By Judith E. Lipson, M.A., LPC

One of the things that really concerns me right now is how fraught with fear we are becoming. Fear has always been a prominent emotion. After all, our nervous system is wired to look for cues of danger.

For most of us, our ability to rise above this tendency, as well as our resiliency, are reduced. I write this so that we can each be reminded of the importance to keep our nervous systems as calm as possible, even during these incredibly challenging times. Regardless of our faith or ethnicity we have had difficult histories – some more challenging, some during certain times. Even though we did not live through those histories personally, we are affected. This is referred to as ancestral, or generational, trauma. We carry these traumas and wounds within us in addition to the intuitive need to look for danger. No wonder we have such a tendency to be anxious, worried and even fearful.

The current world events are frightening. Yet, we cannot respond most effectively if we do not stay grounded and calm. (Looking for proof of this concept? As examples, reflect on surgeons in the operating room who encounter a medical crisis, or the pilot Sully Sullenberger who landed his plane safely on the Hudson River. If they had responded in panic, the outcome would not likely have been successful.)

I’m not going to pretend that it’s easy to calm our panicked nervous systems, but I do encourage you to continue to learn ways to do so. Each time you practice a technique, you are reinforcing your parasympathetic system’s ability to calm yourself down, and each time that offers the potential for it to be a little easier the next time.

Why should you do this practice? Well, it’s really hard on the body to be in fight and flight for long periods of time. Also, it feels really awful!!!

And here is another important reason: The opposite of love is not hate, the opposite of love is fear. When we are in fear, it is very difficult to feel safe enough to open our hearts to adequately connect with others, and this includes our closest loved ones; and that is not a good thing.

An important aspect of what makes our nervous system feel safe is the act of feeling connected to others. We are actually wired for connection in order to feel safe. It’s knowing that we can reach out and the other will be there for us. If we are in fear we are less able to reach out and to achieve that. This makes us more fearful, and also makes us less available to connect with others with whom we may not have familiarity.

As a result, we see the world as me versus you and us versus them. This experience of separateness and polarization breeds contempt, resentment, hostility, and more fear. And the cycle goes on and on.

Gandhi said, “You must be the change you wish to see in the world.” You may only feel like one person, and wonder how you can really make a difference, but it is important to remember that you are not really the singleton that you think you are. There are many of us who believe in peace and love [with just a side-note that way before Marianne Williamson even thought there might be a time that she would run for president, as a spiritual teacher she taught that “sometimes the loving response is no”.] Realize that you are not alone in this quest. There are many of us who long for peace and unity, but that message does not (currently) sell advertisements on the news, so it is not broadcast or printed.

Be the peace you wish to see in the world. Start your practices (or delve back in) so that you can calm your nervous system and respond from your more grounded, peaceful place. Your mind and body (and your heart and spirit) will thank you for it. I know that I do (thank you).

Please remember to take care of yourself even while you are taking care of others, personally or professionally. Remember that you must “put on your own oxygen mask before assisting others”.

I thought it might be helpful to remind us all of strategies to help calm our nervous systems as we continue to experience these difficult times, whether that is personally or vicariously.

• Keeping busy is an effective tool for mental distraction (in the short-term), but provide enough quiet time so as to not stress your physical body.
• While it is important to be informed, and even to bear witness to the stories, you only need a small amount of information to achieve that goal. Please turn it off or stop reading when it’s time. (Even before it’s time.)
• Focus on movement, hydration, and healthy nutrition to take care of your physical body.
• Re-visit your creative endeavors.
• Get out in nature.

May we all know peace! Namasté

Judy Lipson is a Licensed Professional Counselor and educational strategist in West Bloomfield, MI. She helps clients of all ages who have learning difficulties, work or school related anxiety, ADHD, Asperger’s Syndrome or Autism Spectrum Disorders, and those who wish to Remember and Become ‘Who You Really Are’. Contact Judy at 248.568.8665 and judylipson@spiralwisdom.net, and visit www.JudyLipson.com for more information.

This article is for informational purposes and is not meant to replace medical care.

By Judith E. Lipson, M.A., LPC

I began learning about polyvagal theory, founded by Dr. Stephen Porges, years ago while attending the international trauma conference in Boston. I had the privilege to hear him talk and knew it was vitally important. I have continued to read, attend lectures, and view videos on the subject. Additionally, over the last year I have participated in a weekly polyvagal practice group. As I gain a better understanding, I’m learning how to utilize its principles for my own well-being and my clients.

Sensitives and those who have encountered trauma are not the only ones who are challenged by the external and internal sensory impact on their nervous systems. Dr. George Thompson says: The motto of the amygdala [part of the nervous system] is “better safe than sorry”. We all deal with a reactive nervous system. Psychologists call it negative bias. Recognizing that challenging thoughts and feelings originate in the body’s nervous system helps me to explain the process to others and to recommend helpful responses.

Dr. Gabor Maté explains: “The usual conception of trauma conjures up notions of catastrophic events: hurricanes, abuse, egregious neglect, and war. This has the unintended and misleading effect of relegating trauma to the realm of the abnormal, the unusual, the exceptional. If there exists a class of people we call ‘traumatized’, that must mean that most of us are not. Here we miss the mark by a wide margin. Trauma pervades our culture, from personal functioning through social relationships, parenting, education, popular culture, economics, and politics. In fact, someone without the marks of trauma would be an outlier in our society. We are closer to the truth when we ask: Where do we each fit on the broad and surprisingly inclusive trauma spectrum? Which of its many marks has each of us carried all (or most) of our lives, and what have the impacts been? And what possibilities would open up were we to become more familiar, even intimate, with them?”

Physician, Dr. Lucy McBride wrote in her 10/17/22 newsletter: “It’s what some medical professionals, including myself, are calling ‘post-pandemic stress’, which is not an official diagnosis (nor does it mean that COVID is gone!) but is characterized by anxiety, mood instability, and mental exhaustion that is interfering with quality of life. I witness the full spectrum of this trauma response among my patients. I feel it myself. Some of us lean on friends; others seek solitude. Some rigidly adhere to strict diets; others binge on alcohol or sugary foods. Some grieve quietly; others lash out on social media — or at the supermarket — in anger. As trauma specialist Dr. Gabor Mate said, ‘Trauma is not what happens to you, it’s what happens inside you.’ Isolated for over two years, we’re being forced to confront our interior worlds — and each other. No matter how one processes loss, this transition out of this pandemic requires us to face uncomfortable truths about ourselves. We must normalize any feelings of despair and face our self-sabotaging behaviors to more appropriately direct our angst. Healing from the psychological toll of the past two years and rebuilding healthy relationships requires embracing our vulnerability. It requires accepting that we will not have all the answers, and that some questions simply don’t have one. To do so, we must embrace the practice of ‘holding paradox’. Holding paradox is about abandoning black-or-white thinking. It involves reframing our mindset to view issues as ‘both-ands’ instead of ‘either-ors’. It’s about approaching each day with an open, curious mind, instead of the impulse to predict, control, or win every argument.”

Ultimately, I now understand that polyvagal theory informs us of the body’s major role in one’s mental health. Sure, our thoughts and feelings are important. But it all begins in the nervous system….in the body. And we therefore must include those supports in addition to the cognitive reframing, verbal expression, and all the other therapeutic techniques that we use to address our “issues” and symptoms. To borrow Dr. McBride’s phrasing from above, this provides for a both-and therapeutic scenario. In fact, I still believe the best approach is holistic, utilizing a mind, body, spirit perspective. I’ve understood this theoretically for years, and now I’m learning how to incorporate “body” when related to therapy.

As we learn about the body’s responses and how they can then lead to our emotions and stories, we can consider these concepts that I learned at the recent Polyvagal Institute Summit:

• Learn to sit with the agitation, sadness, or distress for 90 seconds.
• Ask yourself if you can turn towards yourself, the world and others even during your distress, turning with kindness, warmth, and acceptance.
• Be a welcoming harbor for self, world, and others, trusting that your survival system is doing the job it best knows to do.
• Recognize that there is a neurobiological choice — to turn towards self, the world, and others.

As I bring this article to a close, I thought I’d add a few additional quotes that I have recently heard or read that relate to polyvagal and the nervous system:

• The kids who need love the most will ask for it in the most unloving ways. Russel Barkley
• Move from a task-based environment at work to a relationship-based environment. Marilyn Sanders
• Meet the person where their nervous system is. Stephen Porges
• It (their autonomic system) is not the individual. This clarity creates space for others to not judge harshly, and for self-compassion by the individual who struggles. George Thompson
• Regulation is connection. It’s not about being calm. Regulation is not a behavior, but an authentic connection to the self. Kim Barthel

I have found that understanding the nervous system’s role is a great way to better understand what is happening when I (or my client) has been overly stimulated into the fight/flight (sympathetic) or has found themselves in shutdown/collapse (dorsal). It’s a place to begin to understand your nervous system and your responses more completely so that you might better move yourself towards a more calm/connected (ventral) response.

The accompanying video offers a verbal discussion of ventral, sympathetic and dorsal, using a graphic of the autonomic ladder that was created by clinician Deb Dana. This article and video are provided to start a conversation – to help you to understand that since it begins in the nervous system, then the body can be the powerful entry point for ease and healing. I hope this moves you one step closer to experiencing the world in a more calm and connected manner.

If you wish to learn more about the concepts provided here while working with a trained professional, I recommend that you seek professionals who are trauma-informed and/or somatically trained.

Judy Lipson is a Licensed Professional Counselor and educational strategist in West Bloomfield, MI. She helps clients of all ages who have learning difficulties, work or school related anxiety, ADHD, Asperger’s Syndrome or Autism Spectrum Disorders, and those who wish to Remember and Become ‘Who You Really Are’. Contact Judy at 248.568.8665 and judylipson@spiralwisdom.net, and visit www.JudyLipson.com for more information.

This article is for informational purposes and is not meant to replace medical care.

By Judith E. Lipson, M.A., LPC

From listening to politicians and the news media, and even your neighbors and family, it’s easy to conclude that these are scary times. This article will explain fear and anxiety, provide you anxiety/stress reducing tools, and offer a way of looking at the world in which we live from a metaphysical perspective.

Fear is defined as “an unpleasant emotion caused by the belief that someone or something is dangerous, likely to cause pain, or a threat” (Oxford Dictionaries). The amygdala, that part of the brain that determines safety, hasn’t evolved to distinguish the difference between a true imminent threat and an area of possible concern. It evaluates every input from one of your senses including what is seen, heard, touched, smelled, tasted, and emotionally felt. From a safety perspective this makes perfect sense. But the amygdala has not learned to differentiate between a bear on a forest path and a call to the boss’ office. Both result in the same physiologic fight, flight or freeze response. Additionally, the amygdala and its supportive systems rarely distinguish between a threat that is happening to you and a threat that is happening to someone else while it’s viewed on the news or in a movie, or is told to you by another. The mind/body/emotions respond as if the threat is happening to you, right now.

To make matters more complicated, if you happen to be one of the many highly sensitive individuals (not just those on the autistic spectrum), your amygdala is hyper-vigilant. And if you are a worrier, then every additional worry-thought after the original trigger keeps your amygdala continuously responding.

The amygdala’s response is designed to be temporary, not to keep the system on high alert 24/7. Since the amygdala response actually lasts only 90 seconds, anything longer is due to the amygdala being repeatedly triggered by either the continuation of the real danger or by the mind’s continued focus on the perceived danger (actually a worry-thought).

Here are some ways to keep your amygdala response to the more manageable 90 seconds:

PHYSICALLY

Focusing on your breath provides mindfulness, and also acts as a reboot for your physiologic system. Watch the movement of your chest and abdomen: observe without controlling, or strive for longer, but not deeper, breaths.

Observe your body for tension and anxiety. Drop your shoulders away from your ears to open your lungs for a more complete breath. Practice progressive relaxation techniques.

Exercise is a great de-stress technique, but if it is unavailable change your position to move your body, and also to change the visual scene that has your attention.

Participate in sensory experiences, i.e.: sip hot tea, take a bath, listen to preferred (and preferably calming) music, or pet an animal. As you do these activities immerse yourself in all the sensations that are involved (temperature, flavor, sounds, textures, etc).

Practice “tapping”. Use your fingertips to gently tap your collarbone; or tap the side of your hand on your opposite palm.

EMOTIONALLY

Change from worrying to doing. Allow yourself only one assessment of something that happened in the past. Reliving it as a memory will not change it and will only recall the negative emotions and physiology. Also, allow yourself only one assessment of something that is to come in the future, thereby changing your worry to an action plan of what can be done to address the area of concern (start the project, enter a to-do list in your calendar, practice a conversation, etc).

Infuse yourself with laughter and humor: comedians, funny books, amusing movies, etc.

Practice energy modulation to reduce your empathic response: Focus on your inner space that absorbs others’ emotions and energy. Find a visual imagery (balloon, weave, etc) that lets you reduce its size when desired and needed.

COGNITIVELY

Boundaries are important. Decide when and how long you’ll entertain the worry. Select a specific time to think about this issue and limit the amount of time you will address it. Ten to twenty minutes should be sufficient. If it doesn’t seem complete, then make another appointment time.

Question your beliefs. Are they real? Is it true? Is there a different perspective? Talk to a trusted friend or professional so that you can get the fear-thoughts outside yourself where they can be looked at objectively (from the shadow to the light).

Look for the “stories”. These are assumed truths that masquerade as reality. Remember that F.E.A.R. stands for False Evidence Appearing Real. Find the stories in your thoughts and dispel them.

METAPHYSICALLY

To minimize anxiety, align your outward actions with your inner beliefs and values. Make sure that when necessary you speak your truth respectfully, and act in alignment with your truest self.

Metaphysically we also understand that to bring in more light, the shadow must be seen. As the shadows come out of hiding, their visibility makes it easier to address. Fearing a shadow makes it heavier, denser, darker and more recalcitrant. By making it visible and turning to look, we bring it to the light with compassion and understanding. This is true for you personally, and also our society.

Judy Lipson is a Licensed Professional Counselor and educational strategist in West Bloomfield, MI. She helps clients of all ages who have learning difficulties; work or school related anxiety; ADHD; Asperger’s Syndrome or Autism Spectrum Disorders; and those who wish to Remember and Become ‘Who You Really Are’. Contact Judy at 248.568.8665 and judylipson@spiralwisdom.net, and visit www. SpiralWisdom.net for more information.

This article is for informational purposes and is not meant to replace medical care.

You may have more than you realize.

By Judith E. Lipson, M.A., LPC

Do you know people who have faced repeated adversity yet live a happy, successful life? People who come to mind include Holocaust survivor Elie Wiesel, Oprah (poverty and abuse) and child abuse survivor Dave Pelzer (author of A Child Called It). Resiliency is an individual’s ability to cope with stress and adversity by bouncing back. Though often assumed to be a magic trait that you have or you don’t, it is now recognized as something that can be developed.

The following are appropriate for you or your children:

• Develop your decision-making skills, assertiveness, independence, impulse control, and problem solving.
• Have a sense of humor. Laugh in the face of adversity by enjoying funny jokes and movies.
• Improve your confidence by acknowledging what you are good at and valuing your self-worth.
• Increase your coping resources such as nutrition, exercise and meditation to reduce stress as well as increase resilience.
• Share your troubles with friends and professionals for solutions, resources and perspective.
• Be grateful for what you do have and appreciate the simple things in life.
• Take action, no matter how small.
• Be of service to others. Happiness and well-being are enhanced when you engage in an act of kindness.

Recognize that most of life’s hardships are temporary. When you can’t change something outside yourself, even a life-changing event can be viewed differently by changing your internal response to the event.

Avoid catastrophizing. See situations for what they are. Byron Katie, founder of The Work, which is a method of self-inquiry, guides people through these four questions to confront their beliefs:

1)   Is it true?
2)   Can you absolutely know that it’s true?
3)   How do you react, what happens, when you believe that thought?
4)   Who would you be without the thought?

Resiliency allows you to interact with the environment that is present. Some family members try to protect loved ones from all discomfort and hardship, but the goal is to learn to reduce your unproductive responses while developing tolerance for what remains.

Allow the uncomfortable emotions to be present with your other feelings. Don’t allow the “negative” emotion to overwhelm you into believing that it is the only one present. For instance, you can say, “I’m sad about this and I’m grateful for that.”

Find your courage to be aware of and feel the emotion that you are avoiding. Eckhart Tolle, author of A New Earth, says to look at the pain as an opportunity to learn and problem solve. Tolle explains the tendency to run away from uncomfortable feelings; he encourages people to develop the habit of moving toward the pain. You probably don’t realize that the process of running from your pain – avoidance, alcohol, excessive work, computer games, or OCD rituals – actually produces more problems than remaining still to look at what you are avoiding. These negative behaviors never really work and typically create their own harmful effects. The next time you have a desire to begin an avoidant behavior, take a breath and allow yourself to see what you nearly avoided. When you look at it for what it really is, it’s not nearly as frightening as what you thought and your accomplishment will feel great.

Learn to go with the flow. I love the analogy of water flowing in a stream. When water encounters a rock, it doesn’t bang against it repeatedly screaming, “Why are you always in my way?” Instead, water flows around the rock.

Resilient people consider that things happen for a reason; they expect to bounce back and realize that they can often influence outcome. Looking at life from a greater perspective is like looking at a tapestry. The back of that tapestry has knots and threads which represent the life that you live day to day. When looking at the front of the tapestry you can see the whole, the greater perspective.

It was once believed that resiliency was something you had to be born with, that happiness came from good luck, and those individuals who lived through challenging circumstances and events were destined for additional life drama and a life seen through pessimistic eyes. Not true! Don’t focus on your risk factors; resiliency is based on your ability to bounce back. Develop yours now and live life and your dreams with optimism.

Judy Lipson is a Licensed Professional Counselor and educational strategist in West Bloomfield. She helps clients of all ages who have learning difficulties; work or school related anxiety; ADHD; Asperger’s Syndrome or Autism Spectrum Disorders; and those who wish to Remember and Become Who You Really Are. Contact Judy at 248.568.8665 and judylipson@spiralwisdom.net, and visit www. SpiralWisdom.net for more information.

Help your child to worry less and feel relaxed.

By Judith E. Lipson, M.A., LPC

Kids today have full schedules: school, athletics, family time, and extra-curricular and other activities. Busy kids respond to their hectic lives the same way that adults do: sleep is impacted, proper nutrition ignored, and kids feel generally overwhelmed. Hectic schedules also minimize quiet times that are imperative for development and well-being.

I recently heard a police officer on the radio describing how he takes care of business: he avoids emotion so that he can respond effectively to crises, save people and keep himself protected. Is this the effect that busy schedules have on your child? Your child may move from crisis to crisis (appointments, homework, studying, keeping family and friends happy) and without even realizing, shut down feelings. You may need to guide your child to find the opportunities to open his or her heart, feel emotions and attain inner peace.

If your child also struggles with low self-esteem or perfectionist tendencies, there is an additional subconscious tendency to avoid inner feelings and thoughts. Taking care of business and busyness seem preferable to avoid focusing on the underlying emotions and negative internal messages.

It is important that your child not be constantly focused on activities outside of the self. When your child takes the time to be inwardly aware, then s/he can maintain an open heart, allow emotions, and recognize and develop the authentic self. Teach your children the following skills: 

Change Thought Patterns

The situation and its accompanying feelings are challenging enough; minimize suffering by responding only to what is.

Einstein said we can’t solve a problem with the same set of information that got us there. Encourage your child to share thoughts so s/he can be advised where they might be inaccurate. FEAR is False Evidence Appearing Real.

Sharing thoughts aloud brings them into perspective and reveals inaccuracies, giving them less power over your child.

Release the worry thoughts for a more appropriate time. If it’s time to learn, take a quiz/test, study or sleep then worrying is a hindrance. With imagination, place the worry thoughts in a hot air balloon, an elevator, a drawer, etc. For this to work, retrieve these worry thoughts at a later time: after school, the next day, in counseling, or with a trusted adult; limit the worry time to a specific time frame, i.e.: 15 minutes.

Stay in the Present

Focus on activities, like chores, as they occur rather than multi-tasking. When walking, be mindful of the footsteps rather than the thoughts.

Focus on the movement of the chest and abdomen with each inhalation and exhalation. The breath is always there; while focusing on breathing, worries are kept at bay.

Relax

Drop the shoulders away from the ears during some exhalations.

Beginning at the feet or head, progress slowly through each body part. “I relax my toes and feet, I relax my ankles and calves….” If your child gets distracted and realizes the mind is wandering again, have them acknowledge without judgment and draw the awareness back to the breath; then begin the relaxation again (even if the progression was nearly complete). Remind your child that this is not a contest or a race; the process is important.

Open the Energy Channels

When emotions are avoided or ineffectively expressed they can create blockages in the body and lead to dis-ease.

Move the body: walk, pace, change position; allow music to direct the body’s movement.

Participate in yoga, tai chi, cranial sacral therapy, acupuncture, Reiki, EFT, etc.

Where possible, remove the triggers and challenges in your child’s life to reduce stress and worry. Teach your child that when the outer world cannot be adjusted, s/he can alter the inner response. The tools listed above can assist in that process. Begin teaching these tools to your child at a young age if possible; yet, it is never too late to learn.

Judy Lipson is a Licensed Professional Counselor and educational strategist in West Bloomfield. She helps clients of all ages who have learning difficulties; work or school related anxiety; ADHD; Asperger’s Syndrome or Autism Spectrum Disorders; and those who wish to Remember and Become Who You Really Are. Contact Judy at 248.568.8665 and judylipson@spiralwisdom.net, and visit www. SpiralWisdom.net for more information.

Does your child experience anxiety? It has become more common and at younger ages too. Anxiety shows itself in many ways. Some children become quiet and introverted. Others act angry. They may lose focus, display inattention or fidget –resembling ADHD. Many have headaches, stomach upset, etc. In school, some children experience test anxiety, difficulty with oral presentations, reluctance to attend school or they skip classes.

There are various possible causes for anxiety. It may be the result of challenges that your child has experienced. Some families recognize that anxiety seems to run in their family. Many people who are prone to feelings of anxiety are highly sensitive in all five senses. (Read Sensitive Children)

There are several techniques that you can teach your child to reduce stress and anxiety:

Breathe – When you ask a person to be the observer of their breath, the mind calms. Say to your child:

Take a slow, gentle breath in; as you do, watch how your chest and abdomen (tummy) move out; as you exhale (breathe out), see how your chest and abdomen move back inward once again. Take a few more breaths, just watching the movement.

Relaxation – It is also important to relax the physical body. When the body is tense, the shoulders rise up and the chest can’t breathe as fully; so you breathe faster. The mind interprets this as anxiety, making an already anxious situation worse. Say this to your child:

Close your eyes and say in your mind what I say out loud. I relax my toes and feet. I relax my ankles and calves. I relax my knees and thighs. I relax my hips and waist. With my next breath I breathe this relaxation into my back. I relax my lower back, middle back, upper back. I relax my shoulders away from my ears. I relax my neck, jaw, chin, tongue, cheeks, nose, eyes, forehead and temples. I’m fully relaxed from the top of my head to the tips of my toes. Breathe in peace and exhale tension.

This is an excellent trick to fall asleep at night. (If you are interested, I have a professionally recorded relaxation CD available on my website.)

“Tree” –

Sit or stand with your feet on the ground. Imagine the trunk (torso) of your body is the trunk of the tree. Feel the strength of the tree move down through your legs and feet (the roots), anchoring you into earth.

This is a great technique when someone is anxious, agitated or experiencing hyperactivity.

Cognitive Reframing – Not everything that the mind thinks, is true. Some children practice catastrophizing. If your child does this, then s/he sees a situation, perceives it as stressful, and then assumes that every worst possible scenario will occur. Here are some helpful comments to your child when this happens: What is the worst possible thing that can occur? Saying it out loud takes away some of its power. Are you absolutely certain that it will? Compassionate humor may be helpful.

Another thing that anxious children do is obsess about a worry. Teach your child that they can make one evaluation of what took place, or what they are worried about in their future. It is good to learn from things that have happened in our past. Review it ONE TIME. Now the lesson is learned. It is good to plan for something in the future – a difficult conversation, a big project, etc. ONE TIME. After that it is now an action plan with things to DO, not think about. Your child cannot change the past with thoughts. It has happened already. Your child cannot change the future with thoughts. Only their action can influence the future.

Teach your child to use these techniques for oral presentations, tests, difficult conversations and other stressful life activities. Each of these will empower your child to realize that s/he CAN reduce the anxiety. These tips work for all ages. Model them for your child. Engage the support of a qualified professional if the symptoms are affecting your child’s personality, activities, friendships, school success or general life ease. Give your child the opportunity to live the gifts that s/he is, without the anxiety.

Judy Lipson is a Licensed Professional Counselor and educational strategist in West Bloomfield. She helps clients of all ages who have learning difficulties; work or school related anxiety; ADHD; Asperger’s Syndrome or Autism Spectrum Disorders; and those who wish to Remember and Become Who You Really Are. Contact Judy at 248.568.8665 and judylipson@spiralwisdom.net, and visit www. SpiralWisdom.net for more information.

Published in Metro You Magazine, April 2011

Holidays are traditionally times of high stress for families. Parents are concerned about finances, selecting the perfect gift, extended families, travel, menus, diets and busy schedules. People can experience it anytime, but stress seems most apparent during the holidays. Even if children aren’t consciously aware of parental concerns, they are little sponges for the moods and emotions around them, so they may mirror stress, as well as experiencing their own. It is, therefore, important to try to reduce the stress levels of all family members this holiday season. There is no better way to do that than to embrace the true spirit of Thanksgiving.

Stress and anxiety are complicated. It doesn’t take one thing to make someone feel tense, so one technique is probably not going to take it away. But, psychologists know that one of the best practices to reduce stress and anxiety is to focus on the positive aspects that exist (and that can be created) in life.

One way to do that is to practice gratitude or positive affirmations. Some people keep a gratitude journal; younger children or reluctant writers might prefer reciting gratitude statements or positive affirmations in the car, at dinner or at bedtime. Here are some samples for children: “I helped my little sister today.” “I tried my best in school.” “I made a great assist at today’s practice.” “I was a good friend.” “I am thankful that I have a warm, comfortable bed to sleep in.”

Create a new tradition at the holiday table to share gratitude. Along with the invitation, ask each participant to begin thinking about three things for which they are thankful. Then, at the table, have each individual respond to the phrase “I am thankful for_____.” There will be humor, emotion and surprises. While sharing, tell your kids why you love them by describing the qualities of each child that you admire and appreciate.

How apropos that November celebrates World Kindness Week, making November an ideal month to practice gratitude. The Random Acts of Kindness website suggests that each family member write a short thank-you note to someone outside the family who has made a positive difference in his or her life.

Being human seems to bring attention to the negative things that happen in life and the media continually focuses on depressing world events. People shouldn’t live in a bubble of ignorance, but the media can be balanced by looking at websites that focus on news of peace and social justice in the community and the world (see sidebar for web addresses). Balanced news reduces stress. It also helps children to see the importance of caring for others, which encourages them to do the same.

When gratefulness is exercised, awareness shifts from concern, worry and “lack” to peacefulness and abundance. It may sound trivial and silly, but while I consciously appreciate the one thing that I do have, even for a moment, I am filled with it, and I sit in abundance. Everyone can experience this sense of fullness each day.

I am grateful to you for reading my column, and I appreciate that you care about your children. I wish you and your family a healthy, prosperous and peace-filled holiday season. See you again next month as we learn more to guide our children toward compassionate independence.

Feeling altruistic? Go to these sites for ideas about how to help others:

1. www.actsofkindness.org
2. www.helpothers.org

Feeling stressed? Check out the happy news at these sites

1. www.goodnewsnetwork.org
2. www.doinggood.com
3. www.goodnewsdaily.com

Judy Lipson is a Licensed Professional Counselor and educational strategist in West Bloomfield. She helps clients of all ages who have learning difficulties; work or school related anxiety; ADHD; Asperger’s Syndrome or Autism Spectrum Disorders; and those who wish to Remember and Become Who You Really Are. Contact Judy at 248.568.8665 and judylipson@spiralwisdom.net, and visit www. SpiralWisdom.net for more information.

Published in Metro You Magazine, November 2010