By Judith E. Lipson, M.A., LPC

The suggestions that I offer below are appropriate for stress, anxiety, and panic attacks. Panic attacks are quite scary, and as humans we assume that if we are experiencing something in the now, then it will continue forever.  But this is not the case. You won’t likely drop a 10 out of 10 experience in a moment or a minute. But you can always do one small thing to reduce it, and then do one more (same or different) thing, and so on. Here are some suggestions in no particular order:

• Use your mind to reframe the situation.
  • “This is not forever.” (It won’t be! And knowing the strategies listed below will allow you to calm your body.)
  • “Nothing dangerous is happening to me.” (Panic attacks are a physiological response brought on by your nervous system. When you know that you are fine, you can let the additional worry go.)
• Tap (See TheTappingSolution .com for additional information). Key points: Using two fingers, tap lightly under your eye. You can also tap on your collar bone or the side of your hand. This helps to move the energy and the emotions through your body.
• Move your body. If that is not possible under the circumstances, consider doing isometric exercises to help work those muscles. 1) Grasp your alternate forearm up near the elbow with your hand. Gently pull your arms away from each other, release, repeat. 2) Place your outstretched arms out above your knees, palms facing each other. Cross your arms at the wrist so the palms are now naturally facing out. Drop these crossed hands inside your knees. Gently push hands against knees, and knees against hands, release, repeat.
• Breathe. Take natural inhalations (you don’t need any more energy right now), and extend the gentle exhalations. Continue to breathe in this way. Think “long breaths”. If the breath is feeling uncomfortable or forced, return to your natural breath for a couple breaths, then elongate the exhalations again.
• Drop your shoulders away from your ears, particularly on the exhalations. Don’t lift them back up again on the inhales. (Stress tightens the muscles and constricts the shoulders and rib cage, limiting the ability to take full breaths. This gentle practice will alleviate this problem.)
• Reach out to a trusted friend or professional.
• When stress hits memory and processing are typically reduced and you may not remember these tips, so keep a list of your strategies in your phone or wallet.

Ultimately, the goal is to remember that you can bring sanctuary to you. You needn’t feel that you must escape the situation and go somewhere else to feel safe. You’ve got this!

Judy Lipson is a Licensed Professional Counselor and educational strategist in West Bloomfield, MI. She helps clients of all ages who have learning difficulties, work or school related anxiety, ADHD, Asperger’s Syndrome or Autism Spectrum Disorders, and those who wish to Remember and Become ‘Who You Really Are’. Contact Judy at 248.568.8665 and judylipson@spiralwisdom.net, and visit www.JudyLipson.com for more information.

This article is for informational purposes and is not meant to replace medical care.

By Judith E. Lipson, M.A., LPC

One of the things that really concerns me right now is how fraught with fear we are becoming. Fear has always been a prominent emotion. After all, our nervous system is wired to look for cues of danger.

For most of us, our ability to rise above this tendency, as well as our resiliency, are reduced. I write this so that we can each be reminded of the importance to keep our nervous systems as calm as possible, even during these incredibly challenging times. Regardless of our faith or ethnicity we have had difficult histories – some more challenging, some during certain times. Even though we did not live through those histories personally, we are affected. This is referred to as ancestral, or generational, trauma. We carry these traumas and wounds within us in addition to the intuitive need to look for danger. No wonder we have such a tendency to be anxious, worried and even fearful.

The current world events are frightening. Yet, we cannot respond most effectively if we do not stay grounded and calm. (Looking for proof of this concept? As examples, reflect on surgeons in the operating room who encounter a medical crisis, or the pilot Sully Sullenberger who landed his plane safely on the Hudson River. If they had responded in panic, the outcome would not likely have been successful.)

I’m not going to pretend that it’s easy to calm our panicked nervous systems, but I do encourage you to continue to learn ways to do so. Each time you practice a technique, you are reinforcing your parasympathetic system’s ability to calm yourself down, and each time that offers the potential for it to be a little easier the next time.

Why should you do this practice? Well, it’s really hard on the body to be in fight and flight for long periods of time. Also, it feels really awful!!!

And here is another important reason: The opposite of love is not hate, the opposite of love is fear. When we are in fear, it is very difficult to feel safe enough to open our hearts to adequately connect with others, and this includes our closest loved ones; and that is not a good thing.

An important aspect of what makes our nervous system feel safe is the act of feeling connected to others. We are actually wired for connection in order to feel safe. It’s knowing that we can reach out and the other will be there for us. If we are in fear we are less able to reach out and to achieve that. This makes us more fearful, and also makes us less available to connect with others with whom we may not have familiarity.

As a result, we see the world as me versus you and us versus them. This experience of separateness and polarization breeds contempt, resentment, hostility, and more fear. And the cycle goes on and on.

Gandhi said, “You must be the change you wish to see in the world.” You may only feel like one person, and wonder how you can really make a difference, but it is important to remember that you are not really the singleton that you think you are. There are many of us who believe in peace and love [with just a side-note that way before Marianne Williamson even thought there might be a time that she would run for president, as a spiritual teacher she taught that “sometimes the loving response is no”.] Realize that you are not alone in this quest. There are many of us who long for peace and unity, but that message does not (currently) sell advertisements on the news, so it is not broadcast or printed.

Be the peace you wish to see in the world. Start your practices (or delve back in) so that you can calm your nervous system and respond from your more grounded, peaceful place. Your mind and body (and your heart and spirit) will thank you for it. I know that I do (thank you).

Please remember to take care of yourself even while you are taking care of others, personally or professionally. Remember that you must “put on your own oxygen mask before assisting others”.

I thought it might be helpful to remind us all of strategies to help calm our nervous systems as we continue to experience these difficult times, whether that is personally or vicariously.

• Keeping busy is an effective tool for mental distraction (in the short-term), but provide enough quiet time so as to not stress your physical body.
• While it is important to be informed, and even to bear witness to the stories, you only need a small amount of information to achieve that goal. Please turn it off or stop reading when it’s time. (Even before it’s time.)
• Focus on movement, hydration, and healthy nutrition to take care of your physical body.
• Re-visit your creative endeavors.
• Get out in nature.

May we all know peace! Namasté

Judy Lipson is a Licensed Professional Counselor and educational strategist in West Bloomfield, MI. She helps clients of all ages who have learning difficulties, work or school related anxiety, ADHD, Asperger’s Syndrome or Autism Spectrum Disorders, and those who wish to Remember and Become ‘Who You Really Are’. Contact Judy at 248.568.8665 and judylipson@spiralwisdom.net, and visit www.JudyLipson.com for more information.

This article is for informational purposes and is not meant to replace medical care.

By Judith E. Lipson, M.A., LPC

I began learning about polyvagal theory, founded by Dr. Stephen Porges, years ago while attending the international trauma conference in Boston. I had the privilege to hear him talk and knew it was vitally important. I have continued to read, attend lectures, and view videos on the subject. Additionally, over the last year I have participated in a weekly polyvagal practice group. As I gain a better understanding, I’m learning how to utilize its principles for my own well-being and my clients.

Sensitives and those who have encountered trauma are not the only ones who are challenged by the external and internal sensory impact on their nervous systems. Dr. George Thompson says: The motto of the amygdala [part of the nervous system] is “better safe than sorry”. We all deal with a reactive nervous system. Psychologists call it negative bias. Recognizing that challenging thoughts and feelings originate in the body’s nervous system helps me to explain the process to others and to recommend helpful responses.

Dr. Gabor Maté explains: “The usual conception of trauma conjures up notions of catastrophic events: hurricanes, abuse, egregious neglect, and war. This has the unintended and misleading effect of relegating trauma to the realm of the abnormal, the unusual, the exceptional. If there exists a class of people we call ‘traumatized’, that must mean that most of us are not. Here we miss the mark by a wide margin. Trauma pervades our culture, from personal functioning through social relationships, parenting, education, popular culture, economics, and politics. In fact, someone without the marks of trauma would be an outlier in our society. We are closer to the truth when we ask: Where do we each fit on the broad and surprisingly inclusive trauma spectrum? Which of its many marks has each of us carried all (or most) of our lives, and what have the impacts been? And what possibilities would open up were we to become more familiar, even intimate, with them?”

Physician, Dr. Lucy McBride wrote in her 10/17/22 newsletter: “It’s what some medical professionals, including myself, are calling ‘post-pandemic stress’, which is not an official diagnosis (nor does it mean that COVID is gone!) but is characterized by anxiety, mood instability, and mental exhaustion that is interfering with quality of life. I witness the full spectrum of this trauma response among my patients. I feel it myself. Some of us lean on friends; others seek solitude. Some rigidly adhere to strict diets; others binge on alcohol or sugary foods. Some grieve quietly; others lash out on social media — or at the supermarket — in anger. As trauma specialist Dr. Gabor Mate said, ‘Trauma is not what happens to you, it’s what happens inside you.’ Isolated for over two years, we’re being forced to confront our interior worlds — and each other. No matter how one processes loss, this transition out of this pandemic requires us to face uncomfortable truths about ourselves. We must normalize any feelings of despair and face our self-sabotaging behaviors to more appropriately direct our angst. Healing from the psychological toll of the past two years and rebuilding healthy relationships requires embracing our vulnerability. It requires accepting that we will not have all the answers, and that some questions simply don’t have one. To do so, we must embrace the practice of ‘holding paradox’. Holding paradox is about abandoning black-or-white thinking. It involves reframing our mindset to view issues as ‘both-ands’ instead of ‘either-ors’. It’s about approaching each day with an open, curious mind, instead of the impulse to predict, control, or win every argument.”

Ultimately, I now understand that polyvagal theory informs us of the body’s major role in one’s mental health. Sure, our thoughts and feelings are important. But it all begins in the nervous system….in the body. And we therefore must include those supports in addition to the cognitive reframing, verbal expression, and all the other therapeutic techniques that we use to address our “issues” and symptoms. To borrow Dr. McBride’s phrasing from above, this provides for a both-and therapeutic scenario. In fact, I still believe the best approach is holistic, utilizing a mind, body, spirit perspective. I’ve understood this theoretically for years, and now I’m learning how to incorporate “body” when related to therapy.

As we learn about the body’s responses and how they can then lead to our emotions and stories, we can consider these concepts that I learned at the recent Polyvagal Institute Summit:

• Learn to sit with the agitation, sadness, or distress for 90 seconds.
• Ask yourself if you can turn towards yourself, the world and others even during your distress, turning with kindness, warmth, and acceptance.
• Be a welcoming harbor for self, world, and others, trusting that your survival system is doing the job it best knows to do.
• Recognize that there is a neurobiological choice — to turn towards self, the world, and others.

As I bring this article to a close, I thought I’d add a few additional quotes that I have recently heard or read that relate to polyvagal and the nervous system:

• The kids who need love the most will ask for it in the most unloving ways. Russel Barkley
• Move from a task-based environment at work to a relationship-based environment. Marilyn Sanders
• Meet the person where their nervous system is. Stephen Porges
• It (their autonomic system) is not the individual. This clarity creates space for others to not judge harshly, and for self-compassion by the individual who struggles. George Thompson
• Regulation is connection. It’s not about being calm. Regulation is not a behavior, but an authentic connection to the self. Kim Barthel

I have found that understanding the nervous system’s role is a great way to better understand what is happening when I (or my client) has been overly stimulated into the fight/flight (sympathetic) or has found themselves in shutdown/collapse (dorsal). It’s a place to begin to understand your nervous system and your responses more completely so that you might better move yourself towards a more calm/connected (ventral) response.

The accompanying video offers a verbal discussion of ventral, sympathetic and dorsal, using a graphic of the autonomic ladder that was created by clinician Deb Dana. This article and video are provided to start a conversation – to help you to understand that since it begins in the nervous system, then the body can be the powerful entry point for ease and healing. I hope this moves you one step closer to experiencing the world in a more calm and connected manner.

If you wish to learn more about the concepts provided here while working with a trained professional, I recommend that you seek professionals who are trauma-informed and/or somatically trained.

Judy Lipson is a Licensed Professional Counselor and educational strategist in West Bloomfield, MI. She helps clients of all ages who have learning difficulties, work or school related anxiety, ADHD, Asperger’s Syndrome or Autism Spectrum Disorders, and those who wish to Remember and Become ‘Who You Really Are’. Contact Judy at 248.568.8665 and judylipson@spiralwisdom.net, and visit www.JudyLipson.com for more information.

This article is for informational purposes and is not meant to replace medical care.

By Judith E. Lipson, M.A., LPC

I talk to a lot of people – friends, colleagues, and clients – and I watch the patterns of conversation. Over the last few months, we have talked a lot about the shift away from social isolation toward finding ease in returning to a more active way of life (while maintaining masks, hygiene, and proper distancing as recommended by the CDC). Initially, these conversations were to provide preparation for when that time would come.

Recently, more adults have received their COVID-19 vaccines, and students and staff have returned to school. These conversations have now taken on more of a timely need and an urgency.

Not surprisingly, a number of people are delighted to return to activities and events that are more reminiscent of times pre-pandemic. Others have expressed that they have felt quite comfortable with some, or many, aspects of the life that they have experienced over this last year and are struggling to make the shift.

This article is written for this latter group. If you are one of these people who looks back at this last year with a partial or complete thought of: please don’t mess with me now! then this article is for you. If you have always (or are now) struggling with general anxiety or social anxiety, this is for you. If you are not personally resonating with this concept, I still encourage you to read it so you can better understand your students, colleagues, friends, and family members. I’ve also included some tips to help you or them to venture out.

WHAT WE ARE EXPERIENCING

No two people are the same so not everyone will describe it the same way, but here is what I’ve been hearing, and it may not be what you expect. What you probably think is that folks are scared of contracting COVID-19, but actually most people do NOT quote their concern of developing COVID as their primary reason for their reluctance to venture back to activities.

Actually, what I find is that many folks are Sensitives (highly attuned to one or more of the five senses) and there is only so much that they feel that they can take in at any given time. This has been a very stressful year with changes in school and work routines, and social and political changes and conflicts. Sensitives are not only dealing with their own experiences of the above, but are also feeling the emotions of the collective which includes their family, workspace or classroom (even on zoom), and society as a whole. There has been a lot to sort and process, all while a pandemic is occurring. Even if you have learned to function in your world, amidst the noise of sensory stimulation and strong emotions, this last year has struck Sensitives in two ways. First, there is more “noise” to process. Second, having to stay home has been a surprising gift to reduce it all.

Let me explain some of the less obvious reasons besides what was mentioned above. Sensitives usually have, or have had, issues with clothing. Society makes a joke about zooming without pants, but that is a welcome relief to many Sensitives. Even the ones who do put on pants feel more freedom to wear comfy clothes than if they were in their school or work settings. Have you heard, “These are my daytime pajamas”? Seriously, many people are wearing sweats or yoga clothes for work and school. As a personal observation I noticed by April 2020 that I couldn’t tolerate any clothing that I felt was binding. My irritability while wearing it was significant, and I realized that it was better to avoid these clothes. Relative calmness resulted.

Many students are reluctant to return to their school buildings. Some of these are kids with social insecurities. They feel that they often do the wrong things, and this has led to teasing and their own subsequent self-judgment. (Please realize that there are adults who experience the world similarly, often because this was their experience throughout their education.) When the world seems like, or has been, a scary place why would the individual want to willingly return?

Sensitives are doing all they can to process all that is happening within and around them. Their bandwidth for tolerating it all has narrowed from pre-pandemic times. They can’t tolerate the thought that they might have to now be in space (literally and energetically) with even more than what they are having to deal with in the confines of their home.

Some others have a history of difficulty with transitions from one activity to another. Others have a history of avoiding any novel activities unless they have a social story of what to expect. (See more on this below.)

WHY IT IS IMPORTANT TO RE-ENTRY

The individual might be ‘fearing’ losing the relative calmness, and/or may not want to tempt the fates of previous memories. But part of living this human experience is to adapt, or find equanimity (peace with what is), during the changes of life.

In a recent article, author Bufka said, “A few times in the past year I’ve thought about what it was like for my grandmother who was born in 1901, and all the changes that she saw over the course of her life. We’re having a compressed version of that….”

If we look at the developmental stages of life, this is exactly what each of us has been doing since we were born. We learned the ways of early childhood and without even realizing it we adapted into our adolescent years where we began to differentiate ourselves from our parents and our societal teachings. We questioned which of these teachings we wanted to maintain for ourselves, by our own choice. As we moved onward through adulthood, we made these same adaptations as we took on jobs, careers, and new friendships and family members. And through it all there were small and large crises to attend to as we learned how to experience the changes and challenges with the greatest ease. Like Bufka says, a lot is being condensed into what has only been a year of time, which is why some may be finding it so difficult to make the shift back into more traditional activities (even with masks, distancing and washing).

RE-ENTRY STRATEGIES

You don’t have to return to your full pre-pandemic lifestyle. Consider taking it one piece or aspect at a time.

Increase your bandwidth of tolerance by practicing good self-care strategies:

• Adequate rest
• Good nutrition and hydration
• Movement
• Feed your spirit and/or your creative aspects
  • Meditate, pray or daydream
  • Practice your passions and try a new creative art
  • Take time to be in nature
  • Stay connected with friends and loved ones (even if virtually)
• Decrease sensory input when and where possible

Identify the gap and create scaffolding to bridge it:

• Create and provide social stories for yourself or your loved one. One of the reasons why new experiences feel so daunting is because we don’t know what it will look like. Identify and describe what you will most likely expect.
• Practice expanding your comfort level energetically and socially for preparation of going back to work, school etc. Since some individuals seem quite comfortable in their current milieu, they might need a significant amount of coaxing. Be sure to meet these individuals where they are. Ridiculing or shaming will NOT help your cause. Identify the small steps that will help them move comfortably from their desire to stay only indoors to engaging in-person once again: for instance, go outside with a mask; next, take a walk down the block with significant distances from others; then walk in public places and learn to move away from others in a calm, efficient manner that doesn’t attract unnecessary attention. Or, take rides in the family car and return to the house; take a ride and go to a public place, then return; take a ride to a specified place after a social story has been created, discussed and practiced.
• What space do you need for yourself? Can you create it? Role play with a trusted other, or in your mind, how to keep distance, how to ask for another to mask, or what it will look like and feel like to walk away if that is needed for optimal safety. Remember that you control many aspects of your experience.

Practice your previous skills that have been lost during this year away from more traditional routines. Never had those skills? Then this is an awesome time to learn! Find a trusted other, self-help book or professional to guide you through the process with role playing, social stories, and identifying the baby steps to move from present situation to desired participation.

As you approach re-entry, remember that though sometimes different seems uncomfortable or even daunting, it’s only different, not bad or dangerous. Use your strategies to control the narrative when possible, and to adapt your response when needed.

I now offer you this humorous video by The Holderness Family that you might find depicts the inner narrative of the reluctant participants in your life.

Judy Lipson is a Licensed Professional Counselor and educational strategist in West Bloomfield, MI. She helps clients of all ages who have learning difficulties, work or school related anxiety, ADHD, Asperger’s Syndrome or Autism Spectrum Disorders, and those who wish to Remember and Become ‘Who You Really Are’. Contact Judy at 248.568.8665 and judylipson@spiralwisdom.net, and visit www.JudyLipson.com for more information.

This article is for informational purposes and is not meant to replace medical care.

When I recently updated my logo, I returned to the image of my original spiral. It seems appropriate now to explain the story of that spiral and its significance in my life and work.

This story starts several decades ago when I was learning to reduce my anxiety. Knowing me now, you wouldn’t even believe how anxious I was as a youth and early(ier) adult! I was taught breathing and calming exercises, and then meditation. Even that was frightening for this anxious young woman. But little by little over the course of a year I began to let go and allow my body and mind to relax as I returned to my roots as an intuitive empath.

Eventually I began to notice visualizations in these early meditations. The shape was always the same – a spiral. It always had the same direction and the same number of whorls. Eventually, I tried to do research to find out more, but if you can believe this, there was very little about spirals. Without the internet (or maybe it had just begun), there were no links to spiritual messages. There were books, but they only talked about spirals in nature (i.e.: the nautilus shell, plants, etc.) and mathematics (i.e.: the Fibonacci spiral). However, none of that felt satisfying to understand why I was seeing spirals, and this specific spiral, in repeated meditations.

Eventually, I began to experience more diverse visualizations in my meditations. Yet I always remembered those spirals. THAT spiral.

Fast forward to February of 2002 when I opened my private practice, Spiral Wisdom LLC. In the year prior, while I tried to develop a name, I remembered (how could I forget!!) my link to spirals and incorporated it in my business name. I thought this was a full circle moment, but that was yet to come.

My original logo had a very raw image of my spiral, so in 2010 I worked with a graphic designer who suggested a really cool logo that incorporated a spiral into a hand. I accepted it, and even loved it, but I have to be honest that I always missed MY spiral.

In 2012 I traveled to Sedona for a retreat to acknowledge the significance of the date, 12/12/12. As part of our events, we traveled to a local petroglyph site (dated 500 CE – 1425 CE). Our docent was discussing the significance and meanings of the various carvings on the large wall. Most of these carvings were very elaborate and could be measured in feet (see photo below).

I noticed that some of the attendees had circled around to the side wall, so I did so as well. I almost missed it since it was only about 2 inches in diameter. There, as clear as could be was MY spiral (see below). I got so excited I kind of made a scene. LOL The docent was wondering what was going on. He later explained that though he didn’t have an explanation for the meaning of the spiral, it is located on what is considered the women’s wall of the site.

Fast forward to when I celebrated my 60^th birthday with a special ceremony to publicly state, aloud, before my attendees, all the names that had ever been used to identify me, including my maiden name, nick-names, some names from meditations, and my current name. I stepped forward (with an awesome staff that had been loaned to me for this ritual) as me. It was phenomenal. It was transformative! Yet, in hindsight, it was nothing.

Continued work has led me to realize that I had been unwilling to trust exposing myself. I see that I had been hiding behind my business name. I was writing everything business-related on social media under my Spiral Wisdom LLC page. Even my monthly newsletter (which I’ve been writing for eight years) was called The Spiral Wisdom Newsletter.

In the last quarter of 2020 I began to fully acknowledge myself as Judy Lipson and I’m ready to be fully recognized professionally this way. No more hiding! (And my newsletter and website banners have been redesigned with the new logo).

Now, don’t get me wrong. I will always recognize my business as Spiral Wisdom LLC. Spirals, and the wisdom of spirals, are integral to the work that I do. Most people talk of therapy being the peeling away of the layers of an onion to reach the core issues. While this is true, one can also view the movement of the spiral directing one’s awareness to deeper and more integral aspects of their healing; or in reverse, to see how the healing of core issues affects all aspects of one’s life. And seen 3-dimensionally, the spiral becomes a vortex – a powerful space for transformative change.

My 60^th ceremony was the time of ritually stepping forward to own who I was. Creating this new logo and claiming my professional life as Judy Lipson is doing so at a deeper level. From the perspective of the spiral I can see how this is a perfect analogy of going to the center to be the core of me. But the reverse whorl is also the perfect analogy. I have gone inward to find and identify me, and now I’m taking all of that outward, along the whorls of the spiral, transforming myself and spreading the message.

And what is the message? Right now it’s all about helping people to:

• Appreciate Sensitives
• Understand transformation
• Remember and Become Who You Really Are
• Navigate the larger picture of the changes that are happening in our society during this transformative time

I have no idea if this message and mission will morph over time. I just know that I’m happy to show up as Judy, to do this work, and to release that fear of being seen.

Judy

Judy Lipson is a Licensed Professional Counselor and educational strategist in West Bloomfield, MI. She helps clients of all ages who have learning difficulties, work or school related anxiety, ADHD, Asperger’s Syndrome or Autism Spectrum Disorders, and those who wish to Remember and Become ‘Who You Really Are’. Contact Judy at 248.568.8665 and judylipson@spiralwisdom.net, and visit www.JudyLipson.com for more information.

This article is for informational purposes and is not meant to replace medical care.

By Judith E. Lipson, M.A., LPC

This pandemic is getting so difficult for so many! This is really not surprising! It’s been nearly 6 months since many began their sheltering-in-place practices. When the weather got nice, and school was over for “summer vacation”, there was an especially acute longing to get back to life – as we knew it. After all, summer is that glorious time when we travel with our families, by ourselves, or with special friends to escape the harried life of work and home responsibilities. Summer has become equivalent for many of us as the time for escape. But instead of getting the green light to take our escape, we were met with resistance. Some saw the resistance coming from the CDC, or their governmental leaders, while some recognized that this is a result of the impact of the novel coronavirus. Regardless, many see this as a time when one’s desires are being thwarted. And we don’t like that!!

In all my years of talking to people I’ve realized that one’s ability to shift and adapt varies. Actually, I will rephrase that to say one’s willingness to shift and adapt varies! One way to improve your adaptability is through equanimity. I’ve written about it previously, but I want to discuss it again in the context of COVID-19, and all that it is revealing to us socially, politically, environmentally, financially, educationally, medically, etc, etc.

I’d like to invite you to take a few introspective moments and look at “being uncomfortable”. This is not about justification that you have a right to your thought or feeling. We’re going deeper than that. Do you even have an awareness of the discomforting thought, feeling, or action? Or have you been so intent on avoiding the discomfort that you hadn’t even sat with it long enough to recognize it occurring? Identify what drives you, what troubles you, what ultimately makes you uncomfortable. In other words, what have you been avoiding or running from?

• Thoughts: i.e., “I don’t want there to be a pandemic.” “There really isn’t anything to be afraid of or react to.” “People aren’t going to tell me what I can or can’t do.” “I deserve this …… (vacation, experience, etc).” Those are only some of the possible thoughts that may have led to your discomfort. What are yours?
• Feelings: Anger and fear are the main emotions that people discuss. But I encourage you to go deeper. Is there frustration? Grief? Loneliness? Anxiety? Worry? Sadness? A sense of betrayal or injustice? Disappointment? Agitation? Feeling misunderstood? What feeling(s) are you experiencing? And have you been running from them?
• Actions: For some people, this is the easiest route to then access the rest. What action have you been taking that has provided you the opportunity to not have to feel the uncomfortable emotion, or think the uncomfortable thought, that you identified above?  For instance, these are two extreme positions, but do you go into public with no consideration of the CDC recommendations? Do you stay home in your bubble when it is not medically required? What actions might you be taking that provide you an escape to avoid feeling the uncomfortable emotions or thoughts?

Now I would like to invite you to look at all of this a bit differently. Most folks’ experiences have led them to become wired to expect only the status quo, or that which was previously in existence. As a result, you may feel that you should avoid change. Change and discomfort, however, do not equal dangerous! So I encourage you to have a conscious inner conversation to reframe the situation and allow opportunity.

Seeking equanimity can help with this by providing you with a greater sense of peace during the challenging situation. (I think this pandemic qualifies as challenging! Don’t you?!) Equanimity is the acceptance of what is. As I explain to my clients, this type of acceptance doesn’t mean that you shout, “Oh goody! This is awesome. I love it. Bring on more.” No, it’s rather a type of acknowledging that what is … IS … for right now. You might still choose to make the inner changes (like acceptance, forgiveness, empowerment, etc), and/or seek to change the situation that you are not accepting (like racism, mysogeny, various inequalities, etc). Equanimity is the practice of finding the peace within your situation, which will ultimately help you to make the changes that you seek internally and externally, more effectively.

When you can experience equanimity you will find that there is less resistance in your situation. See if you can follow this visual: Imagine that you are looking at a ball. This ball represents the issue at hand – that really icky situation like COVID, or like your uncomfortable thought or feeling that you identified earlier. The situation – the ball – is bad enough. It’s already hard to to deal with. But now if you add resistance, you’ve just put a very large coating around the ball. The ball may now feel twice the size of the original situation. There is no need to add resistance. Remember, the “ball” feels like it’s enough of a hurdle all by itself. So remove the resistance, using equanimity, and allow the uncomfortable feelings to feel more tolerable and more manageable.

I want to address one last thing in this article. I stated in the first paragraph: “…there was an especially acute longing to get back to life – as we knew it”. I’d like to caution you about this concept. Change is normal. It’s part of our own personal development – you are not the same as you were in your childhood or teen years. In fact, approximately each decade of adult aging brings about changes. (You might look up Dr. Levinson’s Seasons of Life Theory to learn more.) Change is also part of society’s development. If you look back at history you see the identification of the industrial and technological revolutions, to name a few. I was alive during the civil rights era, the space race, and women receiving greater rights through feminism. What’s likely unprecedented is for us to live through these many current changes, with the onslaught of informational awareness, and to have so many changes occurring all at once during a global pandemic.

Certainly, our knee-jerk desire is for it all to go away, and to return to what we are used to. But we should not want to return to “normal”! We are understanding and recognizing more and more that what we saw as normal, the status quo, was inferior. We can do better. We deserve better. No one need settle for less.

So I urge you. Take a few minutes (with a trusted friend or professional, if needed) and look within. What have you been hiding from? Bring it to the surface. Look at it. Bring it into accurate perspective. Remove the layers of fear and resistance. Seek equanimity with it and within yourself. Then you will have the ability to make an accurate assessment of what you actually want to change and how to get there.

Take a few minutes and look at the changes that seem to be happening around you. Don’t rush to put things back the way they were, nor to create what you think it should be, because you may not yet know the best outcome for it to be. In Alcoholics Anonymous they understand the following: If you always do what you always did, then you will always get what you always got. These are important times and there’s no need to have a knee-jerk reaction to any of it.

Drop your fear and your anger. Open your heart to self and others. Seek acceptance of what is … as equanimity.

Judy Lipson is a Licensed Professional Counselor and educational strategist in West Bloomfield, MI. She helps clients of all ages who have learning difficulties, work or school related anxiety, ADHD, Asperger’s Syndrome or Autism Spectrum Disorders, and those who wish to Remember and Become ‘Who You Really Are’. Contact Judy at 248.568.8665 and judylipson@spiralwisdom.net, and visit www.SpiralWisdom.net for more information.

This article is for informational purposes and is not meant to replace medical care.

By Judith E. Lipson, M.A., LPC

The more I understand about empaths, the more I learn concepts that I had never considered. Please read to the end for the newest information.

Empaths experience more than empathy. Empaths not only care about the others’ feelings, but also feel the other’s physical sensations and/or emotions in their own being. It’s a wonderful gift and is especially prominent in those who serve in the healing professions; yet this gift is often accompanied by the challenges that can arise when one feels deeply, intensely and expansively.

Unfortunately our society doesn’t talk about it (thereby normalizing it), nor do we teach our children to understand, accept and foster this gift, thus minimizing potential challenges.

How I have approached the challenges:

• Cognitively: It is not your role to take in the fullness of another’s experience so that they may be spared their own distress. As a healer (medical, spiritual, or even as a friend), you only need enough information to know what the individual experiences in order to direct them, or your healing modality, to their healing. For this to happen, you only need a little information. Think filling a thimble instead of a bathtub.
• Energetically: Now that you understand ‘why’ you needn’t bring it all in to you, it is often important to know how to modulate the entry. I use the visual model of the whale or dolphin’s blowhole, which opens after coming to the surface of the water, and closes before diving again. Since it is most likely that you access others’ energetic information at your gut, close your eyes and try to identify the size of your own ‘blowhole’. Then try closing it a bit, and opening it again. Just play with the idea and use your imagination. See how you feel when you are more open, and see if you feel differently when it’s more closed. Play with the concept and see what size works best for you, in this moment. Please note that some folks like a different concept for modulating their energy intake. Consider a screen/weave, or a color that is translucent (pink) to opaque (red). I have also had kids and adults choose ocean waves, firewalls (computer security concept), selectively permeable membranes (biology – cell membrane), force fields (Star Trek), and other ideas. Find what works for you.

During the last year, I have had clients (a couple adults, and even a 7 year old) who felt certain that it is their job to take others’ discomforts. They were not deterred by the teachings described above. So we took the following approach:

• If it is indeed your role to be the receptacle, must you KEEP their stuff for them? As these individuals acknowledged, from their own intuitive knowing, that they are to be the receptacle, but not maintain the input, they have used guided imagery to remove from their own system what has already accumulated. They instantly felt better.
• Can you create a way where you remain the receptacle, helping others to release, but then set a ‘drain’ within you for continual release from your own energy field? All of this is done with intention and imagination. See what resonates for you as you acknowledge your ‘receptacle’ and ‘drain’. The technique(s) that you develop today might change in the near or distant future.

Recently, I have been learning about energy frequencies and vibrations. It only partially reflects the procedures and explanations that I have previously taught about energy modulation. It is raw, and there is more for me to learn, but I’ll share it with you now:

When information is shared, received and interpreted, all at the level of frequency, there is less chance for misunderstanding (every stage of transmutation risks altering the message). Additionally, by drawing it into the denser levels of your three-dimensional self in order to “understand”, there is the risk of the body not being able to properly handle it. This can lead to physical or emotional challenges.

In metaphor, let’s compare frequency information/communication to the states of water. Think of frequencies as being the energetic equivalent of a gas. Thus frequencies can enter and leave your system with ease. When you attempt to understand the message of a frequency and draw it into the levels of words or emotions, you drop it to the level of a liquid. As a liquid, the message now has less ease to flow through the system. As it slows and is “seen” by the body, it might even drop its density to more of an ice/solid as the individual purposely or accidentally strives to understand it even more.

If we can remember that in order to understand, we do not need to dwell on that information, running it back and forth through the mind, and through our past, current and future experiences, then it can be understood in its purest state — that of energy/frequency/vibration (the metaphorical gas). This is why the exercise of ‘finding the space between the molecules’ works so nicely. We are taking these extremely dense/now-solid structures that have been formed in the body, and recognizing them as energy/vibrations/frequencies once again. In doing so, they change their state and bring the system to ease once again.

Since I work with a lot of individuals on the autism spectrum, I have considered the application of this concept with this population. Those who are looked at as having developmental delays may actually be exquisitely able to understand their world via frequencies. Their challenge has been to understand the denser neuro-typical styles of communication and language. Dr. Temple Grandin, who is autistic and known for her work with animals, famously describes her life in pictures (in the biographic novel and movie – Thinking in Pictures). She is extremely adept at accessing verbal communication (and the energetic experience of animals) by translating it into pictures. Although this is still dropping the original transmission of frequency and vibration to a denser state, doing so with pictures seems to be less dense than words/language.

I also work with a lot of clients who deal with anxiety, and wonder if a major difference between humans and animals is that when animals experience fear, it is pure and kept at the level of frequency/vibration. I frequently teach anxiety in terms of the prey animal that has a near miss with a predator. The prey narrowly gets away, and then it shakes itself (shaking off the trauma) and moves on with its day seeking food, etc. The rabbit doesn’t sit there thinking, Wow, that was close. I wonder if the fox will catch me next time. I hope that I can get away then. By bringing in thoughts to describe emotions humans anchor these emotions into a denser state.

Since empaths are attuned to the energetic frequencies and vibrational aspects of others, they absorb others’ emotions readily. Going full circle to the beginning of this article, learning to retain the frequencies in and outside of us in a “gaseous” state, will allow us to live in a greater state of ease.

As always I look forward to your thoughts and questions regarding this information so we can all learn and develop our gifts.

Judy Lipson is a Licensed Professional Counselor and educational strategist in West Bloomfield, MI. She helps clients of all ages who have learning difficulties, work or school related anxiety, ADHD, Asperger’s Syndrome or Autism Spectrum Disorders, and those who wish to Remember and Become ‘Who You Really Are’. Contact Judy at 248.568.8665 and judylipson@spiralwisdom.net, and visit www.SpiralWisdom.net for more information.

This article is for informational purposes and is not meant to replace medical care.

By Judith E. Lipson, M.A., LPC

“So called ‘late-bloomers’ get a bad rap. Sometimes the people with the greatest potential often take the longest to find their path because their sensitivity is a double edged sword – it lives at the heart of their brilliance, but it also makes them more susceptible to life’s pains. Good thing we aren’t being penalized for handing in our purpose late. The soul doesn’t know a thing about deadlines.”  Jeff Brown

When many parents bring their kids to see me, we discuss their children’s unique and wonderful traits. Yet many of these children are challenged to live their magnificence in the educational system in which they are provided. As a result, their parents, doctors, teachers, and others label them and sometimes even chastise or shame them for “not fitting in”. This experience often burdens these children for years after they have left their education behind. (I know because I often meet them as adults.)

The lucky ones will remember their gifts in these later years, and begin to feel comfortable and confident in their skin. As their confidence increases, so does their self-esteem. Suddenly these individuals “find themselves” and begin to experience successes – socially, professionally, personally. Society often describes them as late bloomers.

Wikipedia defines a late bloomer as a person whose talents or capabilities are not visible to others until later than usual.I’m glad that so many of these individuals are ultimately recognized as late bloomers, but why do they need to wait?

The number of kids being diagnosed on the autism spectrum or with ADHD or anxiety has increased significantly over the last decades. Many are questioning why this is, and I’m sure there is value in asking that question. But there is another question that needs to be addressed now: WITH SO MANY KIDS BEING RECOGNIZED OR DIAGNOSED, IS IT STILL TO BE ASSUMED THAT THEY ARE THE ERROR THAT NEEDS TO BE CORRECTED?

My goal with the students that I meet is to help them to identify, accept and honor their gifts, as well as to minimize the challenges that they experience. But it shouldn’t just be their responsibility to do the changing, and their true gifts shouldn’t have to wait to be recognized until they are AWAY from the system that pigeon holes them. It’s time that we do more to change our systems to better accommodate the changing child(ren).

One way is to recognize and honor the multiple intelligences as identified by psychologist Howard Gardner. When we accept that there are more ways to be intelligent than the traditional school models of verbal-linguistic and logical-mathematical, we provide an opportunity for more learners to soar. Here are the abilities that Gardner identified:

• Verbal-linguistic (words, language, reading, writing, telling stories, memorizing; this is measured in Verbal IQ assessments)
• Logical-mathematical (logic, abstractions, reasoning, numbers, critical thinking)
• Musical-rhythmic and harmonic (sensitivity to sounds, rhythms, tones, music)
• Visual-spatial (spatial judgment and the ability to visualize with the mind’s eye)
• Bodily-kinesthetic (control of one’s bodily motions, capacity to handle objects skillfully, sense of timing; includes sports, dance, acting, and making things)
• Interpersonal (sensitivity of other’s moods, ability to cooperate as part of a group)
• Intrapersonal (introspective and self-reflective capacities)
• Naturalistic (ability to recognize flora and fauna and to be able to relate information to one’s natural surroundings)
• Existential/Moral (though Gardner did not wish to include spiritual intelligence, he called it existential, and it’s best recognized as a source of guidance)

The concept of multiple intelligences is not new in the field of education. Educators have known about the prevalence of these multiple intelligences for decades, and we were encouraged to remember that some children learn differently. But it was assumed that the verbal-linguistic and logical-mathematical intelligences were the most prevalent and other types were in the minority. As a result, most teachers added some educational delivery or assessment methods to meet the minority’s needs, but it typically was only occasionally.

I’m not convinced that these kids are still the minority. (I would love to see some data on this). Regardless, I believe it’s time to change our educational system to further recognize these multiple intelligences and to more equitably provide educational delivery and assessment for all, with the addition of explicit social instruction.

Regardless of your political beliefs, our society seems to be focused on change – of financial systems, rights, and so much more.  How we perceive these kids and how we educate them should be one more.

Judy Lipson is a Licensed Professional Counselor and educational strategist in West Bloomfield, MI. She helps clients of all ages who have learning difficulties, work or school related anxiety, ADHD, Asperger’s Syndrome or Autism Spectrum Disorders, and those who wish to Remember and Become ‘Who You Really Are’. Contact Judy at 248.568.8665 and judylipson@spiralwisdom.net, and visit www.SpiralWisdom.net for more information.

This article is for informational purposes and is not meant to replace medical care.

By Judith E. Lipson, M.A., LPC

Discord is defined as a disagreement or lack of agreement. However, in the context of this article, discord refers to the emotional discomfort that you feel when what you want is not congruent to what is happening within or around you.

What do you do when you don’t like what’s happening and you can’t control the outcome? (This might be because you can’t control it, or because it’s not your place to do so, or because you don’t have permission.) Do you then select a different part of your life to grab hold of and hang on to tightly? More so do you actually think, pretend, or assume that you have now gained mastery over the events that your unconscious knows you really can’t control? And importantly, do you realize that this is what is happening?

I have talked with many clients about these experiences. The vast majority don’t even recognize all these aspects at a conscious level until it is discussed. In fact, it is not uncommon for an individual to focus on an event or a relationship, recognizing the discord there, when the primary source of discord is something else completely.

Have you noticed feeling strong emotions over an event, and you or others are surprised at your extreme reaction? In fact, the real area of discord is likely something else – for instance, unfinished grief from the loss of a loved one, a job, or a move.

Here are a few examples to help you begin to recognize the layers of discord:

• Your focus is on the recalcitrant child, but the underlying discord is with a spouse, boss or other adult.
• You are hyper-vigilant about your child’s rather normal developmental event, but through conversations it becomes apparent that the real area of concern is the health of your own parent, the status of your employment, or some other fear.
• Social, political or natural events are overwhelming you and you try to find the small areas of your life where you can maintain a sense of control.

This is not meant to minimize any of the emotionally charged events, or your responses. I am encouraging you to realize that when you have minimal ability to affect a major issue, you will likely try controlling something else because you think you can, and peace will not be achieved.

Psychology and Buddhist teachings remind us that you can rarely change the people and events around you, but you can change the way they affect you. The first step is to identify that underlying and hidden discord (see above). At a visceral or emotional level you know the things over which you don’t have control. But maybe it feels too big to your subconscious so you don’t want to see it. This leads you to grasp those alternative things that don’t truly acknowledge or fulfill your need. Unfortunately, these other things may then negatively impact other people in your life.

Knowledge is power, and it’s helpful to get in touch with the source of your discord. It may feel counterintuitive at the moment, but the best way to reduce the discord, inner tension, worry, fear and anxiety is to willingly face that which you are avoiding. Eckhart Tolle teaches that when you finally turn to look at that from which you run, you realize that it is not nearly as scary after all! Turn to see the issue that is hiding in the shadows. It may even be something that you thought you had already dealt with like an underlying fear or a profound loss. The original source, like Tolle says, is not nearly as uncomfortable as it has seemed, because it was perceived through the additional layers of the experience of running away.

Now that the discord has been identified at its original source without its complicating layers you can minimize its influence. Here are two powerful techniques:

• Mindfulness:
  • Stay in the present moment and resist the tendency to focus on the past.
  • Review the past situation ONE time in order to assess it so that you can learn what you might have done differently. Avoid reviewing it again, because it won’t change the outcome that has already occurred.
  • Stay out of the future where worry resides. Instead, allow yourself ONE assessment of the fearful event that is coming up, and create a proactive plan to be ready.
  • Stay in the present by: focusing on your breath, or attending to whatever activity you are doing in that moment.
  • If your thoughts stray back to the past, or to worrying about the future, redirect your thoughts and return them to the present moment.
• Equanimity:
  • It is defined as mental calmness, composure, and evenness of temper, especially in a difficult situation.
  • I think of it simply as the acceptance of what is.
  • Allow for the conscious realization that the things around you are truly outside your control and you may as well stop fighting them. As they say in AA: grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

Using mindfulness and redirecting your thoughts will help lessen the discord that seems ever-present in life, and help you to achieve a state of equanimity.

Judy Lipson is a Licensed Professional Counselor and educational strategist in West Bloomfield, MI. She helps clients of all ages who have learning difficulties, work or school related anxiety, ADHD, Asperger’s Syndrome or Autism Spectrum Disorders, and those who wish to Remember and Become ‘Who You Really Are’. Contact Judy at 248.568.8665 and judylipson@spiralwisdom.net, and visit www.SpiralWisdom.net for more information.

This article is for informational purposes and is not meant to replace medical care.

By Judith E. Lipson, M.A., LPC

It wasn’t until recently that I learned that if I sit in a ‘mindful’ state and think of people or locations that I know well, I can “feel” each individual or space differently. I’ve come to think of this as being able to identify their primary, or signature, frequency. I realized then (at least at this level of my understanding) that each living thing and environment has its own frequency.

The majority of us move unthinkingly through life, interacting with each other and all the other things around us without this recognition. Yet we are all affected by these interactions, whether imperceptibly or noticeably. If you are an energy-aware individual you probably realize this, though you might not have thought of it in these terms.

To explore this awareness try the following exercise:

Quiet your mind and think of an individual you know well. Imagine in your mind how it feels to be in their presence. Don’t overthink this exercise and don’t spend a long time thinking about the person. Whether or not you have this awareness yet, release your attention on this person, and think of a different person now. See if there might be a subtle difference in how the energies feel. Shift back to the first, and then to the second. If you‘d like you can switch your attention now to a third and then fourth individual, or even a pet.

You are not seeking how they feel emotionally, nor how your emotions feel in their presence, you are sensing the subtle vibration/frequency that you recognize as you bring your awareness to each. As you switch your attention from one being to the other, you might notice the subtle shifts that occur in your awareness, even if you can’t yet identify what it feels like. Sensing that there is a difference may be all that you get.

Now try this same exercise, but with locations that you have visited – specific cities, favorite landmarks, types of geographic areas.

Play with the exercise. You are potentially developing awareness. Please don’t judge yourself if you can’t do it. Maybe you are still developing your intuitive muscles, or maybe my instructions didn’t match your learning style.

Hopefully this exercise has made you more aware of the subtleties that people sense around them, whether you understand it at the thought level or experience it at the energy level.

As I work with the continuum of neuro-sensitive individuals who come to see me, I am learning that their ability to sense these subtleties also spans the continuum, and that some individuals are able to sense subtleties of frequencies that I do not (or that I have not yet recognized). As examples: I have had clients become physically and emotionally distracted when my space heater cycled on or off. Others have described having difficulty passing by the various store entrances while walking through malls. Whether it’s different lighting, music, temperature or something that is not tangible to our senses, their system is challenged to effectively make the adaptation from one source to the next. A very young client of mine reads the heart-space of each of the people with whom he comes in contact, and struggles with the fact that not enough are openhearted.

What they are teaching me is that their ability to easily adapt and transition from one frequency or field to the next is not easy. Unfortunately, society (parents, educators, etc) evaluate neuro-sensitives’ experiences from a neuro-typical perspective, and assume that what is happening is wrong and must be fixed.

I am therefore sharing this knowledge with you so that we can all learn how unique their neurology is, and to realize that it is not a fault that requires fixing. First, accept who they are and acknowledge their gifts. Next, collaborate with them to determine how they can best move through the various energy fields with grace and ease.

It is not uncommon for neuro-sensitives to be described as ADHD. When there is an abundance of energies and vibrations within the body, and the individual cannot readily access an organizational pattern for it all, the body may want to distract from the experience (inattentiveness) or physically try to shake out the crinkles to bring the vibrations into alignment (hyperactivity).

Encourage these individuals to move the energy throughout their body via: traditional exercise, tapping (EFT/emotional freedom technique), dance, yoga, tai chi, etc. These are excellent ways to move and organize the vibrations. Teach them to use the strategies above on a daily basis when they are not in school or at work, and to try more subtle versions (tapping, isometric exercise, brief movement opportunities like getting a drink, sharpening a pencil, etc) so that the vibrations don’t build up to an uncomfortable level.

As a result of the difficulties, neuro-sensitives often experience anxiety. Feeling different vibrations, without a more complete context of understanding, can feel and look like anxiety.

If you think this might explain some of your anxiety, recognize that the changing vibrations that are felt within are different energies or frequencies from outside you. Don’t try to modulate them to your previous state; homeostasis is not the goal here. Allow for the recognition of the changing vibrations even if you don’t know where they come from, or why they are there. Let them all flow through without attachment. Accept their presence with equanimity (a form of acceptance of what is). Let them pass through. Don’t pinch the energies and keep them immobile via too many whyquestions or by focusing on the perceived discomfort. Just allow. It is my belief, and my early experience on this issue, that the perceived discomfort / anxiety will pass much more rapidly.

I believe we all know neuro-sensitives. I encourage you to resist judging and labeling these neuro-diverse individuals through the neuro-typical lens. If you have anecdotal stories or questions related to the neuro-sensitives in your life, I hope that you will share.

If the content of this article intrigues you, consider attending a workshop that two colleagues and I have collaboratively created. Transcending Autism and Sensory Issues: Using Intuition and Energy to Address Neuro-Sensitives will be live this November (2018) in Ann Arbor, MI. Further information will be available on my website soon!

Judy Lipson is a Licensed Professional Counselor and educational strategist in West Bloomfield, MI. She helps clients of all ages who have learning difficulties, work or school related anxiety, ADHD, Asperger’s Syndrome or Autism Spectrum Disorders, and those who wish to Remember and Become ‘Who You Really Are’. Contact Judy at 248.568.8665 and judylipson@spiralwisdom.net, and visit www.SpiralWisdom.net for more information.

This article is for informational purposes and is not meant to replace medical care.