Whether you are in a romantic relationship or are examining your friendships,

By Judith E. Lipson, M.A., LPC

SELF-WORTH

When you find yourself complaining about the people in your life, it may be time to take a look at the self that you bring to relationships. When you improve your self-worth, you are better able to bring your best self to any relationship!

Be strong!

• Don’t betray yourself and don’t negotiate your integrity.  Compromise is fine when it is done willingly, but don’t agree to something to be “the nice person”.
• Advertise your strength: Whether seated or standing hold yourself tall, use a confident voice, breathe from your power center (your solar plexus located above the navel), feel as if your feet are firmly connected to Earth, draw your shoulders down away from your ears.
• Know who you are so that you can attract those you want (friends, partners, business associates).
• Don’t settle. Don’t tolerate another’s disrespect.
• Respect yourself and make this clear to others by how you dress, move and speak.
• Your Inner Child might be cautious or angry because of past events. Take care of yourself and your Inner Child will respond. Treat him/her compassionately and assure the Inner Child that s/he is safe now.

When your inner-self (who you are and how you really feel) is in alliance with your outer-self (the person that presents to others), others will respond to your authenticity and you will draw more people of quality into your life. Actively increase your friend base by bringing people into your life that make you happy and support you, just as you support them.

REDEFINING RELATIONSHIPS

Want to change the dynamics of a friendship that you now realize is not good for you, but you still need (or want) to be in relationship with them? The tendency is to look at how the other has harmed you, disrespected you, or used you. And while all that may be true, I encourage you to see how you can affect this relationship. Boundaries are more about you and your expectation than about the other individual. When YOU have the expectation, YOU know that you are defining this relationship differently. This will bring you that authentic ‘power’, which has always been yours.

To actively begin to create this change, consider the following. In each occurrence with this friend you may choose:

• Will I go? (Or let them come over?)
• Will I participate in this particular topic of discussion?
• Will I engage the same way that I used to?
• Will I spend as much time as I used to?

Be ready to firmly and politely hold your ground (inwardly, as well as to the other) to uphold the response you want.  Remember it is important that it be firm, respectful and calm so that the other can hear your message.

ENDING A RELATIONSHIP

Have you decided that it is time to fully release a relationship? I know it’s hard. You were so happy and you felt so good when you were together.  You want it all back: the person, the happiness, the serenity, everything. It seems to all be rolled into one beautiful uncomplicated package: HIM (or her). Of course, you have already forgotten about the complications of your relationship: the disappointments, the arguments, the tension and the drama. What you do want back is your contentment and the buzz of love.

If a relationship has ended and you find yourself pining for the other, recognize that much of what you miss is the exuberance, love and creativity that you felt while you were together. The great news is that this state of happiness, that you feel was lost, is still there. It has been yours all along. Your partner had provided you the gift of being a mirror of who you really are. It’s not the partner who is necessary for you to continue to experience yourself; it’s you.

The ease in letting go comes when you realize that your relationship provided a mirror to know yourself. The warm feelings that you had for your partner were real, but they were also you experiencing your own nature, and the love you have for yourself.  It could be this that is missed. It was really you all along. Remember that you don’t need another to make you whole. You never did. A relationship isn’t two people coming together to form one. It is two people who come together to share life. It is within this model that you support each other through life’s experiences and find added opportunities to appreciate yourself. This mirror is the gift that your loved one provided to you.

Now it’s time to reclaim you! Find an expression of your soul’s creativity in activities that used to bring you joy. This might be art, dance, music, volunteering, or time in nature. Any activity that helps you remember your True Self will help you to let go. Welcome back to your life!

Judy Lipson is a Licensed Professional Counselor and educational strategist in West Bloomfield, MI. She helps clients of all ages who have learning difficulties, work or school related anxiety, ADHD, Asperger’s Syndrome or Autism Spectrum Disorders, and those who wish to Remember and Become ‘Who You Really Are’. Contact Judy at 248.568.8665 and judylipson@spiralwisdom.net, and visit www.SpiralWisdom.net for more information.

This article is for informational purposes and is not meant to replace medical care.

By Judith E. Lipson, M.A., LPC

If you’ve ever been involved in therapy or self-improvement you have unknowingly been involved with your shadows. Additionally, you might be surprised to know that if you have ever been angry with another person, you were likely interacting with your own shadow in that situation.

The shadow is that part of you that you’d prefer to not admit to or look at. Interestingly, after doing your shadow-work you may find it easier to accept your human-ness, and even accept your imperfections, and yourself, as being ‘just perfect’.

Shadow work may seem like the hardest work that you have ever done, but it is also the most profound for providing insightful life-changing transformations. Here are techniques to begin your shadow-work.

Since many people want to ease into making life-changes, you can begin with the more traditional self-improvement efforts that you’ve already considered. Are any of your actions now habits that are not serving a beneficial purpose? Do you want to take control of that now? Dealing with these issues will familiarize you with the process of making changes and allow you to realize that though there might be emotional discomfort, it is temporary. Confidence and security are paramount when you are addressing the tough issues that you wish you didn’t see – your shadows.

When you have adequately tackled one or more of those habits/behaviors and are ready to dig deeper, consider the following questions that were shared at a recent retreat by Karlta Zarley to identify a potential shadow issue for your exploration.

• What is no longer needed?
• What is no longer wanted?
• What is no longer in your best interest?
• What are you afraid to look at?
• What have you never even considered?
• What is not tangible, yet you still know it’s important (for instance, an intuitive knowing)?
• What have you not seen at all (obviously one of the hardest to find)?

Although shadow work can seem daunting, I urge you to consider the importance of this work, and engage. Acknowledging, addressing and healing these deep issues can positively affect your:

• Relationships
• Anxiety
• Depression
• Self-worth
• And even the inter-generational patterns that have affected you.

But beware of the shadow-sleaze. The shadow sleaze will pipe up with a rationale that will tempt you to think that you are justified. Here’s an example of shadow work and the shadow-sleaze:

Let’s imagine that you realize you have a problem with anger, and have decided that your angry eruptions, especially at work, are not in your best interest (see bullet #3 above). When you dig deep into your shadow, you begin to recognize that this anger you experience at work is similar to how you frequently feel or felt in the presence of your father (or mother, or siblings, or teacher, or someone else). Good for you! You are now acknowledging your own connections to this anger. You are realizing that your historical self is getting triggered, and therefore your response is not just about the individual at work.

But just as you begin to take responsibility for that part of it, so you will have the potential to respond instead of react, your shadow-sleaze pipes up and says, “Are you kidding? You have every right to be angry! This is not about YOU.” If you listen to the message of your shadow-sleaze you will miss your opportunity to feel calmly in control, by responding instead of angrily reacting. Rather, talk back to your shadow-sleaze and assure it that you don’t need to respond with your old angry pattern to defend yourself; the truth is that you never were truly protecting yourself.

Continue your important work of identifying your shadows and getting to the roots of your issues. You will then be more able to access a wider range of emotional and behavioral responses, have calmer relationships, experience reduced anxiety and depression, and have a greater sense of self-worth.

If you are reading this, you may intuitively know that you are being called to begin your shadow work. You may also be recognizing the shadows in society coming to the surface. Since this is a time for deep healing – of societal patterns and individuals – all issues must be brought out of the shadows in order to be seen and subsequently addressed. Though it may seem uncomfortable in the short run, the benefits are substantial, and well worth it.

Judy Lipson is a Licensed Professional Counselor and educational strategist in West Bloomfield, MI. She helps clients of all ages who have learning difficulties, work or school related anxiety, ADHD, Asperger’s Syndrome or Autism Spectrum Disorders, and those who wish to Remember and Become ‘Who You Really Are’. Contact Judy at 248.568.8665 and judylipson@spiralwisdom.net, and visit www.SpiralWisdom.net for more information.

This article is for informational purposes and is not meant to replace medical care.

In a society starved for genuine Heroes, we should do what we can to help them become the real thing in their own life. ~ Caroline Myss

By Judith E. Lipson, M.A., LPC

Have you been seeking a hero in your life to emulate? Psychology teaches that people often see in others what they desire for themselves. Your eager, outward search may really be to find your inner self. If so, it may be time to discover the hero within you. Peace activist and spiritual teacher Mahatma Gandhi taught us to “be the change you wish to see in the world.” Deepak Chopra has added that “transformation ‘in here’ leads to results in the outer world as well.”

Jean Houston’s book The Wizard of Us follows Dorothy’s experiences in and out of Oz. This is done within the framework of mythologist Joseph Campbell’s “Hero’s Journey”, also known as his monomyth. Houston adds exercises for the reader to explore his or her own journey. If this concept interests you, Campbell and Houston are both worth reading.

The following is a summation of Campbell’s stages of the Hero’s Journey that can help you to identify and appreciate your own Hero’s Journey:

The Call to Adventure – to leave old concepts and move toward new ways of being.

Refusal of the Call – you think that the time is inconvenient or that you are unworthy; yet something keeps reminding you and calls you to your adventure.

Acceptance and Supernatural Aid – once you accept, you will receive aid from others – sometimes, it even seems magical.

The Guardian Of The Threshold – your adversary often shows up as a supervisor/boss or unsolicited advisor who urges you to follow the status quo.

The Field Of Adventure – to get past the perceived dangers, you learn to think out of the box and to find an inner power that may surprise you. This phase is often an inner journey.

The Belly Of The Whale – this can look/feel like depression, introversion, or a strong need to get away from it all. It is the final separation from the hero’s (original) world and self, allowing for the potential development of a new world and a new self, a metamorphosis.

The Road Of Trials – you have challenges for which you feel unprepared, yet the resources are there for you!

The Meeting With The Beloved – though it may feel like a spiritual or religious experience, the emphasis is on experiencing unconditional love and connection with one’s self (self-unification).

Crossing The Return Threshold – bringing your new skills, self-appreciation and life goals into your three-dimensional world.

Mastering The Two Worlds With Freedom To Live – learning to balance the old and the new together. Additionally, since the inner and outer demons have been vanquished there is freedom from fear, anxiety, hope, and other emotions. You can now truly experience life by just BEING.

I know many youth and adults who are hearing the “Call to Adventure”. They describe it in various ways, such as a deep belief that they are supposed to do something, a knowing that society is supposed to be different, or some other stirring deep within. For me, it was a clear “knowing” that spurred me to leave my job in education and focus on Spiral Wisdom LLC.

Have you been hearing the “Call to Adventure”? If so, then it’s time to accept and embark on your Hero’s Journey.

Do It For Others: Your embarkation signals to others that the time for change is now. When they see you enter the world of discovery and embrace potential change, they can emulate your courage and strength, and consider entering their own Hero’s Journey to find their true self.

Do It For Yourself: Once you have received the “Call to Adventure”, you will feel incomplete until you embark. Your resistance can result in anxiety, panic attacks, depression or feelings of inadequacy. So enter your journey to release the patterns that have held you back, and finally begin to embrace the Self that is you.

If you have children or work with students, you know that they inherently seek heroes as role models. Please encourage them to avoid false heroes and to use discretion, so that the larger-than-life individuals, whose achievements and quality of character have been earned, can inspire them. Support your youngsters’ self-worth. Teach them to rely upon their instincts, to look within for their own clear voice, and to seek their own Hero’s Journey.

Judy Lipson is a Licensed Professional Counselor and educational strategist in West Bloomfield. She helps clients of all ages who have learning difficulties; work or school related anxiety; ADHD; Asperger’s Syndrome or Autism Spectrum Disorders; and those who wish to Remember and Become Who You Really Are. Contact Judy at 248.568.8665 and judylipson@spiralwisdom.net, and visit www. SpiralWisdom.net for more information.