Whether you are in a romantic relationship or are examining your friendships,

By Judith E. Lipson, M.A., LPC

SELF-WORTH

When you find yourself complaining about the people in your life, it may be time to take a look at the self that you bring to relationships. When you improve your self-worth, you are better able to bring your best self to any relationship!

Be strong!

• Don’t betray yourself and don’t negotiate your integrity.  Compromise is fine when it is done willingly, but don’t agree to something to be “the nice person”.
• Advertise your strength: Whether seated or standing hold yourself tall, use a confident voice, breathe from your power center (your solar plexus located above the navel), feel as if your feet are firmly connected to Earth, draw your shoulders down away from your ears.
• Know who you are so that you can attract those you want (friends, partners, business associates).
• Don’t settle. Don’t tolerate another’s disrespect.
• Respect yourself and make this clear to others by how you dress, move and speak.
• Your Inner Child might be cautious or angry because of past events. Take care of yourself and your Inner Child will respond. Treat him/her compassionately and assure the Inner Child that s/he is safe now.

When your inner-self (who you are and how you really feel) is in alliance with your outer-self (the person that presents to others), others will respond to your authenticity and you will draw more people of quality into your life. Actively increase your friend base by bringing people into your life that make you happy and support you, just as you support them.

REDEFINING RELATIONSHIPS

Want to change the dynamics of a friendship that you now realize is not good for you, but you still need (or want) to be in relationship with them? The tendency is to look at how the other has harmed you, disrespected you, or used you. And while all that may be true, I encourage you to see how you can affect this relationship. Boundaries are more about you and your expectation than about the other individual. When YOU have the expectation, YOU know that you are defining this relationship differently. This will bring you that authentic ‘power’, which has always been yours.

To actively begin to create this change, consider the following. In each occurrence with this friend you may choose:

• Will I go? (Or let them come over?)
• Will I participate in this particular topic of discussion?
• Will I engage the same way that I used to?
• Will I spend as much time as I used to?

Be ready to firmly and politely hold your ground (inwardly, as well as to the other) to uphold the response you want.  Remember it is important that it be firm, respectful and calm so that the other can hear your message.

ENDING A RELATIONSHIP

Have you decided that it is time to fully release a relationship? I know it’s hard. You were so happy and you felt so good when you were together.  You want it all back: the person, the happiness, the serenity, everything. It seems to all be rolled into one beautiful uncomplicated package: HIM (or her). Of course, you have already forgotten about the complications of your relationship: the disappointments, the arguments, the tension and the drama. What you do want back is your contentment and the buzz of love.

If a relationship has ended and you find yourself pining for the other, recognize that much of what you miss is the exuberance, love and creativity that you felt while you were together. The great news is that this state of happiness, that you feel was lost, is still there. It has been yours all along. Your partner had provided you the gift of being a mirror of who you really are. It’s not the partner who is necessary for you to continue to experience yourself; it’s you.

The ease in letting go comes when you realize that your relationship provided a mirror to know yourself. The warm feelings that you had for your partner were real, but they were also you experiencing your own nature, and the love you have for yourself.  It could be this that is missed. It was really you all along. Remember that you don’t need another to make you whole. You never did. A relationship isn’t two people coming together to form one. It is two people who come together to share life. It is within this model that you support each other through life’s experiences and find added opportunities to appreciate yourself. This mirror is the gift that your loved one provided to you.

Now it’s time to reclaim you! Find an expression of your soul’s creativity in activities that used to bring you joy. This might be art, dance, music, volunteering, or time in nature. Any activity that helps you remember your True Self will help you to let go. Welcome back to your life!

Judy Lipson is a Licensed Professional Counselor and educational strategist in West Bloomfield, MI. She helps clients of all ages who have learning difficulties, work or school related anxiety, ADHD, Asperger’s Syndrome or Autism Spectrum Disorders, and those who wish to Remember and Become ‘Who You Really Are’. Contact Judy at 248.568.8665 and judylipson@spiralwisdom.net, and visit www.SpiralWisdom.net for more information.

This article is for informational purposes and is not meant to replace medical care.

By Judith E. Lipson, M.A., LPC

“They’re meant to be mirrors for us, always reflecting back what we need to see. The question is: Do you want to look in this mirror, and be open to what you need to learn, or simply pretend it’s not there and pass it by?” John Holland

I have always found human interactions fascinating, and in my work with clients I can observe and address the many layers of relationships that are occurring. Here’s a sample.

Mirror One: Imago wounds

Some intimate relationships are based on the premise that Dr. Harville Hendrix teaches in his book Getting the Love You Want, A Guide for Couples. Dr. Hendrix, and his Imago Relationship Therapy process, teaches that individuals often select partners who resemble (closely or distantly) the key people, usually from childhood, who created emotional wounds. The premise says that your inner child may have selected someone who subconsciously reminds them of this individual, but this time the inner child is hoping it will not experience similar wounds, seemingly healing the original wounded relationship. Dr. Hendrix further teaches that these relationships (when there is no danger of abuse) can be places to heal, but only when both partners are conscious of the relationship and how they trigger each other. This foundation is paramount to following his additional strategies, and achieving understanding and healing.

Mirror Two: Looking outward to see inward

Ending relationships, whether friendships or romantic partners, can be challenging. I’ve observed some individuals believe their peace, confidence, good experiences, and inner feelings are due to the ‘other’. I’ve watched them hold on tightly to this person, believing that they can only be happy while remaining in partnership. The ending of any relationship will be accompanied by grief of what was, as well as what is wished would be, but what I described above is different as it involves a ‘holding on’ that is not based on grief, but on perceived self-emptiness. The individual has misunderstood the value of the relationship and has missed their own role in how they feel (what they think is gone). What I try to point out is that the partner provided a mirror so that they could see their own strengths, their own beauty, and their own love. Thus, the partner leaving does not take away these characteristics. They were in there all along!

Mirror Three: Finding your shadows

Shadow-work is very enlightening and healing, but it can seem very scary for those who are inexperienced and unsupported. Shadow-work is the ability to look within and fearlessly see the aspects of the self that ‘hide in the shadows’. (Okay, so there still may be fear, but as Eckhart Tolle teaches – running from the shadow creates far more fear than actually looking at it!) For more on working with your shadow you can work with a trusted professional, or read books like: The Dark Side of the Lightchasersby Debbie Ford, or Eckhart Tolle’s The New Earth.

Relationships can help identify some of these shadow aspects. There’s a saying: Pointing your finger at others means that you have 3 of your own fingers pointed back at yourself. In other words, that which you might be judging in others might be best looked at as an area of consideration as a shadow for yourself. This of course isn’t always true, but it seems that the more pinged one is by a judgment of another, the more likely that it is actually pointing back as a shadow of self.

Mirror Four: Opposites often attract

There are times that I am working with a couple or a family and see that two individuals behave as polar opposites. For instance, one parent is the disciplinarian and the other is more permissive. The paradox is that the more permissive the one parent is, the more punitive the other becomes, which then makes the permissive parent become even more lenient in order to achieve a perceived balance, and vice versa. The reality is that at a subconscious level, each chose their partner to help to balance themself. But what I explain to the partners is that the merging of the two opposite styles does not bring about balance. This concept will work with colors: red + white = pink. But permissive + punitive ≠ balanced, healthy parenting. To bring about the proposed balance, both parents must begin to move toward center by actually changing behaviors.

A similar pattern is often observed when one partner is frustrated by the other’s messiness (for instance). Yet what the neat person sought in choosing the partner was his or her own ability to be less obsessively clean, or to have greater spontaneity. And the “messy” partner likely sought structure for him or herself.

Mirror Five: Emulating the characteristics that you admire in others

It’s good to realize that mirroring isn’t just to see the challenges in relationships or yourself. Who in your life do you admire? These individuals can be real people, or characters in a TV show or movie. This might prove to be a clue for identifying an aspect that you wish to adopt for yourself. Study their behaviors, their communication style and even their clothing. What feels right for you? What are you willing to try? Try it on – whether clothing style or personality style, and tweak it from there.

Mirrors for healing

If you are on an intrepid journey for integrity and authenticity, or just want to know yourself better, these aspects of mirror work can be helpful. How else might you use the mirror concept to further influence your own journey of self-exploration or introspection?

Judy Lipson is a Licensed Professional Counselor and educational strategist in West Bloomfield, MI. She helps clients of all ages who have learning difficulties, work or school related anxiety, ADHD, Asperger’s Syndrome or Autism Spectrum Disorders, and those who wish to Remember and Become ‘Who You Really Are’. Contact Judy at 248.568.8665 and judylipson@spiralwisdom.net, and visit www.SpiralWisdom.net for more information.

This article is for informational purposes and is not meant to replace medical care.

Anyone that loves you deeply and who you open your heart to, will shine a light so strong into the very essence of who you are, that everything that is not in alignment with this light will come up to the surface to be healed. – Cissi Williams

By Judith E. Lipson, M.A., LPC

All people with whom you come in contact are mirrors for your own ‘stuff’, but the people with whom you form partner relationships provide an exquisite opportunity to know yourself better, and to address your Shadows.

A quick glossary of terms:

PARTNER RELATIONSHIPS – For this article it refers to your romantic partner whether you are married or single, and regardless of their gender.

MIRROR – The opportunity to see your own issues because your partner either reflects them back to you (verbally or indirectly), or because you project these issues on your partner so that YOU can see the issues, although it’s common to assume that your partner is the problem.

THE SHADOW – Those parts of yourself that you would prefer to keep hidden because you have either been taught that they should not be allowed to be visible (and these may even be valuable traits like speaking up for yourself) or because they embarrass you and you wish they didn’t exist.

TRIGGERS – Things that occur around you which set off strong emotions or create judgmental thoughts about yourself or others.

YOUR ‘STUFF’ – This refers to your shadows and triggers (see above) that can increase your emotionality, affect your perceptions of situations and people, and generally interfere with and complicate your relationships.

SOUL MATE – The impression that you are with a person that you are supposed to be with. There’s a deep sense of knowing this person and often a deep attraction as well. It’s interesting to note that not all soul mates are destined to be your romantic partner, but all soul mates provide an opportunity to be your mirror. So one question to ask yourself is whether this person who feels like your soul mate should also be your romantic partner.

INNER CHILD – The little boy or girl that resides within you who recalls the fears and challenges that you experienced in childhood. When familiar events or emotions re-trigger the inner child, s/he alerts you to the danger, but does so from the perspective of the child-victim instead of from the empowered adult that you are now.

INTER-GENERATIONAL PATTERNS – Students of metaphysics believe that individuals carry patterns established by our ancestors whether or not it is carried in our DNA. As you do your own work, you heal inter-generationally as well. Native Americans believe that this extends seven generations forward and seven generations back. (But why limit to seven?)

It’s no surprise that couples experience so many challenges in committed relationships. According to Harville Hendrix and his Imago theory, there’s a tendency to choose partners who unconsciously remind you of key people in your life. They are usually from your childhood, and usually represent your primary caregivers. Imago theory explains that by replicating these earlier people into your current relationships, you are trying to heal that former unsatisfactory association by selecting someone who is familiar, but with the hope and expectation that this time it will be different! Unfortunately, since this is typically all occurring at a subconscious level, you don’t realize the meaningfulness of who you have chosen, why you have chosen this person, and therefore you often miss the opportunity to actually heal your inner child wound. In his book, Getting the Love You Want, Dr. Hendrix recommends bringing all of this to the conscious awareness of you both so that it can be discussed openly as triggers occur to provide the opportunity for you both to achieve healing.

There is a difference between “being triggered” by your partner who acts as your mirror, and manipulation or abuse by your partner. If there is any question, please seek learned counsel to determine the difference and respond appropriately. Just because you are drawn to the person, and feel that they are your soul mate, doesn’t mean that you are to be romantic partners. Maybe the lesson in the attraction is to help you to recognize the need to walk away.

IS IT POSSIBLE TO TAKE YOUR RELATIONSHIP TO ANOTHER LEVEL? What if you are already practicing introspection and relationship healing and can recognize your partner’s gift of providing you the mirror to address your own Shadows, yet still find yourself playing the blame-game? And what if you would actually like to try experiencing the peace-filled love that you know is available to you with your soul mate?

First, make the commitment to continue your personal growth for yourself. You can’t cheat on this process of healing your Inner Child, and of releasing years, generations, or lifetimes of ineffective patterns. If you still have Shadows to be revealed, they will do so! So make the commitment to continue this work to reclaim your Self. Making this commitment will minimize your resistance, and ease the process, but that doesn’t guarantee that you will find it easy or comfortable.

Next, discuss these concepts with your partner to bring the subconscious or unconscious, to consciousness. The Imago process can provide a structure for this, as can other forms of therapy that help you practice open and honest communication. Acknowledge and accept that the trigger that your romantic partner provides is your mirror. Acceptance is not equal to allowing. Respond respectfully and confidently with appropriate boundaries as needed. End the blame-game with awareness of the process and your own role in it.

Just as self-improvement can move you from seeing your self (with a small s) to an awareness of Self (with the capital S), you can now interact with your partner as a Partner and take on the responsibility of Shadow work for yourself without requiring your partner to take on that role and receive your resentment. Now you can interact in a more aware, intentional and loving way, with deeper appreciation for each other, even during the occasional trigger!

Judy Lipson is a Licensed Professional Counselor and educational strategist in West Bloomfield, MI. She helps clients of all ages who have learning difficulties, work or school related anxiety, ADHD, Asperger’s Syndrome or Autism Spectrum Disorders, and those who wish to Remember and Become ‘Who You Really Are’. Contact Judy at 248.568.8665 and judylipson@spiralwisdom.net, and visit www.SpiralWisdom.net for more information.

This article is for informational purposes and is not meant to replace medical care.

Antecedents are the key to understanding and releasing

By Judith E. Lipson, M.A., LPC

Years ago, I acquired a mini-poster showing how anger is actually due to a myriad of other emotions. It was one of those moments that helped to bring so many things into perspective. Anger is more of a reactive symptom, so when I see anger in my clients I look for the antecedent/cause.

I often show the poster to my clients so that they can understand their own anger, or the anger of a significant other. As many have explored their own anger, two additional causative factors have been added: feeling misunderstood and betrayal. Here is the complete list (in no particular order). Are there any influences that you would like to add?

Anxiety
Shame
Sadness
Fear
Hurt
Guilt
Worry
Frustration
Disappointment
Embarrassment
Jealousy
Misunderstood
Betrayal

Think about the times that you have felt or acted angry, and look at the list to identify your underlying emotion(s) to better recognize the real issue(s). Next, I encourage you to additionally go one step further. Think back and identify when in your history, most frequently during your childhood, you experienced that earlier emotion. Emotional extremes, like anger, are usually triggered by an earlier experience, for which the current event is a reminder. Now you have the potential to address it at its root in order to release the anger.

Fear is another emotional extreme. This is because there are rarely any situations of true endangerment. Yet our physiologic system doesn’t differentiate, and assumes that we are in true danger. When we understand the process, we can actually minimize our physical symptoms and our related thoughts and feelings. I have written about this in numerous articles including Transforming Fear. To summarize the techniques:

• Remember that the fight/flight response lasts only ninety seconds
• Use mindfulness, breath, and relaxation to calm your thoughts and body’s reactions
• Change from worrying to doing
• Reduce your sensory and emotional input with energy modulation and other techniques
• Use good boundaries
• Stay out of story (fear is False Evidence Appearing Real)

I believe that fear, like anger, can be looked at as a secondary issue. In fact, fear and anger appear to often be distractors and thus agents of resistance. Let me pause for a moment to acknowledge that sensory overload and other biological factors can be the source of anxiety, or elevated emotional states that trigger anger. But I have seen that worry and anger flood the system so that you are effectively distracted from the real issues. Thus patterns, themes, and root causes are often buried under layers of behaviors and words. Consequently, fear and anger can be perceived as communicators – pointing you, or a therapist, to the underlying truths.

Humans by nature are inclined to move away from those things that are uncomfortable. Regarding fear, author Eckhart Tolle reminds us to stop running from the fear and to turn to look at it instead. I’ve actually done this, and it’s true that the thing that was kept in hiding is not as big and scary as formerly believed. In fact, it’s always smaller and less frightening than the unknown that I was running from. Tolle is right!

What is the truth that you may be running from?

• Often it is a misunderstanding or inaccuracy that developed from the experiences of your Inner Child. Transform yourself into the caring adult and assure your inner child that you have a deeper, broader understanding of the events, as well as the skills to keep your inner child/you safe.
• If you experienced a traumatic event, I urge you to partner with a qualified trauma expert to help you release without reliving the trauma. These include professionals trained in Havening Therapy, EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing), EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique), or Somatic (Body-Oriented) Therapy.
• Are you running from your own worth? Author Marianne Williamson says, “Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us…. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

Might you be ready to uncover the layers between you and Who You Really Are?

Judy Lipson is a Licensed Professional Counselor and educational strategist in West Bloomfield, MI. She helps clients of all ages who have learning difficulties; work or school related anxiety; ADHD; Asperger’s Syndrome or Autism Spectrum Disorders; and those who wish to Remember and Become ‘Who You Really Are’. Contact Judy at 248.568.8665 and judylipson@spiralwisdom.net, and visit www. SpiralWisdom.net for more information. 

This article is for informational purposes and is not meant to replace medical care.

Can you please tell us about your field of expertise, and explain your personal mission?

My field of expertise is working with individuals (students of all ages, as well as adults) who have characteristics or diagnoses of ADHD, anxiety, Autism Spectrum, Aspergers Syndrome, learning style differences and other IEP or 504 conditions. My intention when providing psychotherapy or academic support is to facilitate each client’s journey toward their most complete expression of their truest self.

What is your background and what led you to this business?
I am a Licensed Professional Counselor. My primary career for over 30 years, was working in public education (special education and counseling). I had begun my private practice, Spiral Wisdom LLC, in 2002. When I was recently offered an opportunity to expand the time dedicated to my business, I welcomed the opportunity to increase the number of students and schools that I could assist – offering academic strategies, recommending accommodations / modifications for teachers and parents, and providing counseling to improve student’s self-esteem and motivation. Devoting more time to my business has also allowed me to expand the holistic and metaphysical aspects of my therapy practice. When appropriate, I utilize Guided Imagery. This is a meditative state that allows people to access their Inner Wisdom, heal their Inner Child, and access past (life) experiences. Since clients are able to share their experiences verbally during the Guided Imagery, I can effectively guide their journey into self-understanding.

How does holistic health apply to your business and your lifestyle?
I look at my clients as whole beings – recognizing the many facets that have created who they are (society, family, peers, self, soul purpose). I also strive to recognize and identify any difficulties that may be apparent with other systems (i.e.: educational, of which I have considerable knowledge). I also apply mind/body/spirit principles during counseling. In my own life, I strive to be environmentally responsible and take a holistic approach to my health. I am aware of the mind – body connection for myself and use spiritual principles to direct my activities and personal inner voyage.

What makes your business unique and sets you apart from your competition?
Trust: My clients (adults and children) feel at ease in my presence and trust me with the uncomfortable aspects of themselves.
Intuition: I hear the client’s words, but I also hear the messages between the words and in their body language.
Gestalt: When evaluating an educational or therapeutic situation, I look at the gestalt (how the parts contribute to the whole; recognizing that the whole is greater than the sum of its parts).
Knowledge: I have worked as a special education teacher, teacher consultant and crisis counselor in the schools. I have worked with children of all ages from elementary thru senior high, and assisted with their transitions to college. I have been the 504 building coordinator and the building Accommodations Coordinator for ACT testing. I am a Licensed Professional Counselor.
Experience: 30 years in various schools has provided me with the knowledge of what is really important to help a student to succeed, what they likely encounter in classes and curriculum, and what types of accommodations the staff will find reasonable and realistic.
Communication: I have a gift for explaining a situation or an individual – to that client, their family, and to the school people – in a way that is understood.

Does this (your services) work for everyone?
I am most effective with verbal clients. When working with non-verbal clients (for instance a child with autism) I support the client indirectly by providing the family and educational system with information to help them to understand the child and with effective, reasonable interventions to be considered.

Has the recession impacted your business, and if so, how have you adapted?
I am a fee-for-service provider and have always been aware of financial challenges that face families. I am able to reduce my fee when necessary. Also, I can offer a reasonably priced, one-time consultation with a student and provide academic strategies and numerous recommendations.

Is there anything you wish people knew about your business that they probably don’t know?
I provide Guided Imagery for people prior to medical procedures, I facilitate a parent support group, teach a meditation class, have a professionally recorded Meditation CD, and speak on many topics including There Are No Lazy Students, anxiety, bullying, the inherent gifts of autism, and de-stressing methods.

What is one of your favorite stories about a client who benefited from your service?
An adolescent student with significant ADHD was brought to me for strategies and recommendations. On-going support was requested to increase motivation. During these sessions the student began to talk openly. As the underlying issues were revealed, he learned to express his feelings. As his anger decreased, his ADHD symptoms reduced. Subsequently his school performance and relationships (with family and peers) improved.

What resources would you recommend for those who would like more information about your field?
I love the following books:
Dr. Hallowell and Dr. Ratey’s Delivered from Distraction (ADHD adults and children)
Doreen Virtue’s The Care and Feeding of Indigo Children
Dr. Brian Weiss’s books including Many Lives, Many Masters

While chances are good that you or someone you know has ‘anger issues’, there is much more to anger than you probably realize.

By Judith E. Lipson, M.A., LPC

In our society, most people are not in touch with the majority of their emotions. You are likely familiar with joy and happy, and sometimes even bliss. You can recognize sadness, and will likely assume that you or someone else is experiencing grief after a significant loss. You probably know about numerous other emotions, but primarily as a definition. Most people do not know what they are really feeling, especially when it comes to what our society refers to as the negative emotions.

Anger is certainly recognized by society as a negative, yet it also seems to be the most accepted, or expected, of emotions. This is especially true of men who are discouraged from expressing sadness, worry, and many other feelings. Historically, it has been frowned upon for women to express anger, yet increasingly women do so as well.

An interesting fact is, though incredibly prevalent, anger is not a primary emotion. Actually, it is the expression of other emotions. It is only when you identify that underlying experience and its corresponding response, that you can stop your explosions.

The next time you begin to feel the buildup of anger, I urge you to look deeper to find the origin. Here are a number of emotional possibilities that can guide you to the root of your anger:

• SADNESS can lead to anger if you don’t allow yourself to acknowledge and express the sorrow.
• FEAR (False Evidence Appearing Real), WORRY, and ANXIETY are very uncomfortable and create inner tension. Some people are more prone to release this tension with tears, some with movement, and others by striving to control their world. When this control is not successful (it rarely is), angry outbursts are often the result. Therefore, fear is one of the first emotions that I look for when I see anger.
• FRUSTRATION occurs when you think you are trapped and disempowered.
• DISAPPOINTMENT with self, others or scenarios (real or imagined).
• EMBARRASSMENT leading to anger can be a cover story for shame, anxiety, or perfectionism.
• JEALOUSY can really be a questioning of your own sense of value.
• HURT feelings are often your “inner child” (see below) being triggered, leaving you feeling vulnerable.
• Being MISUNDERSTOOD can be an indicator of not being seen as Who You Really Are.
• GUILT’s purpose is to learn from an experience. One’s perfectionism (and subsequent shame) can lead to anger.
• SHAME is one of the most complex. Author/psychologist Dr. Brené Brown explains: “Guilt says: I made a mistake. Shame says: I AM a mistake.”
• SENSORY OVERLOAD is when you are overwhelmed by the five senses or by an onslaught of emotions, triggering excessive inner tension that explodes as anger.

Learn to defuse and neutralize your anger with these steps and ideas:

• To familiarize yourself with the precursors, go through each of the emotions above and identify an example that occurred at some time in your life.
• Plan to identify your anger-precursor any time that you explode, or even better, when you feel anger mounting.
• Learn ways to release your inner tension. These are similar to the strategies for decreasing stress and anxiety:
  • MEDITATION or MINDFULNESS
  • BREATH-WORK
  • RELAXATION
  • REFRAMING YOUR INTERNAL DIALOGUE by recognizing truth instead of assumptions
• Learn to express yourself to others assertively, not aggressively.
• Be willing to acknowledge your true self so that you know what you really need rather than “being the good boy/girl” and “not making waves”.
• Recognize that many of the emotions listed above are carry-overs from your childhood. This is called your “inner child” and s/he thinks s/he is warning you about events in the now, but s/he only has the perspective of the powerlessness of childhood. S/he needs to be assured that you, the adult, have the ability to handle this situation from an adult perspective. And you do!
• Write a letter that is NOT sent, expressing how you feel. If you prefer a more verbal method, do this orally (without the person present).
• Release the inner tension and your deepest feelings with singing, art, or movement such as exercise or dance.
• Share your frustrations and hurts as they occur while they are still small, bearable and manageable, so that you don’t need to experience the erupting volcano.

Please seek the assistance of a professional if you are unable to identify your precursor emotions, you can not defuse your angry response, your anger leads to the damage of property, you find yourself wanting to hurt yourself or others, or you find previous traumas being triggered. Emotions are neither good nor bad, so enjoy learning and identifying!

This article is for informational purposes and is not meant to replace medical care.

Judy Lipson is a Licensed Professional Counselor and educational strategist in West Bloomfield, MI. She helps clients of all ages who have learning difficulties; work or school related anxiety; ADHD; Asperger’s Syndrome or Autism Spectrum Disorders; and those who wish to ‘Remember and Become Who You Really Are’. Contact Judy at 248.568.8665 and judylipson@spiralwisdom.net, and visit www. SpiralWisdom.net for more information.

Published in Eydis Magazine October 2015

Remembering and Becoming Who You Really Are

By Judith E. Lipson, M.A., LPC

Lightbody, Lightworker, Ascension: My goal is to explain these trending concepts for individuals who have never heard these terms, as well as to provide more extensive information for those who already have familiarity.

Remembering….

LIGHTBODY describes the awakening to Awareness that so many are experiencing at this time. It is the process of bringing more Light, in the form of Divine Intelligence, into your physical form, thoughts, energy field and your life experiences. Light is Goodness, Divine Knowledge, and Harmony. This Light floods our whole being and begins the effects or sensations that may be experienced as a result of the physical body trying to Shift into Lightbody. You will read more about this later.

It is no coincidence that many are following a more spiritual path with a focus on community, love, peace, harmony and compassion. You may find your source of Spirituality from Divine Intelligence or within, in prayer, meditation or in nature. Nothing is outside of nature. Nature is the Divine; Divine is Nature; it’s all part of the natural workings of the universe.

I offer harmony as a potentially new concept for your consideration. Many strive for peace. Yet peace often refers to the absence of conflict and is a term used in a world where we perceive Separation. Even the synonyms of peace include: reconciliation and ceasefire. In contrast, here are the similes for harmony: accord, synchronization, congruence and coherence. Harmony means even when you are not in agreement with others you are willing to work together to make it so. Peace often includes tolerance. Harmony is acceptance.

Did you resonate with the synonyms of harmony? You are likely on the path toward Lightbody. Here are other signs of Lightbody: Your students, children, grandchildren and you may be having more intuitive experiences. You may be questioning commonly held personal or societal beliefs. You may feel a quickening within. You may notice that you see things from a higher perspective. You may have a sense that our humanity is destined for something much different than what you are inundated with on the news – war, hatred, conflict, FEAR. You sense that there is something wonderfully significant coming for yourself or for humanity. And you may even wonder if what you are personally or professionally doing is sufficient. All of these are signs of increased Spirituality that opens you further to the Wisdom of the Light.

Have you noticed that many of society’s previous beliefs are now being questioned? Societal relationships used to be understood through separateness and fear, but more and more of us are now realizing that we are all One. In fact, each of us is helping to create a new paradigm. Some will emanate the Light (harmony, compassion, Oneness) while others will illuminate the Shadow (fear, separateness, conflict). Both Light and Shadow are required in this journey that we are on as we – our bodies, Spirit, Soul, Earth, and even our Galaxy and Universe – evolve.

Light/Shadow is one of many contrasts that you know. Additional contrasts include day/night, Divine Masculine/Divine Feminine, yin/yang, individual/community, and separateness/unity. These contrasts, and the paradox that recognizes the importance of both sides, are part of your life experience. The paradox of Separateness and Unity is an evolution that began when the Soul explored Unity through Oneness. Then at some point, to more fully understand Oneness, our Souls recognized the paradoxical need for contrast and chose the experience of exploring Unity through Separation. The time is now to come full circle and to again make our connection to Source. This Unification does not replace the knowledge and information that we have attained during our period of separation. On the contrary, the knowledge that we have accumulated has brought us the ability to prove the esoteric Truth that so many of us Know and that will bring us fully to the evolved state of Oneness. It isn’t “either/or”, nor is it separation vs. oneness. Rather it is “both/and”, as well as unity and individuality. We can feel Oneness while fully appreciating individuality. These are significant paradigm shifts!

LIGHTWORKERS are helping individuals and society make these shifts, using the principles of Light to heal themselves, others, the planet and other dimensions.

One of the hallmarks of Lightbody work is bringing Balance to the seemingly paradoxical contrasts in society, and within you. Many previous generations have lived with the focus on the Divine Masculine essence: a belief that one thought and action is correct and that all others are wrong; doing and fixing; perceiving the world in a rather black and white manner; dominance over others in personal relationships and even governments. As so often happens when change occurs, there’s a tendency to move to the opposite side of the spectrum. We are now moving in the direction of the Divine Feminine: to live and work cooperatively; being rather than doing; allowing various shades of gray to peacefully coexist. The Divine Feminine nurtures, heals, comforts, motivates and manifests. The Divine Masculine allows us to do, take action and move things forward. Both are needed for optimal living and co-creating. Balance of the Masculine and Feminine is necessary for systems, relationships, and within you as an individual.

Shifting from Separation to Oneness and establishing the balance of the Feminine and Masculine may not be as easy as one thinks; and these are only two of the paradigm shifts that we are undergoing. The challenge in Lightbody work is shifting your many facets – thoughts, emotions, intentions, energy and your physicality – and moving from the old paradigm to the new.

Becoming…..

ASCENSION is this evolution toward full Lightbody. It involves the shifting of many different paradigms and takes time. The speed and duration vary for different individuals. Willingness and proper support appear to ease and sometimes speed the process.

The process will include shifts in thought, emotion, energy and physicality. Yet this is not linear.

ENERGY is the easiest to shift since energy follows the Light and your own inner Truth. It may seem as if the Awakening began when an idea was read or heard and you noticed a deep resonance of Truth within. But Truth is not recognized by your mind. The recognition comes from the hologram of Knowledge, carried within your energy/Soul, of the time when you were Unified with Source. Thus, your energetic hologram was reminded of Who You Really Are, and your energy then directs your thoughts, emotions and physicality.

THOUGHTS can be relatively easy to shift once you give yourself permission to accept an alternate belief. Your logical mind will replace an old thought with a new belief, especially when it is recognized as part of a Truth that was temporarily lost. If you find yourself resistant, it may be coming from your emotions, as opposed to beliefs.

EMOTIONS – There is a tendency to get pinged by your Ego when you try to see differently and move to Oneness. The Ego is not a fan of different or change. The Ego, and its cousin the Inner Child, thinks that change will place us in grave danger. This is paradoxical because Separateness is what has kept you from feeling safe, and Unity is what brings you to security and wholeness.

Though the process of shifting the emotions can seem messy and feel scary, the deep Safety that is experienced is well worth the journey. In fact, it doesn’t take a long time to experience your inner Safety. As Eckhart Tolle wrote in The New Earth, the pain-body fears and runs. The pain-body is nearly tangible and is full of fear and emotional pain. It is actually your fear of looking at what is in the pain-body that causes the distress. When you finally stop running from your own fear, and instead turn to face what you thought you were running from, you realize that it is not very scary at all. Even considering this possibility may have you ‘quaking in your boots’. I had that same response when I read about the pain-body in Tolle’s book several years ago. I could not imagine that he was speaking Truth. But one day, months after, I was tired of the Fear and decided to try. It is truly amazing! I hope that you will try this yourself to know that it is indeed accurate. And once you turn to face yourself, you recognize a strength that you have never known before.

PHYSICALITY – Everything, including your body, is ascending at this time. From the first holographic memory of Who You Really Are, your body was infused with Light and began its ascension. Since the body is dense it has difficulty comfortably shifting with this infusion of Light. The resulting Lightbody effects are often experienced with what our societal model calls Symptoms. This is most disconcerting when you don’t understand what is happening.

Allow me to provide a different paradigm model for what is happening, as well as how to minimize the symptoms and ease the process:

Your physical body is now, quite literally, trying to move at the speed of the Light with which it has been infused. Shifts happen more easily when Light moves Light, but we believe our bodies to be solid. Though the physical body is carbon-based, Dr. Candace Pert and Dr. James Oschman have explained that we have an inner matrix of liquid crystals (i.e.: fascia/connective tissue) that allows for extraordinarily fast and complete communication throughout your entire system. Not only is your body becoming more crystalline, your body is trying to bring all the parts to equal expansiveness. This is the Ascension to Lightbody within your physical body.

What does this process feel like? When you bring your thoughts into a new paradigm, which may even include reading this article, or release old emotional patterns, or come in contact with new or rapidly moving energies, you may feel the response of your physicality trying to shift. In the old paradigm, these were called symptoms; in this new paradigm, it is known as processing, and may include the following:

• Fuzzy thinking, memory issues, distractibility, not thinking straight.
• Exhaustion (a sleeping body can process much more rapidly when the conscious mind gets out of the way).
• Increased sensitivity of the five senses.
• Major toxic releases – odors, hives, excrement changes, rashes, itching.
• Frontal headaches due to pituitary gland changes.
• Back of head (occipital area) headaches due to changes to the pineal gland.
• Nausea, fever without being sick, palpitations, anxiety.
• Pain or rashes that move without explanation.
• Evaluations by physicians without finding a cause.

You may even note different reactions to medications, lack of responsiveness to former treatment modalities, or changes in dietary or exercise needs.

Thankfully there are many things that you can do to support your body:

• Limit caffeine and sugars.
• Rest, hydrate, move (exercise, dance, walk, etc).
• Receive energy work: Reiki, Healing Touch, Therapeutic Touch, Quantum Healing.
• Get bodywork: massage, chiropractic, acupuncture, acupressure.
• Stretch and shake the body to realign the liquid crystals.
• Replenish electrolytes (i.e.: EmergenC, Airborne)
• Epsom salts baths.
• Flower essences (i.e.: Flower Essence Society; Bach Flower Remedies).
• Reduce stress, balance time, delegate, release control, empower yourself.
• Set proper verbal, physical and energetic boundaries – See Energy Cleansing and Setting Boundaries.
• Be present, live in the now.
• Detoxify your body with the 5 elements:

Air-movement through air, oxygen therapy, slow deep breathing

Fire–heat, sun, sauna, observing candlelight and fireplaces

Water–bathe, hydrate, observe water

Earth–mud or Epsom salt bath, herbs, healing with crystals

Ether-essential oils, flower essences

Use all 5 simultaneously: i.e. Take a hot bath with Epsom salts (with essential oils sprinkled on them) and breathe deeply.

The following will support your entire self as it shifts to Lightbody:

• Look at recurrent emotional patterns symbolically and deal with them.
• Address your triggers, issues and fears, and remember that Grace (the helping hand that lifts you up) will help ease your process.
• Practice unconditional love and forgiveness of yourself and others.
• Ask Spirit and your Highest Wisdom to guide you.
• Trust your innate wisdom and embrace your intuition.
• Follow a daily spiritual practice (prayer, meditation, art, music, communing with nature – anything that puts you in the zone).
• Practice a nightly review to identify WITHOUT JUDGEMENT AND WITH COMPASSION what you did right as well as how you could respond differently in a future time.
• You are more than your body, so ground more expansively by multidimensional grounding: Become aware of your whole energy field, and from that expansiveness ground down to Earth and up to Source.

Living authentically and in congruence with your truest Self is the essence of Being Who You Really Are. You will joyfully exhibit honesty, compassion, and integrity. Additionally, you may notice the following:

• An awareness of multiple dimensions at once.
• A greater ability to heal self or others.
• No fear; less attachment to emotional hooks; an ability to face the old fears more easily.
• Awareness of Sacred Geometry and energetic body changes.
• Increased intuition.
• You can feel your energy “go out” to others without feeling personally depleted.
• You are more willing to set aside judgments and be in harmony.
• You can dwell in unconditional love during conflicts and stay out of judgment and fear.
• Others will see your Light and be Awakened.

This is a journey that each of us with Awareness is taking now. Each has a different role in the Multiverse and may experience the process of ascension differently, but our bodies, Spirit, Soul, Earth, and even the Cosmos are ascending.

Though this is a rewarding journey, there can be moments of uneasiness as you struggle to understand the larger context, may be resistant to healing old wounds, or don’t know how to adequately support your body’s changes. Consider journaling, reading, attending workshops, and joining or creating a group of like-minded individuals.

It may be essential to seek a professional who understands Ascension to Lightbody to help you clear old patterns and triggers. This person can hold an energetically safe place while you process your more challenging personal issues. This may be a Lightworker who understands the process of evolution into Lightbody, and who has expertise in spiritual guidance, energy work and/or bodywork. Consider the following as you do so:

YOU DON’T NEED TO REMEMBER, YOU JUST NEED TO RELEASE.

YOU DON’T NEED TO KNOW, YOU JUST NEED TO LET GO.

It is no coincidence that you are alive now. Be Who You Really Are and joyfully embrace your place in the Multiverse.

This article is for informational purposes and is not meant to replace medical care. Product names are offered as descriptive examples and are not intended as endorsement.

Judy Lipson is a Licensed Professional Counselor and educational strategist in West Bloomfield, MI. She helps clients of all ages who have learning difficulties; work or school related anxiety; ADHD; Asperger’s Syndrome or Autism Spectrum Disorders; and those who wish to Remember and Become Who You Really Are. Contact Judy at 248.568.8665 and judylipson@spiralwisdom.net, and visit www. SpiralWisdom.net for more information.

The events that occurred during your childhood can affect you as an adult.

By Judith E. Lipson, M.A., LPC

Have you ever had a situation that REALLY bothered you? If an observer was present they might have been surprised at how intensely you were affected; maybe it even surprised you. When an individual has a highly emotional response to a conversation or situation, there is likely a deeper reason for the reaction. When I provide counseling I ask if there was a similar challenging situation that occurred sometime in the person’s history. Often the person doesn’t recognize the connection, but the inner child does.

Who is this inner child? Though you may be an adult, your inner child remains within and remembers the wounds, dramas and traumas from those earlier years.

To have a true understanding of this inner child it helps to revisit the childhood experience. Children by definition have no power. They strive to be ‘good little boys and girls’, but have little ability to change uncomfortable situations such as being reprimanded, being physically or emotionally hurt, or being frightened. All the child knows is that s/he is unsafe, and powerless to change the situation. This fear and sense of impotence is often repeated in subsequent events through childhood, further anchoring the belief that the world is unsafe – especially in situations that hold the pattern of the original incident.

The adult can affect change over ‘bad’ things, but your inner child hasn’t realized that you are all grown up. Fear and uncertainty rule your inner child and these are the emotional filters through which all subsequent experiences are perceived and responded.

Now you can understand why you have an intense reaction to what you or others thought was a relatively minor occurrence. Yes, you are annoyed at what occurred. But the intense response occurs because this event triggers the memory of all previous related events, and the inner child gets very scared.

The good news is that there are things you can do to keep from becoming emotionally highjacked:

Recognize the presence of your inner child.

Reframe the situation. Is your physical or emotional security endangered? The situation may be challenging or uncomfortable, but it is not as dangerous as your inner child would have you believe. Recognize it for what it is.

Talk to your inner child. Speak confidently and warmly as you would to a child. Acknowledge that the little you encountered many episodes that were challenging. Explain to the “little you” that children don’t have power, and empathize with the fear and vulnerability that s/he experienced. In your mind (or to a stuffed animal, doll or your picture) speak to the “little you” as you would to a small, frightened child. Explain that though s/he had minimal power, you now have skills and abilities that s/he didn’t. You can care for her/him; and you will. Situations, relationships and experiences that remind her/him of the past wounds needn’t be triggers. Assure this “little you” that you can keep her/him safe, and that you will. The goal is not to relive the past; consider working with a professional if you have experienced a trauma.

Support the safety of your inner child. If you listen within, you will know how to make things safe for the “little you”, as s/he learns to trust life.

Heal your inner child. A professional who practices guided imagery or energy healing can deepen your inner child conversation to clear old patterns and remove the energy of the history that is held within.

Acknowledge the playfulness of your inner child. Just because you are an adult doesn’t mean that you have outgrown the desire – and the need – to be playful, silly, joyous, hugged, etc.

Honor your emotional, physical and spiritual needs:

Emotionally – learn to ask for what you need and to respectfully say no; connect with friends and family.

Physically – include exercise, yoga, massage, regular sleep, relaxation, good nutrition and alone time.

Spiritually – practice your faith; support your soul-work through your career or hobbies; honor and express that which defines you.

Recognize and support the needs of your inner child to improve confidence, well being, and both personal and professional relationships. Begin your dialogue today to encourage your inner child to come out of hiding and feel safe.

Judy Lipson is a Licensed Professional Counselor and educational strategist in West Bloomfield. She helps clients of all ages who have learning difficulties; work or school related anxiety; ADHD; Asperger’s Syndrome or Autism Spectrum Disorders; and those who wish to Remember and Become Who You Really Are. Contact Judy at 248.568.8665 and judylipson@spiralwisdom.net, and visit www. SpiralWisdom.net for more information.