Individuals with highly sensitive nervous systems can become so emotionally and physically overwhelmed that they can’t participate in activities, even the ones that they would have otherwise enjoyed.

I am frequently asked how to help a super-sensory, highly sensitive student stay in class, or even to consistently attend school.

The first step is helping their educational staff, family, and potential employers to understand the challenges that these individuals’ nervous systems experience because of the constant bombardment to their five senses, and their own and others’ emotions. I write about this frequently in my monthly newsletters and have several articles devoted to this concept. If you are unfamiliar, I encourage you to read Neurosensitives and Sensory Overload and Mentoring and Parenting Sensitives.

It is only when we have a better understanding of the individual that we can relate to their experiences sufficiently to make the most appropriate adjustments to help them to have fewer reactive responses, and to appreciate and accept their need to step away.

Recently I was asked to attend a school meeting on behalf of a student. I have jotted down some generalizations that you might be able to use on behalf of your student. These concepts can also apply to a college student or an adult at work. Use these ideas and personalize them to your specific situation/individual.

We are talking about their nervous system’s response to its environment. Their behaviors are not personal or willful.

• We want to minimize their nervous system’s identification of cues of danger. Incidentally, we are all wired to see the world through what is called negative bias where we see danger when there really is no bear. This tendency is intensified in a super-sensory or someone who has experienced trauma.
• A good resource to help you to walk a mile in their shoes comes from a writer who explains how having a chronic illness is like starting each day with a specific number of spoons. The kids and adults that I work with resonate with this concept and often use it to explain their situation to others. They can now verbalize in a concrete way to others, “I only have 4 spoons left. I need _______.”
• Maximize their cues of safety to help them calm their nervous systems in real time:
• They (their nervous systems) need to experience that school can feel safe. This often requires a reduced schedule for a period of time (so that their nervous system doesn’t overwhelm); and/or a quiet, cozy, safe place for them to be in the building.
• Allow and encourage the student to determine when they can return to a class(es) and continue to provide access to the safe place.
• The safe place is typically quiet, dimly lit and often small. Fidgets and other sensory objects are helpful. Some individuals like to have weighted blankets available. Take the time to find out what helps them to feel safest and calmest.
• Individuals who interact with the individual can help the situation and the individual by slowing their own movements and voice, speaking softly, using an inviting tone, and breathing calmly.
• Consider reflecting the student’s experiences so that they feel seen. (i.e.: I can see that not knowing what I was asking became very overwhelming to you, and that was more difficult after the sudden noise that we just unexpectedly experienced. I recognize that you really want to have quiet time to be able to feel calm again.)
• Assure them that no change will take place until they are ready. (If their nervous system is in crisis, this is not the time to “push” them toward growth.)
• Find out who on staff their nervous system has identified as “safe”. Whenever possible these individuals should be the ones who address them when they need to calm, as well as when shifts toward more engagement are being requested.

It’s not uncommon for behaviors, tolerance, and the willingness to stay engaged to change very rapidly (that 0-10 concept). Highly sensitive individuals with highly reactive nervous systems are being bombarded with constant input and are tolerating as well as they can. Truthfully, they are doing an awesome job…until they can’t! As we understand their situation and help them to address difficulties even before they happen, they can tolerate more and require fewer and shorter breaks from the activities. This translates to more time engaged and present.

Judy Lipson is a Licensed Professional Counselor and educational strategist in West Bloomfield, MI. She helps clients of all ages who have learning difficulties, work or school related anxiety, ADHD, Asperger’s Syndrome or Autism Spectrum Disorders, and those who wish to Remember and Become ‘Who You Really Are’. Contact Judy at 248.568.8665 and judylipson@spiralwisdom.net, and visit www.JudyLipson.com for more information.

This article is for informational purposes and is not meant to replace medical care.

By Judith E. Lipson, M.A., LPC

COLLEGE PREPARATION AND READINESS

Is your high school senior REALLY ready to go off to college? There are a number of things to consider when determining whether your child is ready for a successful college experience.

The following list will help you to determine your child’s readiness. And if your child is not yet a high school senior, consider assessing and working on these items over the next year in order to help your child to become prepared.

Consider:

What’s their ability to handle risk?
Are they successful when their family members are not orchestrating things on their behalf?
Can they take responsibility and learn from poor decisions
Are they able to manage their own time?
Do they know how to access supports and resources?
Can they cope with difficult feelings?
Do they know how to handle their own self care?
Who was the real director (you or your child) of this college admissions process?

Click here to read the original article by Grown and Flown in its entirety.

COLLEGE SELECTION

Typically in their junior year students begin to identify a few colleges where they’d like to apply, and recently my high school-aged clients and their parents have been discussing the college selection process.

Acknowledge any budgetary limitations. In-state tuition is always less expensive than out of state, and public universities are more reasonably priced than private. Thankfully, we have excellent colleges and universities (here) in Michigan (and locally in the Detroit area).

It is recommended that FAFSA forms be completed even if you “know” that there is no chance for governmental financial aid. FAFSA is sometimes needed for scholarships; and it’s also important in case financial situations change suddenly. (Ask your child’s high school counselor for timing on this process.)

Schedule visits to the campuses to see if your student feels that the campus they are considering is the right fit and has the proper vibe. Not all campuses are created equal and your student might have opinions about:

The campus location: some are literally located in a city, others are more isolated
Campus size
Number of students on campus
Class sizes and style: lecture halls with hundreds of students, or small classes for more intimate discussions; professors or teaching assistants
Nature-based or mostly concrete structures
Older style or more modern
And of course check to see that the college offers the courses and majors that the student is most considering

Consider local community colleges, located in and out of your immediate county. Students can earn their associate’s degree in approximately two years and then transfer to a university for their diploma, and the tuition is significantly lower! They also offer certification programs for employability.

A few years ago, one of my former clients began working with a college consulting group and I had the opportunity to meet a great resource. I recently received their newsletter that included an article that I find relevant to this month’s theme: Debunking the College Selection Myths.

ALTERNATE POST-HIGH SCHOOL CONSIDERATIONS

If your child has needed school supports through high school with additional supports from you to address academic, developmental or emotional success, including executive function, maturity, independence, risk-taking, communication, learning or cognitive challenges, etc., you may be considering a non-traditional route post high school.

If your child has an IEP your transition team may have already discussed alternatives. These can include (dependent on the severity of the issues) holding their diploma to receive post-high school public education (in Michigan this can continue to age 26 for eligible students). This is especially helpful for students who can benefit from extra instruction in life skills and vocational/career training.

Outside the school you can apply for services or support through organizations like Michigan Rehabilitation Services, Michigan Career and Technical Institute, Michigan Works!, and the Autism Alliance.

Some students will benefit from a Gap Year before college to explore work, maturation or personal development.

Community colleges provide an excellent transition for students who still need regular organizational or maturational supports that wouldn’t be accessible while living on a distant campus. Students typically live at home and take one to three college classes to ease into the academic load, thus increasing the likelihood of success and confidence. Some of these students then transfer to universities, while others will study with a technical focus to receive certification for more immediate employment.

A reminder that all community colleges and universities can provide accommodations on campus in the form of a 504 Plan. (There are no IEPs after graduation.) Every school has a special office for addressing disabilities, which is typically requested after the college application and acceptance process has been completed. Also, when students were in high school, they went directly to support classes or benefitted from staff members who reached out to them to provide support. After graduation, your student must initiate the process with the college to be granted assistance (the 504 Plan), then initiate with that professor each time an approved accommodation is needed.

ADULTING: COLLEGE AND BEYOND

I wrote an article a few years ago that addressed the process of changing our relationship between adult children and their adult parents away from the dynamic of kid and adult parent. Read Parenting Your Adolescent into Adulthood.

Navigating the role of adulting is not just about the kids. A psychologist has studied the experiences of the parents of adult kids (who are in their 20s and 30s) to see the typical trends that these kids go through, and the challenges that it creates for their parents. Read about his findings here.

Judy Lipson is a Licensed Professional Counselor and educational strategist in West Bloomfield, MI. She helps clients of all ages who have learning difficulties, work or school related anxiety, ADHD, Asperger’s Syndrome or Autism Spectrum Disorders, and those who wish to Remember and Become ‘Who You Really Are’. Contact Judy at 248.568.8665 and judylipson@spiralwisdom.net, and visit www.JudyLipson.com for more information.

This article is for informational purposes and is not meant to replace medical care.

By Judith E. Lipson, M.A., LPC

Neurodiversity is on the rise and Einstein is quoted as saying: “We cannot solve our problems with the same thinking we used when we created them”. I hope that this increase in numbers will help bring about the changes that I see needed in so many of our systems.

This article will focus on individuals on the autism spectrum, probably the most recognized neurodiverse group, who hold many promising traits to help our society move forward toward peace. Here is what I tend to see that makes me hopeful:

• When describing the right brain, Jill Bolte Taylor explained that it does not distinguish between self and other. So too are those on the spectrum likely to recognize the energy shared between self and others. Many parents describe their children as having the ability to know things about other peoples’ bodies or health. Even non-verbal kids may walk over to complete strangers and point to, or touch, a certain body part that is known to be (then or in the future as) pregnant, painful, or diseased.
• They have a tendency to express themselves authentically, with integrity and honesty, as opposed to using judgement. (Mommy that man is fat is an observational statement and not meant to carry judgement.)
• They most often have a well-developed ability to see the word visually, which provides a different vantage point for understanding and finding solutions.
• They have an ability to look at patterns, without boredom or tedium, to isolate accuracies and inaccuracies.

I know that there are other strengths in the autism community, and I hope that you will share them with me to then share with others.

There’s a famous (and very true) saying that “if you meet one person with autism, you have met ONE person with autism”. It reminds us that while there are many similarities that lead to diagnosis, or recognition, every individual is unique. This is why autism is recognized as a spectrum disorder.

Many individuals still think of autistics as non-verbal children or adults who rock and flap their hands. While these folks are still a part of the autistic community, there is a significant number of higher-functioning autistics. These individuals used to be identified with the diagnosis of Asperger’s Syndrome, but that terminology is no longer recognized and was merged into the general ASD (autism spectrum disorder) diagnosis in the DSM-5 ten years ago. Since this is a spectrum disorder, there are many individuals who fall within and in-between.

Most of the students that I worked with as an educator, and the clients that I work with now (pre-school through adulthood), are on the higher-functioning end of the spectrum. In addition to the standard developmental and personal topics that come with being human, my focus with them tends to be independent living skills, socialization, and work or school successes.

Society and our systems have failed to provide sufficient and adequate resources to give these higher-functioning individuals in the autism community the chances and the resources to be their best, most successful selves. This ultimately puts a drain on our financial resources as well as limiting our society’s growth potential. (Remember Einstein?)

And what about the more profoundly impacted members of the autism community? Once they age out of the educational community (20-21 in most states, 26 in Michigan) there just aren’t enough resources to care for them. As a result, many parents, especially those of the more profoundly impaired, never “retire” from their job of active parenting. What happens when they are too old to properly care for these adult children with their many needs? I recently watched a documentary called Beyond, which highlighted the difficulties that parents of non-verbal, dysregulated, adult children experience. It highlights the need for residential communities that are designed to recognize, understand, and properly address the sensory, communication, medical, and emotional needs of adults who are unable to live independently. These parents need emotional, financial, respite, medical/dental, and care-giving assistance.

Autism awareness and acceptance moves us to take care of each member of our community: the child, the student, the worker, the adult, and their family members.

And what of Einstein (who is believed to be on the autism spectrum)? When I meet with my neuro-diverse clients, I find that they desire a world of acceptance where all people display integrity and honesty and where there is deep caring for each other. It may not always sound or look like it to those of us who are neuro-typical (NT), but that is because most NTs only know how to see the world through their own limiting, fearful, and judgmental filters. This is why I write, speak, and do my work. My goal is to expand NTs’ understanding to better recognize everyone’s needs as well as their gifts.

It’s time for a new way. I invite you to get to know the autism community even if there is no one that you can get to know personally. (By the way, it is VERY likely that you already know someone, but don’t realize that they are on the spectrum!) Fortunately, there are other ways. Try:

• The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time by Mark Haddon (fiction, but I found it very realistic, and parents and professionals have loved it)
• Born on a Blue Day: Inside the Extraordinary Mind of an Autistic Savant by Daniel Tammet
• The Reason I Jump: The Inner Voice of a Thirteen Year Old Boy with Autism by non-verbal author Naoki Higashida
• Blogs or books by Rudy Simone and many other autistic writers
• com (“take it from us, we’ve lived it”)
• Temple Grandin’s My Life in Pictures (book or movie)
• Ron Suskind’s Life Animated: A Story of Sidekicks, Heroes, and Autism (book or movie)
• The Spark: A Mother’s Story of Nurturing, Genius, and Autism by Kristine Barnett
• Look Me in the Eye: My Life with Asperger’s by John Elder Robison

Now that you know a little more, consider asking yourself the following questions:

• What else do I need to know?
• How can I help?
• Is there a system that I can help to create, or to support financially or in another manner to facilitate better access for:
  • career/jobs access
  • affordable living accommodations
  • skill building
  • family support
  • respite care
  • educational support (K-12 and into adulthood)
  • appropriate dental and medical care that recognizes the special challenges of treating individuals with highly reactive sensory systems (think tastes, textures, lighting, medical instruments, difficulties with transitions, language barriers, etc.)

It is incumbent on each of us to change the experience for us all. This article has focused on our opportunity to get to know those on the autism spectrum so that they and their families can have an easier experience and be able to live independently when possible. My hope is that someday the qualities that lead to an autism diagnosis will be talked about in terms of strengths and challenges (we all have them!), and that we will interact with this community with understanding, strategies, supports, accommodations, and appropriate placements for the success of every individual.

Judy Lipson is a Licensed Professional Counselor and educational strategist in West Bloomfield, MI. She helps clients of all ages who have learning difficulties, work or school related anxiety, ADHD, Asperger’s Syndrome or Autism Spectrum Disorders, and those who wish to Remember and Become ‘Who You Really Are’. Contact Judy at 248.568.8665 and judylipson@spiralwisdom.net, and visit www.JudyLipson.com for more information.

This article is for informational purposes and is not meant to replace medical care.

By Judith E. Lipson, M.A., LPC

Many of the inaccuracies of your life were learned during childhood and especially the middle school years. I know it was true for me, and I have spoken to many pre-teens living it, adolescents learning that they can let it go, and adults who didn’t realize how many misrepresentations came from their childhoods and middle school/junior high years who are now learning to recover from these falsehoods by reframing their Truth.

Having had those experiences has helped to shape the type of work that I do. In fact, one of the most rewarding educational experiences I had was to teach classes of middle school students what to do if they encountered bullies. I taught them empowerment, how to use their voice, and to utilize physical, verbal, and energetic boundaries. (If you would like to learn these tips, read my article: Empower Your Child. All the concepts in this article can also be utilized by teens and adults.)

But let’s come back to those inaccuracies. What do I mean by that? Pay attention to the messages that you say within your own mind about yourself in any given day. It’s amazing how most of us would never say those things to another person, especially someone that we care about, yet we speak them to ourselves – in the silence of our minds – every single day. I’m suggesting that you pay attention to those messages, so that you might confront them with a healthier and more accurate viewpoint.

Here’s how it tends to happen: You started your life connected to ‘all that is’ without preconceived notions about others or yourself. In the beginning, there was pure joy and love. By your preschool years parents and teachers began the socializing process with messages like: ‘take turns’, ‘sit still’, ‘be quiet’, ‘don’t do that’, ‘be polite’, etc. Unfortunately, you may have interpreted this to mean that you were fundamentally ‘not ok’.

If you struggled in elementary school academically or socially you may have internalized the ‘not okay’ message further, even if no one was judging or comparing. Subsequently, middle-school comes about and tends to be especially challenging for students who are expected by others to fit a specified expectation to fit-in and be included. Those that don’t, tend to be shunned or ridiculed.

All these incidents further decrease a child’s self-confidence, become their inner dialogue, and form the later basis for how adolescents and adults see themselves.

Regardless of your (or your child’s) current age, it’s not too late to return to the truer version of you and learn to speak more kindly to yourself. Here’s a process/exercise for you to practice whenever those challenging beliefs and emotions come up. Please read all the suggestions before beginning. You may benefit from the assistance of a trusted friend or professional.

TAKING YOUR LIFE BACK – BRINGING YOUR THOUGHTS TO THE PRESENT

Recognize the thought or emotion as a reflection from the past. Now take it forward into this current time to allow yourself to interpret it from the accuracy of this present moment. The goal is to look at the event or thought while staying in this moment now; to view the past (while staying in this present moment) and reframe the beliefs about it from the perspective of this present you.

• When negative or demeaning thoughts come up, allow yourself to observe them with curiosity.
• Ask: When in my history did I experience these same thoughts that I have now?
• Avoid the deep dive back to the previous experiences themselves. Instead, stay in the present, maintaining that curiosity.
• Recognize the limited (narrow) understanding that you had at that age. Remember that children don’t have power to impact many of their events and that at any age, we only know what we know.
• Come back to the present again with compassion for this earlier self and expand the experiences that you had while you were younger (because you have more skills and knowledge than you did then).
• Imagine the current you observing or talking to your younger self and imagine how you would respond if you came across this child today. Might you embrace this younger you or sit close so s/he doesn’t feel so alone?
• Explain to your younger self that the old message was not based in accuracy. Challenge these inner messages! Your demeaning words came from the inaccuracies and misrepresentations that your younger self erroneously believed.
• Allow yourself to remember and see who you really were before these falsehoods were learned (directly or by assumption).

ADVANCED LEVEL

As you see your true self emerging, use your imagination to take this confident/strong energy of your true Self and infuse it back in time to the age when it all began. There is no need to identify the event(s) that started the incorrect messages.  Allow yourself to have a vague awareness of that identified time. Then infuse your confident/strong energy (that you can access now) into that situation and into the younger self who experienced it all. Then move that confidence and strength up your timeline to your current age.

It’s okay if this sounds like imagination or fairy tale. Neuropsychologists understand that the brain and body really don’t separate what is happening from what you are imagining in your mind. Your limbic (emotional) system tends to not differentiate time (or places or people). So, if you imagine a challenging or scary situation your body will react as if it is occurring right now. If you imagine something positive, it can help to calm your limbic system.

I hope that you will read through the list again to see how this can work for you. First, challenge the messages that you have unconsciously spoken to yourself. Then, when it feels appropriate you can use visualization and guided imagery to energetically rewrite your memories toward healing.

I recently saw this meme on social media: Unlearning abuse also requires for me to unlearn the survival tactics that I learned in abuse that I now call my personality. That’s not who you are! That’s who you became based on who they were. Because pain builds walls. But healing builds doors. — The Kentucky Therapist

You have multiple avenues for changing patterns: your behaviors can change thoughts and emotions; your thoughts can redirect your behaviors and emotions; or you can let your emotions initiate the process.

It is never too late to Remember and Become Who You Really Are! Believe in yourself. Take your opportunities. Imagine and be creative. Trust in your possibilities. Free yourself of old patterns. You’ve got this

Judy Lipson is a Licensed Professional Counselor and educational strategist in West Bloomfield, MI. She helps clients of all ages who have learning difficulties, work or school related anxiety, ADHD, Asperger’s Syndrome or Autism Spectrum Disorders, and those who wish to Remember and Become ‘Who You Really Are’. Contact Judy at 248.568.8665 and judylipson@spiralwisdom.net, and visit www.JudyLipson.com for more information.

This article is for informational purposes and is not meant to replace medical care.

By Judith E. Lipson, M.A., LPC

I hope that one of the reasons that you follow my work is to continue to understand various ‘differences’ from a more expansive view. This article is about autism. It’s when we understand the “why” of something that we can truly learn to accept it for what it is. Autism is not a condition to cure, but rather it is a series of conditions that causes or allows the individual to interact with their inner and outer environment differently. Sometimes this brings about challenges, but that’s most frequently due to our rigid societal expectations and assumptions. Let’s all learn to recognize the aspects, and see the gifts that are part of this spectrum, so that we no longer view it as a “disorder”.

Q:  What is autism?
A:  Autism isn’t one condition. It’s a collection of related conditions that are so intertwined and so impossible to pick apart, that professionals have stopped trying. If you only check one or two boxes, then they don’t call it autism, they call it something else. Here’s a graphic of the various aspects. Remember that autism is a spectrum condition. Some individuals with autism (sometimes referred to as autistics) have less of one of these issues, or it may no longer be apparent. According to the DSM-5, autism is a life-long condition that can ease in intensity and life-challenging ways, but it doesn’t go away. And remember: If you’ve met one person with autism, then you’ve met ONE person with autism.

Q:  Is the person ‘an individual with autism’ or ‘autistic’?
A:  That’s actually a good question and you will get differing responses. Initially we referred to these folks as autistics. Then perspectives about disabilities changed and it was considered most appropriate to see them as individuals who are not defined by autism, but rather who have autism (recognizing that they have many other facets to define them). I work with a lot of folks on the spectrum, from many age groups, and am frequently told that they recognize how autism informs their daily lives, and thus very positively and proudly define themselves as autistic (along with their other descriptors of spouse, parent, employee, artist, writer, etc.)

Q:  I hear that it is harder to identify girls and women on the spectrum.
A:  It does seem to be more difficult since females present differently than males.

All the literature, clients that I talk to, and my experiences with my own clients acknowledge that recognizing and diagnosing autism in those who are born female can be more challenging. Some believe it’s because many girls seem to intrinsically find it easier to mimic peers as well as others’ socialization. Additionally, they are less likely to have the same types of areas of interests as their male counterparts, so their identity on the spectrum is less recognized.

My intention in this section is to provide you with a variety of links that can better inform you. I hope you find this information beneficial. I encourage you to reach out with questions, and to let me know about any professionals that you have met who are adept at diagnosing ASD in the AFAB (assigned female at birth) population.

From the article, Why Do Many Autistic Girls Go Undiagnosed? by the Child Mind Institute: “Autism is a developmental disorder that is marked by two unusual kinds of behaviors: deficits in communication and social skills, and restricted or repetitive behaviors. Children with autism also often have sensory processing issues. But here’s the hitch, according to Susan F. Epstein, PhD, a clinical neuropsychologist. ‘The model that we have for a classic autism diagnosis has really turned out to be a male model. That’s not to say that girls don’t ever fit it, but girls tend to have a quieter presentation, with not necessarily as much of the repetitive and restricted behavior, or it shows up in a different way.’ Stereotypes may get in the way of recognition. ‘So where the boys are looking at train schedules, girls might have excessive interest in horses or unicorns, which is not unexpected for girls,’ Dr. Epstein notes. ‘But the level of the interest might be missed and the level of oddity can be a little more damped down. It’s not quite as obvious to an untrained eye.’ She adds that as the spectrum has grown, it’s gotten harder to diagnose less-affected boys as well.”

In the article: Autism is Still Under-Diagnosed in Girls and Women, they propose four ways testing should change: “From an autistic woman’s perspective, the diagnostic assessments need rethinking:

• they should consider autistic strengths and not focus solely on deficits and impairments. Sometimes autism isn’t considered because of the presence of strengths
• they should incorporate the common lived experiences of autistic women. These have now been well-documented by autistic women, many with successful careers and yet areas of difficulty
• the differences between the presentation of autism in females and males should be reflected in the diagnostic criteria
• autistic people should be included in the design and content of diagnostic tests.”

Why Camouflage Autism? specifically talks about a female’s potential for camouflaging their autism.

Developing a Positive Sense of Identity by Dr. Michelle Garnett explains more about spectrum women developing a positive identity and includes many insights to recognizing ASD in females. It also discusses the benefits of identifying it earlier, as well as the uniqueness of having ASD as a woman.

Autistic Women in the Workplace provides guidance to identify one’s career, and to recognize greater understanding of the special challenges as well as the special gifts that autistic women (or women with autism) can provide. Gifts can include leadership skills, teamwork, communication skills, and work ethic. Some of these items might surprise you; I encourage you to read the article. The author also discusses guidance for receiving accommodations in the workplace.

And learn how to address social challenges at work as an autistic adult.

The Boston Globe article entitled What Happens to Autistic Children Once They Become Adults offers a bit more generalized approach to ASD and careers. This article highlights some amazing work programs that have been developed in Florida and Massachusetts.

There are many resources for folks with ASD who are in relationships. I happen to love this article since it approaches healthy relationship-building from both the ASD and neurotypical perspective. How to Be the Best Partner to an Autistic or Neurotypical Person is both enlightening and refreshing. 10 Things You Need to Know About Your Autistic Partner is also enlightening.

Anytime we talk about autism I think it is imperative to have an opportunity to better understand meltdowns. This article about meltdowns, written by one with autism, offers an outstanding opportunity to understand the process and the experience. By the way, this is not a quiz asking you to select the correct choice for each item. Rather, each issue provides a variety of ways to understand what is really happening. Please read each item (A through E) that completes each phrase so that you can better understand your family member who experiences meltdowns.

And here’s a related article about autistic burnout. The authors explain that it is different than depression (though depression might be incorporated in the symptoms) because there is increased sensory sensitivity and the need to isolate in order to recover.

Q:  Why does my student with autism make a prolonged noise when I begin to speak, but stops when I stop talking?
A:  Sometimes individuals are highly triggered by sounds, yet by covering it with something they can control (tapping, shrieking, etc.) it is easier for them to deal with the original sound.

Q:  I have been told that my student’s behaviors are stims. What does that mean? I feel that they are distracting and disruptive for my student and I want to know how to make them stop.
A:  Stims or stimming is shorthand for self-stimulating behaviors.  These are actually quite helpful for your student as they help them to soothe their (overly) reactive nervous system in the moment. I was at a conference once where the presenter suggested that we try to mimic these behaviors on our own to see how it feels. Most neuro-typicals do indeed find them soothing. Regardless, it is soothing for your student. I was also cautioned by this presenter to be careful when trying to stop a stim, as it will be replaced by something else, which might not be as socially or classroom acceptable. Here’s a graphic that explains more about stimming.

Q:  How do you teach appropriate eye contact?
A:  First of all, let’s understand the possible reasons why those with ASD or other individuals avoid eye contact:

• Some cultures discourage looking into another’s eyes.
• If the individual has misaligned eyes (eyes that don’t work together adequately), uncomfortable distortions can occur prompting them to avoid looking at an individual’s face. Misaligned eyes, which are typically not recognized by an untrained professional or without a neuro-vision exam, can also cause challenges with reading, eye-hand coordination, balance and/or depth perception. Click here for a questionnaire provided by a neuro-vision clinic.
• Individuals who have experienced abuse have often learned that it is safer to not look someone in the eyes.
• Intuitive, empathic individuals may avoid eye contact because they “know everything there is to know about the person, and feel it in their own body”. (I originally learned about this from a 17 year old student who explained this to me with those words.) The answer to the next question offers a strategy for this.

If it is still deemed appropriate to teach eye contact you can suggest that the individual make brief, but regular or occasional visual contact with the individual’s face, possibly looking at the eyebrows instead of the eyes.

Q:  How do I tune down how sensitive I can be?
A:  Part of this answer is energetic, part of it is how you think about things.

• You don’t need all the possible information to know how to respond, so bring in less.
• Turn down your senses just like you turn down the volume of the podcast or music that you are listening to.
• Understand that it is not your job to take care of everyone, or to ‘save the world’.
• Practice energy modulation and drain your receptacle. (Listen to this short clip to learn how.)
• Practice radical acceptance for having this gift.

Q:  I’m wondering how autism (ASD) and ADHD may be reflecting a more evolved state.
A:  The theory that I offer here is not based on research or data, yet I have heard it discussed by others. I believe the increase in the number of folks with ASD or ADHD may be related to the fact that they are neurologically more sensitive to their environment. We know that these folks tend to be Sensitives. It makes sense that if they are highly attuned to their 5 senses, then they are also sensitive to various factors in our environment. This includes a hyper-reactivity to sensory input as well as various chemicals, additives, and drugs in our food, air and water. All of this can lead to medical conditions as well as neurological over-stimulation leading to meltdowns and other difficulties.

There are also benefits with these heightened awarenesses. These individuals at their core often have a very evolved awareness of Oneness. They seem to have a clearer sense of peace, goodness, and compassion for others and are more in touch with our similarities than our differences. They have a very clear sense of right vs wrong and are often quite frustrated with the state of the world. Hence, I’m very pleased that their numbers appear to be increasing as we need citizens who are more prone to bringing light, goodness, and compassion to our systems as well as enlightened relationships with each other.

Hans Asperger said, “It seems that for success, in science or art, a dash of autism is essential. For success the necessary ingredients may be an ability to turn away from the everyday world, from the simple practical, an ability to rethink a subject with originality so as to create in new untrodden ways.”

And as stated by Albert Einstein, “No problem can be solved from the same level of consciousness that created it.”

Judy Lipson is a Licensed Professional Counselor and educational strategist in West Bloomfield, MI. She helps clients of all ages who have learning difficulties, work or school related anxiety, ADHD, Asperger’s Syndrome or Autism Spectrum Disorders, and those who wish to Remember and Become ‘Who You Really Are’. Contact Judy at 248.568.8665 and judylipson@spiralwisdom.net, and visit www.JudyLipson.com for more information.

This article is for informational purposes and is not meant to replace medical care.

By Judith E. Lipson, M.A., LPC

I had never intended to work with folks who deal with significant traumas, so when my colleague and friend suggested that I accompany her to see Bessel van der Kolk who was speaking in Ann Arbor on trauma, I insistently told her no, several times. But Barb can be very persistent and so I signed up for this great opportunity. I can’t thank her enough! This is one of those trainings that has greatly informed my work with Sensitives.

Dr. van der Kolk taught the group about the common responses that individuals frequently experience emotionally, relationally, and especially physically as a result of their traumatic experience. Because of his information, I suddenly had this ah-hah about the Sensitives that I work with and recognized how their experiences can be understood in the context of trauma that we recognize professionally and as a society. (I now refer to major illness, assault, accident, war, abuse, and neglect as the big T traumas). This information has informed my work ever since, and is key to what I teach my families, my clients, and professional groups about Sensitives.

Sensitives are those who are highly attuned to one or more of the 5 senses (taste, touch, see, hear, smell) and are typically also very intuitive, empathic and energy-aware. At the time of that conference, I already knew of the strong sensory awareness in the autistic population and was seeing it in folks who often experience ADHD and/or anxiety. I began to see the students and adults that I worked with as being on this sensory continuum of Sensitives. I focused on identifying these folks and helping them and others to focus on their strengths while mitigating their weaknesses. At the time I had only a few techniques to address the challenges for Sensitives. These included explaining the situation to their loved ones and their teachers so they can ‘walk a mile in their shoes’; recommending the removal of fluorescent lights, using natural lighting, and generally dimming room lights to address light sensitivity; and teaching the individuals how to modulate their empathic gifts.

Dr. van der Kolk explained that after a trauma the body becomes extremely reactive physiologically to subsequent triggers. Professionals began to recognize this after WWI when the soldiers came back “shell shocked”. In 1980 we diagnosed it PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder), and realized that it applies to events other than war like accidents, serious illnesses, assaults, abuse, etc. Subsequently, professionals learned specialized treatments including EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) to address this disorder. (Incidentally, if you are interested in a cutting-edge treatment, check out Havening.org).

The training further explained how if an individual experiences a trauma after successive other traumas (warfare, childhood abuse or neglect, etc.) that their physiologic responses, behaviors, and emotions are likely to be more intense and persistent. And that’s when I understood the physiologic effect with highly sensitive nervous systems (Sensitives). Imagine if you will a sense that is most pronounced for you: maybe it is a particular item of clothing that you find minimally tolerable, or walking on a crowded street in a bustling city, or having to stand near a very loud sound source, or having to stay in the presence of an individual that you just can’t stand. Now imagine that discomfort happening all day long and you can’t make it go away, because it won’t or can’t stop, or you are not allowed to get away from it. This is the experience of a Sensitive – being inundated in life, in school, and even within their own body 24/7 (there are those who say that sleep doesn’t effectively push a pause button on this sensory input) without significant relief. And THIS was my ah-hah: that Sensitives are living with repetitive little t traumas, and the body is responding similarly to how we understand the responses of folks who have suffered the more traditional big T traumas.

Having this new information about the experiences of Sensitives means that I can use a new set of options when working with them and when explaining their situations to others. One of these new awarenesses is to understand that most Sensitives aren’t having tantrums, but rather are experiencing meltdowns. Meltdowns can be best understood in terms of the sensory overload that is occurring from 24/7 input. Their system (physiology) just can’t take one more thing. Remember the story of the straw that broke the camel’s back? This is what is happening to sensitives when the sensory input from their 5 senses or their own or other people’s emotions becomes too much and takes them from ‘0-60’ for seemingly no apparent reason. But now we can understand that there definitely ARE reasons, and we need to identify them and help minimize them where possible.

A term that I have heard used to describe common behaviors of those in the autistic population is PDA – Pathological Demand Avoidance. It seems to refer to a negative trait where the individual refuses to comply with what is requested. It is akin to ODD (Oppositional Defiant Disorder). With my new understanding of Sensitives and trauma, I see these avoidances as a distinct effort to protect oneself from overwhelm. With that understanding one wouldn’t use a punitive or behavioral approach, but rather a look at the antecedents to see how we can reduce or remove the triggers creating the overwhelm.

When we understand the effects on the body, we realize that to approach treatment from only a cognitive or behavioral approach means to miss a critical part of the experience of the individual. To address the physiologic effects of the body I (and others) use techniques that include:

• EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitizing and Reprocessing)
• Havening (Havening.org)
• Tapping (Emotional Freedom Technique; TheTappingSolution.com)
• Breath work
• Mindfulness practices
• Relaxation
• Movement
• Somatic work which includes watching the body, the breath, the body tension, etc., and providing opportunities for the body to release the trapped trauma response. (These include the work of Bessel van der Kolk, Peter Levine, Ron Siegel, Patricia Ogden, Stephen Porges’ polyvagal theory, etc.)

I was recently listening to a podcast by Dr. Brene Brown who was interviewing Oprah Winfrey and Dr. Bruce Perry about their new book, What Happened to You? Dr. Perry, a neuro-biologist and trauma specialist says, “Instead of asking what is wrong with these kids, ask what happened to these kids?” He then suggests the consideration of the What Do You Expect Disorder? He continues to explain that any pattern of behaviors that activates your stress response system and leads to an alteration in how that system is functioning, leads to an overactivity and an over reactivity. All kinds of people have tiny little experiences that activate the stress response system. And if that pattern is prolonged enough, it leads to the very same changes in the brain as a big T trauma, and is an underestimated and underappreciated component of the trauma narrative.

In light of Dr. Perry’s work and my observations, I encourage you to always look at the antecedents (that which comes before the troubling behavior), particularly those that are in the sensory realm and those that are clearly triggering emotions for your individual. As you do, walk a mile in their shoes in order to see the significance of those antecedents. Then strive to minimize their intensity and frequency, and to teach your individual the necessary skills to tolerate that which cannot be changed.

Judy Lipson is a Licensed Professional Counselor and educational strategist in West Bloomfield, MI. She helps clients of all ages who have learning difficulties, work or school related anxiety, ADHD, Asperger’s Syndrome or Autism Spectrum Disorders, and those who wish to Remember and Become ‘Who You Really Are’. Contact Judy at 248.568.8665 and judylipson@spiralwisdom.net, and visit www.JudyLipson.com for more information.

This article is for informational purposes and is not meant to replace medical care.

By Judith E. Lipson, M.A., LPC

I talk to a lot of people – friends, colleagues, and clients – and I watch the patterns of conversation. Over the last few months, we have talked a lot about the shift away from social isolation toward finding ease in returning to a more active way of life (while maintaining masks, hygiene, and proper distancing as recommended by the CDC). Initially, these conversations were to provide preparation for when that time would come.

Recently, more adults have received their COVID-19 vaccines, and students and staff have returned to school. These conversations have now taken on more of a timely need and an urgency.

Not surprisingly, a number of people are delighted to return to activities and events that are more reminiscent of times pre-pandemic. Others have expressed that they have felt quite comfortable with some, or many, aspects of the life that they have experienced over this last year and are struggling to make the shift.

This article is written for this latter group. If you are one of these people who looks back at this last year with a partial or complete thought of: please don’t mess with me now! then this article is for you. If you have always (or are now) struggling with general anxiety or social anxiety, this is for you. If you are not personally resonating with this concept, I still encourage you to read it so you can better understand your students, colleagues, friends, and family members. I’ve also included some tips to help you or them to venture out.

WHAT WE ARE EXPERIENCING

No two people are the same so not everyone will describe it the same way, but here is what I’ve been hearing, and it may not be what you expect. What you probably think is that folks are scared of contracting COVID-19, but actually most people do NOT quote their concern of developing COVID as their primary reason for their reluctance to venture back to activities.

Actually, what I find is that many folks are Sensitives (highly attuned to one or more of the five senses) and there is only so much that they feel that they can take in at any given time. This has been a very stressful year with changes in school and work routines, and social and political changes and conflicts. Sensitives are not only dealing with their own experiences of the above, but are also feeling the emotions of the collective which includes their family, workspace or classroom (even on zoom), and society as a whole. There has been a lot to sort and process, all while a pandemic is occurring. Even if you have learned to function in your world, amidst the noise of sensory stimulation and strong emotions, this last year has struck Sensitives in two ways. First, there is more “noise” to process. Second, having to stay home has been a surprising gift to reduce it all.

Let me explain some of the less obvious reasons besides what was mentioned above. Sensitives usually have, or have had, issues with clothing. Society makes a joke about zooming without pants, but that is a welcome relief to many Sensitives. Even the ones who do put on pants feel more freedom to wear comfy clothes than if they were in their school or work settings. Have you heard, “These are my daytime pajamas”? Seriously, many people are wearing sweats or yoga clothes for work and school. As a personal observation I noticed by April 2020 that I couldn’t tolerate any clothing that I felt was binding. My irritability while wearing it was significant, and I realized that it was better to avoid these clothes. Relative calmness resulted.

Many students are reluctant to return to their school buildings. Some of these are kids with social insecurities. They feel that they often do the wrong things, and this has led to teasing and their own subsequent self-judgment. (Please realize that there are adults who experience the world similarly, often because this was their experience throughout their education.) When the world seems like, or has been, a scary place why would the individual want to willingly return?

Sensitives are doing all they can to process all that is happening within and around them. Their bandwidth for tolerating it all has narrowed from pre-pandemic times. They can’t tolerate the thought that they might have to now be in space (literally and energetically) with even more than what they are having to deal with in the confines of their home.

Some others have a history of difficulty with transitions from one activity to another. Others have a history of avoiding any novel activities unless they have a social story of what to expect. (See more on this below.)

WHY IT IS IMPORTANT TO RE-ENTRY

The individual might be ‘fearing’ losing the relative calmness, and/or may not want to tempt the fates of previous memories. But part of living this human experience is to adapt, or find equanimity (peace with what is), during the changes of life.

In a recent article, author Bufka said, “A few times in the past year I’ve thought about what it was like for my grandmother who was born in 1901, and all the changes that she saw over the course of her life. We’re having a compressed version of that….”

If we look at the developmental stages of life, this is exactly what each of us has been doing since we were born. We learned the ways of early childhood and without even realizing it we adapted into our adolescent years where we began to differentiate ourselves from our parents and our societal teachings. We questioned which of these teachings we wanted to maintain for ourselves, by our own choice. As we moved onward through adulthood, we made these same adaptations as we took on jobs, careers, and new friendships and family members. And through it all there were small and large crises to attend to as we learned how to experience the changes and challenges with the greatest ease. Like Bufka says, a lot is being condensed into what has only been a year of time, which is why some may be finding it so difficult to make the shift back into more traditional activities (even with masks, distancing and washing).

RE-ENTRY STRATEGIES

You don’t have to return to your full pre-pandemic lifestyle. Consider taking it one piece or aspect at a time.

Increase your bandwidth of tolerance by practicing good self-care strategies:

• Adequate rest
• Good nutrition and hydration
• Movement
• Feed your spirit and/or your creative aspects
  • Meditate, pray or daydream
  • Practice your passions and try a new creative art
  • Take time to be in nature
  • Stay connected with friends and loved ones (even if virtually)
• Decrease sensory input when and where possible

Identify the gap and create scaffolding to bridge it:

• Create and provide social stories for yourself or your loved one. One of the reasons why new experiences feel so daunting is because we don’t know what it will look like. Identify and describe what you will most likely expect.
• Practice expanding your comfort level energetically and socially for preparation of going back to work, school etc. Since some individuals seem quite comfortable in their current milieu, they might need a significant amount of coaxing. Be sure to meet these individuals where they are. Ridiculing or shaming will NOT help your cause. Identify the small steps that will help them move comfortably from their desire to stay only indoors to engaging in-person once again: for instance, go outside with a mask; next, take a walk down the block with significant distances from others; then walk in public places and learn to move away from others in a calm, efficient manner that doesn’t attract unnecessary attention. Or, take rides in the family car and return to the house; take a ride and go to a public place, then return; take a ride to a specified place after a social story has been created, discussed and practiced.
• What space do you need for yourself? Can you create it? Role play with a trusted other, or in your mind, how to keep distance, how to ask for another to mask, or what it will look like and feel like to walk away if that is needed for optimal safety. Remember that you control many aspects of your experience.

Practice your previous skills that have been lost during this year away from more traditional routines. Never had those skills? Then this is an awesome time to learn! Find a trusted other, self-help book or professional to guide you through the process with role playing, social stories, and identifying the baby steps to move from present situation to desired participation.

As you approach re-entry, remember that though sometimes different seems uncomfortable or even daunting, it’s only different, not bad or dangerous. Use your strategies to control the narrative when possible, and to adapt your response when needed.

I now offer you this humorous video by The Holderness Family that you might find depicts the inner narrative of the reluctant participants in your life.

Judy Lipson is a Licensed Professional Counselor and educational strategist in West Bloomfield, MI. She helps clients of all ages who have learning difficulties, work or school related anxiety, ADHD, Asperger’s Syndrome or Autism Spectrum Disorders, and those who wish to Remember and Become ‘Who You Really Are’. Contact Judy at 248.568.8665 and judylipson@spiralwisdom.net, and visit www.JudyLipson.com for more information.

This article is for informational purposes and is not meant to replace medical care.

By Judith E. Lipson, M.A., LPC

The challenge: For generations we have run from the stillness and the silence. Though many of us have been able to enjoy the occasional “quiet” that nature can provide, the majority of people feel threatened when encountering any stillness or silence because of their own inner noise. This inner chatter can be deafening due to the quality of the chatter: There is an inordinate amount of judgment. The judgment towards other people is bad enough, especially for those who really do wish to be compassionate towards others, but the inner judgment that is directed to oneself is frightening and damaging.

Why is it that we condemn ourselves at every turn and with every possibility? Sometimes when you look back at your history you can see how the patterns were established within your family. You can also see the patterns that have been established and perpetuated from our society, including the belief that we live in a world of scarcity. We have each been led to believe that there truly is not enough to go around. We think that if you have something then I will not have enough. We think that if you have toilet paper (chuckle), then there won’t be enough for me. And it isn’t just the tangible items that we feel we need to collect. This also applies to the other aspects of our life that are so important, like freedom, power, comfort and love.

The opportunity: Production and movement have slowed. The world is quieter. News clips, from before re-opening, showed empty roads with a solitary pedestrian or car. Folks in faraway communities have been talking about the ability to see the sky and the land. I read that there’s a section of the Himalayas that is suddenly visible from a far away city, and multiple cities that had been beleaguered by pollution are now viewing clearer skies.

If you’ve been fortunate to recognize the good news during this pandemic, you can see and hear the signs of people who are transforming. The compassion for our fellow man is present. Like those before us who have been called to the front lines of a war to protect their families and community, our own front-liners have stepped forward. These are of course our healthcare workers and first-responders who put their families and their own lives on the line every day to protect each of us. But the lesser-known acts of service are also apparent: I read of an animal shelter that managed to find homes for every pet. There are people who are dealing with their own financial or food insecurity who are helping to support those who are less fortunate. I am also deeply moved by the various agencies and companies that are now collaborating together in an unprecedented way to find solutions and cures for us all.

When I see these stories I know I am witnessing the shift. Even if it may be slow, I am seeing evidence of those individuals and groups who recognize the abundance that is available for each of us, and the beauty that occurs when we place ourselves in a position to share. I realize that some of my readers are not feeling financially secure right now. And it’s hard to imagine giving anything when one is financially insecure. I encourage you to remember that not all giving need be financial. You can give time to another (even virtually). You can also give compassion, and love.

This time of stillness is providing many opportunities for change. If you are fortunate enough to have time that you didn’t previously have, look at your possibilities. What activities did you not have time for previously? I have regular video calls with my out-of-state friends and colleagues. Recently I received a call from an out-of-state cousin that I haven’t seen or spoken to for years. There’s even time to learn something that has always been of interest. (I have increased my yoga practice, and just started voice lessons). What are you longing to try? With whom do you want to (re)connect?

I also encourage you to use this time to evaluate who you are and what you desire. Realize that over the course of our lives it is natural to self-reflect, and thus determine what is important to us? We all did this as children and adolescents when we determined which of our parents’ and society’s beliefs were the ones that we wanted in our own lives rather than blindly following those messages that came from those before us. What we sometimes do not know or recognize is that you do this repeatedly as adults. What values, activities, and relationships reveal who you are? To assist this quest, you might try these questions by Deepak Chopra:

• Who am I?
• What do I want?
• What is my purpose?
• What am I grateful for?

Embrace the opportunity to review and reflect on who you are and who you want to be. Give it time, and make this a no-judgment-zone. Trusted mentors and professionals can assist you so as to not jump back into judgment, or to run back into the inner and outer noise, away from your potential. Learn how to embrace the inner stillness. Learn how to return to love.

Judy Lipson is a Licensed Professional Counselor and educational strategist in West Bloomfield, MI. She helps clients of all ages who have learning difficulties, work or school related anxiety, ADHD, Asperger’s Syndrome or Autism Spectrum Disorders, and those who wish to Remember and Become ‘Who You Really Are’. Contact Judy at 248.568.8665 and judylipson@spiralwisdom.net, and visit www.SpiralWisdom.net for more information.

This article is for informational purposes and is not meant to replace medical care.

By Judith E. Lipson, M.A., LPC

All of us are energy, we are surrounded by energy, and we interact with it all as we attune to the energy within and outside ourselves. Some individuals are more aware of this attunement. I call these individuals, myself included, Sensitives. We are highly attuned to the five senses as well as energy, intuition and empathy. Others refer to us as Neuro-Sensitives or Neuro-Diverse. Some of these Sensitives are diagnosed with autism. In a recent course with Awesomism founder Suzy Miller I learned some new aspects for consideration.

Are you familiar with the book The Hidden Messages in Water by Masaru Emoto? In his fascinating study he placed water in a number of bottles and labeled them with words like love, war, peace, anger, etc. When he later looked at the water under a microscope he found that water that had been exposed to loving words showed brilliant, complex, and colorful snowflake patterns, while water exposed to negative words formed incomplete, asymmetrical patterns with dull colors. As a result of his study and the visual images, we can better understand how words affect energy, and thus ourselves and each other.

When you realize that everything is energy, it opens up interesting options for you to address certain issues. For instance, let’s imagine that you are a teacher and you are having difficulty with some of your students. Try this exercise: Create a paper doll cutout. Then select the child that you have the most difficulty with. On one side of the paper doll, write out all of the words that describe how you wish this kid would be. Put it on your refrigerator and read that wish list every day. You will likely notice that the child changes. But what has actually changed? Was it your energy changing when you encountered that child because you have filled yourself with these more positive thoughts? Or was it the child who felt the energetic shift through the ethers? I don’t think it matters. Give it a try.

Here’s a different application of the understanding of energy. It is said that neuro-diverse individuals may be able to alter and change things that come into their fields. As a result, they can modify themselves and/or the things that enter their fields. When they access something (like a supplement) they might take as much information from the item as quickly as they can, and then they no longer need it. This might explain why some individuals’ supplements and protocols are in a frequent and constant need for change.

Neuro-sensitives’ fields are more fluid/porous and they can live in multiple realities simultaneously (more on multi-dimensions in October). They perceive time differently and are not likely to see it in the linear manner that our society defines it. Many parents and teachers describe ADHD kids as seemingly unable to follow time requests. I’ve always felt that it is not about their unwillingness. They perceive time differently. We can begin to follow them into their “no time” experience by “feeling” our own experiences and being in the present. It is here that we can feel the presence of All That Is. If you need to encourage them to live in linear time, hold the sensory steps in your mind and visualize the possibility as you experience the situation in linear time. Be careful not to visualize their past actions of not being in time, because then they will be more likely to replicate the behavior that you don’t desire. Feel it how you want to see/feel it.

Neuro-diverse individuals have the ability to mirror or reflect back the various messages that they are receiving whether they or we are aware. Equestrians know that the emotional message that they transmit to their horses is reflected back with their horse’s behavior. Do you own a pet? You can use your pet, particularly a dog, to measure your own feelings. Ready to practice? Watch how your excited behaviors and words make your dog quite excitable? Want the dog to calm down? Intentionally calm your feelings and your body and the dog will calm as well. You can use your pet to provide you with feedback about the moods and messages that you are sending about them, or that you are feeling within yourself. This is especially useful when you live or work with neuro-diverse individuals.

I hope you are enjoying learning more about your autistic, sensitive, or otherwise-named neuro-diverse individual.

Judy Lipson is a Licensed Professional Counselor and educational strategist in West Bloomfield, MI. She helps clients of all ages who have learning difficulties, work or school related anxiety, ADHD, Asperger’s Syndrome or Autism Spectrum Disorders, and those who wish to Remember and Become ‘Who You Really Are’. Contact Judy at 248.568.8665 and judylipson@spiralwisdom.net, and visit www.SpiralWisdom.net for more information.

This article is for informational purposes and is not meant to replace medical care.

By Judith E. Lipson, M.A., LPC

“So called ‘late-bloomers’ get a bad rap. Sometimes the people with the greatest potential often take the longest to find their path because their sensitivity is a double edged sword – it lives at the heart of their brilliance, but it also makes them more susceptible to life’s pains. Good thing we aren’t being penalized for handing in our purpose late. The soul doesn’t know a thing about deadlines.”  Jeff Brown

When many parents bring their kids to see me, we discuss their children’s unique and wonderful traits. Yet many of these children are challenged to live their magnificence in the educational system in which they are provided. As a result, their parents, doctors, teachers, and others label them and sometimes even chastise or shame them for “not fitting in”. This experience often burdens these children for years after they have left their education behind. (I know because I often meet them as adults.)

The lucky ones will remember their gifts in these later years, and begin to feel comfortable and confident in their skin. As their confidence increases, so does their self-esteem. Suddenly these individuals “find themselves” and begin to experience successes – socially, professionally, personally. Society often describes them as late bloomers.

Wikipedia defines a late bloomer as a person whose talents or capabilities are not visible to others until later than usual.I’m glad that so many of these individuals are ultimately recognized as late bloomers, but why do they need to wait?

The number of kids being diagnosed on the autism spectrum or with ADHD or anxiety has increased significantly over the last decades. Many are questioning why this is, and I’m sure there is value in asking that question. But there is another question that needs to be addressed now: WITH SO MANY KIDS BEING RECOGNIZED OR DIAGNOSED, IS IT STILL TO BE ASSUMED THAT THEY ARE THE ERROR THAT NEEDS TO BE CORRECTED?

My goal with the students that I meet is to help them to identify, accept and honor their gifts, as well as to minimize the challenges that they experience. But it shouldn’t just be their responsibility to do the changing, and their true gifts shouldn’t have to wait to be recognized until they are AWAY from the system that pigeon holes them. It’s time that we do more to change our systems to better accommodate the changing child(ren).

One way is to recognize and honor the multiple intelligences as identified by psychologist Howard Gardner. When we accept that there are more ways to be intelligent than the traditional school models of verbal-linguistic and logical-mathematical, we provide an opportunity for more learners to soar. Here are the abilities that Gardner identified:

• Verbal-linguistic (words, language, reading, writing, telling stories, memorizing; this is measured in Verbal IQ assessments)
• Logical-mathematical (logic, abstractions, reasoning, numbers, critical thinking)
• Musical-rhythmic and harmonic (sensitivity to sounds, rhythms, tones, music)
• Visual-spatial (spatial judgment and the ability to visualize with the mind’s eye)
• Bodily-kinesthetic (control of one’s bodily motions, capacity to handle objects skillfully, sense of timing; includes sports, dance, acting, and making things)
• Interpersonal (sensitivity of other’s moods, ability to cooperate as part of a group)
• Intrapersonal (introspective and self-reflective capacities)
• Naturalistic (ability to recognize flora and fauna and to be able to relate information to one’s natural surroundings)
• Existential/Moral (though Gardner did not wish to include spiritual intelligence, he called it existential, and it’s best recognized as a source of guidance)

The concept of multiple intelligences is not new in the field of education. Educators have known about the prevalence of these multiple intelligences for decades, and we were encouraged to remember that some children learn differently. But it was assumed that the verbal-linguistic and logical-mathematical intelligences were the most prevalent and other types were in the minority. As a result, most teachers added some educational delivery or assessment methods to meet the minority’s needs, but it typically was only occasionally.

I’m not convinced that these kids are still the minority. (I would love to see some data on this). Regardless, I believe it’s time to change our educational system to further recognize these multiple intelligences and to more equitably provide educational delivery and assessment for all, with the addition of explicit social instruction.

Regardless of your political beliefs, our society seems to be focused on change – of financial systems, rights, and so much more.  How we perceive these kids and how we educate them should be one more.

Judy Lipson is a Licensed Professional Counselor and educational strategist in West Bloomfield, MI. She helps clients of all ages who have learning difficulties, work or school related anxiety, ADHD, Asperger’s Syndrome or Autism Spectrum Disorders, and those who wish to Remember and Become ‘Who You Really Are’. Contact Judy at 248.568.8665 and judylipson@spiralwisdom.net, and visit www.SpiralWisdom.net for more information.

This article is for informational purposes and is not meant to replace medical care.