By Judith E. Lipson, M.A., LPC

One of the things that really concerns me right now is how fraught with fear we are becoming. Fear has always been a prominent emotion. After all, our nervous system is wired to look for cues of danger.

For most of us, our ability to rise above this tendency, as well as our resiliency, are reduced. I write this so that we can each be reminded of the importance to keep our nervous systems as calm as possible, even during these incredibly challenging times. Regardless of our faith or ethnicity we have had difficult histories – some more challenging, some during certain times. Even though we did not live through those histories personally, we are affected. This is referred to as ancestral, or generational, trauma. We carry these traumas and wounds within us in addition to the intuitive need to look for danger. No wonder we have such a tendency to be anxious, worried and even fearful.

The current world events are frightening. Yet, we cannot respond most effectively if we do not stay grounded and calm. (Looking for proof of this concept? As examples, reflect on surgeons in the operating room who encounter a medical crisis, or the pilot Sully Sullenberger who landed his plane safely on the Hudson River. If they had responded in panic, the outcome would not likely have been successful.)

I’m not going to pretend that it’s easy to calm our panicked nervous systems, but I do encourage you to continue to learn ways to do so. Each time you practice a technique, you are reinforcing your parasympathetic system’s ability to calm yourself down, and each time that offers the potential for it to be a little easier the next time.

Why should you do this practice? Well, it’s really hard on the body to be in fight and flight for long periods of time. Also, it feels really awful!!!

And here is another important reason: The opposite of love is not hate, the opposite of love is fear. When we are in fear, it is very difficult to feel safe enough to open our hearts to adequately connect with others, and this includes our closest loved ones; and that is not a good thing.

An important aspect of what makes our nervous system feel safe is the act of feeling connected to others. We are actually wired for connection in order to feel safe. It’s knowing that we can reach out and the other will be there for us. If we are in fear we are less able to reach out and to achieve that. This makes us more fearful, and also makes us less available to connect with others with whom we may not have familiarity.

As a result, we see the world as me versus you and us versus them. This experience of separateness and polarization breeds contempt, resentment, hostility, and more fear. And the cycle goes on and on.

Gandhi said, “You must be the change you wish to see in the world.” You may only feel like one person, and wonder how you can really make a difference, but it is important to remember that you are not really the singleton that you think you are. There are many of us who believe in peace and love [with just a side-note that way before Marianne Williamson even thought there might be a time that she would run for president, as a spiritual teacher she taught that “sometimes the loving response is no”.] Realize that you are not alone in this quest. There are many of us who long for peace and unity, but that message does not (currently) sell advertisements on the news, so it is not broadcast or printed.

Be the peace you wish to see in the world. Start your practices (or delve back in) so that you can calm your nervous system and respond from your more grounded, peaceful place. Your mind and body (and your heart and spirit) will thank you for it. I know that I do (thank you).

Please remember to take care of yourself even while you are taking care of others, personally or professionally. Remember that you must “put on your own oxygen mask before assisting others”.

I thought it might be helpful to remind us all of strategies to help calm our nervous systems as we continue to experience these difficult times, whether that is personally or vicariously.

• Keeping busy is an effective tool for mental distraction (in the short-term), but provide enough quiet time so as to not stress your physical body.
• While it is important to be informed, and even to bear witness to the stories, you only need a small amount of information to achieve that goal. Please turn it off or stop reading when it’s time. (Even before it’s time.)
• Focus on movement, hydration, and healthy nutrition to take care of your physical body.
• Re-visit your creative endeavors.
• Get out in nature.

May we all know peace! Namasté

Judy Lipson is a Licensed Professional Counselor and educational strategist in West Bloomfield, MI. She helps clients of all ages who have learning difficulties, work or school related anxiety, ADHD, Asperger’s Syndrome or Autism Spectrum Disorders, and those who wish to Remember and Become ‘Who You Really Are’. Contact Judy at 248.568.8665 and judylipson@spiralwisdom.net, and visit www.JudyLipson.com for more information.

This article is for informational purposes and is not meant to replace medical care.

By Judith E. Lipson, M.A., LPC

This pandemic is getting so difficult for so many! This is really not surprising! It’s been nearly 6 months since many began their sheltering-in-place practices. When the weather got nice, and school was over for “summer vacation”, there was an especially acute longing to get back to life – as we knew it. After all, summer is that glorious time when we travel with our families, by ourselves, or with special friends to escape the harried life of work and home responsibilities. Summer has become equivalent for many of us as the time for escape. But instead of getting the green light to take our escape, we were met with resistance. Some saw the resistance coming from the CDC, or their governmental leaders, while some recognized that this is a result of the impact of the novel coronavirus. Regardless, many see this as a time when one’s desires are being thwarted. And we don’t like that!!

In all my years of talking to people I’ve realized that one’s ability to shift and adapt varies. Actually, I will rephrase that to say one’s willingness to shift and adapt varies! One way to improve your adaptability is through equanimity. I’ve written about it previously, but I want to discuss it again in the context of COVID-19, and all that it is revealing to us socially, politically, environmentally, financially, educationally, medically, etc, etc.

I’d like to invite you to take a few introspective moments and look at “being uncomfortable”. This is not about justification that you have a right to your thought or feeling. We’re going deeper than that. Do you even have an awareness of the discomforting thought, feeling, or action? Or have you been so intent on avoiding the discomfort that you hadn’t even sat with it long enough to recognize it occurring? Identify what drives you, what troubles you, what ultimately makes you uncomfortable. In other words, what have you been avoiding or running from?

• Thoughts: i.e., “I don’t want there to be a pandemic.” “There really isn’t anything to be afraid of or react to.” “People aren’t going to tell me what I can or can’t do.” “I deserve this …… (vacation, experience, etc).” Those are only some of the possible thoughts that may have led to your discomfort. What are yours?
• Feelings: Anger and fear are the main emotions that people discuss. But I encourage you to go deeper. Is there frustration? Grief? Loneliness? Anxiety? Worry? Sadness? A sense of betrayal or injustice? Disappointment? Agitation? Feeling misunderstood? What feeling(s) are you experiencing? And have you been running from them?
• Actions: For some people, this is the easiest route to then access the rest. What action have you been taking that has provided you the opportunity to not have to feel the uncomfortable emotion, or think the uncomfortable thought, that you identified above?  For instance, these are two extreme positions, but do you go into public with no consideration of the CDC recommendations? Do you stay home in your bubble when it is not medically required? What actions might you be taking that provide you an escape to avoid feeling the uncomfortable emotions or thoughts?

Now I would like to invite you to look at all of this a bit differently. Most folks’ experiences have led them to become wired to expect only the status quo, or that which was previously in existence. As a result, you may feel that you should avoid change. Change and discomfort, however, do not equal dangerous! So I encourage you to have a conscious inner conversation to reframe the situation and allow opportunity.

Seeking equanimity can help with this by providing you with a greater sense of peace during the challenging situation. (I think this pandemic qualifies as challenging! Don’t you?!) Equanimity is the acceptance of what is. As I explain to my clients, this type of acceptance doesn’t mean that you shout, “Oh goody! This is awesome. I love it. Bring on more.” No, it’s rather a type of acknowledging that what is … IS … for right now. You might still choose to make the inner changes (like acceptance, forgiveness, empowerment, etc), and/or seek to change the situation that you are not accepting (like racism, mysogeny, various inequalities, etc). Equanimity is the practice of finding the peace within your situation, which will ultimately help you to make the changes that you seek internally and externally, more effectively.

When you can experience equanimity you will find that there is less resistance in your situation. See if you can follow this visual: Imagine that you are looking at a ball. This ball represents the issue at hand – that really icky situation like COVID, or like your uncomfortable thought or feeling that you identified earlier. The situation – the ball – is bad enough. It’s already hard to to deal with. But now if you add resistance, you’ve just put a very large coating around the ball. The ball may now feel twice the size of the original situation. There is no need to add resistance. Remember, the “ball” feels like it’s enough of a hurdle all by itself. So remove the resistance, using equanimity, and allow the uncomfortable feelings to feel more tolerable and more manageable.

I want to address one last thing in this article. I stated in the first paragraph: “…there was an especially acute longing to get back to life – as we knew it”. I’d like to caution you about this concept. Change is normal. It’s part of our own personal development – you are not the same as you were in your childhood or teen years. In fact, approximately each decade of adult aging brings about changes. (You might look up Dr. Levinson’s Seasons of Life Theory to learn more.) Change is also part of society’s development. If you look back at history you see the identification of the industrial and technological revolutions, to name a few. I was alive during the civil rights era, the space race, and women receiving greater rights through feminism. What’s likely unprecedented is for us to live through these many current changes, with the onslaught of informational awareness, and to have so many changes occurring all at once during a global pandemic.

Certainly, our knee-jerk desire is for it all to go away, and to return to what we are used to. But we should not want to return to “normal”! We are understanding and recognizing more and more that what we saw as normal, the status quo, was inferior. We can do better. We deserve better. No one need settle for less.

So I urge you. Take a few minutes (with a trusted friend or professional, if needed) and look within. What have you been hiding from? Bring it to the surface. Look at it. Bring it into accurate perspective. Remove the layers of fear and resistance. Seek equanimity with it and within yourself. Then you will have the ability to make an accurate assessment of what you actually want to change and how to get there.

Take a few minutes and look at the changes that seem to be happening around you. Don’t rush to put things back the way they were, nor to create what you think it should be, because you may not yet know the best outcome for it to be. In Alcoholics Anonymous they understand the following: If you always do what you always did, then you will always get what you always got. These are important times and there’s no need to have a knee-jerk reaction to any of it.

Drop your fear and your anger. Open your heart to self and others. Seek acceptance of what is … as equanimity.

Judy Lipson is a Licensed Professional Counselor and educational strategist in West Bloomfield, MI. She helps clients of all ages who have learning difficulties, work or school related anxiety, ADHD, Asperger’s Syndrome or Autism Spectrum Disorders, and those who wish to Remember and Become ‘Who You Really Are’. Contact Judy at 248.568.8665 and judylipson@spiralwisdom.net, and visit www.SpiralWisdom.net for more information.

This article is for informational purposes and is not meant to replace medical care.

By Judith E. Lipson, M.A., LPC

Discord is defined as a disagreement or lack of agreement. However, in the context of this article, discord refers to the emotional discomfort that you feel when what you want is not congruent to what is happening within or around you.

What do you do when you don’t like what’s happening and you can’t control the outcome? (This might be because you can’t control it, or because it’s not your place to do so, or because you don’t have permission.) Do you then select a different part of your life to grab hold of and hang on to tightly? More so do you actually think, pretend, or assume that you have now gained mastery over the events that your unconscious knows you really can’t control? And importantly, do you realize that this is what is happening?

I have talked with many clients about these experiences. The vast majority don’t even recognize all these aspects at a conscious level until it is discussed. In fact, it is not uncommon for an individual to focus on an event or a relationship, recognizing the discord there, when the primary source of discord is something else completely.

Have you noticed feeling strong emotions over an event, and you or others are surprised at your extreme reaction? In fact, the real area of discord is likely something else – for instance, unfinished grief from the loss of a loved one, a job, or a move.

Here are a few examples to help you begin to recognize the layers of discord:

• Your focus is on the recalcitrant child, but the underlying discord is with a spouse, boss or other adult.
• You are hyper-vigilant about your child’s rather normal developmental event, but through conversations it becomes apparent that the real area of concern is the health of your own parent, the status of your employment, or some other fear.
• Social, political or natural events are overwhelming you and you try to find the small areas of your life where you can maintain a sense of control.

This is not meant to minimize any of the emotionally charged events, or your responses. I am encouraging you to realize that when you have minimal ability to affect a major issue, you will likely try controlling something else because you think you can, and peace will not be achieved.

Psychology and Buddhist teachings remind us that you can rarely change the people and events around you, but you can change the way they affect you. The first step is to identify that underlying and hidden discord (see above). At a visceral or emotional level you know the things over which you don’t have control. But maybe it feels too big to your subconscious so you don’t want to see it. This leads you to grasp those alternative things that don’t truly acknowledge or fulfill your need. Unfortunately, these other things may then negatively impact other people in your life.

Knowledge is power, and it’s helpful to get in touch with the source of your discord. It may feel counterintuitive at the moment, but the best way to reduce the discord, inner tension, worry, fear and anxiety is to willingly face that which you are avoiding. Eckhart Tolle teaches that when you finally turn to look at that from which you run, you realize that it is not nearly as scary after all! Turn to see the issue that is hiding in the shadows. It may even be something that you thought you had already dealt with like an underlying fear or a profound loss. The original source, like Tolle says, is not nearly as uncomfortable as it has seemed, because it was perceived through the additional layers of the experience of running away.

Now that the discord has been identified at its original source without its complicating layers you can minimize its influence. Here are two powerful techniques:

• Mindfulness:
  • Stay in the present moment and resist the tendency to focus on the past.
  • Review the past situation ONE time in order to assess it so that you can learn what you might have done differently. Avoid reviewing it again, because it won’t change the outcome that has already occurred.
  • Stay out of the future where worry resides. Instead, allow yourself ONE assessment of the fearful event that is coming up, and create a proactive plan to be ready.
  • Stay in the present by: focusing on your breath, or attending to whatever activity you are doing in that moment.
  • If your thoughts stray back to the past, or to worrying about the future, redirect your thoughts and return them to the present moment.
• Equanimity:
  • It is defined as mental calmness, composure, and evenness of temper, especially in a difficult situation.
  • I think of it simply as the acceptance of what is.
  • Allow for the conscious realization that the things around you are truly outside your control and you may as well stop fighting them. As they say in AA: grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

Using mindfulness and redirecting your thoughts will help lessen the discord that seems ever-present in life, and help you to achieve a state of equanimity.

Judy Lipson is a Licensed Professional Counselor and educational strategist in West Bloomfield, MI. She helps clients of all ages who have learning difficulties, work or school related anxiety, ADHD, Asperger’s Syndrome or Autism Spectrum Disorders, and those who wish to Remember and Become ‘Who You Really Are’. Contact Judy at 248.568.8665 and judylipson@spiralwisdom.net, and visit www.SpiralWisdom.net for more information.

This article is for informational purposes and is not meant to replace medical care.

Antecedents are the key to understanding and releasing

By Judith E. Lipson, M.A., LPC

Years ago, I acquired a mini-poster showing how anger is actually due to a myriad of other emotions. It was one of those moments that helped to bring so many things into perspective. Anger is more of a reactive symptom, so when I see anger in my clients I look for the antecedent/cause.

I often show the poster to my clients so that they can understand their own anger, or the anger of a significant other. As many have explored their own anger, two additional causative factors have been added: feeling misunderstood and betrayal. Here is the complete list (in no particular order). Are there any influences that you would like to add?

Anxiety
Shame
Sadness
Fear
Hurt
Guilt
Worry
Frustration
Disappointment
Embarrassment
Jealousy
Misunderstood
Betrayal

Think about the times that you have felt or acted angry, and look at the list to identify your underlying emotion(s) to better recognize the real issue(s). Next, I encourage you to additionally go one step further. Think back and identify when in your history, most frequently during your childhood, you experienced that earlier emotion. Emotional extremes, like anger, are usually triggered by an earlier experience, for which the current event is a reminder. Now you have the potential to address it at its root in order to release the anger.

Fear is another emotional extreme. This is because there are rarely any situations of true endangerment. Yet our physiologic system doesn’t differentiate, and assumes that we are in true danger. When we understand the process, we can actually minimize our physical symptoms and our related thoughts and feelings. I have written about this in numerous articles including Transforming Fear. To summarize the techniques:

• Remember that the fight/flight response lasts only ninety seconds
• Use mindfulness, breath, and relaxation to calm your thoughts and body’s reactions
• Change from worrying to doing
• Reduce your sensory and emotional input with energy modulation and other techniques
• Use good boundaries
• Stay out of story (fear is False Evidence Appearing Real)

I believe that fear, like anger, can be looked at as a secondary issue. In fact, fear and anger appear to often be distractors and thus agents of resistance. Let me pause for a moment to acknowledge that sensory overload and other biological factors can be the source of anxiety, or elevated emotional states that trigger anger. But I have seen that worry and anger flood the system so that you are effectively distracted from the real issues. Thus patterns, themes, and root causes are often buried under layers of behaviors and words. Consequently, fear and anger can be perceived as communicators – pointing you, or a therapist, to the underlying truths.

Humans by nature are inclined to move away from those things that are uncomfortable. Regarding fear, author Eckhart Tolle reminds us to stop running from the fear and to turn to look at it instead. I’ve actually done this, and it’s true that the thing that was kept in hiding is not as big and scary as formerly believed. In fact, it’s always smaller and less frightening than the unknown that I was running from. Tolle is right!

What is the truth that you may be running from?

• Often it is a misunderstanding or inaccuracy that developed from the experiences of your Inner Child. Transform yourself into the caring adult and assure your inner child that you have a deeper, broader understanding of the events, as well as the skills to keep your inner child/you safe.
• If you experienced a traumatic event, I urge you to partner with a qualified trauma expert to help you release without reliving the trauma. These include professionals trained in Havening Therapy, EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing), EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique), or Somatic (Body-Oriented) Therapy.
• Are you running from your own worth? Author Marianne Williamson says, “Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us…. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

Might you be ready to uncover the layers between you and Who You Really Are?

Judy Lipson is a Licensed Professional Counselor and educational strategist in West Bloomfield, MI. She helps clients of all ages who have learning difficulties; work or school related anxiety; ADHD; Asperger’s Syndrome or Autism Spectrum Disorders; and those who wish to Remember and Become ‘Who You Really Are’. Contact Judy at 248.568.8665 and judylipson@spiralwisdom.net, and visit www. SpiralWisdom.net for more information. 

This article is for informational purposes and is not meant to replace medical care.

While chances are good that you or someone you know has ‘anger issues’, there is much more to anger than you probably realize.

By Judith E. Lipson, M.A., LPC

In our society, most people are not in touch with the majority of their emotions. You are likely familiar with joy and happy, and sometimes even bliss. You can recognize sadness, and will likely assume that you or someone else is experiencing grief after a significant loss. You probably know about numerous other emotions, but primarily as a definition. Most people do not know what they are really feeling, especially when it comes to what our society refers to as the negative emotions.

Anger is certainly recognized by society as a negative, yet it also seems to be the most accepted, or expected, of emotions. This is especially true of men who are discouraged from expressing sadness, worry, and many other feelings. Historically, it has been frowned upon for women to express anger, yet increasingly women do so as well.

An interesting fact is, though incredibly prevalent, anger is not a primary emotion. Actually, it is the expression of other emotions. It is only when you identify that underlying experience and its corresponding response, that you can stop your explosions.

The next time you begin to feel the buildup of anger, I urge you to look deeper to find the origin. Here are a number of emotional possibilities that can guide you to the root of your anger:

• SADNESS can lead to anger if you don’t allow yourself to acknowledge and express the sorrow.
• FEAR (False Evidence Appearing Real), WORRY, and ANXIETY are very uncomfortable and create inner tension. Some people are more prone to release this tension with tears, some with movement, and others by striving to control their world. When this control is not successful (it rarely is), angry outbursts are often the result. Therefore, fear is one of the first emotions that I look for when I see anger.
• FRUSTRATION occurs when you think you are trapped and disempowered.
• DISAPPOINTMENT with self, others or scenarios (real or imagined).
• EMBARRASSMENT leading to anger can be a cover story for shame, anxiety, or perfectionism.
• JEALOUSY can really be a questioning of your own sense of value.
• HURT feelings are often your “inner child” (see below) being triggered, leaving you feeling vulnerable.
• Being MISUNDERSTOOD can be an indicator of not being seen as Who You Really Are.
• GUILT’s purpose is to learn from an experience. One’s perfectionism (and subsequent shame) can lead to anger.
• SHAME is one of the most complex. Author/psychologist Dr. Brené Brown explains: “Guilt says: I made a mistake. Shame says: I AM a mistake.”
• SENSORY OVERLOAD is when you are overwhelmed by the five senses or by an onslaught of emotions, triggering excessive inner tension that explodes as anger.

Learn to defuse and neutralize your anger with these steps and ideas:

• To familiarize yourself with the precursors, go through each of the emotions above and identify an example that occurred at some time in your life.
• Plan to identify your anger-precursor any time that you explode, or even better, when you feel anger mounting.
• Learn ways to release your inner tension. These are similar to the strategies for decreasing stress and anxiety:
  • MEDITATION or MINDFULNESS
  • BREATH-WORK
  • RELAXATION
  • REFRAMING YOUR INTERNAL DIALOGUE by recognizing truth instead of assumptions
• Learn to express yourself to others assertively, not aggressively.
• Be willing to acknowledge your true self so that you know what you really need rather than “being the good boy/girl” and “not making waves”.
• Recognize that many of the emotions listed above are carry-overs from your childhood. This is called your “inner child” and s/he thinks s/he is warning you about events in the now, but s/he only has the perspective of the powerlessness of childhood. S/he needs to be assured that you, the adult, have the ability to handle this situation from an adult perspective. And you do!
• Write a letter that is NOT sent, expressing how you feel. If you prefer a more verbal method, do this orally (without the person present).
• Release the inner tension and your deepest feelings with singing, art, or movement such as exercise or dance.
• Share your frustrations and hurts as they occur while they are still small, bearable and manageable, so that you don’t need to experience the erupting volcano.

Please seek the assistance of a professional if you are unable to identify your precursor emotions, you can not defuse your angry response, your anger leads to the damage of property, you find yourself wanting to hurt yourself or others, or you find previous traumas being triggered. Emotions are neither good nor bad, so enjoy learning and identifying!

This article is for informational purposes and is not meant to replace medical care.

Judy Lipson is a Licensed Professional Counselor and educational strategist in West Bloomfield, MI. She helps clients of all ages who have learning difficulties; work or school related anxiety; ADHD; Asperger’s Syndrome or Autism Spectrum Disorders; and those who wish to ‘Remember and Become Who You Really Are’. Contact Judy at 248.568.8665 and judylipson@spiralwisdom.net, and visit www. SpiralWisdom.net for more information.

Published in Eydis Magazine October 2015

Help your child to worry less and feel relaxed.

By Judith E. Lipson, M.A., LPC

Kids today have full schedules: school, athletics, family time, and extra-curricular and other activities. Busy kids respond to their hectic lives the same way that adults do: sleep is impacted, proper nutrition ignored, and kids feel generally overwhelmed. Hectic schedules also minimize quiet times that are imperative for development and well-being.

I recently heard a police officer on the radio describing how he takes care of business: he avoids emotion so that he can respond effectively to crises, save people and keep himself protected. Is this the effect that busy schedules have on your child? Your child may move from crisis to crisis (appointments, homework, studying, keeping family and friends happy) and without even realizing, shut down feelings. You may need to guide your child to find the opportunities to open his or her heart, feel emotions and attain inner peace.

If your child also struggles with low self-esteem or perfectionist tendencies, there is an additional subconscious tendency to avoid inner feelings and thoughts. Taking care of business and busyness seem preferable to avoid focusing on the underlying emotions and negative internal messages.

It is important that your child not be constantly focused on activities outside of the self. When your child takes the time to be inwardly aware, then s/he can maintain an open heart, allow emotions, and recognize and develop the authentic self. Teach your children the following skills: 

Change Thought Patterns

The situation and its accompanying feelings are challenging enough; minimize suffering by responding only to what is.

Einstein said we can’t solve a problem with the same set of information that got us there. Encourage your child to share thoughts so s/he can be advised where they might be inaccurate. FEAR is False Evidence Appearing Real.

Sharing thoughts aloud brings them into perspective and reveals inaccuracies, giving them less power over your child.

Release the worry thoughts for a more appropriate time. If it’s time to learn, take a quiz/test, study or sleep then worrying is a hindrance. With imagination, place the worry thoughts in a hot air balloon, an elevator, a drawer, etc. For this to work, retrieve these worry thoughts at a later time: after school, the next day, in counseling, or with a trusted adult; limit the worry time to a specific time frame, i.e.: 15 minutes.

Stay in the Present

Focus on activities, like chores, as they occur rather than multi-tasking. When walking, be mindful of the footsteps rather than the thoughts.

Focus on the movement of the chest and abdomen with each inhalation and exhalation. The breath is always there; while focusing on breathing, worries are kept at bay.

Relax

Drop the shoulders away from the ears during some exhalations.

Beginning at the feet or head, progress slowly through each body part. “I relax my toes and feet, I relax my ankles and calves….” If your child gets distracted and realizes the mind is wandering again, have them acknowledge without judgment and draw the awareness back to the breath; then begin the relaxation again (even if the progression was nearly complete). Remind your child that this is not a contest or a race; the process is important.

Open the Energy Channels

When emotions are avoided or ineffectively expressed they can create blockages in the body and lead to dis-ease.

Move the body: walk, pace, change position; allow music to direct the body’s movement.

Participate in yoga, tai chi, cranial sacral therapy, acupuncture, Reiki, EFT, etc.

Where possible, remove the triggers and challenges in your child’s life to reduce stress and worry. Teach your child that when the outer world cannot be adjusted, s/he can alter the inner response. The tools listed above can assist in that process. Begin teaching these tools to your child at a young age if possible; yet, it is never too late to learn.

Judy Lipson is a Licensed Professional Counselor and educational strategist in West Bloomfield. She helps clients of all ages who have learning difficulties; work or school related anxiety; ADHD; Asperger’s Syndrome or Autism Spectrum Disorders; and those who wish to Remember and Become Who You Really Are. Contact Judy at 248.568.8665 and judylipson@spiralwisdom.net, and visit www. SpiralWisdom.net for more information.

Does your child experience anxiety? It has become more common and at younger ages too. Anxiety shows itself in many ways. Some children become quiet and introverted. Others act angry. They may lose focus, display inattention or fidget –resembling ADHD. Many have headaches, stomach upset, etc. In school, some children experience test anxiety, difficulty with oral presentations, reluctance to attend school or they skip classes.

There are various possible causes for anxiety. It may be the result of challenges that your child has experienced. Some families recognize that anxiety seems to run in their family. Many people who are prone to feelings of anxiety are highly sensitive in all five senses. (Read Sensitive Children)

There are several techniques that you can teach your child to reduce stress and anxiety:

Breathe – When you ask a person to be the observer of their breath, the mind calms. Say to your child:

Take a slow, gentle breath in; as you do, watch how your chest and abdomen (tummy) move out; as you exhale (breathe out), see how your chest and abdomen move back inward once again. Take a few more breaths, just watching the movement.

Relaxation – It is also important to relax the physical body. When the body is tense, the shoulders rise up and the chest can’t breathe as fully; so you breathe faster. The mind interprets this as anxiety, making an already anxious situation worse. Say this to your child:

Close your eyes and say in your mind what I say out loud. I relax my toes and feet. I relax my ankles and calves. I relax my knees and thighs. I relax my hips and waist. With my next breath I breathe this relaxation into my back. I relax my lower back, middle back, upper back. I relax my shoulders away from my ears. I relax my neck, jaw, chin, tongue, cheeks, nose, eyes, forehead and temples. I’m fully relaxed from the top of my head to the tips of my toes. Breathe in peace and exhale tension.

This is an excellent trick to fall asleep at night. (If you are interested, I have a professionally recorded relaxation CD available on my website.)

“Tree” –

Sit or stand with your feet on the ground. Imagine the trunk (torso) of your body is the trunk of the tree. Feel the strength of the tree move down through your legs and feet (the roots), anchoring you into earth.

This is a great technique when someone is anxious, agitated or experiencing hyperactivity.

Cognitive Reframing – Not everything that the mind thinks, is true. Some children practice catastrophizing. If your child does this, then s/he sees a situation, perceives it as stressful, and then assumes that every worst possible scenario will occur. Here are some helpful comments to your child when this happens: What is the worst possible thing that can occur? Saying it out loud takes away some of its power. Are you absolutely certain that it will? Compassionate humor may be helpful.

Another thing that anxious children do is obsess about a worry. Teach your child that they can make one evaluation of what took place, or what they are worried about in their future. It is good to learn from things that have happened in our past. Review it ONE TIME. Now the lesson is learned. It is good to plan for something in the future – a difficult conversation, a big project, etc. ONE TIME. After that it is now an action plan with things to DO, not think about. Your child cannot change the past with thoughts. It has happened already. Your child cannot change the future with thoughts. Only their action can influence the future.

Teach your child to use these techniques for oral presentations, tests, difficult conversations and other stressful life activities. Each of these will empower your child to realize that s/he CAN reduce the anxiety. These tips work for all ages. Model them for your child. Engage the support of a qualified professional if the symptoms are affecting your child’s personality, activities, friendships, school success or general life ease. Give your child the opportunity to live the gifts that s/he is, without the anxiety.

Judy Lipson is a Licensed Professional Counselor and educational strategist in West Bloomfield. She helps clients of all ages who have learning difficulties; work or school related anxiety; ADHD; Asperger’s Syndrome or Autism Spectrum Disorders; and those who wish to Remember and Become Who You Really Are. Contact Judy at 248.568.8665 and judylipson@spiralwisdom.net, and visit www. SpiralWisdom.net for more information.

Published in Metro You Magazine, April 2011