By Judith E. Lipson, M.A., LPC

Life sure does feel like a roller coaster lately. In my November Newsletter for Transformation, I wrote about the personal transformations that I had been seeing in myself and others in the previous month. I am continuing to see this trend.

If you missed my information about transformation in the November newsletter, you can read it here.

Another common topic last month was my clients’ reactions to the election results. When this came up, my role was to hold a space for their grief and remind them how to regulate their nervous systems. You can read tips on regulation in that same link above.

As I look at the patterns that I see in our society, it makes me wonder if our country is experiencing its own transformation….

I’m a woman of a certain age, and I remember the efforts in the 1960’s and 1970s to facilitate peace, civil rights, and rights for women. We’ve been seeking CHANGE for a long time!

When I think back to when Barack Obama became the president of the United States, his platform was about CHANGE and millions of Americans rallied around his chant: Yes We Can.

I truly believed that we were on the precipice of real growth a few years ago when the inadequacies of our systems were becoming more visible during the #BlackLivesMatter, #MeToo, and other important movements. (You can read more about this in my articles Hope, from January 2021, and Transformation: Let’s Not Miss This Opportunity in March 2022.)

Fast-forward to the end of 2024, and I’m trying to understand the election results. As I’ve listened to the media discuss the possible reasons why our country voted as it did, one pattern stood out to me, and that was the apparent desire for CHANGE. Some appear to be longing for a time when women, immigrants, and people of color had limited rights. (This is something that I truly cannot fathom or condone.) It is theorized that others focused on a single issue – i.e.: our educational system, medical and insurance practices, finances, the Middle East, or government in general. It was their rallying cry for that specific thing to CHANGE. Others took up Vice President Harris’ rallying cry during her campaign: We Won’t Go Back.

The one commonality is CHANGE. It seems that the U.S. is transforming, just as so many of us are experiencing personal transformations. I see in my own and others’ processes how uncomfortable it can sometimes be while we are in the middle of it. It’s not surprising then that something as large as the United States with all its systems, policies, and people would take a long time to achieve CHANGE, nor how messy it can look and feel on the way. (It reminds me of a woman’s experience of navigating perimenopause, while her children are going through adolescence – two big changes simultaneously. 🙃 YIKES! Maybe some of you can relate.)

WHAT’S UP WITH ALL THIS OTHER-ING?

Years ago, I learned that the opposite of love is not hate, but rather it is fear. Fear blocks connection and the potential for understanding, acceptance and love for another. Unfortunately, fear and anxiety also make it more difficult to physiologically access or process new information.

As I thought about this, striving to further understand how so many people in the United States and around the world are focused on hate and personal greed to the exclusion of others, I was reminded of Abraham Maslow’s Self-Actualization Hierarchy.

Maslow taught that it is difficult for an individual to ascend their personal pyramid toward social connection (which is ironically a major way that we calm our nervous systems), when they lack a sense of safety and security.

Sadly, many politicians, leaders and media pundits promote and encourage insecurities by surrounding us with 24-hour news that focuses on breaking news alerts and visual and auditory repetitions. These cause our nervous systems to stay in fight-and-flight mode and to repetitively look for cues of danger.

Many local and national candidates have taken advantage of this fear by describing groups of people as “not like us, but rather like others”.  We have seen throughout history that an effective way to establish power over others is to make people believe that they are endangered and that some other individual or group are the cause furthering fears and separation.

Think about the relevance of the following quote:

First They Came 

by Pastor Martin Niemoller

First they came for the Socialists, and I did not speak out – because I was not a Socialist.

Then they came for the trade unionists, and I did not speak out –because I was not a trade unionist.

Then they came for the Jews, and I did not speak out – because I was not a Jew.

Then they came for me – and there was no one left to speak for me.

SO, WHAT CAN WE DO ABOUT THIS?

First and foremost, sit with and allow your feelings even if they are messy and overwhelming. When you acknowledge the truth of how you feel in this moment and recognize your feelings they can process more quickly.

Be cautious of being sucked into the ever-present fear and anger that our media (and even well-meaning friends) would have us mired in.

Find your center and hold the light! Before engaging with others, or getting mired in negative thoughts, go within to connect with that part of yourself that resonates with peace, light and love.

Remember that you are not alone in your idealism and desires. Find your tribe and stay connected with them.

Keep your vibration up. That might mean not watching a lot of news, and limiting communications with some parts of your community (live, chat, or on social media) who are engrossed in their anger and fear.

IT’S OKAY TO NOT KNOW WHAT COMES NEXT

On the day after the election, I pledged to greet each person that I encountered professionally, socially, or transactionally (walking by an individual, at a store counter, etc.) with a subtle, extra-long eye contact and a connecting smile. I have continued this before and since as I strive to see the true spirit of the individual and connect with that.

Staying in this present moment helps to draw your focus away from the frustrations of the past and the worries/fears of the future. A client (who is also a clinician) told me that when she is interacting with another, she notices that she intentionally holds that space of NOW, forgetting everything else, and finds within it “beauty, love and strength”. We discussed how intention is the key, and how we can deliberately find that space, even in that interminable space in between the times when we already know how to be fully present.

Reach out to others, including those that are different from you. You don’t have to try to “bring them to your side of thinking”. That’s not the point. Identify your similarities – it may be in the work that you do, the family members that you share, the similarities of life situations in your families, your hobbies and interests, or the places that you have traveled. Be creative and seek your commonality to recognize how alike you really are, even as you are different. Twenty years ago, I helped to facilitate a program for healing, a year after the tragedy that was 9/11. We encouraged participants of different faiths, colors, cultures, affluence, and ethnicities to talk to each other and look past their perceived differences as they engaged in various community service projects in and around the city of Detroit. It worked! It was transformative for the 1000 participants … for us all. For more on this, closer to home, read NPR’s article, Have a politically divided family? These tips help you talk across the dinner table.

A year ago, after the October 7^th attack on Israel by Hamas, and the subsequent counterattacks in Gaza, I joined with a Jewish psychiatrist, a Muslim psychiatrist, and a Muslim psychologist to discuss how we can best work with all clients who might have different beliefs, histories or alliances. As busy women, we don’t have the time to meet monthly as we had hoped, but we still meet regularly. I wrote an article about it a year ago, shortly after we began, called Bridging for Peace.

My own transformative experiences have been welcomed and appreciated, and I am additionally privileged to be a part of America’s transformation as well. Still, I had hoped that America’s transformation would be from a foundation of unity, respect, and compassion for others. Instead, the focus seems to be on what can be provided to a single individual, or to a group of people who hold antiquated beliefs even as they’re screaming for CHANGE.

I believe that we all know how important these times are. We care about democracy, our country, our families, and the future of our children and grandchildren. Our difference is in how that vision will look. I would love the end-goal, and the process, to be based in unity, compassion and caring for others.

I hope that you will focus on calming your fearful nervous system while maintaining connection, care, and compassion for others. THIS is where I will hold my light. I hope that you will join me.

Namasté,

Judy

Judy Lipson is a Licensed Professional Counselor and educational strategist in West Bloomfield, MI. She helps clients of all ages who have learning difficulties, work or school related anxiety, ADHD, Asperger’s Syndrome or Autism Spectrum Disorders, and those who wish to Remember and Become ‘Who You Really Are’. Contact Judy at 248.568.8665 and judylipson@spiralwisdom.net, and visit www.JudyLipson.com for more information.

This article is for informational purposes and is not meant to replace medical care.

Individuals with highly sensitive nervous systems can become so emotionally and physically overwhelmed that they can’t participate in activities, even the ones that they would have otherwise enjoyed.

I am frequently asked how to help a super-sensory, highly sensitive student stay in class, or even to consistently attend school.

The first step is helping their educational staff, family, and potential employers to understand the challenges that these individuals’ nervous systems experience because of the constant bombardment to their five senses, and their own and others’ emotions. I write about this frequently in my monthly newsletters and have several articles devoted to this concept. If you are unfamiliar, I encourage you to read Neurosensitives and Sensory Overload and Mentoring and Parenting Sensitives.

It is only when we have a better understanding of the individual that we can relate to their experiences sufficiently to make the most appropriate adjustments to help them to have fewer reactive responses, and to appreciate and accept their need to step away.

Recently I was asked to attend a school meeting on behalf of a student. I have jotted down some generalizations that you might be able to use on behalf of your student. These concepts can also apply to a college student or an adult at work. Use these ideas and personalize them to your specific situation/individual.

We are talking about their nervous system’s response to its environment. Their behaviors are not personal or willful.

• We want to minimize their nervous system’s identification of cues of danger. Incidentally, we are all wired to see the world through what is called negative bias where we see danger when there really is no bear. This tendency is intensified in a super-sensory or someone who has experienced trauma.
• A good resource to help you to walk a mile in their shoes comes from a writer who explains how having a chronic illness is like starting each day with a specific number of spoons. The kids and adults that I work with resonate with this concept and often use it to explain their situation to others. They can now verbalize in a concrete way to others, “I only have 4 spoons left. I need _______.”
• Maximize their cues of safety to help them calm their nervous systems in real time:
• They (their nervous systems) need to experience that school can feel safe. This often requires a reduced schedule for a period of time (so that their nervous system doesn’t overwhelm); and/or a quiet, cozy, safe place for them to be in the building.
• Allow and encourage the student to determine when they can return to a class(es) and continue to provide access to the safe place.
• The safe place is typically quiet, dimly lit and often small. Fidgets and other sensory objects are helpful. Some individuals like to have weighted blankets available. Take the time to find out what helps them to feel safest and calmest.
• Individuals who interact with the individual can help the situation and the individual by slowing their own movements and voice, speaking softly, using an inviting tone, and breathing calmly.
• Consider reflecting the student’s experiences so that they feel seen. (i.e.: I can see that not knowing what I was asking became very overwhelming to you, and that was more difficult after the sudden noise that we just unexpectedly experienced. I recognize that you really want to have quiet time to be able to feel calm again.)
• Assure them that no change will take place until they are ready. (If their nervous system is in crisis, this is not the time to “push” them toward growth.)
• Find out who on staff their nervous system has identified as “safe”. Whenever possible these individuals should be the ones who address them when they need to calm, as well as when shifts toward more engagement are being requested.

It’s not uncommon for behaviors, tolerance, and the willingness to stay engaged to change very rapidly (that 0-10 concept). Highly sensitive individuals with highly reactive nervous systems are being bombarded with constant input and are tolerating as well as they can. Truthfully, they are doing an awesome job…until they can’t! As we understand their situation and help them to address difficulties even before they happen, they can tolerate more and require fewer and shorter breaks from the activities. This translates to more time engaged and present.

Judy Lipson is a Licensed Professional Counselor and educational strategist in West Bloomfield, MI. She helps clients of all ages who have learning difficulties, work or school related anxiety, ADHD, Asperger’s Syndrome or Autism Spectrum Disorders, and those who wish to Remember and Become ‘Who You Really Are’. Contact Judy at 248.568.8665 and judylipson@spiralwisdom.net, and visit www.JudyLipson.com for more information.

This article is for informational purposes and is not meant to replace medical care.

By Judith E. Lipson, M.A., LPC

When I look at the world (locally and globally) I see an environment of conflict and separation, while I believe in oneness and unity. There is a great need for mending fences and finding connection, but the problem(s) feel way too big for me to make a significant impact.

When my clients have expressed similar sentiments to me, I point out that we do what we can. Sometimes that is donating money or time to an important cause, but when those are not manageable you can still add light and peace to our world by smiling and connecting with everyone (including complete strangers) that you encounter in lines, behind store registers, or even while passing them on the street.

This small act can brighten another’s day, lift their heart and put a smile on their face. A colleague recently shared that saying “Awwwww” in your mind (like you would when seeing a cute puppy), will allow for the opening and sharing of your heart space, without saying a word.

Me? I do what I can. I donate, I smile, I share my heart space, I pray, and I meditate. And like you, I question if it is enough. These actions, over time, have proven to be a bridge for an incredible experience.

A few weeks ago, I was approached by a couple of Muslim therapists, to meet with Jewish therapists, so we could discuss the importance of maintaining the therapeutic alliance in our work when we encounter clients of different faiths, nationalities, and beliefs particularly during these difficult times. (I’m writing this in November 2023.)

Due to our desire to initiate this quickly, and challenges of availability during the holiday season, we started small. Four of us sat for a nearly 2.5 hour conversation at our first meeting. It was impactful. We talked about our families to create connection and commonality, and then with intention we led with our hearts. We asked each other gentle questions and probing questions. We answered honestly and authentically. We looked at our common beliefs and core values as well as our seeming differences. We sought to understand where these differences came from and what holds us to them.

What was our secret? We approached everything with curiosity and the intention of holding a sacred space of radical acceptance — that same quality that we each regularly provide therapeutically to our clients (patients) who have differing viewpoints.

We cried, and we hugged, and we talked. We thanked each other for coming to the conversation and for holding the space for each other.

This experience filled my heart and gives me hope. We will be repeating it soon, and then we hope to add more people.

I found that as I have been discussing this conversation with others, each person has expressed delight. They hope it demonstrates that any of us can have peaceful conversations, and that connections really can occur. They feel hope, as I do. And they have also suggested that I write it down and share it with others. It’s amazing how one example might encourage others to do the same.

How can you participate in similar dialogues?

• Approach everything from an “isn’t this curious” mindset.
• Find your shared humanity.
• Look at your own potential biases – we all have them, and it is helpful when you allow yourself to see your own.
• Set an expectation for authenticity and honesty.
• Open your heart (“Awwwww”).
• Seek any and all commonalities between you and the one that you have previously seen as ‘the other.’
• Bring in humor where appropriate and LAUGH together.
• If you find that you are making an assumption in your mind, take a breath and consider asking permission to check it out. “I find myself thinking that you mean this….. Is this accurate?”
• Express gratitude for their participation in this (potentially) difficult conversation.

There are so many opportunities to cross divides. And there has never been a more important time. Might you find one small way to reach out, open your heart, and establish connection with another? I thank you in advance, and I would love to hear about it.

Sending each of you bright blessings. The spirit in me acknowledges the spirit in you.

Namasté,

Judy

Judy Lipson is a Licensed Professional Counselor and educational strategist in West Bloomfield, MI. She helps clients of all ages who have learning difficulties, work or school related anxiety, ADHD, Asperger’s Syndrome or Autism Spectrum Disorders, and those who wish to Remember and Become ‘Who You Really Are’. Contact Judy at 248.568.8665 and judylipson@spiralwisdom.net, and visit www.JudyLipson.com for more information.

This article is for informational purposes and is not meant to replace medical care.

By Judith E. Lipson, M.A., LPC

One of the things that really concerns me right now is how fraught with fear we are becoming. Fear has always been a prominent emotion. After all, our nervous system is wired to look for cues of danger.

For most of us, our ability to rise above this tendency, as well as our resiliency, are reduced. I write this so that we can each be reminded of the importance to keep our nervous systems as calm as possible, even during these incredibly challenging times. Regardless of our faith or ethnicity we have had difficult histories – some more challenging, some during certain times. Even though we did not live through those histories personally, we are affected. This is referred to as ancestral, or generational, trauma. We carry these traumas and wounds within us in addition to the intuitive need to look for danger. No wonder we have such a tendency to be anxious, worried and even fearful.

The current world events are frightening. Yet, we cannot respond most effectively if we do not stay grounded and calm. (Looking for proof of this concept? As examples, reflect on surgeons in the operating room who encounter a medical crisis, or the pilot Sully Sullenberger who landed his plane safely on the Hudson River. If they had responded in panic, the outcome would not likely have been successful.)

I’m not going to pretend that it’s easy to calm our panicked nervous systems, but I do encourage you to continue to learn ways to do so. Each time you practice a technique, you are reinforcing your parasympathetic system’s ability to calm yourself down, and each time that offers the potential for it to be a little easier the next time.

Why should you do this practice? Well, it’s really hard on the body to be in fight and flight for long periods of time. Also, it feels really awful!!!

And here is another important reason: The opposite of love is not hate, the opposite of love is fear. When we are in fear, it is very difficult to feel safe enough to open our hearts to adequately connect with others, and this includes our closest loved ones; and that is not a good thing.

An important aspect of what makes our nervous system feel safe is the act of feeling connected to others. We are actually wired for connection in order to feel safe. It’s knowing that we can reach out and the other will be there for us. If we are in fear we are less able to reach out and to achieve that. This makes us more fearful, and also makes us less available to connect with others with whom we may not have familiarity.

As a result, we see the world as me versus you and us versus them. This experience of separateness and polarization breeds contempt, resentment, hostility, and more fear. And the cycle goes on and on.

Gandhi said, “You must be the change you wish to see in the world.” You may only feel like one person, and wonder how you can really make a difference, but it is important to remember that you are not really the singleton that you think you are. There are many of us who believe in peace and love [with just a side-note that way before Marianne Williamson even thought there might be a time that she would run for president, as a spiritual teacher she taught that “sometimes the loving response is no”.] Realize that you are not alone in this quest. There are many of us who long for peace and unity, but that message does not (currently) sell advertisements on the news, so it is not broadcast or printed.

Be the peace you wish to see in the world. Start your practices (or delve back in) so that you can calm your nervous system and respond from your more grounded, peaceful place. Your mind and body (and your heart and spirit) will thank you for it. I know that I do (thank you).

Please remember to take care of yourself even while you are taking care of others, personally or professionally. Remember that you must “put on your own oxygen mask before assisting others”.

I thought it might be helpful to remind us all of strategies to help calm our nervous systems as we continue to experience these difficult times, whether that is personally or vicariously.

• Keeping busy is an effective tool for mental distraction (in the short-term), but provide enough quiet time so as to not stress your physical body.
• While it is important to be informed, and even to bear witness to the stories, you only need a small amount of information to achieve that goal. Please turn it off or stop reading when it’s time. (Even before it’s time.)
• Focus on movement, hydration, and healthy nutrition to take care of your physical body.
• Re-visit your creative endeavors.
• Get out in nature.

May we all know peace! Namasté

Judy Lipson is a Licensed Professional Counselor and educational strategist in West Bloomfield, MI. She helps clients of all ages who have learning difficulties, work or school related anxiety, ADHD, Asperger’s Syndrome or Autism Spectrum Disorders, and those who wish to Remember and Become ‘Who You Really Are’. Contact Judy at 248.568.8665 and judylipson@spiralwisdom.net, and visit www.JudyLipson.com for more information.

This article is for informational purposes and is not meant to replace medical care.

Who are your people?

Find them.

Stay in touch.

By Judith E. Lipson, M.A., LPC

I love my tribe. My tribe feels like home. And my tribe is the group where I can most fully express myself. My close friends are an aspect of my tribe because they are friendly, caring, compassionate, and open-hearted.

But my truest tribe are folks who share my love and exploration of spirituality, metaphysics and the great beyond. We also believe in possibility, oneness and so much more (too challenging to put into words). THESE are my people. My tribe.

Once upon a time this was called New Age. Yep, that’s how old I am. (I mean how long I’ve been into this.) I had likely listened to a few speakers locally and I had listened to a lot of books on tape. Then, for my 40^th birthday my mom gifted me with a trip for the two of us to my first mind-body-spirit conference. It was called Celebrate Your Life. (I think, now, that this may have been their first) and it was in Chicago. It was the most fabulous experience to be with like-minded people (my tribe), with ample opportunities to learn about spirituality, and myself.

I returned there a few more times over the decades and even had the chance to attend two week-long trainings from Omega in Rhinebeck, NY:  there was Past Life Regression certification by Dr. Brian Weiss, and another summer I learned a particular energy training with Danis Bois.

Meeting other participants who attend the same trainings and sessions, and sharing information with others who have attended different speakers, enhances the whole experience. Another added bonus that makes the larger experience magical is being a part of hundreds (not tens) of people who share the desire to grow personally and spiritually. My tribe.

During the last 10+ years, I have focused my Tribe experiences and training differently: small group intensives with one teacher, everyone learning together. These have been delightful, educational and intimate, and I have had no complaints. Yet, I realized as the world has “re-opened” after Covid (2023) that I missed the more expansive experience.

It came to my attention a few months ago that Dr. Brian Weiss would be providing a full day pre-intensive experience for the I Can Do It conference in Tampa, FL. I felt the calling to learn with him once again, and to attend the other speakers’ presentations for the extended weekend.

I just returned and it was everything I was seeking! It is difficult to explain how impactful it really is when one is surrounded by their tribe – and not 2, or 10, or 20, but hundreds. Brian Weiss’ session apparently had 600 attendees and the total conference held 2000. The speakers were great. In addition to Brian Weiss some of my “old” favorites were there: John Holland, Colette Baron-Reid, Sonia Choquette, Rebecca Campbell, and Gregg Braden. (They referred to themselves as the “OG”.) I also got to hear some of the newer generation: Jim Kwik, Kristen Butler, Kyle Gray, Kris Carr, and Gabby Bernstein. (There were others as well, but choices had to be made.) And, thankfully and beautifully, most of these speakers “held the bowl” for us all – creating a supportive energetic environment for us to do our work and learn the concepts. My tribe!

For three days I was surrounded by the principles of spirituality, compassion, metaphysics, and personal growth. While walking through the halls of the conference center, participants not only made eye contact with each other, but additionally greeted each other with warmth in their eyes that came directly from their hearts. My tribe!

So, I return to those original statements:

Who are your people? Who makes up your tribe? What connections do you seek to feel like you are truly part of community that additionally makes you feel more whole as an individual?

How can you find these people? Does it start with books, webinars, and YouTube videos? Can you find groups locally? (With virtual access, they need not even be geographically local.)

Are there organizations that are already established to bring members of your tribe together? How might you arrange to gather with them – even if it is only occasionally?

Once you find your tribe, see if you can stay connected: meetups, phone calls, emails, zoom, or meeting for coffee or a meal. I attended an on-line, live course for 12 weeks in 2019 and still stay connected with several of those attendees. I zoom with each of them about once a month. Some are across the country; another is in Europe. None of that matters. We stay connected. I’m still FB friends with someone I met nearly 20 years ago at Omega. Others are local and we get together, even if it is infrequently. My tribe!

Sometimes I find myself feeling very isolated and alone. But being with 2000 like-minded people for a weekend reminded me that these people made the choice to come to this conference. Others will attend a different mind-body-spirit conference that is coming in August, others in the fall, or next year. I must not get discouraged in feeling that I am alone. I am really in abundant company! My tribe is more numerous than the individuals that I can identify in my contact list or that I know of in the professional world. In fact, it’s larger than the 2000 who I shared space with last weekend. 🙂

It’s time to fill your bucket. Find your tribe.

Namasté

Judy Lipson is a Licensed Professional Counselor and educational strategist in West Bloomfield, MI. She helps clients of all ages who have learning difficulties, work or school related anxiety, ADHD, Asperger’s Syndrome or Autism Spectrum Disorders, and those who wish to Remember and Become ‘Who You Really Are’. Contact Judy at 248.568.8665 and judylipson@spiralwisdom.net, and visit www.JudyLipson.com for more information.

This article is for informational purposes and is not meant to replace medical care.

By Judith E. Lipson, M.A., LPC

I find it fascinating how, in my work, certain themes or strategies will appear and then repeat for days or weeks. September, 2022 found me repeatedly talking about the pregnant pause. Let me share an example and see if it resonates with your life journey, as well.

My client could very much sense that a change was coming but had no idea what this next thing was going to be. She could tell that she wanted it and sensed that she needed it to manifest. Why wait? was her inner experience. Because it felt so wonderfully new, good, and necessary, she wanted to experience it right away. Her frustration had her wondering if she was resisting allowing this (assumed) awesome thing to happen. And if so, what was her resistance about?

I understood. In fact, I have had this same experience numerous times. It can be frustrating, and in fact if the individual is not careful, they can jump to an incorrect assumption that they are doing something wrong (or it would be here now).

Another potential error is to “force” what we think is expected. When I belonged to my women’s spiritual group, we used to say this or something better because we realized that we might otherwise inadvertently create a very narrow version of the possibility.

So, I urge my clients to sit in the space between and think of it as the pregnant pause. Men, women, and even those who have never had children, understand that for the most advantageous outcome there needs to be sufficient time for proper development. The same is true of your spiritual path. It needs time for all the pieces to line up properly so that they can indeed manifest. These pieces might include your thoughts, emotions, energy fields, other people, the environment, etc., etc. This is true whether it is for a new job, a move, a spiritual download, or a metaphysical awakening.

You might not be ready to see what is due to emerge —- yet. But if you can be patient and allow the pieces to coalesce in their own time you will likely be delighted with the magnificent outcome. Make peace with the pregnant pause, with that space in-between.

In the world of possibility things are far more expansive than you can imagine. If you try to create the outcome as you think it’s supposed to look, you might stop the process too soon, or cause it to be too narrow in reach. So, give it time. Nurture the experience and the time of waiting. Educate, ready and prepare yourself if you wish, but focus on caring for your mind, body, and spirit. And allow.

Learn to sit patiently so as not to feel the need to control the outcome. Wait…..Wonder…..Allow the light in your eyes to dance with the wonderment of possibility….How magical might this actually be if you allow your Higher Self to determine the outcome? Let’s wait and see.

Judy Lipson is a Licensed Professional Counselor and educational strategist in West Bloomfield, MI. She helps clients of all ages who have learning difficulties, work or school related anxiety, ADHD, Asperger’s Syndrome or Autism Spectrum Disorders, and those who wish to Remember and Become ‘Who You Really Are’. Contact Judy at 248.568.8665 and judylipson@spiralwisdom.net, and visit www.JudyLipson.com for more information.

This article is for informational purposes and is not meant to replace medical care.

By Judith E. Lipson, M.A., LPC

Many of the inaccuracies of your life were learned during childhood and especially the middle school years. I know it was true for me, and I have spoken to many pre-teens living it, adolescents learning that they can let it go, and adults who didn’t realize how many misrepresentations came from their childhoods and middle school/junior high years who are now learning to recover from these falsehoods by reframing their Truth.

Having had those experiences has helped to shape the type of work that I do. In fact, one of the most rewarding educational experiences I had was to teach classes of middle school students what to do if they encountered bullies. I taught them empowerment, how to use their voice, and to utilize physical, verbal, and energetic boundaries. (If you would like to learn these tips, read my article: Empower Your Child. All the concepts in this article can also be utilized by teens and adults.)

But let’s come back to those inaccuracies. What do I mean by that? Pay attention to the messages that you say within your own mind about yourself in any given day. It’s amazing how most of us would never say those things to another person, especially someone that we care about, yet we speak them to ourselves – in the silence of our minds – every single day. I’m suggesting that you pay attention to those messages, so that you might confront them with a healthier and more accurate viewpoint.

Here’s how it tends to happen: You started your life connected to ‘all that is’ without preconceived notions about others or yourself. In the beginning, there was pure joy and love. By your preschool years parents and teachers began the socializing process with messages like: ‘take turns’, ‘sit still’, ‘be quiet’, ‘don’t do that’, ‘be polite’, etc. Unfortunately, you may have interpreted this to mean that you were fundamentally ‘not ok’.

If you struggled in elementary school academically or socially you may have internalized the ‘not okay’ message further, even if no one was judging or comparing. Subsequently, middle-school comes about and tends to be especially challenging for students who are expected by others to fit a specified expectation to fit-in and be included. Those that don’t, tend to be shunned or ridiculed.

All these incidents further decrease a child’s self-confidence, become their inner dialogue, and form the later basis for how adolescents and adults see themselves.

Regardless of your (or your child’s) current age, it’s not too late to return to the truer version of you and learn to speak more kindly to yourself. Here’s a process/exercise for you to practice whenever those challenging beliefs and emotions come up. Please read all the suggestions before beginning. You may benefit from the assistance of a trusted friend or professional.

TAKING YOUR LIFE BACK – BRINGING YOUR THOUGHTS TO THE PRESENT

Recognize the thought or emotion as a reflection from the past. Now take it forward into this current time to allow yourself to interpret it from the accuracy of this present moment. The goal is to look at the event or thought while staying in this moment now; to view the past (while staying in this present moment) and reframe the beliefs about it from the perspective of this present you.

• When negative or demeaning thoughts come up, allow yourself to observe them with curiosity.
• Ask: When in my history did I experience these same thoughts that I have now?
• Avoid the deep dive back to the previous experiences themselves. Instead, stay in the present, maintaining that curiosity.
• Recognize the limited (narrow) understanding that you had at that age. Remember that children don’t have power to impact many of their events and that at any age, we only know what we know.
• Come back to the present again with compassion for this earlier self and expand the experiences that you had while you were younger (because you have more skills and knowledge than you did then).
• Imagine the current you observing or talking to your younger self and imagine how you would respond if you came across this child today. Might you embrace this younger you or sit close so s/he doesn’t feel so alone?
• Explain to your younger self that the old message was not based in accuracy. Challenge these inner messages! Your demeaning words came from the inaccuracies and misrepresentations that your younger self erroneously believed.
• Allow yourself to remember and see who you really were before these falsehoods were learned (directly or by assumption).

ADVANCED LEVEL

As you see your true self emerging, use your imagination to take this confident/strong energy of your true Self and infuse it back in time to the age when it all began. There is no need to identify the event(s) that started the incorrect messages.  Allow yourself to have a vague awareness of that identified time. Then infuse your confident/strong energy (that you can access now) into that situation and into the younger self who experienced it all. Then move that confidence and strength up your timeline to your current age.

It’s okay if this sounds like imagination or fairy tale. Neuropsychologists understand that the brain and body really don’t separate what is happening from what you are imagining in your mind. Your limbic (emotional) system tends to not differentiate time (or places or people). So, if you imagine a challenging or scary situation your body will react as if it is occurring right now. If you imagine something positive, it can help to calm your limbic system.

I hope that you will read through the list again to see how this can work for you. First, challenge the messages that you have unconsciously spoken to yourself. Then, when it feels appropriate you can use visualization and guided imagery to energetically rewrite your memories toward healing.

I recently saw this meme on social media: Unlearning abuse also requires for me to unlearn the survival tactics that I learned in abuse that I now call my personality. That’s not who you are! That’s who you became based on who they were. Because pain builds walls. But healing builds doors. — The Kentucky Therapist

You have multiple avenues for changing patterns: your behaviors can change thoughts and emotions; your thoughts can redirect your behaviors and emotions; or you can let your emotions initiate the process.

It is never too late to Remember and Become Who You Really Are! Believe in yourself. Take your opportunities. Imagine and be creative. Trust in your possibilities. Free yourself of old patterns. You’ve got this

Judy Lipson is a Licensed Professional Counselor and educational strategist in West Bloomfield, MI. She helps clients of all ages who have learning difficulties, work or school related anxiety, ADHD, Asperger’s Syndrome or Autism Spectrum Disorders, and those who wish to Remember and Become ‘Who You Really Are’. Contact Judy at 248.568.8665 and judylipson@spiralwisdom.net, and visit www.JudyLipson.com for more information.

This article is for informational purposes and is not meant to replace medical care.

By Judith E. Lipson, M.A., LPC

A little over two years ago in March 2020, much of our world came to a screeching halt because of the COVID-19 pandemic. Even during this frightening time many observed clear skies and quiet roads, and soon there was a renewed appreciation for educators, health providers, and the many folks who kept supplies in our stores and provided services to us all. There was gratitude for the efforts we took to stay connected to each other. I even appreciated the unique opportunities to enjoy theater and concerts online. During this time I found myself seeing, and seeking out, even the smallest ways to appreciate what was good around me as I found opportunities to support those who had greater need than myself.

I found that during this time there was a quietness within, and many took advantage. I certainly did. That first summer (and honestly since then as well), I have found myself undergoing massive personal transformations that have led to more subtle changes in my professional work. During this time, I have also witnessed the transformations of so many others: clients, colleagues, strangers, friends, and family. This has been a time for transformation, and it wasn’t just for us personally.

This has been a time of forced change and in that first summer of 2020 we saw the additional challenges of a society undergoing great transformation as racial, religious, gender, and cultural prejudices and bigotry became more apparent to us all, providing the opportunity for systems to be adjusted. New and renewed fears embraced us even as the concerns about COVID-19 continued, creating an increased sense of separation and separateness.

As we learned more about these injustices and inequities, I saw citizens come together for goodness and growth.

Unfortunately over time, this opportunity seemed to be lost because as individuals and as a society we have the tendency to focus on fear and its corresponding hate, judgment, and separation and once again that became the focus for those who try to sell news, products, an idea, or a person.

As this third summer awaits us, we have the promises of easier times together for connecting, enjoying warmer weather, and for working on the many societal and global challenges that are before us. Yet this does not appear to be the focus. Rather, the collective focus is now fatigue instead of transformative opportunity. The collective verbalizes being tired – of waiting, of fear, and of people with differing opinions who are perceived as impinging on their own rights and opportunities.

I know that you are tired. I am too. I never expected to see all these challenges especially since I witnessed so many of this in the 60’s and 70’s and know the stories of my own ancestors and others’ lineages. I thought we were past this. But the truth is, we are not. And my fatigue or frustration only serves as apathy. And apathy will NOT get anything resolved. So, I urge you to join me in waking up and showing up.

Please join me now to take a full breath with a prolonged exhalation to help you, and our collective, to shift away from long-standing ideas, beliefs, and processes.

I urge you to think back and feel back (place your hand on your heart please as you do so) to that time when:

• the world felt quieter.
• you had that deeper recognition of the problems that still are before us, and you were willing to see the possibilities that would lead to societal improvement
• you wanted desperately to help us reach the resulting outcome of these changes
• you believed in the possibilities of who we are (Who We Really Are) as one collective, and not as a group of individuals out for themselves

And as you feel that memory stir in your heart, gut, and soul ask yourself what is needed by you to truly Remember (and Maintain) Who You Really Are so you can dig-in to address these societal and global problems. To minimize future fatigue, be sure to take the time to support yourself. For me it is finding regular time, even during the many possibilities to feel despair and frustration, to return to my heart-space and remember my soul’s purpose. To do this I regularly:

• meditate
• view, or go into, nature
• read or watch inspiring stories
• connect with those who lift me up
• find ways that I can help others

Still, I look for ways to support those people or concerns that I know still need improvement with charitable donations or the offer of my time. And if you are in a personal situation where donations of money, services or time are impossible or unavailable that’s okay. Find every opportunity to share a smile when you see friends, family, or strangers. You can never underestimate the power of connecting with another, with your smile, in appreciation of their presence.

Please take one more purposeful breath with me now to assist this transformational shift and to join your heart with the heart of everyone else who feels as we do. It may take time, but we’ve got this!

Namasté (the light in me acknowledges and honors the light within you).

If you are interested in reading more articles by Judy Lipson on transformation, check out these articles from May 2020 on Opportunities and Resilience, and listen to Transformation: 2020 Vision. 

Judy Lipson is a Licensed Professional Counselor and educational strategist in West Bloomfield, MI. She helps clients of all ages who have learning difficulties, work or school related anxiety, ADHD, Asperger’s Syndrome or Autism Spectrum Disorders, and those who wish to Remember and Become ‘Who You Really Are’. Contact Judy at 248.568.8665 and judylipson@spiralwisdom.net, and visit www.JudyLipson.com for more information.

This article is for informational purposes and is not meant to replace medical care.

By Judith E. Lipson, M.A., LPC

I talk to a lot of people – friends, colleagues, and clients – and I watch the patterns of conversation. Over the last few months, we have talked a lot about the shift away from social isolation toward finding ease in returning to a more active way of life (while maintaining masks, hygiene, and proper distancing as recommended by the CDC). Initially, these conversations were to provide preparation for when that time would come.

Recently, more adults have received their COVID-19 vaccines, and students and staff have returned to school. These conversations have now taken on more of a timely need and an urgency.

Not surprisingly, a number of people are delighted to return to activities and events that are more reminiscent of times pre-pandemic. Others have expressed that they have felt quite comfortable with some, or many, aspects of the life that they have experienced over this last year and are struggling to make the shift.

This article is written for this latter group. If you are one of these people who looks back at this last year with a partial or complete thought of: please don’t mess with me now! then this article is for you. If you have always (or are now) struggling with general anxiety or social anxiety, this is for you. If you are not personally resonating with this concept, I still encourage you to read it so you can better understand your students, colleagues, friends, and family members. I’ve also included some tips to help you or them to venture out.

WHAT WE ARE EXPERIENCING

No two people are the same so not everyone will describe it the same way, but here is what I’ve been hearing, and it may not be what you expect. What you probably think is that folks are scared of contracting COVID-19, but actually most people do NOT quote their concern of developing COVID as their primary reason for their reluctance to venture back to activities.

Actually, what I find is that many folks are Sensitives (highly attuned to one or more of the five senses) and there is only so much that they feel that they can take in at any given time. This has been a very stressful year with changes in school and work routines, and social and political changes and conflicts. Sensitives are not only dealing with their own experiences of the above, but are also feeling the emotions of the collective which includes their family, workspace or classroom (even on zoom), and society as a whole. There has been a lot to sort and process, all while a pandemic is occurring. Even if you have learned to function in your world, amidst the noise of sensory stimulation and strong emotions, this last year has struck Sensitives in two ways. First, there is more “noise” to process. Second, having to stay home has been a surprising gift to reduce it all.

Let me explain some of the less obvious reasons besides what was mentioned above. Sensitives usually have, or have had, issues with clothing. Society makes a joke about zooming without pants, but that is a welcome relief to many Sensitives. Even the ones who do put on pants feel more freedom to wear comfy clothes than if they were in their school or work settings. Have you heard, “These are my daytime pajamas”? Seriously, many people are wearing sweats or yoga clothes for work and school. As a personal observation I noticed by April 2020 that I couldn’t tolerate any clothing that I felt was binding. My irritability while wearing it was significant, and I realized that it was better to avoid these clothes. Relative calmness resulted.

Many students are reluctant to return to their school buildings. Some of these are kids with social insecurities. They feel that they often do the wrong things, and this has led to teasing and their own subsequent self-judgment. (Please realize that there are adults who experience the world similarly, often because this was their experience throughout their education.) When the world seems like, or has been, a scary place why would the individual want to willingly return?

Sensitives are doing all they can to process all that is happening within and around them. Their bandwidth for tolerating it all has narrowed from pre-pandemic times. They can’t tolerate the thought that they might have to now be in space (literally and energetically) with even more than what they are having to deal with in the confines of their home.

Some others have a history of difficulty with transitions from one activity to another. Others have a history of avoiding any novel activities unless they have a social story of what to expect. (See more on this below.)

WHY IT IS IMPORTANT TO RE-ENTRY

The individual might be ‘fearing’ losing the relative calmness, and/or may not want to tempt the fates of previous memories. But part of living this human experience is to adapt, or find equanimity (peace with what is), during the changes of life.

In a recent article, author Bufka said, “A few times in the past year I’ve thought about what it was like for my grandmother who was born in 1901, and all the changes that she saw over the course of her life. We’re having a compressed version of that….”

If we look at the developmental stages of life, this is exactly what each of us has been doing since we were born. We learned the ways of early childhood and without even realizing it we adapted into our adolescent years where we began to differentiate ourselves from our parents and our societal teachings. We questioned which of these teachings we wanted to maintain for ourselves, by our own choice. As we moved onward through adulthood, we made these same adaptations as we took on jobs, careers, and new friendships and family members. And through it all there were small and large crises to attend to as we learned how to experience the changes and challenges with the greatest ease. Like Bufka says, a lot is being condensed into what has only been a year of time, which is why some may be finding it so difficult to make the shift back into more traditional activities (even with masks, distancing and washing).

RE-ENTRY STRATEGIES

You don’t have to return to your full pre-pandemic lifestyle. Consider taking it one piece or aspect at a time.

Increase your bandwidth of tolerance by practicing good self-care strategies:

• Adequate rest
• Good nutrition and hydration
• Movement
• Feed your spirit and/or your creative aspects
  • Meditate, pray or daydream
  • Practice your passions and try a new creative art
  • Take time to be in nature
  • Stay connected with friends and loved ones (even if virtually)
• Decrease sensory input when and where possible

Identify the gap and create scaffolding to bridge it:

• Create and provide social stories for yourself or your loved one. One of the reasons why new experiences feel so daunting is because we don’t know what it will look like. Identify and describe what you will most likely expect.
• Practice expanding your comfort level energetically and socially for preparation of going back to work, school etc. Since some individuals seem quite comfortable in their current milieu, they might need a significant amount of coaxing. Be sure to meet these individuals where they are. Ridiculing or shaming will NOT help your cause. Identify the small steps that will help them move comfortably from their desire to stay only indoors to engaging in-person once again: for instance, go outside with a mask; next, take a walk down the block with significant distances from others; then walk in public places and learn to move away from others in a calm, efficient manner that doesn’t attract unnecessary attention. Or, take rides in the family car and return to the house; take a ride and go to a public place, then return; take a ride to a specified place after a social story has been created, discussed and practiced.
• What space do you need for yourself? Can you create it? Role play with a trusted other, or in your mind, how to keep distance, how to ask for another to mask, or what it will look like and feel like to walk away if that is needed for optimal safety. Remember that you control many aspects of your experience.

Practice your previous skills that have been lost during this year away from more traditional routines. Never had those skills? Then this is an awesome time to learn! Find a trusted other, self-help book or professional to guide you through the process with role playing, social stories, and identifying the baby steps to move from present situation to desired participation.

As you approach re-entry, remember that though sometimes different seems uncomfortable or even daunting, it’s only different, not bad or dangerous. Use your strategies to control the narrative when possible, and to adapt your response when needed.

I now offer you this humorous video by The Holderness Family that you might find depicts the inner narrative of the reluctant participants in your life.

Judy Lipson is a Licensed Professional Counselor and educational strategist in West Bloomfield, MI. She helps clients of all ages who have learning difficulties, work or school related anxiety, ADHD, Asperger’s Syndrome or Autism Spectrum Disorders, and those who wish to Remember and Become ‘Who You Really Are’. Contact Judy at 248.568.8665 and judylipson@spiralwisdom.net, and visit www.JudyLipson.com for more information.

This article is for informational purposes and is not meant to replace medical care.

By Judith E. Lipson, M.A., LPC

A time to build up, a time to break down
A time to dance, a time to mourn
A time to cast away stones, a time to gather stones together
(From ‘Turn! Turn! Turn!’ by The Birds)

When I look back at 2020, I primarily see the breaking-down aspect that is stated in this lyric. Breaking down reminds us of destruction, which is defined as: the action or process of causing so much damage to something that it no longer exists or cannot be repaired. Though that feels like a really bad thing, and like you, I often felt overwhelmed or distraught during 2020, I realize that the process can have very positive outcomes. We are dismantling the previous paradigms in order to determine what aspects should stay, what should go, and what should change dramatically. I am actually quite thankful for the dismantling of so many of our systems and beliefs, though it was challenging to observe and live through.

2021 has arrived, and now it’s time to build up! It’s human nature to long for the continuation of what was and wait for (or force) its return. I urge you instead to take some calming breaths and think back to the months and years before 2020 when you actually may have longed for some type of change for yourself, for our country, or for the global collective. I encourage you in the upcoming months to look at aspects of your own life and of our global society to determine what practices and beliefs have become outdated, stale, or are now recognized as wrong. Is it time for you to create something?

This may seem like it requires great courage. I believe you have that courage to begin the creation of what you have always sought. Think back to previous events when great change occurred, particularly when it wasn’t originally your idea – this might be a break-up, a job change (or loss), or a move. Whatever that situation, remember how frightened, ungrounded, and lost you likely felt. Then weeks or months later it’s not uncommon to be able to look back on that original event and recognize the silver-lining that resulted.

I believe we are in the midst of one of these situations. All around us we can see the breakdown of our institutions. And that can feel really scary, especially when we don’t know when the process will end, or how it will look.

Besides watching systems change so significantly, it’s all happening during a pandemic. The novel coronavirus, COVID-19, is affecting many people in new ways. New information comes to light, the vaccines are becoming available, but the distribution moves slower than most individuals would prefer. You may find yourself wondering things like: How will this new information affect me? How long will these recommendations last? When and how will my activities alter? When will this end? Will this end? Will my life ever return to normal?

Here we are in unprecedented territory! We are uncertain of what is to come, how it will affect us, and how to navigate the entirety of it. I want to encourage each of you to focus on a few concepts as we approach these “unprecedented” significant changes. Let’s start by drawing our awareness to the complexity of the term. The definition of unprecedented is never done or known before. It relates to all the things happening to us and around us. Since it has never occurred before, I don’t think it is reasonable to assume that there is a distinct roadmap to get through it. I don’t bring this up to frighten, but rather to open your awareness to realizing that your roadmap won’t be found by looking backward.

Here are some considerations as you look within and forward:

PATIENCE
Strive to be patient with the process. Focus on being in the present as much as possible. It’s good to see the goals of what we seek and hope for, but don’t get too ahead of yourself. You don’t want to pinch off or stifle opportunities, and you don’t want to freak yourself out focusing on the unknown of what is to come. Stay in the now.

RECOGNIZE IMPERMANENCE
Remind yourself that even though it is this way now, it doesn’t mean it will remain like this. Your emotions can change, the situation can change, the information can change. Things are delightfully impermanent, and this is especially helpful when you’re not thrilled with the current feelings or events. This three-minute video by Dr. Lynn Lyons shares specific questions to consider if you feel stuck. This is especially important for kids and teens who have less life experience and thus a narrower perspective, and this is also a great strategy for adults.

CREATE
Create what you desire with as much clarity as you can. Include as many of your senses as possible. Focus on what you hope to see as the end result, and in doing so there is more potential for helping to move it to that outcome. You might make a vision board (pictures and words that represent what you want), journal your narrative, sketch the vision, or dance or write the score for what you desire. Be imaginative and let your creativity flow. Try not to lock in your vision, so you can allow for this, or something better.

COURAGE
An interesting aspect that I recently realized about our current experience is that, as stated earlier, we are all facing this unprecedented event. As Dr. Emily Morse reminds us: this isn’t a YOU problem, it’s an EVERYONE problem. As we experience and create something new, and I mean really new, we are for the first time doing so without the benefit of others who can show us the way. Even as adults we have typically had others to show us how – how to play that sport, how to drive the car, how to do this job assignment, etc. We’ve always had direction or training. In our current situation we have multiple professionals, leaders, medical personnel and scientists to inform and work on the big issues, but we still generally have no one to show us how to navigate all of this unknown territory. If you are still feeling lost and afraid, return to the previous concepts. Be patient. Empower yourself by starting to create what you want. Stay in the present. Identify what you know, right now, and include all those things for which you are grateful.

TRUST
Trust the process. Sometimes that means recognizing that you cannot think your way through solutions. I recently realized that sometimes it is better to not try to think my way to resolution or understanding.  I am learning to accept the space that I am currently in, allow for all possibilities, and then I find that I often gently and naturally slide toward the solution. A client described it as ‘from the heart’ and went on to state that this then leads to flexibility, malleability, and nimbleness, as opposed to a rigid response with unmoving expectations. For those of you who prefer sports analogies – in skiing and other sports, you are taught to let go and fall into the fall because if you are rigid while falling, there’s a stronger likelihood of being hurt. Open your whole self to finding (allowing for) the answer instead of narrowing your expectancy to only a mental solution.

CREATION
Though you and I, and the collective, are still in the breaking-down phase, we are simultaneously in the phase of creation. Guide, facilitate, and affirm your outcome. State your intention with surrender and trust. You and I are intending the womb of humanity. As the song, Turn! Turn! Turn! by The Birds says:

To everything (turn, turn, turn)
There is a season (turn, turn, turn)
And a time to every purpose, under heaven

A time to be born, a time to die
A time to plant, a time to reap
A time to kill, a time to heal
A time to laugh, a time to weep

To everything (turn, turn, turn)
There is a season (turn, turn, turn)
And a time to every purpose, under heaven

A time to build up, a time to break down
A time to dance, a time to mourn
A time to cast away stones, a time to gather stones together

To everything (turn, turn, turn)
There is a season (turn, turn, turn)
And a time to every purpose, under heaven

A time of love, a time of hate
A time of war, a time of peace
A time you may embrace, a time to refrain from embracing

To everything (turn, turn, turn)
There is a season (turn, turn, turn)
And a time to every purpose, under heaven

A time to gain, a time to lose
A time to rend, a time to sew
A time for love, a time for hate
A time for peace, I swear it’s not too late

Join me in embracing the possibilities. Nurture them and create anew. Namasté

Judy Lipson is a Licensed Professional Counselor and educational strategist in West Bloomfield, MI. She helps clients of all ages who have learning difficulties, work or school related anxiety, ADHD, Asperger’s Syndrome or Autism Spectrum Disorders, and those who wish to Remember and Become ‘Who You Really Are’. Contact Judy at 248.568.8665 and judylipson@spiralwisdom.net, and visit www.JudyLipson.com for more information.

This article is for informational purposes and is not meant to replace medical care.