By Judith E. Lipson, M.A., LPC

I hope that one of the reasons that you follow my work is to continue to understand various ‘differences’ from a more expansive view. This article is about autism. It’s when we understand the “why” of something that we can truly learn to accept it for what it is. Autism is not a condition to cure, but rather it is a series of conditions that causes or allows the individual to interact with their inner and outer environment differently. Sometimes this brings about challenges, but that’s most frequently due to our rigid societal expectations and assumptions. Let’s all learn to recognize the aspects, and see the gifts that are part of this spectrum, so that we no longer view it as a “disorder”.

Q:  What is autism?
A:  Autism isn’t one condition. It’s a collection of related conditions that are so intertwined and so impossible to pick apart, that professionals have stopped trying. If you only check one or two boxes, then they don’t call it autism, they call it something else. Here’s a graphic of the various aspects. Remember that autism is a spectrum condition. Some individuals with autism (sometimes referred to as autistics) have less of one of these issues, or it may no longer be apparent. According to the DSM-5, autism is a life-long condition that can ease in intensity and life-challenging ways, but it doesn’t go away. And remember: If you’ve met one person with autism, then you’ve met ONE person with autism.

Q:  Is the person ‘an individual with autism’ or ‘autistic’?
A:  That’s actually a good question and you will get differing responses. Initially we referred to these folks as autistics. Then perspectives about disabilities changed and it was considered most appropriate to see them as individuals who are not defined by autism, but rather who have autism (recognizing that they have many other facets to define them). I work with a lot of folks on the spectrum, from many age groups, and am frequently told that they recognize how autism informs their daily lives, and thus very positively and proudly define themselves as autistic (along with their other descriptors of spouse, parent, employee, artist, writer, etc.)

Q:  I hear that it is harder to identify girls and women on the spectrum.
A:  It does seem to be more difficult since females present differently than males.

All the literature, clients that I talk to, and my experiences with my own clients acknowledge that recognizing and diagnosing autism in those who are born female can be more challenging. Some believe it’s because many girls seem to intrinsically find it easier to mimic peers as well as others’ socialization. Additionally, they are less likely to have the same types of areas of interests as their male counterparts, so their identity on the spectrum is less recognized.

My intention in this section is to provide you with a variety of links that can better inform you. I hope you find this information beneficial. I encourage you to reach out with questions, and to let me know about any professionals that you have met who are adept at diagnosing ASD in the AFAB (assigned female at birth) population.

From the article, Why Do Many Autistic Girls Go Undiagnosed? by the Child Mind Institute: “Autism is a developmental disorder that is marked by two unusual kinds of behaviors: deficits in communication and social skills, and restricted or repetitive behaviors. Children with autism also often have sensory processing issues. But here’s the hitch, according to Susan F. Epstein, PhD, a clinical neuropsychologist. ‘The model that we have for a classic autism diagnosis has really turned out to be a male model. That’s not to say that girls don’t ever fit it, but girls tend to have a quieter presentation, with not necessarily as much of the repetitive and restricted behavior, or it shows up in a different way.’ Stereotypes may get in the way of recognition. ‘So where the boys are looking at train schedules, girls might have excessive interest in horses or unicorns, which is not unexpected for girls,’ Dr. Epstein notes. ‘But the level of the interest might be missed and the level of oddity can be a little more damped down. It’s not quite as obvious to an untrained eye.’ She adds that as the spectrum has grown, it’s gotten harder to diagnose less-affected boys as well.”

In the article: Autism is Still Under-Diagnosed in Girls and Women, they propose four ways testing should change: “From an autistic woman’s perspective, the diagnostic assessments need rethinking:

• they should consider autistic strengths and not focus solely on deficits and impairments. Sometimes autism isn’t considered because of the presence of strengths
• they should incorporate the common lived experiences of autistic women. These have now been well-documented by autistic women, many with successful careers and yet areas of difficulty
• the differences between the presentation of autism in females and males should be reflected in the diagnostic criteria
• autistic people should be included in the design and content of diagnostic tests.”

Why Camouflage Autism? specifically talks about a female’s potential for camouflaging their autism.

Developing a Positive Sense of Identity by Dr. Michelle Garnett explains more about spectrum women developing a positive identity and includes many insights to recognizing ASD in females. It also discusses the benefits of identifying it earlier, as well as the uniqueness of having ASD as a woman.

Autistic Women in the Workplace provides guidance to identify one’s career, and to recognize greater understanding of the special challenges as well as the special gifts that autistic women (or women with autism) can provide. Gifts can include leadership skills, teamwork, communication skills, and work ethic. Some of these items might surprise you; I encourage you to read the article. The author also discusses guidance for receiving accommodations in the workplace.

And learn how to address social challenges at work as an autistic adult.

The Boston Globe article entitled What Happens to Autistic Children Once They Become Adults offers a bit more generalized approach to ASD and careers. This article highlights some amazing work programs that have been developed in Florida and Massachusetts.

There are many resources for folks with ASD who are in relationships. I happen to love this article since it approaches healthy relationship-building from both the ASD and neurotypical perspective. How to Be the Best Partner to an Autistic or Neurotypical Person is both enlightening and refreshing. 10 Things You Need to Know About Your Autistic Partner is also enlightening.

Anytime we talk about autism I think it is imperative to have an opportunity to better understand meltdowns. This article about meltdowns, written by one with autism, offers an outstanding opportunity to understand the process and the experience. By the way, this is not a quiz asking you to select the correct choice for each item. Rather, each issue provides a variety of ways to understand what is really happening. Please read each item (A through E) that completes each phrase so that you can better understand your family member who experiences meltdowns.

And here’s a related article about autistic burnout. The authors explain that it is different than depression (though depression might be incorporated in the symptoms) because there is increased sensory sensitivity and the need to isolate in order to recover.

Q:  Why does my student with autism make a prolonged noise when I begin to speak, but stops when I stop talking?
A:  Sometimes individuals are highly triggered by sounds, yet by covering it with something they can control (tapping, shrieking, etc.) it is easier for them to deal with the original sound.

Q:  I have been told that my student’s behaviors are stims. What does that mean? I feel that they are distracting and disruptive for my student and I want to know how to make them stop.
A:  Stims or stimming is shorthand for self-stimulating behaviors.  These are actually quite helpful for your student as they help them to soothe their (overly) reactive nervous system in the moment. I was at a conference once where the presenter suggested that we try to mimic these behaviors on our own to see how it feels. Most neuro-typicals do indeed find them soothing. Regardless, it is soothing for your student. I was also cautioned by this presenter to be careful when trying to stop a stim, as it will be replaced by something else, which might not be as socially or classroom acceptable. Here’s a graphic that explains more about stimming.

Q:  How do you teach appropriate eye contact?
A:  First of all, let’s understand the possible reasons why those with ASD or other individuals avoid eye contact:

• Some cultures discourage looking into another’s eyes.
• If the individual has misaligned eyes (eyes that don’t work together adequately), uncomfortable distortions can occur prompting them to avoid looking at an individual’s face. Misaligned eyes, which are typically not recognized by an untrained professional or without a neuro-vision exam, can also cause challenges with reading, eye-hand coordination, balance and/or depth perception. Click here for a questionnaire provided by a neuro-vision clinic.
• Individuals who have experienced abuse have often learned that it is safer to not look someone in the eyes.
• Intuitive, empathic individuals may avoid eye contact because they “know everything there is to know about the person, and feel it in their own body”. (I originally learned about this from a 17 year old student who explained this to me with those words.) The answer to the next question offers a strategy for this.

If it is still deemed appropriate to teach eye contact you can suggest that the individual make brief, but regular or occasional visual contact with the individual’s face, possibly looking at the eyebrows instead of the eyes.

Q:  How do I tune down how sensitive I can be?
A:  Part of this answer is energetic, part of it is how you think about things.

• You don’t need all the possible information to know how to respond, so bring in less.
• Turn down your senses just like you turn down the volume of the podcast or music that you are listening to.
• Understand that it is not your job to take care of everyone, or to ‘save the world’.
• Practice energy modulation and drain your receptacle. (Listen to this short clip to learn how.)
• Practice radical acceptance for having this gift.

Q:  I’m wondering how autism (ASD) and ADHD may be reflecting a more evolved state.
A:  The theory that I offer here is not based on research or data, yet I have heard it discussed by others. I believe the increase in the number of folks with ASD or ADHD may be related to the fact that they are neurologically more sensitive to their environment. We know that these folks tend to be Sensitives. It makes sense that if they are highly attuned to their 5 senses, then they are also sensitive to various factors in our environment. This includes a hyper-reactivity to sensory input as well as various chemicals, additives, and drugs in our food, air and water. All of this can lead to medical conditions as well as neurological over-stimulation leading to meltdowns and other difficulties.

There are also benefits with these heightened awarenesses. These individuals at their core often have a very evolved awareness of Oneness. They seem to have a clearer sense of peace, goodness, and compassion for others and are more in touch with our similarities than our differences. They have a very clear sense of right vs wrong and are often quite frustrated with the state of the world. Hence, I’m very pleased that their numbers appear to be increasing as we need citizens who are more prone to bringing light, goodness, and compassion to our systems as well as enlightened relationships with each other.

Hans Asperger said, “It seems that for success, in science or art, a dash of autism is essential. For success the necessary ingredients may be an ability to turn away from the everyday world, from the simple practical, an ability to rethink a subject with originality so as to create in new untrodden ways.”

And as stated by Albert Einstein, “No problem can be solved from the same level of consciousness that created it.”

Judy Lipson is a Licensed Professional Counselor and educational strategist in West Bloomfield, MI. She helps clients of all ages who have learning difficulties, work or school related anxiety, ADHD, Asperger’s Syndrome or Autism Spectrum Disorders, and those who wish to Remember and Become ‘Who You Really Are’. Contact Judy at 248.568.8665 and judylipson@spiralwisdom.net, and visit www.JudyLipson.com for more information.

This article is for informational purposes and is not meant to replace medical care.

By Judith E. Lipson, M.A., LPC

The more I understand about empaths, the more I learn concepts that I had never considered. Please read to the end for the newest information.

Empaths experience more than empathy. Empaths not only care about the others’ feelings, but also feel the other’s physical sensations and/or emotions in their own being. It’s a wonderful gift and is especially prominent in those who serve in the healing professions; yet this gift is often accompanied by the challenges that can arise when one feels deeply, intensely and expansively.

Unfortunately our society doesn’t talk about it (thereby normalizing it), nor do we teach our children to understand, accept and foster this gift, thus minimizing potential challenges.

How I have approached the challenges:

• Cognitively: It is not your role to take in the fullness of another’s experience so that they may be spared their own distress. As a healer (medical, spiritual, or even as a friend), you only need enough information to know what the individual experiences in order to direct them, or your healing modality, to their healing. For this to happen, you only need a little information. Think filling a thimble instead of a bathtub.
• Energetically: Now that you understand ‘why’ you needn’t bring it all in to you, it is often important to know how to modulate the entry. I use the visual model of the whale or dolphin’s blowhole, which opens after coming to the surface of the water, and closes before diving again. Since it is most likely that you access others’ energetic information at your gut, close your eyes and try to identify the size of your own ‘blowhole’. Then try closing it a bit, and opening it again. Just play with the idea and use your imagination. See how you feel when you are more open, and see if you feel differently when it’s more closed. Play with the concept and see what size works best for you, in this moment. Please note that some folks like a different concept for modulating their energy intake. Consider a screen/weave, or a color that is translucent (pink) to opaque (red). I have also had kids and adults choose ocean waves, firewalls (computer security concept), selectively permeable membranes (biology – cell membrane), force fields (Star Trek), and other ideas. Find what works for you.

During the last year, I have had clients (a couple adults, and even a 7 year old) who felt certain that it is their job to take others’ discomforts. They were not deterred by the teachings described above. So we took the following approach:

• If it is indeed your role to be the receptacle, must you KEEP their stuff for them? As these individuals acknowledged, from their own intuitive knowing, that they are to be the receptacle, but not maintain the input, they have used guided imagery to remove from their own system what has already accumulated. They instantly felt better.
• Can you create a way where you remain the receptacle, helping others to release, but then set a ‘drain’ within you for continual release from your own energy field? All of this is done with intention and imagination. See what resonates for you as you acknowledge your ‘receptacle’ and ‘drain’. The technique(s) that you develop today might change in the near or distant future.

Recently, I have been learning about energy frequencies and vibrations. It only partially reflects the procedures and explanations that I have previously taught about energy modulation. It is raw, and there is more for me to learn, but I’ll share it with you now:

When information is shared, received and interpreted, all at the level of frequency, there is less chance for misunderstanding (every stage of transmutation risks altering the message). Additionally, by drawing it into the denser levels of your three-dimensional self in order to “understand”, there is the risk of the body not being able to properly handle it. This can lead to physical or emotional challenges.

In metaphor, let’s compare frequency information/communication to the states of water. Think of frequencies as being the energetic equivalent of a gas. Thus frequencies can enter and leave your system with ease. When you attempt to understand the message of a frequency and draw it into the levels of words or emotions, you drop it to the level of a liquid. As a liquid, the message now has less ease to flow through the system. As it slows and is “seen” by the body, it might even drop its density to more of an ice/solid as the individual purposely or accidentally strives to understand it even more.

If we can remember that in order to understand, we do not need to dwell on that information, running it back and forth through the mind, and through our past, current and future experiences, then it can be understood in its purest state — that of energy/frequency/vibration (the metaphorical gas). This is why the exercise of ‘finding the space between the molecules’ works so nicely. We are taking these extremely dense/now-solid structures that have been formed in the body, and recognizing them as energy/vibrations/frequencies once again. In doing so, they change their state and bring the system to ease once again.

Since I work with a lot of individuals on the autism spectrum, I have considered the application of this concept with this population. Those who are looked at as having developmental delays may actually be exquisitely able to understand their world via frequencies. Their challenge has been to understand the denser neuro-typical styles of communication and language. Dr. Temple Grandin, who is autistic and known for her work with animals, famously describes her life in pictures (in the biographic novel and movie – Thinking in Pictures). She is extremely adept at accessing verbal communication (and the energetic experience of animals) by translating it into pictures. Although this is still dropping the original transmission of frequency and vibration to a denser state, doing so with pictures seems to be less dense than words/language.

I also work with a lot of clients who deal with anxiety, and wonder if a major difference between humans and animals is that when animals experience fear, it is pure and kept at the level of frequency/vibration. I frequently teach anxiety in terms of the prey animal that has a near miss with a predator. The prey narrowly gets away, and then it shakes itself (shaking off the trauma) and moves on with its day seeking food, etc. The rabbit doesn’t sit there thinking, Wow, that was close. I wonder if the fox will catch me next time. I hope that I can get away then. By bringing in thoughts to describe emotions humans anchor these emotions into a denser state.

Since empaths are attuned to the energetic frequencies and vibrational aspects of others, they absorb others’ emotions readily. Going full circle to the beginning of this article, learning to retain the frequencies in and outside of us in a “gaseous” state, will allow us to live in a greater state of ease.

As always I look forward to your thoughts and questions regarding this information so we can all learn and develop our gifts.

Judy Lipson is a Licensed Professional Counselor and educational strategist in West Bloomfield, MI. She helps clients of all ages who have learning difficulties, work or school related anxiety, ADHD, Asperger’s Syndrome or Autism Spectrum Disorders, and those who wish to Remember and Become ‘Who You Really Are’. Contact Judy at 248.568.8665 and judylipson@spiralwisdom.net, and visit www.SpiralWisdom.net for more information.

This article is for informational purposes and is not meant to replace medical care.

By Judith E. Lipson, M.A., LPC

It wasn’t long after the Parkland, Florida high school shooting that I heard about the March For Our Lives movement and the plan to hold a march in Washington DC on March 24, 2018. I immediately put it in my calendar to keep it on my radar. While I thought it sounded amazing, I had no plan, expectation or even a desire to attend. My husband knew immediately that he needed to be in DC, though he could have attended one of several local marches. “But not me,” I told everyone.

You see, I am an extroverted introvert. Or is it an introverted extrovert?

I enjoy talking with and meeting new people. To others, I appear as an outgoing individual.

Sounds like the classic extrovert, right? But I’m actually an introvert. People think being an introvert means keeping to oneself and speaking sparingly to others. But being an introvert actually describes how one replenishes their energy. Like other introverts I boost my energies best when I am by myself, and often in a space with minimal sensory input.

In addition to being an introvert, I am also an empath. This means I sometimes knowingly, and sometimes unknowingly, pick up the energies and emotions of others. Being an empath can feel exhausting and overwhelming for some, and it has felt that way for me for most of my life. For all these reasons I thought that being at a national march was a ridiculous idea for me. Why would I knowingly and willingly place myself in the middle of a huge group of people who are feeling sadness, anger, frustration and other strong emotions? Why would I willingly be in a group, most likely standing in close proximity to many others, with no opportunity to move to a location by myself?

Shortly after hearing about the march, I began to hear the passion in the students’ voices and in their messages. I listened to my student-clients and heard their passion and frustrations as well. Soon, the calling to be at the march in support of our youth was greater than the assumed discomfort of me being there. I recognized the call, and this knowledge helped give me strength. Thus the trip was planned.

Even on the plane the day prior to the march, the shifts of collective energy were apparent. There was a reporter and her cameraman seated near us. Next to the reporter was coincidentally (or synchronistically) a 17-year-old teen whose family’s connecting flight took them through Detroit. This teen was one of the Marjory Stoneman Douglas high school students who was scheduled to speak. When it was time for everyone to leave the plane, there was no rushing or pushing. In fact, we who sat in the back of the plane, just relaxed in our seats until the rows in front had sufficiently cleared. The flight attendant said that in her 18 years of service she has never seen such a calm, polite, respectful group of passengers. We think it’s because so many on that flight were arriving in DC to represent the larger value of social responsibility and social consciousness.

We arrived at the march 90 minutes before the event was due to begin. The number of people already there was, to no one’s surprise, huge. All of us began slowly making our way in the direction of the stage. Although there were smiles everywhere I briefly worried, “What was I thinking? This will be hard enough during the march itself when everyone is here and there are wall-to-wall people. There is still so much time for me to overwhelm before it even begins.” If you are also an empath/introvert/Sensitive you may relate to those thoughts. However, I quickly put into practice for myself the suggestions that I offer to others: I returned to the present moment and stayed out of story, thereby keeping my thoughts to what was happening right then. Not surprisingly, I did not spin into worry. Instead I enjoyed what I love best.

I love people watching and many of the signs that the participants carried were creatively composed. It was great to see teens, families and little children, alongside the baby-boomers like myself. We were all together, all sharing a common purpose. I found that walking with, and standing near like-minded individuals was exhilarating. The energy at the event was palpable. And this was before anyone even came to the podium.

The speakers – our youth – articulately and passionately shared their deepest desires along with their greatest fears. They encouraged us and rallied us with their strength and through their tears. And we responded in kind with cheers, tears, and a cascade of emotions that included hope, frustration and strength. We were (reportedly) 800,000 yet we were one: one voice, one passion, one message that insisted that we find a way for our youth (everyone actually) to feel safe in schools and in their lives.

If you are wondering how this Introvert (Sensitive/Empath) was so successful, I admit that it has been a fascinating journey. It has included a fearless look at my worries and my fears, learning what tools work best for me to help me to process my emotions and the emotions of others, energy modulation so my empathic skills work in moderation, keeping my heart open, and practicing grounding exercises.

Or maybe it was the simple truth expressed in a sign that I saw right after I had found my own personal peace. I wish I had thought of this and carried it myself:

SO BAD EVEN INTROVERTS ARE HERE

May you each find the peace that you wish, to go where you need, so that you may continue to make a difference in the world.

Judy Lipson is a Licensed Professional Counselor and educational strategist in West Bloomfield, MI. She helps clients of all ages who have learning difficulties, work or school related anxiety, ADHD, Asperger’s Syndrome or Autism Spectrum Disorders, and those who wish to Remember and Become ‘Who You Really Are’. Contact Judy at 248.568.8665 and judylipson@spiralwisdom.net, and visit www.SpiralWisdom.net for more information.

This article is for informational purposes and is not meant to replace medical care.

#Resist: Fear and Denying Your Self

As I talk to clients and others I realize how many children and adults, but especially females, have trouble saying no. While being compassionate and kind are important, respecting yourself is at least as essential. You must know where your boundaries are, where they need to be and how to honor yourself by communicating these boundaries to others.

You have a right and a responsibility to care for yourself, which is why flight attendants instruct you to put on your own mask before assisting your children or those around you. Yet too frequently, you have assisted or done for others until you felt used and exhausted. If you did finally say no or asked for assistance, it’s probable that you also felt guilty doing so. This takes a toll on your physical and emotional health.

Most children are not explicitly taught how to assert their needs in a respectful and self-assured manner. Girls, especially, have been taught to be “nice” and to not make waves so it is problematic for most women to learn how to express their own needs in a healthy manner. Males are not immune from this difficulty.

In the absence of instruction or modeling, people stifle their voice and find themselves exhausted and resentful until their frustration builds to a deafening roar, and they angrily express themselves.

VERBAL

Breathe into your diaphragm. Soften your throat. Speak your needs respectfully and assertively, without aggression. Speak concisely, calmly and with strength.

THOUGHTS

Resist FEAR – False Evidence Appearing Real. Fear tactics are used to repeatedly alarm you and make you think that you are endangered even when you are not. In the world of Fight, Flight or Freeze, your cognitive (thinking) processes are minimized, making it more difficult for you to discern your truth and maintain your personal goals of confidence, unity, peace and wellness. In fact, you will find yourself repeating the fear-based thoughts even in the absence of the original stressor, potentially disarming you.

Practice mindfulness. Challenge your fear-based thoughts (whether they come from within, or were inserted by others). Use your breath to break the fight/flight/freeze biophysical process, and reboot your body, your emotions and your thoughts back to wellness. Minimize overwhelm by identifying one thing to put your efforts toward – donate, volunteer, etc. Remember who you really are to keep your focus on peaceful coexistence and unity.

PHYSICAL

I loved the scene in Dirty Dancing: This is my dance space. This is your dance space. I don’t go into yours; you don’t go into mine. You gotta hold the frame.

Some people need a larger physical space than others. It’s important to know what yours is. If needed, start by identifying the boundary of your body. You can outline yourself in the sand or on large paper. Then begin to identify where your comfort boundary is. It may vary with the different people in your life: children, romantic partner, friend, co-worker, boss, etc.

Now that you know where your body is and where your boundary needs to be, use your physical frame to confidently express your needs: Elongate your posture in a relaxed manner, breathe gently but fully, and keep your eyes forward.

ENERGETIC

Ground yourself for strength: Stand or sit with your feet firmly on the ground. Allow that earthy power to rise up through your feet spreading confidence throughout.

Depending on your personal needs, identify how much personal space you require and place an imaginary barrier at this location. Some people visualize a bubble, a white or pink light, a force field or a firewall. Use the image that works for you. Place an intention (expectation) that no negative words or moods will permeate this selected barrier. See it as a permeable membrane. You select what gets through – towards you and from you. This way you can still send love and compassion outwardly, while guarding yourself from negative words and feelings. This technique is especially helpful for those who feel others’ emotions intensely (empaths).

As you encounter the challenging aspects of life you may leave parts of yourself behind. This can also impact your sense of self and your confidence. Spiritual teacher Caroline Myss calls the process of pulling these pieces back, soul retrieval. One strategy is to imagine these pieces floating like star lights. You need not recognize the situations that they represent; with intention invite them back to join you once again. Then breathe in the fullness that is you.

RELATIONSHIP

Caring for another should not mean that you stop caring for yourself. Are you wary of hurting another’s feelings or worry that you will disappoint your partner, friend or co-worker? Remember that sometimes the loving response is “No”.

You have likely identified a large circle of people that you care about and for, but repeatedly fail to put yourself in that circle. It’s time that you include yourself in this group of important people! You have every right to be there. Don’t feel guilty for giving yourself the same care that you offer to others without hesitation.

As you incorporate these components of boundary development, your self-confidence will increase and your ability to speak your truth will be enhanced. Take care of your being, your thoughts and your emotions and be the role model for self-care to your friends, family members and children.

Though these techniques are for everyone, if you are in an abusive or dangerous situation please seek professional assistance.

Antecedents are the key to understanding and releasing

By Judith E. Lipson, M.A., LPC

Years ago, I acquired a mini-poster showing how anger is actually due to a myriad of other emotions. It was one of those moments that helped to bring so many things into perspective. Anger is more of a reactive symptom, so when I see anger in my clients I look for the antecedent/cause.

I often show the poster to my clients so that they can understand their own anger, or the anger of a significant other. As many have explored their own anger, two additional causative factors have been added: feeling misunderstood and betrayal. Here is the complete list (in no particular order). Are there any influences that you would like to add?

Anxiety
Shame
Sadness
Fear
Hurt
Guilt
Worry
Frustration
Disappointment
Embarrassment
Jealousy
Misunderstood
Betrayal

Think about the times that you have felt or acted angry, and look at the list to identify your underlying emotion(s) to better recognize the real issue(s). Next, I encourage you to additionally go one step further. Think back and identify when in your history, most frequently during your childhood, you experienced that earlier emotion. Emotional extremes, like anger, are usually triggered by an earlier experience, for which the current event is a reminder. Now you have the potential to address it at its root in order to release the anger.

Fear is another emotional extreme. This is because there are rarely any situations of true endangerment. Yet our physiologic system doesn’t differentiate, and assumes that we are in true danger. When we understand the process, we can actually minimize our physical symptoms and our related thoughts and feelings. I have written about this in numerous articles including Transforming Fear. To summarize the techniques:

• Remember that the fight/flight response lasts only ninety seconds
• Use mindfulness, breath, and relaxation to calm your thoughts and body’s reactions
• Change from worrying to doing
• Reduce your sensory and emotional input with energy modulation and other techniques
• Use good boundaries
• Stay out of story (fear is False Evidence Appearing Real)

I believe that fear, like anger, can be looked at as a secondary issue. In fact, fear and anger appear to often be distractors and thus agents of resistance. Let me pause for a moment to acknowledge that sensory overload and other biological factors can be the source of anxiety, or elevated emotional states that trigger anger. But I have seen that worry and anger flood the system so that you are effectively distracted from the real issues. Thus patterns, themes, and root causes are often buried under layers of behaviors and words. Consequently, fear and anger can be perceived as communicators – pointing you, or a therapist, to the underlying truths.

Humans by nature are inclined to move away from those things that are uncomfortable. Regarding fear, author Eckhart Tolle reminds us to stop running from the fear and to turn to look at it instead. I’ve actually done this, and it’s true that the thing that was kept in hiding is not as big and scary as formerly believed. In fact, it’s always smaller and less frightening than the unknown that I was running from. Tolle is right!

What is the truth that you may be running from?

• Often it is a misunderstanding or inaccuracy that developed from the experiences of your Inner Child. Transform yourself into the caring adult and assure your inner child that you have a deeper, broader understanding of the events, as well as the skills to keep your inner child/you safe.
• If you experienced a traumatic event, I urge you to partner with a qualified trauma expert to help you release without reliving the trauma. These include professionals trained in Havening Therapy, EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing), EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique), or Somatic (Body-Oriented) Therapy.
• Are you running from your own worth? Author Marianne Williamson says, “Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us…. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

Might you be ready to uncover the layers between you and Who You Really Are?

Judy Lipson is a Licensed Professional Counselor and educational strategist in West Bloomfield, MI. She helps clients of all ages who have learning difficulties; work or school related anxiety; ADHD; Asperger’s Syndrome or Autism Spectrum Disorders; and those who wish to Remember and Become ‘Who You Really Are’. Contact Judy at 248.568.8665 and judylipson@spiralwisdom.net, and visit www. SpiralWisdom.net for more information. 

This article is for informational purposes and is not meant to replace medical care.

By Judith E. Lipson, M.A., LPC

From listening to politicians and the news media, and even your neighbors and family, it’s easy to conclude that these are scary times. This article will explain fear and anxiety, provide you anxiety/stress reducing tools, and offer a way of looking at the world in which we live from a metaphysical perspective.

Fear is defined as “an unpleasant emotion caused by the belief that someone or something is dangerous, likely to cause pain, or a threat” (Oxford Dictionaries). The amygdala, that part of the brain that determines safety, hasn’t evolved to distinguish the difference between a true imminent threat and an area of possible concern. It evaluates every input from one of your senses including what is seen, heard, touched, smelled, tasted, and emotionally felt. From a safety perspective this makes perfect sense. But the amygdala has not learned to differentiate between a bear on a forest path and a call to the boss’ office. Both result in the same physiologic fight, flight or freeze response. Additionally, the amygdala and its supportive systems rarely distinguish between a threat that is happening to you and a threat that is happening to someone else while it’s viewed on the news or in a movie, or is told to you by another. The mind/body/emotions respond as if the threat is happening to you, right now.

To make matters more complicated, if you happen to be one of the many highly sensitive individuals (not just those on the autistic spectrum), your amygdala is hyper-vigilant. And if you are a worrier, then every additional worry-thought after the original trigger keeps your amygdala continuously responding.

The amygdala’s response is designed to be temporary, not to keep the system on high alert 24/7. Since the amygdala response actually lasts only 90 seconds, anything longer is due to the amygdala being repeatedly triggered by either the continuation of the real danger or by the mind’s continued focus on the perceived danger (actually a worry-thought).

Here are some ways to keep your amygdala response to the more manageable 90 seconds:

PHYSICALLY

Focusing on your breath provides mindfulness, and also acts as a reboot for your physiologic system. Watch the movement of your chest and abdomen: observe without controlling, or strive for longer, but not deeper, breaths.

Observe your body for tension and anxiety. Drop your shoulders away from your ears to open your lungs for a more complete breath. Practice progressive relaxation techniques.

Exercise is a great de-stress technique, but if it is unavailable change your position to move your body, and also to change the visual scene that has your attention.

Participate in sensory experiences, i.e.: sip hot tea, take a bath, listen to preferred (and preferably calming) music, or pet an animal. As you do these activities immerse yourself in all the sensations that are involved (temperature, flavor, sounds, textures, etc).

Practice “tapping”. Use your fingertips to gently tap your collarbone; or tap the side of your hand on your opposite palm.

EMOTIONALLY

Change from worrying to doing. Allow yourself only one assessment of something that happened in the past. Reliving it as a memory will not change it and will only recall the negative emotions and physiology. Also, allow yourself only one assessment of something that is to come in the future, thereby changing your worry to an action plan of what can be done to address the area of concern (start the project, enter a to-do list in your calendar, practice a conversation, etc).

Infuse yourself with laughter and humor: comedians, funny books, amusing movies, etc.

Practice energy modulation to reduce your empathic response: Focus on your inner space that absorbs others’ emotions and energy. Find a visual imagery (balloon, weave, etc) that lets you reduce its size when desired and needed.

COGNITIVELY

Boundaries are important. Decide when and how long you’ll entertain the worry. Select a specific time to think about this issue and limit the amount of time you will address it. Ten to twenty minutes should be sufficient. If it doesn’t seem complete, then make another appointment time.

Question your beliefs. Are they real? Is it true? Is there a different perspective? Talk to a trusted friend or professional so that you can get the fear-thoughts outside yourself where they can be looked at objectively (from the shadow to the light).

Look for the “stories”. These are assumed truths that masquerade as reality. Remember that F.E.A.R. stands for False Evidence Appearing Real. Find the stories in your thoughts and dispel them.

METAPHYSICALLY

To minimize anxiety, align your outward actions with your inner beliefs and values. Make sure that when necessary you speak your truth respectfully, and act in alignment with your truest self.

Metaphysically we also understand that to bring in more light, the shadow must be seen. As the shadows come out of hiding, their visibility makes it easier to address. Fearing a shadow makes it heavier, denser, darker and more recalcitrant. By making it visible and turning to look, we bring it to the light with compassion and understanding. This is true for you personally, and also our society.

Judy Lipson is a Licensed Professional Counselor and educational strategist in West Bloomfield, MI. She helps clients of all ages who have learning difficulties; work or school related anxiety; ADHD; Asperger’s Syndrome or Autism Spectrum Disorders; and those who wish to Remember and Become ‘Who You Really Are’. Contact Judy at 248.568.8665 and judylipson@spiralwisdom.net, and visit www. SpiralWisdom.net for more information.

This article is for informational purposes and is not meant to replace medical care.

As a spiritual being having a human experience, it’s important to care for all aspects of your being.

By Judith E. Lipson, M.A., LPC

You are more than a physical structure. There is energy in and around your body. Clinicians who study acupuncture follow the energy along meridians to look for blockages or sluggish movement. Correcting these can improve health, pain and mood. Also within the physical body are chakras – energy centers. Each chakra corresponds to specific physical structures of the body as well as to emotional and psychological processes; and is also linked to a symbol, name, musical tone and color. There are seven major chakras: the root chakra at the base of your torso, abdominal, solar plexus, heart, throat, third eye at the center of the forehead, and the crown chakra at the top of your head.

Those who are hyperaware of the traditional five senses as well as the sixth sense of intuition, empathy and energy are considered Highly Sensitive People. If you are a Sensitive, other peoples’ energy fields as well as the electro-magnetic fields of your environment likely affect you. When all of this inundates your energy fields, it can lead to emotional distress, physical tension and even illness. There are a number of practices that you can use to clear or balance your energy:

FOR THE SELF

DURING A SHOWER use the water to wash away all uncomfortable emotions and tensions from the day. Have it all flow down the drain.

IN A RELAXED STATE, IMAGINE A SPONGE passing from head to toe on all sides of your body. As the sponge moves down, it removes the excess tension, emotions, energy, and any challenges that had accumulated throughout your day.

PLACE A BUBBLE of pink or white light around your body to keep “other” separate from “self”. You may visualize any color, a balloon, ball or even a force field around yourself.

CHAKRA BALANCE: In meditation, bring your attention to each chakra beginning at the root. Use your own intuition to balance the hue, density and size. Strive to bring balance to each. (You can find CDs or individuals to facilitate this process.)

HUM THE MUSICAL SCALES to balance the chakras via vibration. It isn’t necessary to know which note corresponds to each chakra. Deeply hum the scales and feel the vibrations within your body.

RELEASE OLD TRAPPED EMOTIONS that congest the energy. You don’t need to remember, you just need to release. This can be done through exercise, movement to music, massages and bodywork.

SEA SALT baths: a 10-minute soak helps to remove any released energies or toxins.

DRINK WATER to help the body move energy and toxins.

ENERGY MODULATION: If you are an intuitive or empath, you can feel others’ energies and emotions within yourself. It is important to learn how to regulate the input. First try to identify where you sense this energy entering. Most clients tell me that it enters at the abdominal or heart level. Find an image that allows you to have a “selectively permeable membrane” at that location. Consider visualizing the blowhole of a whale or dolphin, the weave of a fabric, screen or grid, or the adjustment of a color’s hue. I have had a computer expert describe it as a firewall. Others see it as a swirl that needs to slow or quicken. What’s important is that you select a method that resonates with you and practice shrinking and enlarging your portal while in a relaxed state. Then, set your intention when entering a challenging environment or when feeling overwhelmed, to shrink the size of your portal.

FOR THE HOME OR SCHOOL

You can additionally assist yourself and others by decreasing the amount of excess energy in your surroundings. The individual is then better able to neutralize his or her own vibratory fields.

SMUDGING is used to move the accumulated energy in one’s environment. Dried sage, cedar or sweetgrass is lit, extinguished, and the smoke is moved through the rooms, especially in corners. Please be cautious with the fire and note if anyone is sensitive to fragrances.

TUNING FORKS work in the same manner as smudging, but the tone that is emitted moves the energy.

COLLECTING AND REMOVING EMOTIONAL ENERGY: Ground yourself, use your intention, and invite the excess energies of the room or home to a location that is not immediately near you. Depending on what resonates with you, direct these energies to depart through the ceiling, a window, or to the ground. This is especially helpful when someone is triggered by anger, fear or agitation of others in the space.

Your energy fields are affected by many factors. I encourage a regular practice of cleansing to influence the ease vs. dis-ease of your life.

Judy Lipson is a Licensed Professional Counselor and educational strategist in West Bloomfield. She helps clients of all ages who have learning difficulties; work or school related anxiety; ADHD; Asperger’s Syndrome or Autism Spectrum Disorders; and those who wish to Remember and Become Who You Really Are. Contact Judy at 248.568.8665 and judylipson@spiralwisdom.net, and visit www. SpiralWisdom.net for more information.