By Judith E. Lipson, M.A., LPC

Life sure does feel like a roller coaster lately. In my November Newsletter for Transformation, I wrote about the personal transformations that I had been seeing in myself and others in the previous month. I am continuing to see this trend.

If you missed my information about transformation in the November newsletter, you can read it here.

Another common topic last month was my clients’ reactions to the election results. When this came up, my role was to hold a space for their grief and remind them how to regulate their nervous systems. You can read tips on regulation in that same link above.

As I look at the patterns that I see in our society, it makes me wonder if our country is experiencing its own transformation….

I’m a woman of a certain age, and I remember the efforts in the 1960’s and 1970s to facilitate peace, civil rights, and rights for women. We’ve been seeking CHANGE for a long time!

When I think back to when Barack Obama became the president of the United States, his platform was about CHANGE and millions of Americans rallied around his chant: Yes We Can.

I truly believed that we were on the precipice of real growth a few years ago when the inadequacies of our systems were becoming more visible during the #BlackLivesMatter, #MeToo, and other important movements. (You can read more about this in my articles Hope, from January 2021, and Transformation: Let’s Not Miss This Opportunity in March 2022.)

Fast-forward to the end of 2024, and I’m trying to understand the election results. As I’ve listened to the media discuss the possible reasons why our country voted as it did, one pattern stood out to me, and that was the apparent desire for CHANGE. Some appear to be longing for a time when women, immigrants, and people of color had limited rights. (This is something that I truly cannot fathom or condone.) It is theorized that others focused on a single issue – i.e.: our educational system, medical and insurance practices, finances, the Middle East, or government in general. It was their rallying cry for that specific thing to CHANGE. Others took up Vice President Harris’ rallying cry during her campaign: We Won’t Go Back.

The one commonality is CHANGE. It seems that the U.S. is transforming, just as so many of us are experiencing personal transformations. I see in my own and others’ processes how uncomfortable it can sometimes be while we are in the middle of it. It’s not surprising then that something as large as the United States with all its systems, policies, and people would take a long time to achieve CHANGE, nor how messy it can look and feel on the way. (It reminds me of a woman’s experience of navigating perimenopause, while her children are going through adolescence – two big changes simultaneously. 🙃 YIKES! Maybe some of you can relate.)

WHAT’S UP WITH ALL THIS OTHER-ING?

Years ago, I learned that the opposite of love is not hate, but rather it is fear. Fear blocks connection and the potential for understanding, acceptance and love for another. Unfortunately, fear and anxiety also make it more difficult to physiologically access or process new information.

As I thought about this, striving to further understand how so many people in the United States and around the world are focused on hate and personal greed to the exclusion of others, I was reminded of Abraham Maslow’s Self-Actualization Hierarchy.

Maslow taught that it is difficult for an individual to ascend their personal pyramid toward social connection (which is ironically a major way that we calm our nervous systems), when they lack a sense of safety and security.

Sadly, many politicians, leaders and media pundits promote and encourage insecurities by surrounding us with 24-hour news that focuses on breaking news alerts and visual and auditory repetitions. These cause our nervous systems to stay in fight-and-flight mode and to repetitively look for cues of danger.

Many local and national candidates have taken advantage of this fear by describing groups of people as “not like us, but rather like others”.  We have seen throughout history that an effective way to establish power over others is to make people believe that they are endangered and that some other individual or group are the cause furthering fears and separation.

Think about the relevance of the following quote:

First They Came 

by Pastor Martin Niemoller

First they came for the Socialists, and I did not speak out – because I was not a Socialist.

Then they came for the trade unionists, and I did not speak out –because I was not a trade unionist.

Then they came for the Jews, and I did not speak out – because I was not a Jew.

Then they came for me – and there was no one left to speak for me.

SO, WHAT CAN WE DO ABOUT THIS?

First and foremost, sit with and allow your feelings even if they are messy and overwhelming. When you acknowledge the truth of how you feel in this moment and recognize your feelings they can process more quickly.

Be cautious of being sucked into the ever-present fear and anger that our media (and even well-meaning friends) would have us mired in.

Find your center and hold the light! Before engaging with others, or getting mired in negative thoughts, go within to connect with that part of yourself that resonates with peace, light and love.

Remember that you are not alone in your idealism and desires. Find your tribe and stay connected with them.

Keep your vibration up. That might mean not watching a lot of news, and limiting communications with some parts of your community (live, chat, or on social media) who are engrossed in their anger and fear.

IT’S OKAY TO NOT KNOW WHAT COMES NEXT

On the day after the election, I pledged to greet each person that I encountered professionally, socially, or transactionally (walking by an individual, at a store counter, etc.) with a subtle, extra-long eye contact and a connecting smile. I have continued this before and since as I strive to see the true spirit of the individual and connect with that.

Staying in this present moment helps to draw your focus away from the frustrations of the past and the worries/fears of the future. A client (who is also a clinician) told me that when she is interacting with another, she notices that she intentionally holds that space of NOW, forgetting everything else, and finds within it “beauty, love and strength”. We discussed how intention is the key, and how we can deliberately find that space, even in that interminable space in between the times when we already know how to be fully present.

Reach out to others, including those that are different from you. You don’t have to try to “bring them to your side of thinking”. That’s not the point. Identify your similarities – it may be in the work that you do, the family members that you share, the similarities of life situations in your families, your hobbies and interests, or the places that you have traveled. Be creative and seek your commonality to recognize how alike you really are, even as you are different. Twenty years ago, I helped to facilitate a program for healing, a year after the tragedy that was 9/11. We encouraged participants of different faiths, colors, cultures, affluence, and ethnicities to talk to each other and look past their perceived differences as they engaged in various community service projects in and around the city of Detroit. It worked! It was transformative for the 1000 participants … for us all. For more on this, closer to home, read NPR’s article, Have a politically divided family? These tips help you talk across the dinner table.

A year ago, after the October 7^th attack on Israel by Hamas, and the subsequent counterattacks in Gaza, I joined with a Jewish psychiatrist, a Muslim psychiatrist, and a Muslim psychologist to discuss how we can best work with all clients who might have different beliefs, histories or alliances. As busy women, we don’t have the time to meet monthly as we had hoped, but we still meet regularly. I wrote an article about it a year ago, shortly after we began, called Bridging for Peace.

My own transformative experiences have been welcomed and appreciated, and I am additionally privileged to be a part of America’s transformation as well. Still, I had hoped that America’s transformation would be from a foundation of unity, respect, and compassion for others. Instead, the focus seems to be on what can be provided to a single individual, or to a group of people who hold antiquated beliefs even as they’re screaming for CHANGE.

I believe that we all know how important these times are. We care about democracy, our country, our families, and the future of our children and grandchildren. Our difference is in how that vision will look. I would love the end-goal, and the process, to be based in unity, compassion and caring for others.

I hope that you will focus on calming your fearful nervous system while maintaining connection, care, and compassion for others. THIS is where I will hold my light. I hope that you will join me.

Namasté,

Judy

Judy Lipson is a Licensed Professional Counselor and educational strategist in West Bloomfield, MI. She helps clients of all ages who have learning difficulties, work or school related anxiety, ADHD, Asperger’s Syndrome or Autism Spectrum Disorders, and those who wish to Remember and Become ‘Who You Really Are’. Contact Judy at 248.568.8665 and judylipson@spiralwisdom.net, and visit www.JudyLipson.com for more information.

This article is for informational purposes and is not meant to replace medical care.

By Judith E. Lipson, M.A., LPC

One of the things that really concerns me right now is how fraught with fear we are becoming. Fear has always been a prominent emotion. After all, our nervous system is wired to look for cues of danger.

For most of us, our ability to rise above this tendency, as well as our resiliency, are reduced. I write this so that we can each be reminded of the importance to keep our nervous systems as calm as possible, even during these incredibly challenging times. Regardless of our faith or ethnicity we have had difficult histories – some more challenging, some during certain times. Even though we did not live through those histories personally, we are affected. This is referred to as ancestral, or generational, trauma. We carry these traumas and wounds within us in addition to the intuitive need to look for danger. No wonder we have such a tendency to be anxious, worried and even fearful.

The current world events are frightening. Yet, we cannot respond most effectively if we do not stay grounded and calm. (Looking for proof of this concept? As examples, reflect on surgeons in the operating room who encounter a medical crisis, or the pilot Sully Sullenberger who landed his plane safely on the Hudson River. If they had responded in panic, the outcome would not likely have been successful.)

I’m not going to pretend that it’s easy to calm our panicked nervous systems, but I do encourage you to continue to learn ways to do so. Each time you practice a technique, you are reinforcing your parasympathetic system’s ability to calm yourself down, and each time that offers the potential for it to be a little easier the next time.

Why should you do this practice? Well, it’s really hard on the body to be in fight and flight for long periods of time. Also, it feels really awful!!!

And here is another important reason: The opposite of love is not hate, the opposite of love is fear. When we are in fear, it is very difficult to feel safe enough to open our hearts to adequately connect with others, and this includes our closest loved ones; and that is not a good thing.

An important aspect of what makes our nervous system feel safe is the act of feeling connected to others. We are actually wired for connection in order to feel safe. It’s knowing that we can reach out and the other will be there for us. If we are in fear we are less able to reach out and to achieve that. This makes us more fearful, and also makes us less available to connect with others with whom we may not have familiarity.

As a result, we see the world as me versus you and us versus them. This experience of separateness and polarization breeds contempt, resentment, hostility, and more fear. And the cycle goes on and on.

Gandhi said, “You must be the change you wish to see in the world.” You may only feel like one person, and wonder how you can really make a difference, but it is important to remember that you are not really the singleton that you think you are. There are many of us who believe in peace and love [with just a side-note that way before Marianne Williamson even thought there might be a time that she would run for president, as a spiritual teacher she taught that “sometimes the loving response is no”.] Realize that you are not alone in this quest. There are many of us who long for peace and unity, but that message does not (currently) sell advertisements on the news, so it is not broadcast or printed.

Be the peace you wish to see in the world. Start your practices (or delve back in) so that you can calm your nervous system and respond from your more grounded, peaceful place. Your mind and body (and your heart and spirit) will thank you for it. I know that I do (thank you).

Please remember to take care of yourself even while you are taking care of others, personally or professionally. Remember that you must “put on your own oxygen mask before assisting others”.

I thought it might be helpful to remind us all of strategies to help calm our nervous systems as we continue to experience these difficult times, whether that is personally or vicariously.

• Keeping busy is an effective tool for mental distraction (in the short-term), but provide enough quiet time so as to not stress your physical body.
• While it is important to be informed, and even to bear witness to the stories, you only need a small amount of information to achieve that goal. Please turn it off or stop reading when it’s time. (Even before it’s time.)
• Focus on movement, hydration, and healthy nutrition to take care of your physical body.
• Re-visit your creative endeavors.
• Get out in nature.

May we all know peace! Namasté

Judy Lipson is a Licensed Professional Counselor and educational strategist in West Bloomfield, MI. She helps clients of all ages who have learning difficulties, work or school related anxiety, ADHD, Asperger’s Syndrome or Autism Spectrum Disorders, and those who wish to Remember and Become ‘Who You Really Are’. Contact Judy at 248.568.8665 and judylipson@spiralwisdom.net, and visit www.JudyLipson.com for more information.

This article is for informational purposes and is not meant to replace medical care.

By Judith E. Lipson, M.A., LPC

This pandemic is getting so difficult for so many! This is really not surprising! It’s been nearly 6 months since many began their sheltering-in-place practices. When the weather got nice, and school was over for “summer vacation”, there was an especially acute longing to get back to life – as we knew it. After all, summer is that glorious time when we travel with our families, by ourselves, or with special friends to escape the harried life of work and home responsibilities. Summer has become equivalent for many of us as the time for escape. But instead of getting the green light to take our escape, we were met with resistance. Some saw the resistance coming from the CDC, or their governmental leaders, while some recognized that this is a result of the impact of the novel coronavirus. Regardless, many see this as a time when one’s desires are being thwarted. And we don’t like that!!

In all my years of talking to people I’ve realized that one’s ability to shift and adapt varies. Actually, I will rephrase that to say one’s willingness to shift and adapt varies! One way to improve your adaptability is through equanimity. I’ve written about it previously, but I want to discuss it again in the context of COVID-19, and all that it is revealing to us socially, politically, environmentally, financially, educationally, medically, etc, etc.

I’d like to invite you to take a few introspective moments and look at “being uncomfortable”. This is not about justification that you have a right to your thought or feeling. We’re going deeper than that. Do you even have an awareness of the discomforting thought, feeling, or action? Or have you been so intent on avoiding the discomfort that you hadn’t even sat with it long enough to recognize it occurring? Identify what drives you, what troubles you, what ultimately makes you uncomfortable. In other words, what have you been avoiding or running from?

• Thoughts: i.e., “I don’t want there to be a pandemic.” “There really isn’t anything to be afraid of or react to.” “People aren’t going to tell me what I can or can’t do.” “I deserve this …… (vacation, experience, etc).” Those are only some of the possible thoughts that may have led to your discomfort. What are yours?
• Feelings: Anger and fear are the main emotions that people discuss. But I encourage you to go deeper. Is there frustration? Grief? Loneliness? Anxiety? Worry? Sadness? A sense of betrayal or injustice? Disappointment? Agitation? Feeling misunderstood? What feeling(s) are you experiencing? And have you been running from them?
• Actions: For some people, this is the easiest route to then access the rest. What action have you been taking that has provided you the opportunity to not have to feel the uncomfortable emotion, or think the uncomfortable thought, that you identified above?  For instance, these are two extreme positions, but do you go into public with no consideration of the CDC recommendations? Do you stay home in your bubble when it is not medically required? What actions might you be taking that provide you an escape to avoid feeling the uncomfortable emotions or thoughts?

Now I would like to invite you to look at all of this a bit differently. Most folks’ experiences have led them to become wired to expect only the status quo, or that which was previously in existence. As a result, you may feel that you should avoid change. Change and discomfort, however, do not equal dangerous! So I encourage you to have a conscious inner conversation to reframe the situation and allow opportunity.

Seeking equanimity can help with this by providing you with a greater sense of peace during the challenging situation. (I think this pandemic qualifies as challenging! Don’t you?!) Equanimity is the acceptance of what is. As I explain to my clients, this type of acceptance doesn’t mean that you shout, “Oh goody! This is awesome. I love it. Bring on more.” No, it’s rather a type of acknowledging that what is … IS … for right now. You might still choose to make the inner changes (like acceptance, forgiveness, empowerment, etc), and/or seek to change the situation that you are not accepting (like racism, mysogeny, various inequalities, etc). Equanimity is the practice of finding the peace within your situation, which will ultimately help you to make the changes that you seek internally and externally, more effectively.

When you can experience equanimity you will find that there is less resistance in your situation. See if you can follow this visual: Imagine that you are looking at a ball. This ball represents the issue at hand – that really icky situation like COVID, or like your uncomfortable thought or feeling that you identified earlier. The situation – the ball – is bad enough. It’s already hard to to deal with. But now if you add resistance, you’ve just put a very large coating around the ball. The ball may now feel twice the size of the original situation. There is no need to add resistance. Remember, the “ball” feels like it’s enough of a hurdle all by itself. So remove the resistance, using equanimity, and allow the uncomfortable feelings to feel more tolerable and more manageable.

I want to address one last thing in this article. I stated in the first paragraph: “…there was an especially acute longing to get back to life – as we knew it”. I’d like to caution you about this concept. Change is normal. It’s part of our own personal development – you are not the same as you were in your childhood or teen years. In fact, approximately each decade of adult aging brings about changes. (You might look up Dr. Levinson’s Seasons of Life Theory to learn more.) Change is also part of society’s development. If you look back at history you see the identification of the industrial and technological revolutions, to name a few. I was alive during the civil rights era, the space race, and women receiving greater rights through feminism. What’s likely unprecedented is for us to live through these many current changes, with the onslaught of informational awareness, and to have so many changes occurring all at once during a global pandemic.

Certainly, our knee-jerk desire is for it all to go away, and to return to what we are used to. But we should not want to return to “normal”! We are understanding and recognizing more and more that what we saw as normal, the status quo, was inferior. We can do better. We deserve better. No one need settle for less.

So I urge you. Take a few minutes (with a trusted friend or professional, if needed) and look within. What have you been hiding from? Bring it to the surface. Look at it. Bring it into accurate perspective. Remove the layers of fear and resistance. Seek equanimity with it and within yourself. Then you will have the ability to make an accurate assessment of what you actually want to change and how to get there.

Take a few minutes and look at the changes that seem to be happening around you. Don’t rush to put things back the way they were, nor to create what you think it should be, because you may not yet know the best outcome for it to be. In Alcoholics Anonymous they understand the following: If you always do what you always did, then you will always get what you always got. These are important times and there’s no need to have a knee-jerk reaction to any of it.

Drop your fear and your anger. Open your heart to self and others. Seek acceptance of what is … as equanimity.

Judy Lipson is a Licensed Professional Counselor and educational strategist in West Bloomfield, MI. She helps clients of all ages who have learning difficulties, work or school related anxiety, ADHD, Asperger’s Syndrome or Autism Spectrum Disorders, and those who wish to Remember and Become ‘Who You Really Are’. Contact Judy at 248.568.8665 and judylipson@spiralwisdom.net, and visit www.SpiralWisdom.net for more information.

This article is for informational purposes and is not meant to replace medical care.

By Judith E. Lipson, M.A., LPC

Discord is defined as a disagreement or lack of agreement. However, in the context of this article, discord refers to the emotional discomfort that you feel when what you want is not congruent to what is happening within or around you.

What do you do when you don’t like what’s happening and you can’t control the outcome? (This might be because you can’t control it, or because it’s not your place to do so, or because you don’t have permission.) Do you then select a different part of your life to grab hold of and hang on to tightly? More so do you actually think, pretend, or assume that you have now gained mastery over the events that your unconscious knows you really can’t control? And importantly, do you realize that this is what is happening?

I have talked with many clients about these experiences. The vast majority don’t even recognize all these aspects at a conscious level until it is discussed. In fact, it is not uncommon for an individual to focus on an event or a relationship, recognizing the discord there, when the primary source of discord is something else completely.

Have you noticed feeling strong emotions over an event, and you or others are surprised at your extreme reaction? In fact, the real area of discord is likely something else – for instance, unfinished grief from the loss of a loved one, a job, or a move.

Here are a few examples to help you begin to recognize the layers of discord:

• Your focus is on the recalcitrant child, but the underlying discord is with a spouse, boss or other adult.
• You are hyper-vigilant about your child’s rather normal developmental event, but through conversations it becomes apparent that the real area of concern is the health of your own parent, the status of your employment, or some other fear.
• Social, political or natural events are overwhelming you and you try to find the small areas of your life where you can maintain a sense of control.

This is not meant to minimize any of the emotionally charged events, or your responses. I am encouraging you to realize that when you have minimal ability to affect a major issue, you will likely try controlling something else because you think you can, and peace will not be achieved.

Psychology and Buddhist teachings remind us that you can rarely change the people and events around you, but you can change the way they affect you. The first step is to identify that underlying and hidden discord (see above). At a visceral or emotional level you know the things over which you don’t have control. But maybe it feels too big to your subconscious so you don’t want to see it. This leads you to grasp those alternative things that don’t truly acknowledge or fulfill your need. Unfortunately, these other things may then negatively impact other people in your life.

Knowledge is power, and it’s helpful to get in touch with the source of your discord. It may feel counterintuitive at the moment, but the best way to reduce the discord, inner tension, worry, fear and anxiety is to willingly face that which you are avoiding. Eckhart Tolle teaches that when you finally turn to look at that from which you run, you realize that it is not nearly as scary after all! Turn to see the issue that is hiding in the shadows. It may even be something that you thought you had already dealt with like an underlying fear or a profound loss. The original source, like Tolle says, is not nearly as uncomfortable as it has seemed, because it was perceived through the additional layers of the experience of running away.

Now that the discord has been identified at its original source without its complicating layers you can minimize its influence. Here are two powerful techniques:

• Mindfulness:
  • Stay in the present moment and resist the tendency to focus on the past.
  • Review the past situation ONE time in order to assess it so that you can learn what you might have done differently. Avoid reviewing it again, because it won’t change the outcome that has already occurred.
  • Stay out of the future where worry resides. Instead, allow yourself ONE assessment of the fearful event that is coming up, and create a proactive plan to be ready.
  • Stay in the present by: focusing on your breath, or attending to whatever activity you are doing in that moment.
  • If your thoughts stray back to the past, or to worrying about the future, redirect your thoughts and return them to the present moment.
• Equanimity:
  • It is defined as mental calmness, composure, and evenness of temper, especially in a difficult situation.
  • I think of it simply as the acceptance of what is.
  • Allow for the conscious realization that the things around you are truly outside your control and you may as well stop fighting them. As they say in AA: grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

Using mindfulness and redirecting your thoughts will help lessen the discord that seems ever-present in life, and help you to achieve a state of equanimity.

Judy Lipson is a Licensed Professional Counselor and educational strategist in West Bloomfield, MI. She helps clients of all ages who have learning difficulties, work or school related anxiety, ADHD, Asperger’s Syndrome or Autism Spectrum Disorders, and those who wish to Remember and Become ‘Who You Really Are’. Contact Judy at 248.568.8665 and judylipson@spiralwisdom.net, and visit www.SpiralWisdom.net for more information.

This article is for informational purposes and is not meant to replace medical care.

By Judith E. Lipson, M.A., LPC

We humans are a funny lot. Oftentimes we appropriately complain about our situation – relationship, family, work status, coworkers, etc – and we hope that it will change. But when the opportunity for change actually arises, there is a tendency for the individual to retreat as a fear response, and continue with what is familiar.

I have been fascinated by the acceleration of change that has been taking place over the last decade or more. I have witnessed this acceleration of change in my own life, as well as in my clients’. Children and adults arrive for counseling for a particular reason, yet often learn that there is an underlying frustration or a lack of congruence between their inner self/goals and their outer actions. I help clients to align the two and to tolerate the lack of ease that they temporarily experience in the meantime.

I’ve seen many children and adults over the last few decades who are feeling a pull to something different and know that there is something more. Are you one of them? Here’s what you might be experiencing:

• You see the world differently than many others seem to.
• You feel a stirring or a quickening within.
• This quickening might leave you feeling agitated or nervous or excited or frustrated: Why is it taking so long?
• You observe the big picture, the layers, and the greater patterns.
• You recognize the need to care for or improve systems (education, healthcare, etc), or Earth herself.
• You feel incredibly frustrated by the slowness of change.

Some feel this quickening or in-congruency on a more personal level. You might not even identify that the in-congruency exists. Together we look at what is wanted, and how to receive or achieve it. These patterns may look like the following:

• You too frequently say yes when you wish or need to say no.
• You are afraid that your ideas will be ridiculed.
• You experience the world as a Sensitive – highly attuned to one or more of the five senses.
• You may be empathic – you not only feel bad for the other person (sympathy), but you can imagine yourself experiencing their feeling or situation … as they might be.
• You may have intuitive abilities, premonitions, or dreams that don’t feel like dreams.

I have been enthralled by the following observation: When people begin to recognize and understand their true, authentic self, and then develop the congruency between their inner and outer worlds, many anxiety patterns are alleviated.

Let’s talk a little more about this time of great change. Besides the observation of so many individuals who are experiencing this desire to change big patterns personally or globally (or somewhere in between), it seems that the time we are living in is accelerating and accentuating this sensation. So if you are a way-shower or change-agent in this lifetime, even if you do not yet know it, you are feeling the pull. You may have felt – though not understood – this difference since you were a child, and it’s being accentuated and accelerated in this time in which we are living. Instead of looking back in history from the future to see that it occurred, some are identifying it now. The intuitive and empathic people that I mentioned earlier are often the ones who feel it and see the signs. They may feel the changing alignments of the planets (as described by our astrologers) and/or the pull of energy that our way-showers can recognize.

A time of great change is not to be feared, even though that is our tendency. Remember, neither different nor uncomfortable is bad.

This may seem paradoxical, and for some of you it may seem uncomfortable, but find the common threads that are shared within our different faiths, ethnicities, race, gender, sexuality, political parties and views. The first common thread is that so many of us want change, and are feeling the pull at varying levels. You can feel more grounded during these times of great change through acceptance and understanding, and by seeking to live more authentically and personally empowered.

Judy Lipson is a Licensed Professional Counselor and educational strategist in West Bloomfield, MI. She helps clients of all ages who have learning difficulties, work or school related anxiety, ADHD, Asperger’s Syndrome or Autism Spectrum Disorders, and those who wish to Remember and Become ‘Who You Really Are’. Contact Judy at 248.568.8665 and judylipson@spiralwisdom.net, and visit www.SpiralWisdom.net for more information.

This article is for informational purposes and is not meant to replace medical care.

Hate is not the opposite of love. Hate is a manifestation of fear.

By Judith E. Lipson, M.A., LPC

Looking at something metaphysically includes understanding it from a broader perspective than we are accustomed to doing. The interesting thing is that we often recognize the metaphysics internally, at a place that is hard to access with our thinking mind. And even when we do recognize it cognitively, we tend to only be able to use the words that we know from this three-dimensional existence in which we live.

I, and others, have already written about hate’s inability to see the commonalities of seemingly different people (gender, ethnicity, faith, etc). When I look at hate from a metaphysical approach, I see a deeper misunderstanding that each of us is also experiencing.

THE PAST: AS PERCEIVED IN THE PRESENT

Our past. We used to be one – with others and with the Divine. But then separation occurred, and this separation is a very uncomfortable sensation. Most of us are aware of this separation only subconsciously, but it doesn’t mean that we don’t unconsciously remember how it felt to be connected with the energy of All That Is. This connection felt (and feels) wonderful. Whole. Complete. In fact, it feels like our gestalt (which means the whole is greater than the sum of its parts) becomes complete.

We are actually evolving to return to Oneness, but some of us don’t realize that yet. And some who are attempting to achieve Oneness are misdirected. As a result of separation we generally follow two paths: Abundance Seeker or Scarcity Follower; and scarcity followers might be inclined to follow Opportunists.

Abundance-Seekers

Some people experience separation and seek ways to connect with the Divine by seeking goodness, love, and true connection with others. They seem to always see abundance.

Scarcity Followers

For others, separation creates a different path. Rather than seeking the Divine connection as the abundance-seekers do, they get bogged down in the continued experience of separation. They then find themselves seeking connection with anything that in the short-term feels valuable. But these connections never fulfill their Soul’s need and so they continue to feel separate, becoming ever more desperate, and thus seeing and focusing on scarcity. (Scarcity is the belief that there is not enough for all of us, so one had best become competitive to protect one’s own assets.)

The Opportunists

Opportunists achieve their own quasi-connection by rallying others to follow them. Opportunists thus prey on those who see scarcity, maintaining the latter’s focus on separation, and making it even more difficult for their followers to see the light.

When people continue to experience separation without the emphasis on abundance, they can be drawn into fear, which can then manifest into hate.

FUTURE

Unity and oneness will return for us all. The question is how soon we will usher it in. The choice and the speed of delivery is given to each of us.

There is a Cherokee parable about a man with two wolves inside of him. He is asked which is stronger: The wolf of goodness and love, or the wolf of fear and hate? His answer: “The one that I feed.”

Each of us has the opportunity to change from scarcity-follower to abundance-seeker. Reflect on your own attitudes and behaviors. Which ‘wolf’ do you feed? Have you focused on abundance or scarcity?

When you encounter people in your day, greet them with a smile. Smiles are contagious and, like love, what you send out you get back in return. The Beatles understood this when they wrote, “The love you take is equal to the love you make.” (The End, Abby Road) As you identify all that is good in the world and in your day, write them daily into a gratitude journal.

THE PARADOX

If you are already living with a focus on abundance, it is easy to fall into an “us vs. them” framework when you interact with or observe someone who is mired in fear and hate. But this generates more separation. Instead, hold compassion for those who focus on scarcity and understand how difficult it is for them at this moment to make the shift toward abundance. In life and in meditation, reach out with grace and compassion. As you avoid judgment, it is perfectly acceptable, if needed, to respond with boundaries. As Marianne Williamson says, “Sometimes the loving response is ‘no’.”

During these challenging times, it helps to see the metaphysical perspective of what is occurring. In order for us to individually and collectively achieve oneness, we must first recognize separateness. When hate and fear are this apparent, we see what can no longer be hidden behind the smoke and mirrors. Instead, it is made visible, front and center, to observe and address which is a necessary step for change. Now is the time for compassion, for grace, and when necessary for boundaries. Now is the time to create this change.

Namasté (The light in me acknowledges the light in you.)

Judy Lipson is a Licensed Professional Counselor and educational strategist in West Bloomfield, MI. She helps clients of all ages who have learning difficulties, work or school related anxiety, ADHD, Asperger’s Syndrome or Autism Spectrum Disorders, and those who wish to Remember and Become ‘Who You Really Are’. Contact Judy at 248.568.8665 and judylipson@spiralwisdom.net, and visit www.SpiralWisdom.net for more information. 

This article is for informational purposes and is not meant to replace medical care.

Antecedents are the key to understanding and releasing

By Judith E. Lipson, M.A., LPC

Years ago, I acquired a mini-poster showing how anger is actually due to a myriad of other emotions. It was one of those moments that helped to bring so many things into perspective. Anger is more of a reactive symptom, so when I see anger in my clients I look for the antecedent/cause.

I often show the poster to my clients so that they can understand their own anger, or the anger of a significant other. As many have explored their own anger, two additional causative factors have been added: feeling misunderstood and betrayal. Here is the complete list (in no particular order). Are there any influences that you would like to add?

Anxiety
Shame
Sadness
Fear
Hurt
Guilt
Worry
Frustration
Disappointment
Embarrassment
Jealousy
Misunderstood
Betrayal

Think about the times that you have felt or acted angry, and look at the list to identify your underlying emotion(s) to better recognize the real issue(s). Next, I encourage you to additionally go one step further. Think back and identify when in your history, most frequently during your childhood, you experienced that earlier emotion. Emotional extremes, like anger, are usually triggered by an earlier experience, for which the current event is a reminder. Now you have the potential to address it at its root in order to release the anger.

Fear is another emotional extreme. This is because there are rarely any situations of true endangerment. Yet our physiologic system doesn’t differentiate, and assumes that we are in true danger. When we understand the process, we can actually minimize our physical symptoms and our related thoughts and feelings. I have written about this in numerous articles including Transforming Fear. To summarize the techniques:

• Remember that the fight/flight response lasts only ninety seconds
• Use mindfulness, breath, and relaxation to calm your thoughts and body’s reactions
• Change from worrying to doing
• Reduce your sensory and emotional input with energy modulation and other techniques
• Use good boundaries
• Stay out of story (fear is False Evidence Appearing Real)

I believe that fear, like anger, can be looked at as a secondary issue. In fact, fear and anger appear to often be distractors and thus agents of resistance. Let me pause for a moment to acknowledge that sensory overload and other biological factors can be the source of anxiety, or elevated emotional states that trigger anger. But I have seen that worry and anger flood the system so that you are effectively distracted from the real issues. Thus patterns, themes, and root causes are often buried under layers of behaviors and words. Consequently, fear and anger can be perceived as communicators – pointing you, or a therapist, to the underlying truths.

Humans by nature are inclined to move away from those things that are uncomfortable. Regarding fear, author Eckhart Tolle reminds us to stop running from the fear and to turn to look at it instead. I’ve actually done this, and it’s true that the thing that was kept in hiding is not as big and scary as formerly believed. In fact, it’s always smaller and less frightening than the unknown that I was running from. Tolle is right!

What is the truth that you may be running from?

• Often it is a misunderstanding or inaccuracy that developed from the experiences of your Inner Child. Transform yourself into the caring adult and assure your inner child that you have a deeper, broader understanding of the events, as well as the skills to keep your inner child/you safe.
• If you experienced a traumatic event, I urge you to partner with a qualified trauma expert to help you release without reliving the trauma. These include professionals trained in Havening Therapy, EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing), EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique), or Somatic (Body-Oriented) Therapy.
• Are you running from your own worth? Author Marianne Williamson says, “Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us…. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

Might you be ready to uncover the layers between you and Who You Really Are?

Judy Lipson is a Licensed Professional Counselor and educational strategist in West Bloomfield, MI. She helps clients of all ages who have learning difficulties; work or school related anxiety; ADHD; Asperger’s Syndrome or Autism Spectrum Disorders; and those who wish to Remember and Become ‘Who You Really Are’. Contact Judy at 248.568.8665 and judylipson@spiralwisdom.net, and visit www. SpiralWisdom.net for more information. 

This article is for informational purposes and is not meant to replace medical care.

While chances are good that you or someone you know has ‘anger issues’, there is much more to anger than you probably realize.

By Judith E. Lipson, M.A., LPC

In our society, most people are not in touch with the majority of their emotions. You are likely familiar with joy and happy, and sometimes even bliss. You can recognize sadness, and will likely assume that you or someone else is experiencing grief after a significant loss. You probably know about numerous other emotions, but primarily as a definition. Most people do not know what they are really feeling, especially when it comes to what our society refers to as the negative emotions.

Anger is certainly recognized by society as a negative, yet it also seems to be the most accepted, or expected, of emotions. This is especially true of men who are discouraged from expressing sadness, worry, and many other feelings. Historically, it has been frowned upon for women to express anger, yet increasingly women do so as well.

An interesting fact is, though incredibly prevalent, anger is not a primary emotion. Actually, it is the expression of other emotions. It is only when you identify that underlying experience and its corresponding response, that you can stop your explosions.

The next time you begin to feel the buildup of anger, I urge you to look deeper to find the origin. Here are a number of emotional possibilities that can guide you to the root of your anger:

• SADNESS can lead to anger if you don’t allow yourself to acknowledge and express the sorrow.
• FEAR (False Evidence Appearing Real), WORRY, and ANXIETY are very uncomfortable and create inner tension. Some people are more prone to release this tension with tears, some with movement, and others by striving to control their world. When this control is not successful (it rarely is), angry outbursts are often the result. Therefore, fear is one of the first emotions that I look for when I see anger.
• FRUSTRATION occurs when you think you are trapped and disempowered.
• DISAPPOINTMENT with self, others or scenarios (real or imagined).
• EMBARRASSMENT leading to anger can be a cover story for shame, anxiety, or perfectionism.
• JEALOUSY can really be a questioning of your own sense of value.
• HURT feelings are often your “inner child” (see below) being triggered, leaving you feeling vulnerable.
• Being MISUNDERSTOOD can be an indicator of not being seen as Who You Really Are.
• GUILT’s purpose is to learn from an experience. One’s perfectionism (and subsequent shame) can lead to anger.
• SHAME is one of the most complex. Author/psychologist Dr. Brené Brown explains: “Guilt says: I made a mistake. Shame says: I AM a mistake.”
• SENSORY OVERLOAD is when you are overwhelmed by the five senses or by an onslaught of emotions, triggering excessive inner tension that explodes as anger.

Learn to defuse and neutralize your anger with these steps and ideas:

• To familiarize yourself with the precursors, go through each of the emotions above and identify an example that occurred at some time in your life.
• Plan to identify your anger-precursor any time that you explode, or even better, when you feel anger mounting.
• Learn ways to release your inner tension. These are similar to the strategies for decreasing stress and anxiety:
  • MEDITATION or MINDFULNESS
  • BREATH-WORK
  • RELAXATION
  • REFRAMING YOUR INTERNAL DIALOGUE by recognizing truth instead of assumptions
• Learn to express yourself to others assertively, not aggressively.
• Be willing to acknowledge your true self so that you know what you really need rather than “being the good boy/girl” and “not making waves”.
• Recognize that many of the emotions listed above are carry-overs from your childhood. This is called your “inner child” and s/he thinks s/he is warning you about events in the now, but s/he only has the perspective of the powerlessness of childhood. S/he needs to be assured that you, the adult, have the ability to handle this situation from an adult perspective. And you do!
• Write a letter that is NOT sent, expressing how you feel. If you prefer a more verbal method, do this orally (without the person present).
• Release the inner tension and your deepest feelings with singing, art, or movement such as exercise or dance.
• Share your frustrations and hurts as they occur while they are still small, bearable and manageable, so that you don’t need to experience the erupting volcano.

Please seek the assistance of a professional if you are unable to identify your precursor emotions, you can not defuse your angry response, your anger leads to the damage of property, you find yourself wanting to hurt yourself or others, or you find previous traumas being triggered. Emotions are neither good nor bad, so enjoy learning and identifying!

This article is for informational purposes and is not meant to replace medical care.

Judy Lipson is a Licensed Professional Counselor and educational strategist in West Bloomfield, MI. She helps clients of all ages who have learning difficulties; work or school related anxiety; ADHD; Asperger’s Syndrome or Autism Spectrum Disorders; and those who wish to ‘Remember and Become Who You Really Are’. Contact Judy at 248.568.8665 and judylipson@spiralwisdom.net, and visit www. SpiralWisdom.net for more information.

Published in Eydis Magazine October 2015

By Judith E. Lipson, M.A., LPC

In author Stephen Covey’s book, The 7 Habits of Highly Successful People, he describes the mindsets of scarcity and abundance.  Abundance is the recognition that there are enough resources and successes for everyone. He contrasted this with the scarcity mindset, which focuses on not having or being enough.

When scarcity is your mindset, you believe there is not enough to go around. Scarcity is founded on the idea that if someone else wins or is successful in a situation, another loses. There is little consideration for the possibility of all parties winning. Scarcity, therefore, often results in destructive and unnecessary competition.

Compare this mindset to those who see life as abundant. Individuals with an abundance mentality are able to celebrate the success of others rather than feel threatened by it. Abundance is the realization that there is always enough and that we need not worry about quantity and opportunity – for ourselves or for others.

You may believe that you live in a mindset of abundance, but it may surprise you to know that you sometimes fall into the scarcity mindset. To determine how well you stay in abundance, look at the small experiences in your life:

• Do you save items to be used later rather than enjoying them now?
• Do you worry that others are ahead of you in life?
• Can you fully applaud the achievements of others, without comparing your own? Or, do you wonder if there will be an opportunity for you to reach others’ achievements?
• Do you focus on what you have, or is your focus on what you lack?
• When you see what is lacking in your life, do you find yourself in Fear?

One belief that creates scarcity thinking is the assumption that we are all separate; but when you realize that we are all one and that there is no difference between us, you can gain a better appreciation for the happiness and accomplishments of others.

An aspect of abundant thinking is recognizing the difficulty that others may have achieving this mindset. Have compassion for those who you perceive as angry or narrow-minded. They are actually filled with fear. Fear and scarcity frequently go hand in hand. Fear fosters the belief that if you have something, you will keep me from having it and you therefore must be the enemy.

The best way to combat your own fear or the fear that others direct toward you is by using its opposite: love. When you demonstrate a loving countenance, people will respond positively to your words, your actions, and your energy. Your loving, unconditional acceptance of them is what helps lead them away from their own fears and scarcity beliefs.

Imagine if all of us focused on the adequacy of our own lives – there would be less competition between individuals or between groups. As I think about this possibility, I wonder, would people still be so divided over politics? Would countries and cultures be at war? Would people of faith accept that there are many other ways to worship? Would families and coworkers engage in petty arguments?

I hope that peaceful coexistence and the abundance mindset will be the norm in my lifetime.  We each hold the possibility to create this reality. Developing an abundance mindset creates optimism and joyful thoughts for ourselves. As we subsequently interact with others, we radiate this positive energy of acceptance and unity. Oneness replaces separateness, promoting societal changes and ultimately greater peace on earth.

Thinking with abundance brings possibilities for peace and acceptance for us all. We change our planet one person at a time, and it begins with ourselves. As you strive to bring more abundance and peace into your life, consider author Doreen Virtue’s affirmation: I accept good graciously into my life; all of my needs are met abundantly for me now and always.

Judy Lipson is a Licensed Professional Counselor and educational strategist in West Bloomfield. She helps clients of all ages who have learning difficulties; work or school related anxiety; ADHD; Asperger’s Syndrome or Autism Spectrum Disorders; and those who wish to Remember and Become Who You Really Are. Contact Judy at 248.568.8665 and judylipson@spiralwisdom.net, and visit www. SpiralWisdom.net for more information.

We all judge; and have our opinions on how things should be and how people should act. We get turned off if somebody acts in a way that doesn’t live up to the way we want things to be. At the end of the day we are all different and it comes down to unconditional love and acceptance. ~ Lenny Kravitz

By Judith E. Lipson, M.A., LPC

There have been many great leaders urging us to accept each other as equals. The foremost leaders for my generation were President John F Kennedy and Martin Luther King, Jr. President Kennedy said, “If we cannot end now our differences, at least we can help make the world safe for diversity”. Martin Luther King Jr’s: “I have a dream that my four children…will not be judged by the color of their skin, but by the content of their character” is still revered.

We call the United States the melting pot, yet we have been striving for more than two centuries to fully accept our diverse members. Our Declaration of Independence states that all men are created equal with the right to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. Our Constitution was written to support these inalienable rights. Yet it took a Civil War and the Emancipation Proclamation before African Americans had the right to live freely, and an additional 50 years before the 19th Amendment allowed women to vote. And still there are groups that don’t have equal rights, so the conversations continue. 

Some of our identities, like ethnicity, are handed down through generations. Other identities are ours to experience alone, and we especially feel the need for acceptance by society, family and self. If any of the three aren’t present there is a tendency to become fearful of isolation and disconnection. Fear is a powerful emotion and can lead to anger, despair and even self-loathing.

FOSTER ACCEPTANCE OF SELF:

• While you strive to be the best you can be, resist comparing yourself to others.

• Look within at the perfection of your inner being to find and then appreciate your true self.

• To avoid feelings of isolation seek those who most resemble you. You may need several different groups of people to accomplish this.

A diverse society allows us to see and understand those who don’t appear to be like us. It doesn’t require agreeing with the other or their beliefs. Rather, acceptance suggests that we look at another without fear. And avoid False Evidence Appearing Real (F.E.A.R.). Fear occurs when a person thinks that their way of existence might be threatened, and this often leads to non-acceptance, prejudice or discrimination.

Acceptance provides more than peaceful co-existence. When you accept another for who they are and allow them to be authentic, you experience a relaxed internal experience. In contrast, fear carries a lot of weight and negative energy.

The goal is to move beyond simple tolerance to celebrating the rich dimensions and differences contained within each individual and across our planet. I’m thrilled to see that many of our youth and young adults describe people’s skin color just as easily as other generations point out hair color. Though seemingly small, it’s a sign of growing acceptance.

Everyone wants to be accepted. Though tolerance is not the same, it is an acceptable mid-point in the process. Here’s how you can foster acceptance:

• Help others to find the similarities between self and other rather than focusing on the differences.

• Remember that differences don’t imply inferiority, even if someone is viewed as minority.

• Provide opportunities for children and adults to meet people who are not like themselves. This can include skin color, ethnic heritage, faith traditions, physical or cognitive differences, clothing styles, etc.

• Acknowledge the risk that another person takes to be their honest self, and the additional risks that they take to be seen authentically.

• Connect with another’s emotional pain, and experience the empathy that can be felt for another.

• Teach children, and encourage adults, to look at people’s character and not their appearance.

• Advocate for the rights of all people.

Fear creates separation, and this impacts your sense of well-being and peace. Additionally, fear can sabotage your own happiness or lead to the prejudice of others. Strive to see another’s true self and be cognizant of your own insecurities. This is the time for us to come together to make life better for ourselves and all of humanity.

Judy Lipson is a Licensed Professional Counselor and educational strategist in West Bloomfield. She helps clients of all ages who have learning difficulties; work or school related anxiety; ADHD; Asperger’s Syndrome or Autism Spectrum Disorders; and those who wish to Remember and Become Who You Really Are. Contact Judy at 248.568.8665 and judylipson@spiralwisdom.net, and visit www. SpiralWisdom.net for more information.

Published in MY Magazine August 2013