Antecedents are the key to understanding and releasing

By Judith E. Lipson, M.A., LPC

Years ago, I acquired a mini-poster showing how anger is actually due to a myriad of other emotions. It was one of those moments that helped to bring so many things into perspective. Anger is more of a reactive symptom, so when I see anger in my clients I look for the antecedent/cause.

I often show the poster to my clients so that they can understand their own anger, or the anger of a significant other. As many have explored their own anger, two additional causative factors have been added: feeling misunderstood and betrayal. Here is the complete list (in no particular order). Are there any influences that you would like to add?

Anxiety
Shame
Sadness
Fear
Hurt
Guilt
Worry
Frustration
Disappointment
Embarrassment
Jealousy
Misunderstood
Betrayal

Think about the times that you have felt or acted angry, and look at the list to identify your underlying emotion(s) to better recognize the real issue(s). Next, I encourage you to additionally go one step further. Think back and identify when in your history, most frequently during your childhood, you experienced that earlier emotion. Emotional extremes, like anger, are usually triggered by an earlier experience, for which the current event is a reminder. Now you have the potential to address it at its root in order to release the anger.

Fear is another emotional extreme. This is because there are rarely any situations of true endangerment. Yet our physiologic system doesn’t differentiate, and assumes that we are in true danger. When we understand the process, we can actually minimize our physical symptoms and our related thoughts and feelings. I have written about this in numerous articles including Transforming Fear. To summarize the techniques:

• Remember that the fight/flight response lasts only ninety seconds
• Use mindfulness, breath, and relaxation to calm your thoughts and body’s reactions
• Change from worrying to doing
• Reduce your sensory and emotional input with energy modulation and other techniques
• Use good boundaries
• Stay out of story (fear is False Evidence Appearing Real)

I believe that fear, like anger, can be looked at as a secondary issue. In fact, fear and anger appear to often be distractors and thus agents of resistance. Let me pause for a moment to acknowledge that sensory overload and other biological factors can be the source of anxiety, or elevated emotional states that trigger anger. But I have seen that worry and anger flood the system so that you are effectively distracted from the real issues. Thus patterns, themes, and root causes are often buried under layers of behaviors and words. Consequently, fear and anger can be perceived as communicators – pointing you, or a therapist, to the underlying truths.

Humans by nature are inclined to move away from those things that are uncomfortable. Regarding fear, author Eckhart Tolle reminds us to stop running from the fear and to turn to look at it instead. I’ve actually done this, and it’s true that the thing that was kept in hiding is not as big and scary as formerly believed. In fact, it’s always smaller and less frightening than the unknown that I was running from. Tolle is right!

What is the truth that you may be running from?

• Often it is a misunderstanding or inaccuracy that developed from the experiences of your Inner Child. Transform yourself into the caring adult and assure your inner child that you have a deeper, broader understanding of the events, as well as the skills to keep your inner child/you safe.
• If you experienced a traumatic event, I urge you to partner with a qualified trauma expert to help you release without reliving the trauma. These include professionals trained in Havening Therapy, EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing), EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique), or Somatic (Body-Oriented) Therapy.
• Are you running from your own worth? Author Marianne Williamson says, “Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us…. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

Might you be ready to uncover the layers between you and Who You Really Are?

Judy Lipson is a Licensed Professional Counselor and educational strategist in West Bloomfield, MI. She helps clients of all ages who have learning difficulties; work or school related anxiety; ADHD; Asperger’s Syndrome or Autism Spectrum Disorders; and those who wish to Remember and Become ‘Who You Really Are’. Contact Judy at 248.568.8665 and judylipson@spiralwisdom.net, and visit www. SpiralWisdom.net for more information. 

This article is for informational purposes and is not meant to replace medical care.

While chances are good that you or someone you know has ‘anger issues’, there is much more to anger than you probably realize.

By Judith E. Lipson, M.A., LPC

In our society, most people are not in touch with the majority of their emotions. You are likely familiar with joy and happy, and sometimes even bliss. You can recognize sadness, and will likely assume that you or someone else is experiencing grief after a significant loss. You probably know about numerous other emotions, but primarily as a definition. Most people do not know what they are really feeling, especially when it comes to what our society refers to as the negative emotions.

Anger is certainly recognized by society as a negative, yet it also seems to be the most accepted, or expected, of emotions. This is especially true of men who are discouraged from expressing sadness, worry, and many other feelings. Historically, it has been frowned upon for women to express anger, yet increasingly women do so as well.

An interesting fact is, though incredibly prevalent, anger is not a primary emotion. Actually, it is the expression of other emotions. It is only when you identify that underlying experience and its corresponding response, that you can stop your explosions.

The next time you begin to feel the buildup of anger, I urge you to look deeper to find the origin. Here are a number of emotional possibilities that can guide you to the root of your anger:

• SADNESS can lead to anger if you don’t allow yourself to acknowledge and express the sorrow.
• FEAR (False Evidence Appearing Real), WORRY, and ANXIETY are very uncomfortable and create inner tension. Some people are more prone to release this tension with tears, some with movement, and others by striving to control their world. When this control is not successful (it rarely is), angry outbursts are often the result. Therefore, fear is one of the first emotions that I look for when I see anger.
• FRUSTRATION occurs when you think you are trapped and disempowered.
• DISAPPOINTMENT with self, others or scenarios (real or imagined).
• EMBARRASSMENT leading to anger can be a cover story for shame, anxiety, or perfectionism.
• JEALOUSY can really be a questioning of your own sense of value.
• HURT feelings are often your “inner child” (see below) being triggered, leaving you feeling vulnerable.
• Being MISUNDERSTOOD can be an indicator of not being seen as Who You Really Are.
• GUILT’s purpose is to learn from an experience. One’s perfectionism (and subsequent shame) can lead to anger.
• SHAME is one of the most complex. Author/psychologist Dr. Brené Brown explains: “Guilt says: I made a mistake. Shame says: I AM a mistake.”
• SENSORY OVERLOAD is when you are overwhelmed by the five senses or by an onslaught of emotions, triggering excessive inner tension that explodes as anger.

Learn to defuse and neutralize your anger with these steps and ideas:

• To familiarize yourself with the precursors, go through each of the emotions above and identify an example that occurred at some time in your life.
• Plan to identify your anger-precursor any time that you explode, or even better, when you feel anger mounting.
• Learn ways to release your inner tension. These are similar to the strategies for decreasing stress and anxiety:
  • MEDITATION or MINDFULNESS
  • BREATH-WORK
  • RELAXATION
  • REFRAMING YOUR INTERNAL DIALOGUE by recognizing truth instead of assumptions
• Learn to express yourself to others assertively, not aggressively.
• Be willing to acknowledge your true self so that you know what you really need rather than “being the good boy/girl” and “not making waves”.
• Recognize that many of the emotions listed above are carry-overs from your childhood. This is called your “inner child” and s/he thinks s/he is warning you about events in the now, but s/he only has the perspective of the powerlessness of childhood. S/he needs to be assured that you, the adult, have the ability to handle this situation from an adult perspective. And you do!
• Write a letter that is NOT sent, expressing how you feel. If you prefer a more verbal method, do this orally (without the person present).
• Release the inner tension and your deepest feelings with singing, art, or movement such as exercise or dance.
• Share your frustrations and hurts as they occur while they are still small, bearable and manageable, so that you don’t need to experience the erupting volcano.

Please seek the assistance of a professional if you are unable to identify your precursor emotions, you can not defuse your angry response, your anger leads to the damage of property, you find yourself wanting to hurt yourself or others, or you find previous traumas being triggered. Emotions are neither good nor bad, so enjoy learning and identifying!

This article is for informational purposes and is not meant to replace medical care.

Judy Lipson is a Licensed Professional Counselor and educational strategist in West Bloomfield, MI. She helps clients of all ages who have learning difficulties; work or school related anxiety; ADHD; Asperger’s Syndrome or Autism Spectrum Disorders; and those who wish to ‘Remember and Become Who You Really Are’. Contact Judy at 248.568.8665 and judylipson@spiralwisdom.net, and visit www. SpiralWisdom.net for more information.

Published in Eydis Magazine October 2015