By Judith E. Lipson, M.A., LPC

One of the things that really concerns me right now is how fraught with fear we are becoming. Fear has always been a prominent emotion. After all, our nervous system is wired to look for cues of danger.

For most of us, our ability to rise above this tendency, as well as our resiliency, are reduced. I write this so that we can each be reminded of the importance to keep our nervous systems as calm as possible, even during these incredibly challenging times. Regardless of our faith or ethnicity we have had difficult histories – some more challenging, some during certain times. Even though we did not live through those histories personally, we are affected. This is referred to as ancestral, or generational, trauma. We carry these traumas and wounds within us in addition to the intuitive need to look for danger. No wonder we have such a tendency to be anxious, worried and even fearful.

The current world events are frightening. Yet, we cannot respond most effectively if we do not stay grounded and calm. (Looking for proof of this concept? As examples, reflect on surgeons in the operating room who encounter a medical crisis, or the pilot Sully Sullenberger who landed his plane safely on the Hudson River. If they had responded in panic, the outcome would not likely have been successful.)

I’m not going to pretend that it’s easy to calm our panicked nervous systems, but I do encourage you to continue to learn ways to do so. Each time you practice a technique, you are reinforcing your parasympathetic system’s ability to calm yourself down, and each time that offers the potential for it to be a little easier the next time.

Why should you do this practice? Well, it’s really hard on the body to be in fight and flight for long periods of time. Also, it feels really awful!!!

And here is another important reason: The opposite of love is not hate, the opposite of love is fear. When we are in fear, it is very difficult to feel safe enough to open our hearts to adequately connect with others, and this includes our closest loved ones; and that is not a good thing.

An important aspect of what makes our nervous system feel safe is the act of feeling connected to others. We are actually wired for connection in order to feel safe. It’s knowing that we can reach out and the other will be there for us. If we are in fear we are less able to reach out and to achieve that. This makes us more fearful, and also makes us less available to connect with others with whom we may not have familiarity.

As a result, we see the world as me versus you and us versus them. This experience of separateness and polarization breeds contempt, resentment, hostility, and more fear. And the cycle goes on and on.

Gandhi said, “You must be the change you wish to see in the world.” You may only feel like one person, and wonder how you can really make a difference, but it is important to remember that you are not really the singleton that you think you are. There are many of us who believe in peace and love [with just a side-note that way before Marianne Williamson even thought there might be a time that she would run for president, as a spiritual teacher she taught that “sometimes the loving response is no”.] Realize that you are not alone in this quest. There are many of us who long for peace and unity, but that message does not (currently) sell advertisements on the news, so it is not broadcast or printed.

Be the peace you wish to see in the world. Start your practices (or delve back in) so that you can calm your nervous system and respond from your more grounded, peaceful place. Your mind and body (and your heart and spirit) will thank you for it. I know that I do (thank you).

Please remember to take care of yourself even while you are taking care of others, personally or professionally. Remember that you must “put on your own oxygen mask before assisting others”.

I thought it might be helpful to remind us all of strategies to help calm our nervous systems as we continue to experience these difficult times, whether that is personally or vicariously.

• Keeping busy is an effective tool for mental distraction (in the short-term), but provide enough quiet time so as to not stress your physical body.
• While it is important to be informed, and even to bear witness to the stories, you only need a small amount of information to achieve that goal. Please turn it off or stop reading when it’s time. (Even before it’s time.)
• Focus on movement, hydration, and healthy nutrition to take care of your physical body.
• Re-visit your creative endeavors.
• Get out in nature.

May we all know peace! Namasté

Judy Lipson is a Licensed Professional Counselor and educational strategist in West Bloomfield, MI. She helps clients of all ages who have learning difficulties, work or school related anxiety, ADHD, Asperger’s Syndrome or Autism Spectrum Disorders, and those who wish to Remember and Become ‘Who You Really Are’. Contact Judy at 248.568.8665 and judylipson@spiralwisdom.net, and visit www.JudyLipson.com for more information.

This article is for informational purposes and is not meant to replace medical care.

By Judith E. Lipson, M.A., LPC

A little over two years ago in March 2020, much of our world came to a screeching halt because of the COVID-19 pandemic. Even during this frightening time many observed clear skies and quiet roads, and soon there was a renewed appreciation for educators, health providers, and the many folks who kept supplies in our stores and provided services to us all. There was gratitude for the efforts we took to stay connected to each other. I even appreciated the unique opportunities to enjoy theater and concerts online. During this time I found myself seeing, and seeking out, even the smallest ways to appreciate what was good around me as I found opportunities to support those who had greater need than myself.

I found that during this time there was a quietness within, and many took advantage. I certainly did. That first summer (and honestly since then as well), I have found myself undergoing massive personal transformations that have led to more subtle changes in my professional work. During this time, I have also witnessed the transformations of so many others: clients, colleagues, strangers, friends, and family. This has been a time for transformation, and it wasn’t just for us personally.

This has been a time of forced change and in that first summer of 2020 we saw the additional challenges of a society undergoing great transformation as racial, religious, gender, and cultural prejudices and bigotry became more apparent to us all, providing the opportunity for systems to be adjusted. New and renewed fears embraced us even as the concerns about COVID-19 continued, creating an increased sense of separation and separateness.

As we learned more about these injustices and inequities, I saw citizens come together for goodness and growth.

Unfortunately over time, this opportunity seemed to be lost because as individuals and as a society we have the tendency to focus on fear and its corresponding hate, judgment, and separation and once again that became the focus for those who try to sell news, products, an idea, or a person.

As this third summer awaits us, we have the promises of easier times together for connecting, enjoying warmer weather, and for working on the many societal and global challenges that are before us. Yet this does not appear to be the focus. Rather, the collective focus is now fatigue instead of transformative opportunity. The collective verbalizes being tired – of waiting, of fear, and of people with differing opinions who are perceived as impinging on their own rights and opportunities.

I know that you are tired. I am too. I never expected to see all these challenges especially since I witnessed so many of this in the 60’s and 70’s and know the stories of my own ancestors and others’ lineages. I thought we were past this. But the truth is, we are not. And my fatigue or frustration only serves as apathy. And apathy will NOT get anything resolved. So, I urge you to join me in waking up and showing up.

Please join me now to take a full breath with a prolonged exhalation to help you, and our collective, to shift away from long-standing ideas, beliefs, and processes.

I urge you to think back and feel back (place your hand on your heart please as you do so) to that time when:

• the world felt quieter.
• you had that deeper recognition of the problems that still are before us, and you were willing to see the possibilities that would lead to societal improvement
• you wanted desperately to help us reach the resulting outcome of these changes
• you believed in the possibilities of who we are (Who We Really Are) as one collective, and not as a group of individuals out for themselves

And as you feel that memory stir in your heart, gut, and soul ask yourself what is needed by you to truly Remember (and Maintain) Who You Really Are so you can dig-in to address these societal and global problems. To minimize future fatigue, be sure to take the time to support yourself. For me it is finding regular time, even during the many possibilities to feel despair and frustration, to return to my heart-space and remember my soul’s purpose. To do this I regularly:

• meditate
• view, or go into, nature
• read or watch inspiring stories
• connect with those who lift me up
• find ways that I can help others

Still, I look for ways to support those people or concerns that I know still need improvement with charitable donations or the offer of my time. And if you are in a personal situation where donations of money, services or time are impossible or unavailable that’s okay. Find every opportunity to share a smile when you see friends, family, or strangers. You can never underestimate the power of connecting with another, with your smile, in appreciation of their presence.

Please take one more purposeful breath with me now to assist this transformational shift and to join your heart with the heart of everyone else who feels as we do. It may take time, but we’ve got this!

Namasté (the light in me acknowledges and honors the light within you).

If you are interested in reading more articles by Judy Lipson on transformation, check out these articles from May 2020 on Opportunities and Resilience, and listen to Transformation: 2020 Vision. 

Judy Lipson is a Licensed Professional Counselor and educational strategist in West Bloomfield, MI. She helps clients of all ages who have learning difficulties, work or school related anxiety, ADHD, Asperger’s Syndrome or Autism Spectrum Disorders, and those who wish to Remember and Become ‘Who You Really Are’. Contact Judy at 248.568.8665 and judylipson@spiralwisdom.net, and visit www.JudyLipson.com for more information.

This article is for informational purposes and is not meant to replace medical care.

By Judith E. Lipson, M.A., LPC

My writings here are intended to wake people up. Today I especially want to awaken your heart and soul. As I share some of my observations later in this article, I hope that you will listen with your heart and spirit.

It is never my intention to write politically. For me, it’s about love and gratitude and safety and acceptance and empathy and oneness and diversity and inclusion. It’s how I view and define humanity, and most importantly it’s the compass that I use to identify who and what can help us to become the best that we can collectively be. So if you see political overtones with my comments seeming to lean to one direction or individual or another, please know that it is not my intention to be political, but rather to describe my personal experiences and musings.

Let me share some personal reflections over the last 15 years, which are meant to be descriptive and not political. When President Obama was elected, I was not alone in feeling this great sense of hope, and sensing an opportunity for great change and the increase of communal Light. Then in 2016 I was very excited when I thought that we would have our first female president. It should come as no surprise then, to hear that these past four years have been very challenging for me, as I have witnessed the prominence of fear, hate, prejudices, and worse.

As I’ve talked with my friends, family and clients the question of what’s happening in our society comes up, and I can clearly hear these questions (voiced or not):
What’s missing?
What happened?
How can we achieve global oneness and goodness?

I thought I’d offer a small lesson on morality. Not for you to assess yourself, but to understand how morality develops. This may also help you to understand things as you listen to or watch the news.

When I studied for my master’s degree, we learned Lawrence Kohlberg’s stages of moral development:

1. Pre-conventional: Morality is externally controlled and the individual conforms in order to avoid punishment, or to receive rewards.
2. Conventional: The individual tries to support rules set by others in order to win their approval. They also want to maintain social order.
3. Post-conventional or ‘principled’: The individual is more aware of social contracts and the importance of trying to take the perspective of all individuals.

Children begin in the pre-conventional stage and move upward as they age, but there is no guarantee that just because an individual has reached adulthood that they have reached the post-conventional stage.

Recently, as I watched The Democratic convention and listened to Vice President Biden as the Democratic presidential candidate, Kamala Harris as his vice presidential candidate, and the many speeches that others made, I clearly detected Kohlberg’s post-conventional/principled level of morality. And I once again felt hope.

As I looked at Joe Biden, I saw heart and empathy and compassion. And then I watched Kamala with her paradox and juxtaposition of softness and strength. She also holds compassion, empathy and vision. I believe that Joe and Kamala are each the embodiment of the (sacred) masculine and (sacred) feminine. They are each soft and strong.

And this is why I started this article to talk about your heart. Yes I believe in the messages that Joe and Kamala are promising. But more importantly they speak to my heart. They speak to what my soul and spirit know about people and who we are and who we can be. So once again I am hopeful.

With the recent passing of Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg, I felt an acute awareness that others seem to share: Who are the current bearers of the torch of morality and goodness? Who do I now look up to? Who/what provides my moral compass? If you are asking these questions of yourself (and I hope that you are), don’t just look outward! Besides the individuals who are your role models, what inside of you has established itself for that role? Ultimately and optimally our moral compass comes from within.

I love how psychic medium John Holland described this in a recent newsletter: “While your outside world is full of uncertainty, there is one resource you can always rely on, one constant force that will throw you a lifeline and keep you afloat during these chaotic times—your Soul! Your soul is always connected to a Higher Source. (When I talk about “Source” I mean God, the Universe, or a Higher Consciousness – call it what you will.) This is the power that will move you beyond feeling trapped, constrained, unfulfilled or alone. Your soul is the most powerful force in the Universe. It’s your inner GPS system that leads you to your true purpose. It’s the wisdom that guides you through life’s biggest challenges.”

As you read posts and comments in your social media feeds and have unprecedented access to others’ beliefs and truths – let your heart process the information rather than from your mind and fear! Allow for that deep deep knowing that comes from the center of your chest – your heart space. And this heart space knows what your soul needs and will help direct you to next steps.

As Kamala Harris said in some of her final words of her candidacy acceptance speech,  “We won’t just tell our kids how we felt. We will tell them what we did!” In other words, take what you know in your heart and turn it into action. What can you do to change our societal trajectory? What can you do to return hope, compassion, empathy, and protection to all people?

Judy Lipson is a Licensed Professional Counselor and educational strategist in West Bloomfield, MI. She helps clients of all ages who have learning difficulties, work or school related anxiety, ADHD, Asperger’s Syndrome or Autism Spectrum Disorders, and those who wish to Remember and Become ‘Who You Really Are’. Contact Judy at 248.568.8665 and judylipson@spiralwisdom.net, and visit www.SpiralWisdom.net for more information.

This article is for informational purposes and is not meant to replace medical care.

By Judith E. Lipson, M.A., LPC

We humans are a funny lot. Oftentimes we appropriately complain about our situation – relationship, family, work status, coworkers, etc – and we hope that it will change. But when the opportunity for change actually arises, there is a tendency for the individual to retreat as a fear response, and continue with what is familiar.

I have been fascinated by the acceleration of change that has been taking place over the last decade or more. I have witnessed this acceleration of change in my own life, as well as in my clients’. Children and adults arrive for counseling for a particular reason, yet often learn that there is an underlying frustration or a lack of congruence between their inner self/goals and their outer actions. I help clients to align the two and to tolerate the lack of ease that they temporarily experience in the meantime.

I’ve seen many children and adults over the last few decades who are feeling a pull to something different and know that there is something more. Are you one of them? Here’s what you might be experiencing:

• You see the world differently than many others seem to.
• You feel a stirring or a quickening within.
• This quickening might leave you feeling agitated or nervous or excited or frustrated: Why is it taking so long?
• You observe the big picture, the layers, and the greater patterns.
• You recognize the need to care for or improve systems (education, healthcare, etc), or Earth herself.
• You feel incredibly frustrated by the slowness of change.

Some feel this quickening or in-congruency on a more personal level. You might not even identify that the in-congruency exists. Together we look at what is wanted, and how to receive or achieve it. These patterns may look like the following:

• You too frequently say yes when you wish or need to say no.
• You are afraid that your ideas will be ridiculed.
• You experience the world as a Sensitive – highly attuned to one or more of the five senses.
• You may be empathic – you not only feel bad for the other person (sympathy), but you can imagine yourself experiencing their feeling or situation … as they might be.
• You may have intuitive abilities, premonitions, or dreams that don’t feel like dreams.

I have been enthralled by the following observation: When people begin to recognize and understand their true, authentic self, and then develop the congruency between their inner and outer worlds, many anxiety patterns are alleviated.

Let’s talk a little more about this time of great change. Besides the observation of so many individuals who are experiencing this desire to change big patterns personally or globally (or somewhere in between), it seems that the time we are living in is accelerating and accentuating this sensation. So if you are a way-shower or change-agent in this lifetime, even if you do not yet know it, you are feeling the pull. You may have felt – though not understood – this difference since you were a child, and it’s being accentuated and accelerated in this time in which we are living. Instead of looking back in history from the future to see that it occurred, some are identifying it now. The intuitive and empathic people that I mentioned earlier are often the ones who feel it and see the signs. They may feel the changing alignments of the planets (as described by our astrologers) and/or the pull of energy that our way-showers can recognize.

A time of great change is not to be feared, even though that is our tendency. Remember, neither different nor uncomfortable is bad.

This may seem paradoxical, and for some of you it may seem uncomfortable, but find the common threads that are shared within our different faiths, ethnicities, race, gender, sexuality, political parties and views. The first common thread is that so many of us want change, and are feeling the pull at varying levels. You can feel more grounded during these times of great change through acceptance and understanding, and by seeking to live more authentically and personally empowered.

Judy Lipson is a Licensed Professional Counselor and educational strategist in West Bloomfield, MI. She helps clients of all ages who have learning difficulties, work or school related anxiety, ADHD, Asperger’s Syndrome or Autism Spectrum Disorders, and those who wish to Remember and Become ‘Who You Really Are’. Contact Judy at 248.568.8665 and judylipson@spiralwisdom.net, and visit www.SpiralWisdom.net for more information.

This article is for informational purposes and is not meant to replace medical care.

We all judge; and have our opinions on how things should be and how people should act. We get turned off if somebody acts in a way that doesn’t live up to the way we want things to be. At the end of the day we are all different and it comes down to unconditional love and acceptance. ~ Lenny Kravitz

By Judith E. Lipson, M.A., LPC

There have been many great leaders urging us to accept each other as equals. The foremost leaders for my generation were President John F Kennedy and Martin Luther King, Jr. President Kennedy said, “If we cannot end now our differences, at least we can help make the world safe for diversity”. Martin Luther King Jr’s: “I have a dream that my four children…will not be judged by the color of their skin, but by the content of their character” is still revered.

We call the United States the melting pot, yet we have been striving for more than two centuries to fully accept our diverse members. Our Declaration of Independence states that all men are created equal with the right to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. Our Constitution was written to support these inalienable rights. Yet it took a Civil War and the Emancipation Proclamation before African Americans had the right to live freely, and an additional 50 years before the 19th Amendment allowed women to vote. And still there are groups that don’t have equal rights, so the conversations continue. 

Some of our identities, like ethnicity, are handed down through generations. Other identities are ours to experience alone, and we especially feel the need for acceptance by society, family and self. If any of the three aren’t present there is a tendency to become fearful of isolation and disconnection. Fear is a powerful emotion and can lead to anger, despair and even self-loathing.

FOSTER ACCEPTANCE OF SELF:

• While you strive to be the best you can be, resist comparing yourself to others.

• Look within at the perfection of your inner being to find and then appreciate your true self.

• To avoid feelings of isolation seek those who most resemble you. You may need several different groups of people to accomplish this.

A diverse society allows us to see and understand those who don’t appear to be like us. It doesn’t require agreeing with the other or their beliefs. Rather, acceptance suggests that we look at another without fear. And avoid False Evidence Appearing Real (F.E.A.R.). Fear occurs when a person thinks that their way of existence might be threatened, and this often leads to non-acceptance, prejudice or discrimination.

Acceptance provides more than peaceful co-existence. When you accept another for who they are and allow them to be authentic, you experience a relaxed internal experience. In contrast, fear carries a lot of weight and negative energy.

The goal is to move beyond simple tolerance to celebrating the rich dimensions and differences contained within each individual and across our planet. I’m thrilled to see that many of our youth and young adults describe people’s skin color just as easily as other generations point out hair color. Though seemingly small, it’s a sign of growing acceptance.

Everyone wants to be accepted. Though tolerance is not the same, it is an acceptable mid-point in the process. Here’s how you can foster acceptance:

• Help others to find the similarities between self and other rather than focusing on the differences.

• Remember that differences don’t imply inferiority, even if someone is viewed as minority.

• Provide opportunities for children and adults to meet people who are not like themselves. This can include skin color, ethnic heritage, faith traditions, physical or cognitive differences, clothing styles, etc.

• Acknowledge the risk that another person takes to be their honest self, and the additional risks that they take to be seen authentically.

• Connect with another’s emotional pain, and experience the empathy that can be felt for another.

• Teach children, and encourage adults, to look at people’s character and not their appearance.

• Advocate for the rights of all people.

Fear creates separation, and this impacts your sense of well-being and peace. Additionally, fear can sabotage your own happiness or lead to the prejudice of others. Strive to see another’s true self and be cognizant of your own insecurities. This is the time for us to come together to make life better for ourselves and all of humanity.

Judy Lipson is a Licensed Professional Counselor and educational strategist in West Bloomfield. She helps clients of all ages who have learning difficulties; work or school related anxiety; ADHD; Asperger’s Syndrome or Autism Spectrum Disorders; and those who wish to Remember and Become Who You Really Are. Contact Judy at 248.568.8665 and judylipson@spiralwisdom.net, and visit www. SpiralWisdom.net for more information.

Published in MY Magazine August 2013