By Judith E. Lipson, M.A., LPC

Many of the inaccuracies of your life were learned during childhood and especially the middle school years. I know it was true for me, and I have spoken to many pre-teens living it, adolescents learning that they can let it go, and adults who didn’t realize how many misrepresentations came from their childhoods and middle school/junior high years who are now learning to recover from these falsehoods by reframing their Truth.

Having had those experiences has helped to shape the type of work that I do. In fact, one of the most rewarding educational experiences I had was to teach classes of middle school students what to do if they encountered bullies. I taught them empowerment, how to use their voice, and to utilize physical, verbal, and energetic boundaries. (If you would like to learn these tips, read my article: Empower Your Child. All the concepts in this article can also be utilized by teens and adults.)

But let’s come back to those inaccuracies. What do I mean by that? Pay attention to the messages that you say within your own mind about yourself in any given day. It’s amazing how most of us would never say those things to another person, especially someone that we care about, yet we speak them to ourselves – in the silence of our minds – every single day. I’m suggesting that you pay attention to those messages, so that you might confront them with a healthier and more accurate viewpoint.

Here’s how it tends to happen: You started your life connected to ‘all that is’ without preconceived notions about others or yourself. In the beginning, there was pure joy and love. By your preschool years parents and teachers began the socializing process with messages like: ‘take turns’, ‘sit still’, ‘be quiet’, ‘don’t do that’, ‘be polite’, etc. Unfortunately, you may have interpreted this to mean that you were fundamentally ‘not ok’.

If you struggled in elementary school academically or socially you may have internalized the ‘not okay’ message further, even if no one was judging or comparing. Subsequently, middle-school comes about and tends to be especially challenging for students who are expected by others to fit a specified expectation to fit-in and be included. Those that don’t, tend to be shunned or ridiculed.

All these incidents further decrease a child’s self-confidence, become their inner dialogue, and form the later basis for how adolescents and adults see themselves.

Regardless of your (or your child’s) current age, it’s not too late to return to the truer version of you and learn to speak more kindly to yourself. Here’s a process/exercise for you to practice whenever those challenging beliefs and emotions come up. Please read all the suggestions before beginning. You may benefit from the assistance of a trusted friend or professional.

TAKING YOUR LIFE BACK – BRINGING YOUR THOUGHTS TO THE PRESENT

Recognize the thought or emotion as a reflection from the past. Now take it forward into this current time to allow yourself to interpret it from the accuracy of this present moment. The goal is to look at the event or thought while staying in this moment now; to view the past (while staying in this present moment) and reframe the beliefs about it from the perspective of this present you.

• When negative or demeaning thoughts come up, allow yourself to observe them with curiosity.
• Ask: When in my history did I experience these same thoughts that I have now?
• Avoid the deep dive back to the previous experiences themselves. Instead, stay in the present, maintaining that curiosity.
• Recognize the limited (narrow) understanding that you had at that age. Remember that children don’t have power to impact many of their events and that at any age, we only know what we know.
• Come back to the present again with compassion for this earlier self and expand the experiences that you had while you were younger (because you have more skills and knowledge than you did then).
• Imagine the current you observing or talking to your younger self and imagine how you would respond if you came across this child today. Might you embrace this younger you or sit close so s/he doesn’t feel so alone?
• Explain to your younger self that the old message was not based in accuracy. Challenge these inner messages! Your demeaning words came from the inaccuracies and misrepresentations that your younger self erroneously believed.
• Allow yourself to remember and see who you really were before these falsehoods were learned (directly or by assumption).

ADVANCED LEVEL

As you see your true self emerging, use your imagination to take this confident/strong energy of your true Self and infuse it back in time to the age when it all began. There is no need to identify the event(s) that started the incorrect messages.  Allow yourself to have a vague awareness of that identified time. Then infuse your confident/strong energy (that you can access now) into that situation and into the younger self who experienced it all. Then move that confidence and strength up your timeline to your current age.

It’s okay if this sounds like imagination or fairy tale. Neuropsychologists understand that the brain and body really don’t separate what is happening from what you are imagining in your mind. Your limbic (emotional) system tends to not differentiate time (or places or people). So, if you imagine a challenging or scary situation your body will react as if it is occurring right now. If you imagine something positive, it can help to calm your limbic system.

I hope that you will read through the list again to see how this can work for you. First, challenge the messages that you have unconsciously spoken to yourself. Then, when it feels appropriate you can use visualization and guided imagery to energetically rewrite your memories toward healing.

I recently saw this meme on social media: Unlearning abuse also requires for me to unlearn the survival tactics that I learned in abuse that I now call my personality. That’s not who you are! That’s who you became based on who they were. Because pain builds walls. But healing builds doors. — The Kentucky Therapist

You have multiple avenues for changing patterns: your behaviors can change thoughts and emotions; your thoughts can redirect your behaviors and emotions; or you can let your emotions initiate the process.

It is never too late to Remember and Become Who You Really Are! Believe in yourself. Take your opportunities. Imagine and be creative. Trust in your possibilities. Free yourself of old patterns. You’ve got this

Judy Lipson is a Licensed Professional Counselor and educational strategist in West Bloomfield, MI. She helps clients of all ages who have learning difficulties, work or school related anxiety, ADHD, Asperger’s Syndrome or Autism Spectrum Disorders, and those who wish to Remember and Become ‘Who You Really Are’. Contact Judy at 248.568.8665 and judylipson@spiralwisdom.net, and visit www.JudyLipson.com for more information.

This article is for informational purposes and is not meant to replace medical care.

#Resist: Fear and Denying Your Self

As I talk to clients and others I realize how many children and adults, but especially females, have trouble saying no. While being compassionate and kind are important, respecting yourself is at least as essential. You must know where your boundaries are, where they need to be and how to honor yourself by communicating these boundaries to others.

You have a right and a responsibility to care for yourself, which is why flight attendants instruct you to put on your own mask before assisting your children or those around you. Yet too frequently, you have assisted or done for others until you felt used and exhausted. If you did finally say no or asked for assistance, it’s probable that you also felt guilty doing so. This takes a toll on your physical and emotional health.

Most children are not explicitly taught how to assert their needs in a respectful and self-assured manner. Girls, especially, have been taught to be “nice” and to not make waves so it is problematic for most women to learn how to express their own needs in a healthy manner. Males are not immune from this difficulty.

In the absence of instruction or modeling, people stifle their voice and find themselves exhausted and resentful until their frustration builds to a deafening roar, and they angrily express themselves.

VERBAL

Breathe into your diaphragm. Soften your throat. Speak your needs respectfully and assertively, without aggression. Speak concisely, calmly and with strength.

THOUGHTS

Resist FEAR – False Evidence Appearing Real. Fear tactics are used to repeatedly alarm you and make you think that you are endangered even when you are not. In the world of Fight, Flight or Freeze, your cognitive (thinking) processes are minimized, making it more difficult for you to discern your truth and maintain your personal goals of confidence, unity, peace and wellness. In fact, you will find yourself repeating the fear-based thoughts even in the absence of the original stressor, potentially disarming you.

Practice mindfulness. Challenge your fear-based thoughts (whether they come from within, or were inserted by others). Use your breath to break the fight/flight/freeze biophysical process, and reboot your body, your emotions and your thoughts back to wellness. Minimize overwhelm by identifying one thing to put your efforts toward – donate, volunteer, etc. Remember who you really are to keep your focus on peaceful coexistence and unity.

PHYSICAL

I loved the scene in Dirty Dancing: This is my dance space. This is your dance space. I don’t go into yours; you don’t go into mine. You gotta hold the frame.

Some people need a larger physical space than others. It’s important to know what yours is. If needed, start by identifying the boundary of your body. You can outline yourself in the sand or on large paper. Then begin to identify where your comfort boundary is. It may vary with the different people in your life: children, romantic partner, friend, co-worker, boss, etc.

Now that you know where your body is and where your boundary needs to be, use your physical frame to confidently express your needs: Elongate your posture in a relaxed manner, breathe gently but fully, and keep your eyes forward.

ENERGETIC

Ground yourself for strength: Stand or sit with your feet firmly on the ground. Allow that earthy power to rise up through your feet spreading confidence throughout.

Depending on your personal needs, identify how much personal space you require and place an imaginary barrier at this location. Some people visualize a bubble, a white or pink light, a force field or a firewall. Use the image that works for you. Place an intention (expectation) that no negative words or moods will permeate this selected barrier. See it as a permeable membrane. You select what gets through – towards you and from you. This way you can still send love and compassion outwardly, while guarding yourself from negative words and feelings. This technique is especially helpful for those who feel others’ emotions intensely (empaths).

As you encounter the challenging aspects of life you may leave parts of yourself behind. This can also impact your sense of self and your confidence. Spiritual teacher Caroline Myss calls the process of pulling these pieces back, soul retrieval. One strategy is to imagine these pieces floating like star lights. You need not recognize the situations that they represent; with intention invite them back to join you once again. Then breathe in the fullness that is you.

RELATIONSHIP

Caring for another should not mean that you stop caring for yourself. Are you wary of hurting another’s feelings or worry that you will disappoint your partner, friend or co-worker? Remember that sometimes the loving response is “No”.

You have likely identified a large circle of people that you care about and for, but repeatedly fail to put yourself in that circle. It’s time that you include yourself in this group of important people! You have every right to be there. Don’t feel guilty for giving yourself the same care that you offer to others without hesitation.

As you incorporate these components of boundary development, your self-confidence will increase and your ability to speak your truth will be enhanced. Take care of your being, your thoughts and your emotions and be the role model for self-care to your friends, family members and children.

Though these techniques are for everyone, if you are in an abusive or dangerous situation please seek professional assistance.

What do you know about patience? Patience is the virtue that allows you to listen to your higher soul, attend to your inner voice, and bring integrity to your thinking and actions. Have you learned how to listen to your inner voice? Do you see how patience is required to do so accurately and effectively?

Patience in action allows things to slow down. When you engage in an activity with patience you direct your mind to be in the moment and to address what is right before you. You have felt the world slow down, and when it does you resonate with that sensation. This is the experience of being in the now. Unfortunately, most people only know this experience (described as “time just stood still”), as the result of a very frightening crisis like a near traffic accident. The good news is that you can access this state of consciousness without a crisis, and therefore without anxiety.

In our society, most people recognize that they function from a “monkey mind” – jumping from one thought to another – and proud of every opportunity to multi-task (whether it’s effective or not). But when you slow your mind to focus on one thought or activity at a time you will note that your inner being becomes calmer and slower, which allows you to slow your outward movements as well. The irony is that the more you slow your mind, the more efficient your actions will be.

The good news is that it is not hard to slow your mind and to hear your inner voice, but it does require practice because you are developing a new pattern.

First, develop patience. Begin a practice of daily focus in the now. This can be meditation, prayer, movement, time in nature; it can even include chores – if you focus ON the chore and not on the monkey-mind that is excited to have been unleashed.

Become increasingly aware of times that you squelch your message and replace it with what you believe you should say or do. My favorite analogy for this comes from the movie The Runaway Bride. Julia Roberts’ character had to finally determine how she likes her eggs (she formerly ate her eggs the same way that each boyfriend did).

Another example was portrayed more recently in the new FOX TV show Pitch. The lead character finally became empowered when she was reminded to listen to her own voice when determining who she wants to be and what she wants to do.

Are you still not sure about hearing your own voice and discerning its truth? Check your inner compass as you listen to the messages of others that are being pushed upon you, or that you think might be your own.

• What do you think about it?
• What do you believe about it?
• How does it make you feel? Does it help you feel nurtured and safe?
• How might others be affected? (This is not the only criterion, but in light of certain recent socio-political statements, I think it bears mentioning.)
• Were you provided information (so that you may make your own determination)? Or instructions (for what to think and what to do)?

Another interesting consideration when you are striving to follow your own voice is to determine if you are avoiding shame. Shame in this context has been viewed as an evolutionary tool that encourages you to hide so as not to be kicked out of your community. In earlier times, to be kicked out would place you in danger of not surviving. This is not necessarily true today.

Patience is a virtue that affects everyone. Your patience may even be strong when you relate to others, but different when patience is needed for yourself. The more you hear yourself, trust yourself, and follow your true self, the less angst you will experience about waiting for what is to come.

If you have not yet begun the process to establish your own voice, think about what can be gained. You will feel more authentic, increase confidence, and may even achieve a change that you sense is coming. And since you are simultaneously working on patience, when you feel that urge to make the change, you won’t feel like you need it NOW.

Judy Lipson is a Licensed Professional Counselor and educational strategist in West Bloomfield, MI. She helps clients of all ages who have learning difficulties, work or school related anxiety, ADHD, Asperger’s Syndrome or Autism Spectrum Disorders, and those who wish to Remember and Become ‘Who You Really Are’. Contact Judy at 248.568.8665 and judylipson@spiralwisdom.net, and visit www.SpiralWisdom.net for more information.

This article is for informational purposes and is not meant to replace medical care.

By Judith E. Lipson, M.A., LPC

You probably don’t remember, but when you were born you were authentic and you remembered Who You Really Are as well as your plan for this lifetime. But as is so common, you forgot much of that and now I, your Highest Wisdom, have noticed that you are trying to hold on to Who You Really Are, while you are also trying to fit in. The reason that I’m talking to you today is because I noticed that you don’t think that you can be your real self and be like others.

You may be thinking that to be liked by others you need to be just like them. Are you finding that really hard? Adults and even kids say that you should be your own individual, be your own person. Yet they also tell you to be just like them. How confusing. You wonder, “Am I supposed to be like all the others? Does that mean that I can’t be Who I Really Am?” And then you feel even more lost and confused.

To make things more complicated, you might recognize yourself as really different. There is a reason for this. This is so you can bring unique ideas to your family, to your community, or to the world.

I can tell that you want very much for others to like you, and to feel part of the group. But you may also be worried that if you are seen as part of the group that you will seem like them, and then you will lose that special aspect of who you are, as well as the real purpose of why you’re here.

I don’t mean that you’re special in a bragging kind of way, but special in an important way. And when that’s true, it is what it is, and you are who you are, and actually that’s just perfect!

You may also be afraid that, to stay special and to not be like the others, you will have to be alone, and you are afraid of feeling lonely. The good news is that you can be part of your peer group and not lose yourself. I bet you’ve seen others who seem really confident, and must be “part of the group”. You might be surprised to know that many of these people accept that they are different, stay unique, and keep their head held high while in the midst of others. You can do it too!

You can be Who You Really Are and also fit in. So let’s brainstorm. Identify what you like and what you know how to do that is similar to the others, so you can mingle comfortably without trying to be, or pretending to be, completely like them. If you try to be exactly like them, then you’ll feel like you lose yourself and it’s important that you be Who You Really Are.

You might want to talk to your parent, your teacher, a counselor, or someone else whom you trust to learn more about how to be similar to them and also very much yourself. They can help you find what you have in common with others, and how to talk to them. And don’t forget about me, your Highest Wisdom.

Remember, when you are being honest with yourself and others, you will make yourself happy. And when you share your Real self with one or more people who you trust, you feel Real. Hold your head high and stand proudly! And always remember to be Who You Really Are.

Call me anytime; I’m always available.

Love,
Me – Your Highest Wisdom

Judy Lipson is a Licensed Professional Counselor and educational strategist in West Bloomfield, MI. She helps clients of all ages who have learning difficulties; work or school related anxiety; ADHD; Asperger’s Syndrome or Autism Spectrum Disorders; and those who wish to Remember and Become ‘Who You Really Are’. Contact Judy at 248.568.8665 and judylipson@spiralwisdom.net, and visit www. SpiralWisdom.net for more information.

This article is for informational purposes and is not meant to replace medical care.

“Isn’t there someone here, living, right now in your life that you need to reach out to, and connect with, or even forgive?” John Holland, medium

By Judith E. Lipson, M.A., LPC

Physician, Dr. Ira Byock says, “Many people confuse forgiveness with exoneration. Forgiveness does not excuse someone from doing something wrong. Instead, forgiveness accepts the past as it was, embraces the present, and faces the future. Forgiveness is a strategy for you to become free of emotional baggage.”

Forgiveness is acceptance. A realization that what you wish was different in your past will never be. When you free yourself from the wishes of what wasn’t (and therefore can’t be), you open yourself to a peace-filled present, and to all the possibilities of your future. Forgiveness is empowerment. It means that you stop seeing yourself as the victim and take your power back.

John Holland continues. “Forgiveness doesn’t necessarily mean releasing the person from responsibility of their past actions. It’s a matter of releasing the anguish that your soul is carrying around with it. Whether they deserve to be forgiven or not, just remember that you’re doing it for yourself.”

If you have been harmed by another I recommend that you read Emotion: Anger is Not a Primary One to deal with any anger from this situation. Next, shift the situation energetically:

Relax into a quiet meditative space and look at the beautiful being that you are without fear and resentment. “I fill myself with Light. May I remember again, that sense of perfect safety that I have known. May I feel again the love and security that is mine. May I regain, with peace and love, the Knowing that my Highest Wisdom understands about this situation or individual. I ask that I continue to connect with my Highest Self and my Guides so that I may continue to experience the world with love, security and peace. I release all ways that this old situation defined me, and I move into my future in peace.”

Forgiveness doesn’t just pertain to others. Forgiving the self is an important aspect of becoming Who You Really Are. You have played many roles. You have recognized the times that you were victim. You are learning to acknowledge how you are a master. Seeing that you have also been the perpetrator may be harder to reconcile. Don’t shy away from any of this. Forgiveness – as – acceptance means acceptance (and therefore forgiveness) of ALL of your aspects. Author Lewis B. Smedes said: “To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you.” So I recommend that you repeat the exercise above to shift and release any ways that you are imprisoning yourself.

In light of the rampant fear and hate in our society, I offer this more global technique for forgiveness as well:

Breathe gently and fully into your heart, and feel it expand. Envelop your loved ones with peace and good will. Now expand those feelings, and your heart energy, to reach out to your community, filling and surrounding it with love and good will. Expand it outwards with the intention of including groups that had been formerly described as “different” – be it race, gender, ethnicity, religion, etc. Connect now with the individuals that create these groups and see them as individuals. Recognize them now as not much different than yourself. See into their Essence and see their differences decrease further. If you wish, select an individual who represents a different culture. See the person before you and envelop them in Light. Allow your heart energy to approach and envelop the person. (Feel free to recognize your separateness if you wish.) See within to their Essence. Recognize that just as you have encountered personal challenges, they have as well. Allow for the greatness of all that they were to be to be visible to you, and honor that space within them. Breathe gently, filling yourself and the planet with peace. When you feel this is complete, take a purposeful breath and bring your awareness back to your body. See yourself in this room in the clothes that you chose to wear today. Let your breath bring awareness to your body, wiggle your fingers and toes, and open your eyes.

These exercises can be done anytime, anywhere, and as frequently as you wish. Thank you for helping to bring love, understanding and peace to your personal and global community. If you have any questions about these processes or the concepts herein, don’t hesitate to reach out to me.

Judy Lipson is a Licensed Professional Counselor and educational strategist in West Bloomfield, MI. She helps clients of all ages who have learning difficulties; work or school related anxiety; ADHD; Asperger’s Syndrome or Autism Spectrum Disorders; and those who wish to Remember and Become Who You Really Are. Contact Judy at 248.568.8665 and judylipson@spiralwisdom.net, and visit www. SpiralWisdom.net for more information.

This article was published in Eydis Magazine December 2015, and MY authentic Life Magazine July 2017

Our intuition is always there, always reading the situation, always trying to steer us the right way. ~ Arianna Huffington

By Judith E. Lipson, M.A., LPC

I’ve known about my sixth-sense for some time. I first heard the term six-sensory from author and spiritual teacher, Sonia Choquette. Being a six-sensory means that you process your world with more than the conventional five senses (visual, auditory, touch, taste, smell).

Your sixth sense is your gut instinct. It’s natural, normal and everyone has it. The parental version of sixth sense awareness happens when children first venture away from parents: When you get there, if something doesn’t feel right I want you to call me or leave right away. Others talk about business relationships and opportunities: I just knew from the start that this was not a good person/idea, but I didn’t listen to my gut and I got burned. Think about the varied ways that your sixth sense has been involved in your life.

Now that we have established that you have a sixth sense, the question is: Do you listen to yours or have you ignored your inner voice?

Choquette believes that “your sixth sense should be your first sense”. Author Sophy Burnham (The Art of Intuition) says it’s the subtle knowing without ever having any idea why you know it. If you are ready to embrace your six-sensory self, there are ways to develop, and learn to hear, your inner voice / gut instinct / intuition: 

RECOGNITION – It is already communicating with you, but your mind’s chatter hides it. Busy minds and activities make intuition difficult to receive.

SOLITUDE AND CREATIVITY allow you the opportunity to reconnect with yourself, so strive to regularly build them into your schedule.

MINDFULNESS – Silent meditation is the most common, but you can be mindful during chores, exercise or any other activity. Focus your mind on each aspect or movement of the activity to quiet the chatter.

BREATHWORK – In your mind’s eye watch the movement of your chest and abdomen as it moves away from your spine on the inhale and then back inward on the exhale. This also helps to focus the mind and still your thoughts.

RECEPTION – You may ‘hear’ the message, see symbols or visual pictures, feel sensations or emotions in your body, or have a vague yet clear ‘knowing’. It may seem like a subtle whisper or a powerful download.

WRITE/DRAW – Relax your mind, close your eyes if you wish and write or type whatever comes to mind. You can similarly draw in a free association manner.

DREAMS – Dreams and intuition both come from the unconscious. If you remember your dreams, they can become a source of information. Begin each night with a request for information about a specific question. When you awaken, write in your journal everything that you can recall about that dream as well as your questions and recent life events. Review your journal regularly looking for symbols and patterns.

DISTINGUISH the difference between mind chatter and your inner voice. As you practice you will likely notice that your inner voice speaks clearly, concisely, gently and without judgment. These are not the typical descriptions of your inner chatter.

MAKING A DECISION? Imagine a path or a doorway for each of the choices that you face. As you approach each: feel for density, heaviness, thickness; observe the visual cues of light, dark, color, sparkles; look for excitement, dread, fear, approachability, resistance, expansion.

PRACTICE will allow you to trust your inner voice/instinct/intuition. Begin with small questions that don’t feel life altering, such as, which route should I travel to my destination today?

EMPATHY – Your empathic abilities are a gift. You don’t require the fullest amount of input to have the knowledge. Instead, modulate the amount of information that comes in to you. Use intention as well as the techniques described in Energy Cleansing.

TRUST your intuition and allow it to become a more significant part of your daily life!

Living life as a six-sensory is beneficial because all of your senses are more attuned to give you the fullest information. This allows you to see the many options that are available, to know when to proceed and when to withdraw, in relationships and professionally, and to ultimately recognize and live your life’s purpose.

When you are connected to your inner wisdom you can experience a deep, strong connection to your true Self. This provides a calm and confident power, fewer emotional triggers and less anxiety or depression. Living a six-sensory life is a profoundly empowering experience.

Judy Lipson is a Licensed Professional Counselor and educational strategist in West Bloomfield. She helps clients of all ages who have learning difficulties; work or school related anxiety; ADHD; Asperger’s Syndrome or Autism Spectrum Disorders; and those who wish to Remember and Become Who You Really Are. Contact Judy at 248.568.8665 and judylipson@spiralwisdom.net, and visit www. SpiralWisdom.net for more information.

 “No” is a complete sentence

By Judith E. Lipson, M.A., LPC

As I talk to clients and others I realize how many children and adults, but especially females, have trouble saying no. While being compassionate and kind are important, respecting yourself is at least as essential. You must know where your boundaries are, where they need to be and how to honor yourself by communicating these boundaries to others.

You have a right and a responsibility to care for yourself, which is why flight attendants instruct you to put on your own mask before assisting your children or those around you. Yet too frequently, you have assisted or done for others until you felt used and exhausted. If you did finally say no or asked for assistance, it’s probable that you also felt guilty doing so. This takes a toll on your physical and emotional health.

Most children are not explicitly taught how to assert their needs in a respectful and self-assured manner. Girls, especially, have been taught to be “nice” and to not make waves so it is problematic for most women to learn how to express their own needs in a healthy manner. Males are not immune from this difficulty.

In the absence of instruction or modeling, people stifle their voice and find themselves exhausted and resentful until their frustration builds to a deafening roar, and they angrily express themselves.

RELATIONSHIP

Caring for another should not mean that you stop caring for yourself. Are you wary of hurting another’s feelings or worry that you will disappoint your partner, friend or co-worker? You have likely identified a large circle of people that you care about and for, but repeatedly fail to put yourself in that circle. It’s time that you include yourself in this group of important people! You have every right to be there.

PHYSICAL

I loved the scene in Dirty Dancing: This is my dance space. This is your dance space. I don’t go into yours; you don’t go into mine. You gotta hold the frame.

Some people need a larger physical space than others. It’s important to know what yours is. If needed, start by identifying the boundary of your body. You can outline yourself in the sand or on large paper. Then begin to identify where your comfort boundary is. It may vary with the different people in your life: children, romantic partner, friend, co-worker, boss, etc.

Now that you know where your body is and where your boundary needs to be, use your physical frame to confidently express your needs: Elongate your posture in a relaxed manner, breathe gently but fully, and keep your eyes forward.

ENERGETIC

Ground yourself for strength: Stand or sit with your feet firmly on the ground. Allow that earthy power to rise up through your feet spreading confidence throughout.

Depending on your personal needs, identify how much personal space you require and place an imaginary barrier at this location. Some people visualize a bubble, a white or pink light, a force field or a firewall. Use the image that works for you. Place an intention (expectation) that no negative words or moods will permeate this selected barrier. See it as a permeable membrane. You select what gets through – towards you and from you. This way you can still send love and compassion outwardly, while guarding yourself from negative words and feelings. This technique is especially helpful for those who feel others’ emotions intensely (empaths).

As you encounter the challenging aspects of life you may leave parts of yourself behind. This can also impact your sense of self and your confidence. Spiritual teacher Caroline Myss calls the process of pulling these pieces back, soul retrieval.  One strategy is to imagine these pieces floating like star lights. You need not recognize the situations that they represent; with intention invite them back to join you once again. Then breathe in the fullness that is you.

VERBAL

Breathe into your diaphragm. Soften your throat. Speak your needs respectfully and assertively, without aggression. Speak concisely, calmly and with strength.

As you incorporate these components of boundary development, your self-confidence will increase and your ability to speak your truth will be enhanced.

Don’t feel guilty for giving yourself the same care that you offer to others without hesitation. Place yourself in your circle of importance. Take care of yourself and be the role model for self-care to your friends, family members and children.

Though these techniques are for everyone, if you are in an abusive or dangerous situation please seek professional assistance.

Judy Lipson is a Licensed Professional Counselor and educational strategist in West Bloomfield. She helps clients of all ages who have learning difficulties; work or school related anxiety; ADHD; Asperger’s Syndrome or Autism Spectrum Disorders; and those who wish to Remember and Become Who You Really Are. Contact Judy at 248.568.8665 and judylipson@spiralwisdom.net, and visit www. SpiralWisdom.net for more information.

Avoid separation from others and within yourself

By Judith E. Lipson, M.A., LPC

Keeping up with the Joneses. It seems like human nature. You look at others and compare. Unfortunately you judge yourself to fall short. But what are you really looking at? You are comparing that in-depth knowledge that you have of yourself to the superficial information that you have of others, as well as to an ideal that doesn’t exist.

Be aware of this unconscious tendency to compare and judge which can put the other on a pedestal, leaving you to feel inadequate and resentful. Rather than seeing what is real, you perceive an illusion. This illusion creates a separation between yourself and others, and between the self that presents to the world and your authentic self. (More about authenticity later this year.)

When comparing, you evaluate the completeness of what you know about yourself to the superficial awareness that you have of others. You really only know what is observed or what has been verbally shared. This can be inaccurate, incomplete or untrue; in fact it often is. There is a tendency to take a small bit of information and to create a complete story around it. Do you really know if that co-worker or acquaintance has it all? Might they have depression or anxiety, problems with their kids, marital discord, financial problems, weight or health issues? Don’t assume that everyone else has the perfect life, family and body.

Acknowledge and accept all aspects of yourself, including your shadows. The shadow includes the aspects of your personality and actions that you pretend don’t exist. Sometimes it’s a behavior that you exhibit, but won’t admit; other times it’s a behavior that you won’t allow yourself to act upon, but unconsciously wish that you would. When these behaviors are seen in others, you will most likely feel anger or annoyance.

Ironically, the most effective way to stop judging others (and the self) is to take care of your own needs. This is not selfishness.

There are three choices to this first technique. Strive to respond from choice one or three most frequently.

DO IT, SAY IT OR ASK FOR IT: Express what is needed and do what is necessary for the self to provide mastery and empowerment. Unfortunately, most people don’t do this enough.

DON’T SAY, ASK OR DO: This option is chosen too frequently. You are afraid to step forward and ask for what you need. You also don’t say no when you should. This is especially true with women who believe that they must be good girls and not rock the boat, but it is not just a women’s issue. Besides feeling like people are taking advantage of you, this option is disempowering because you separate from your authentic self.

PURPOSELY DON’T SAY, ASK OR DO: When the decision to not verbalize or do is based on choice rather than avoidance and fear, empowerment is maintained. It is okay to choose to not express your needs when it is the wrong timing or the greater good will not be achieved in doing so.

Another great technique to respond authentically is to ask these three questions:

WHAT DOES MY MIND KNOW?

WHAT DOES MY HEART KNOW?

WHAT DOES MY SPIRIT KNOW?

THE MIND REACTS FROM FEAR, JUDGMENT AND/OR SUPERFICIAL NEEDS. Your heart brings you clearly and lovingly to what’s important. Your spirit will set you free from any remaining concerns as it responds from the highest awareness and brings freedom and peace. The spirit’s perspective is like looking at a tapestry: on the back are knots and crisscrossed threads, yet when you see the front you only see the beauty and perfection.

TAKE CARE OF YOUR OWN NEEDS AND EACH OTHER. Avoid self-judgment and the you-versus-me mentality that lead to unhealthy relationships, a fractured, competitive society and separation – duality.

DUALITY IS A RELATIVELY NEW TERM RELATED TO SEPARATION. It fosters resentment, anger and hatred and can lead to aggression toward self or others. Its opposite is unity. Unity means that you are one with everything; that you don’t feel separation – from others or within yourself. Unity brings peace, acceptance and oneness.

EACH OF US IS PART OF THE CURRENT GLOBAL SHIFT FROM DUALITY TO ONENESS. Treat yourself and others with compassion and acceptance. Avoid judgment. Be present in your own life. Continue to take care of yourself, each other and our planet.

Judy Lipson is a Licensed Professional Counselor and educational strategist in West Bloomfield. She helps clients of all ages who have learning difficulties; work or school related anxiety; ADHD; Asperger’s Syndrome or Autism Spectrum Disorders; and those who wish to Remember and Become Who You Really Are. Contact Judy at 248.568.8665 and judylipson@spiralwisdom.net, and visit www. SpiralWisdom.net for more information.

If this is your child’s first year to attend sleep-away camp, there are preparations that can be made to help your child acclimate to the experience.

By Judith E. Lipson, M.A., LPC

Building excitement about the trip is usually a benefit. Allow your child to help gather supplies: flash lights, mini-fans, swimsuit, sweatshirts, rain ponchos, flip-flops; the list goes on and on! Having your child help with selections increases excitement. Since it’s not uncommon for items to be muddied, torn, or lost, keep new purchases to a minimum.

For the child who has a tendency to become overly excited or has difficulty with transitions, you might want to delay selections, or keep it low-key by asking your child about types and styles, but not have them at the store for purchases.

It’s also helpful to create camp-type experiences for your child to encounter before the actual event. Have sleepovers at your house (and then friends’ houses) with one or more other children. Kids can sleep in sleeping bags on the floor of a non-bedroom, and walk through darkened hallways to the bathroom with the use of a flashlight. You can even tell silly stories to the children at bedtime.

If you think it’s important to add the scary, ghost story experience, then practice before hand – in the light of day. Talk to your child about this camp routine. Explain that the stories are fiction. Tell stories to your child and pause to ask how he or she is feeling. As needed, stop the story briefly to allow your child to calm; then make jokes about the story. Have your child add really absurd events. Explain that creating ridiculous parts makes the story. Remind your child that at camp the absurdities might not be as noticeable.

Encourage your child to eat the new foods that are served at camp. This is part of the camping experience.

Talk to your child about encountering difficult circumstances while at camp – he or she should talk to the counselor and not hesitate to let the other boys and girls know how she or he feels. This is a teaching opportunity to help your child improve his or her empowerment skills.

Some children don’t like being away from family members. Don’t talk about homesickness or tell your child that they can call home. If it comes up while at camp, the counselors are trained to deal with it. If you wish, provide a small stuffed item for sleeping, but think carefully about sending THE favorite sleep animal because sometimes things get misplaced or ruined at camp. Another possibility is to find an inexpensive item for your child to wear or carry, to represent the nearness of his or her special people.

Help your child realize that writing to you can be a way of connecting. Have your child select stationery or note cards. Then address and stamp the envelopes together.

If there is a camp store on site, discuss budgeting so that the money will last the whole time your child is at camp. You may wish to create a mini-store at home so your child can practice buying, while saving for future purchases. Also consider providing chores at home so your child can earn his or her own spending money.

When your child arrives at camp you will have an opportunity to meet the counselor. If there are any special concerns, DO share these with the counselor. You may wish to have one parent distract the child (go for a walk or begin setting up the bed) while the other talks privately to the counselor. Or you may know it’s most important that you share these concerns in the presence of your child for additional reassurance.

Remember to send mail to your child. Include special words or pictures as well as fun items for personal use and to share with new friends.

Your child will likely return from camp exhausted from the fresh air, physical activity and changed routines. He or she may seem needy, or push you away. Remember also that while in camp, there is a sensation of “freedom” that is not felt at home. The child also misses new friends and recent experiences. Be tolerant, supportive, and listen compassionately.

Summer camp is fun for your child and a great opportunity for siblings to have special time with parents. If you are lucky enough to have all your children in camp simultaneously, enjoy some quality adult-time!

Judy Lipson is a Licensed Professional Counselor and educational strategist in West Bloomfield. She helps clients of all ages who have learning difficulties; work or school related anxiety; ADHD; Asperger’s Syndrome or Autism Spectrum Disorders; and those who wish to Remember and Become Who You Really Are. Contact Judy at 248.568.8665 and judylipson@spiralwisdom.net, and visit www. SpiralWisdom.net for more information.

Published in Metro You Magazine, May 2012