the personal transformations that I had been seeing in myself and others in the previous month. I am continuing to see this trend.

If you missed my information about transformation in the November newsletter, you can read it here.

Another common topic last month was my clients’ reactions to the election results. When this came up, my role was to hold a space for their grief and remind them how to regulate their nervous systems. You can read tips on regulation in that same link above.

As I look at the patterns that I see in our society, it makes me wonder if our country is experiencing its own transformation….

I’m a woman of a certain age, and I remember the efforts in the 1960’s and 1970s to facilitate peace, civil rights, and rights for women. We’ve been seeking CHANGE for a long time!

When I think back to when Barack Obama became the president of the United States, his platform was about CHANGE and millions of Americans rallied around his chant: Yes We Can.

I truly believed that we were on the precipice of real growth a few years ago when the inadequacies of our systems were becoming more visible during the #BlackLivesMatter, #MeToo, and other important movements. (You can read more about this in my articles Hope, from January 2021, and Transformation: Let’s Not Miss This Opportunity in March 2022.)

Fast-forward to the end of 2024, and I’m trying to understand the election results. As I’ve listened to the media discuss the possible reasons why our country voted as it did, one pattern stood out to me, and that was the apparent desire for CHANGE. Some appear to be longing for a time when women, immigrants, and people of color had limited rights. (This is something that I truly cannot fathom or condone.) It is theorized that others focused on a single issue – i.e.: our educational system, medical and insurance practices, finances, the Middle East, or government in general. It was their rallying cry for that specific thing to CHANGE. Others took up Vice President Harris’ rallying cry during her campaign: We Won’t Go Back.

The one commonality is CHANGE. It seems that the U.S. is transforming, just as so many of us are experiencing personal transformations. I see in my own and others’ processes how uncomfortable it can sometimes be while we are in the middle of it. It’s not surprising then that something as large as the United States with all its systems, policies, and people would take a long time to achieve CHANGE, nor how messy it can look and feel on the way. (It reminds me of a woman’s experience of navigating perimenopause, while her children are going through adolescence – two big changes simultaneously. 🙃 YIKES! Maybe some of you can relate.)

WHAT’S UP WITH ALL THIS OTHER-ING?

Years ago, I learned that the opposite of love is not hate, but rather it is fear. Fear blocks connection and the potential for understanding, acceptance and love for another. Unfortunately, fear and anxiety also make it more difficult to physiologically access or process new information.

As I thought about this, striving to further understand how so many people in the United States and around the world are focused on hate and personal greed to the exclusion of others, I was reminded of Abraham Maslow’s Self-Actualization Hierarchy.

Maslow taught that it is difficult for an individual to ascend their personal pyramid toward social connection (which is ironically a major way that we calm our nervous systems), when they lack a sense of safety and security.

Sadly, many politicians, leaders and media pundits promote and encourage insecurities by surrounding us with 24-hour news that focuses on breaking news alerts and visual and auditory repetitions. These cause our nervous systems to stay in fight-and-flight mode and to repetitively look for cues of danger.

Many local and national candidates have taken advantage of this fear by describing groups of people as “not like us, but rather like others”.  We have seen throughout history that an effective way to establish power over others is to make people believe that they are endangered and that some other individual or group are the cause furthering fears and separation.

Think about the relevance of the following quote:

First They Came 

by Pastor Martin Niemoller

First they came for the Socialists, and I did not speak out – because I was not a Socialist.

Then they came for the trade unionists, and I did not speak out –because I was not a trade unionist.

Then they came for the Jews, and I did not speak out – because I was not a Jew.

Then they came for me – and there was no one left to speak for me.

SO, WHAT CAN WE DO ABOUT THIS?

First and foremost, sit with and allow your feelings even if they are messy and overwhelming. When you acknowledge the truth of how you feel in this moment and recognize your feelings they can process more quickly.

Be cautious of being sucked into the ever-present fear and anger that our media (and even well-meaning friends) would have us mired in.

Find your center and hold the light! Before engaging with others, or getting mired in negative thoughts, go within to connect with that part of yourself that resonates with peace, light and love.

Remember that you are not alone in your idealism and desires. Find your tribe and stay connected with them.

Keep your vibration up. That might mean not watching a lot of news, and limiting communications with some parts of your community (live, chat, or on social media) who are engrossed in their anger and fear.

IT’S OKAY TO NOT KNOW WHAT COMES NEXT

On the day after the election, I pledged to greet each person that I encountered professionally, socially, or transactionally (walking by an individual, at a store counter, etc.) with a subtle, extra-long eye contact and a connecting smile. I have continued this before and since as I strive to see the true spirit of the individual and connect with that.

Staying in this present moment helps to draw your focus away from the frustrations of the past and the worries/fears of the future. A client (who is also a clinician) told me that when she is interacting with another, she notices that she intentionally holds that space of NOW, forgetting everything else, and finds within it “beauty, love and strength”. We discussed how intention is the key, and how we can deliberately find that space, even in that interminable space in between the times when we already know how to be fully present.

Reach out to others, including those that are different from you. You don’t have to try to “bring them to your side of thinking”. That’s not the point. Identify your similarities – it may be in the work that you do, the family members that you share, the similarities of life situations in your families, your hobbies and interests, or the places that you have traveled. Be creative and seek your commonality to recognize how alike you really are, even as you are different. Twenty years ago, I helped to facilitate a program for healing, a year after the tragedy that was 9/11. We encouraged participants of different faiths, colors, cultures, affluence, and ethnicities to talk to each other and look past their perceived differences as they engaged in various community service projects in and around the city of Detroit. It worked! It was transformative for the 1000 participants … for us all. For more on this, closer to home, read NPR’s article, Have a politically divided family? These tips help you talk across the dinner table.

A year ago, after the October 7^th attack on Israel by Hamas, and the subsequent counterattacks in Gaza, I joined with a Jewish psychiatrist, a Muslim psychiatrist, and a Muslim psychologist to discuss how we can best work with all clients who might have different beliefs, histories or alliances. As busy women, we don’t have the time to meet monthly as we had hoped, but we still meet regularly. I wrote an article about it a year ago, shortly after we began, called Bridging for Peace.

My own transformative experiences have been welcomed and appreciated, and I am additionally privileged to be a part of America’s transformation as well. Still, I had hoped that America’s transformation would be from a foundation of unity, respect, and compassion for others. Instead, the focus seems to be on what can be provided to a single individual, or to a group of people who hold antiquated beliefs even as they’re screaming for CHANGE.

I believe that we all know how important these times are. We care about democracy, our country, our families, and the future of our children and grandchildren. Our difference is in how that vision will look. I would love the end-goal, and the process, to be based in unity, compassion and caring for others.

I hope that you will focus on calming your fearful nervous system while maintaining connection, care, and compassion for others. THIS is where I will hold my light. I hope that you will join me.

Namasté,

Judy

Judy Lipson is a Licensed Professional Counselor and educational strategist in West Bloomfield, MI. She helps clients of all ages who have learning difficulties, work or school related anxiety, ADHD, Asperger’s Syndrome or Autism Spectrum Disorders, and those who wish to Remember and Become ‘Who You Really Are’. Contact Judy at 248.568.8665 and judylipson@spiralwisdom.net, and visit www.JudyLipson.com for more information.

This article is for informational purposes and is not meant to replace medical care.

By Judith E. Lipson, M.A., LPC

One of the things that really concerns me right now is how fraught with fear we are becoming. Fear has always been a prominent emotion. After all, our nervous system is wired to look for cues of danger.

For most of us, our ability to rise above this tendency, as well as our resiliency, are reduced. I write this so that we can each be reminded of the importance to keep our nervous systems as calm as possible, even during these incredibly challenging times. Regardless of our faith or ethnicity we have had difficult histories – some more challenging, some during certain times. Even though we did not live through those histories personally, we are affected. This is referred to as ancestral, or generational, trauma. We carry these traumas and wounds within us in addition to the intuitive need to look for danger. No wonder we have such a tendency to be anxious, worried and even fearful.

The current world events are frightening. Yet, we cannot respond most effectively if we do not stay grounded and calm. (Looking for proof of this concept? As examples, reflect on surgeons in the operating room who encounter a medical crisis, or the pilot Sully Sullenberger who landed his plane safely on the Hudson River. If they had responded in panic, the outcome would not likely have been successful.)

I’m not going to pretend that it’s easy to calm our panicked nervous systems, but I do encourage you to continue to learn ways to do so. Each time you practice a technique, you are reinforcing your parasympathetic system’s ability to calm yourself down, and each time that offers the potential for it to be a little easier the next time.

Why should you do this practice? Well, it’s really hard on the body to be in fight and flight for long periods of time. Also, it feels really awful!!!

And here is another important reason: The opposite of love is not hate, the opposite of love is fear. When we are in fear, it is very difficult to feel safe enough to open our hearts to adequately connect with others, and this includes our closest loved ones; and that is not a good thing.

An important aspect of what makes our nervous system feel safe is the act of feeling connected to others. We are actually wired for connection in order to feel safe. It’s knowing that we can reach out and the other will be there for us. If we are in fear we are less able to reach out and to achieve that. This makes us more fearful, and also makes us less available to connect with others with whom we may not have familiarity.

As a result, we see the world as me versus you and us versus them. This experience of separateness and polarization breeds contempt, resentment, hostility, and more fear. And the cycle goes on and on.

Gandhi said, “You must be the change you wish to see in the world.” You may only feel like one person, and wonder how you can really make a difference, but it is important to remember that you are not really the singleton that you think you are. There are many of us who believe in peace and love [with just a side-note that way before Marianne Williamson even thought there might be a time that she would run for president, as a spiritual teacher she taught that “sometimes the loving response is no”.] Realize that you are not alone in this quest. There are many of us who long for peace and unity, but that message does not (currently) sell advertisements on the news, so it is not broadcast or printed.

Be the peace you wish to see in the world. Start your practices (or delve back in) so that you can calm your nervous system and respond from your more grounded, peaceful place. Your mind and body (and your heart and spirit) will thank you for it. I know that I do (thank you).

Please remember to take care of yourself even while you are taking care of others, personally or professionally. Remember that you must “put on your own oxygen mask before assisting others”.

I thought it might be helpful to remind us all of strategies to help calm our nervous systems as we continue to experience these difficult times, whether that is personally or vicariously.

• Keeping busy is an effective tool for mental distraction (in the short-term), but provide enough quiet time so as to not stress your physical body.
• While it is important to be informed, and even to bear witness to the stories, you only need a small amount of information to achieve that goal. Please turn it off or stop reading when it’s time. (Even before it’s time.)
• Focus on movement, hydration, and healthy nutrition to take care of your physical body.
• Re-visit your creative endeavors.
• Get out in nature.

May we all know peace! Namasté

Judy Lipson is a Licensed Professional Counselor and educational strategist in West Bloomfield, MI. She helps clients of all ages who have learning difficulties, work or school related anxiety, ADHD, Asperger’s Syndrome or Autism Spectrum Disorders, and those who wish to Remember and Become ‘Who You Really Are’. Contact Judy at 248.568.8665 and judylipson@spiralwisdom.net, and visit www.JudyLipson.com for more information.

This article is for informational purposes and is not meant to replace medical care.