By Judith E. Lipson, M.A., LPC

Many of you are finding yourselves encountering corona fatigue – tired of managing protocols, social distancing and the many features of social isolation that have been brought about by this pandemic. And with no complete let-up in sight, folks are tired of continuing the protocols that they had found themselves maintaining just days or weeks ago. You, on the other hand, may be an individual who has decided that you still want to maintain certain protocols, and are feeling out-voted or shamed for maintaining your beliefs and practices.

Additionally, many citizens are experiencing a sense of instability, because not only are you dealing with the pandemic, but also the sense of insecurity when observing the seeming collapse (or major changes) to various systems and prior beliefs. For some this is observed, for others of you this is day-to-day living.

We are watching as society asks the necessary questions that could lead to changes in our health-care, insurance and educational systems, and the effect that all this is having on our jobs, businesses, and the economy. We, in the United States, are also being asked to assess the ways that people of color, women, and under-represented individuals have been, and currently are, being treated. Regardless of which “side” you see yourself on, these occurrences can really rock one’s center, further leading to a sense of instability.

These are hard times. And we are reminded frequently, just living through this, of how this is unprecedented.

During conversations regarding these situations, I have encouraged my clients to look within for their stability:

• What are the values that you hold in importance?
• What are the practices that you deem vital?

Years ago I heard author Carolyn Myss discuss the roots of peer expectations. Just as a school of fish swim together to feel protected by their numbers (indeed, only the outer ones are most likely to be eaten), so too do people tend to want to be like the group and not stick out. And according to her, this begins with the teachings by our family of origin. However, societal practices actually evolve by thinking differently than others, and exploring these new ideas.

Are you willing to be different from your pod? What experiences have you already had standing amongst others who hold differing viewpoints? A few months ago I read Brené Brown’s Braving the Wilderness.  She writes about the importance of allowing yourself to stand in the wilderness (feeling alone and unprotected), while holding to your beliefs and values. This doesn’t have to be a raucous or threatening stand, and one needn’t feel threatened either. Standing in the wilderness means believing in something enough to allow yourself to feel vulnerable, and not be deterred by others’ actions or words. The result is that you experience your own power – your own stability – and are less likely to need to look outside yourself for your security.

I hope that you will consider these words and practices as you navigate these turbulent times. Remember, you needn’t always look outside yourself. Your stability is within you.

Judy Lipson is a Licensed Professional Counselor and educational strategist in West Bloomfield, MI. She helps clients of all ages who have learning difficulties, work or school related anxiety, ADHD, Asperger’s Syndrome or Autism Spectrum Disorders, and those who wish to Remember and Become ‘Who You Really Are’. Contact Judy at 248.568.8665 and judylipson@spiralwisdom.net, and visit www.SpiralWisdom.net for more information.

This article is for informational purposes and is not meant to replace medical care.

By Judith E. Lipson, M.A., LPC

Many professionals describe resilience as the ability of a child or individual to respond successfully to their life’s challenges.

Do you know people who have faced repeated adversity yet live a happy, successful life? People who come to mind include Holocaust survivor Elie Wiesel, Oprah (poverty and abuse) and child abuse survivor Dave Pelzer (author of A Child Called It). Resiliency is an individual’s ability to cope with stress and adversity by bouncing back. Though often assumed to be a magic trait that you have or you don’t, it is now recognized as something that can be developed.

And right now, during the novel coronavirus pandemic, people are talking about resilience with regularity.

The following are appropriate for you or your children:

• Develop your decision-making skills, assertiveness, independence, impulse control, and problem solving.
• Have a sense of humor. Laugh in the face of adversity by enjoying funny jokes and movies.
• Improve your confidence by acknowledging what you are good at and valuing your self-worth.
• Increase your coping resources such as nutrition, exercise and meditation to reduce stress as well as increase resilience.
• Share your troubles with friends and professionals for solutions, resources and perspective.
• Be grateful for what you do have and appreciate the simple things in life.
• Take action, no matter how small.
• Be of service to others. Happiness and well-being are enhanced when you engage in an act of kindness.

Recognize that most of life’s hardships are temporary. When you can’t change something outside yourself, even a life-changing event can be viewed differently by changing your internal response to the event.

Avoid catastrophizing. See situations for what they are. Byron Katie, founder of The Work, which is a method of self-inquiry, guides people through these four questions to confront their beliefs:

• Is it true?
• Can you absolutely know that it’s true?
• How do you react, what happens, when you believe that thought?
• Who would you be without the thought?

Resiliency allows you to interact with the environment that is present. Some family members try to protect loved ones from all discomfort and hardship, but the goal is to learn to reduce your unproductive responses while developing tolerance for what remains.

Allow the uncomfortable emotions to be present with your other feelings. Don’t allow the “negative” emotion to overwhelm you into believing that it is the only one present. For instance, you can say, “I’m sad about this and I’m grateful for that.”

Find your courage to be aware of and feel the emotion that you are avoiding. Eckhart Tolle, author of A New Earth,says to look at the pain as an opportunity to learn and problem solve. Tolle explains the tendency to run away from uncomfortable feelings; he encourages people to develop the habit of moving toward the pain. You probably don’t realize that the process of running from your pain – avoidance, alcohol, excessive work, computer games, or OCD rituals – actually produces more problems than remaining still to look at what you are avoiding. These negative behaviors never really work and typically create their own harmful effects. The next time you have a desire to begin an avoidant behavior, take a breath and allow yourself to see what you nearly avoided. When you look at it for what it really is, it’s not nearly as frightening as what you thought and your accomplishment will feel great.

Learn to go with the flow. I love the analogy of water flowing in a stream. When water encounters a rock, it doesn’t bang against it repeatedly screaming, “Why are you always in my way?” Instead, water flows around the rock.

Resilient people expect to bounce back, and they also realize that they can often influence outcome. When you can’t influence your external world, you can still influence your inner thoughts. Looking at life from a greater perspective is like looking at a tapestry. The back of that tapestry has knots and threads that represent the life that you live day to day. When looking at the front of the tapestry you can see the whole, the greater perspective.

Trauma therapists recognize the impact of Adverse Childhood Effects (ACEs) on an individual’s ability to recover from a subsequent trauma; and recently the medical community has acknowledged the effect of ACEs on long-term health. Rather than seeing this as a sentence for negative consequences, recognize the importance to address your history and release these traumas. And know that ANY person (not just the parents/caregivers) can become the stable person in that individual’s life, the one who provides the anchor and stability for them to rise above adversity.

It was once believed that resiliency was something you had to be born with, that happiness came from good luck, and those individuals who lived through challenging circumstances and events were destined for additional life drama and a life seen through pessimistic eyes. Not true! Don’t focus on your risk factors; resiliency is based on your ability to bounce back. Develop yours now and live life and your dreams with optimism.

Judy Lipson is a Licensed Professional Counselor and educational strategist in West Bloomfield, MI. She helps clients of all ages who have learning difficulties, work or school related anxiety, ADHD, Asperger’s Syndrome or Autism Spectrum Disorders, and those who wish to Remember and Become ‘Who You Really Are’. Contact Judy at 248.568.8665 and judylipson@spiralwisdom.net, and visit www.SpiralWisdom.net for more information.

This article is for informational purposes and is not meant to replace medical care.

By Judith E. Lipson, M.A., LPC

The challenge: For generations we have run from the stillness and the silence. Though many of us have been able to enjoy the occasional “quiet” that nature can provide, the majority of people feel threatened when encountering any stillness or silence because of their own inner noise. This inner chatter can be deafening due to the quality of the chatter: There is an inordinate amount of judgment. The judgment towards other people is bad enough, especially for those who really do wish to be compassionate towards others, but the inner judgment that is directed to oneself is frightening and damaging.

Why is it that we condemn ourselves at every turn and with every possibility? Sometimes when you look back at your history you can see how the patterns were established within your family. You can also see the patterns that have been established and perpetuated from our society, including the belief that we live in a world of scarcity. We have each been led to believe that there truly is not enough to go around. We think that if you have something then I will not have enough. We think that if you have toilet paper (chuckle), then there won’t be enough for me. And it isn’t just the tangible items that we feel we need to collect. This also applies to the other aspects of our life that are so important, like freedom, power, comfort and love.

The opportunity: Production and movement have slowed. The world is quieter. News clips, from before re-opening, showed empty roads with a solitary pedestrian or car. Folks in faraway communities have been talking about the ability to see the sky and the land. I read that there’s a section of the Himalayas that is suddenly visible from a far away city, and multiple cities that had been beleaguered by pollution are now viewing clearer skies.

If you’ve been fortunate to recognize the good news during this pandemic, you can see and hear the signs of people who are transforming. The compassion for our fellow man is present. Like those before us who have been called to the front lines of a war to protect their families and community, our own front-liners have stepped forward. These are of course our healthcare workers and first-responders who put their families and their own lives on the line every day to protect each of us. But the lesser-known acts of service are also apparent: I read of an animal shelter that managed to find homes for every pet. There are people who are dealing with their own financial or food insecurity who are helping to support those who are less fortunate. I am also deeply moved by the various agencies and companies that are now collaborating together in an unprecedented way to find solutions and cures for us all.

When I see these stories I know I am witnessing the shift. Even if it may be slow, I am seeing evidence of those individuals and groups who recognize the abundance that is available for each of us, and the beauty that occurs when we place ourselves in a position to share. I realize that some of my readers are not feeling financially secure right now. And it’s hard to imagine giving anything when one is financially insecure. I encourage you to remember that not all giving need be financial. You can give time to another (even virtually). You can also give compassion, and love.

This time of stillness is providing many opportunities for change. If you are fortunate enough to have time that you didn’t previously have, look at your possibilities. What activities did you not have time for previously? I have regular video calls with my out-of-state friends and colleagues. Recently I received a call from an out-of-state cousin that I haven’t seen or spoken to for years. There’s even time to learn something that has always been of interest. (I have increased my yoga practice, and just started voice lessons). What are you longing to try? With whom do you want to (re)connect?

I also encourage you to use this time to evaluate who you are and what you desire. Realize that over the course of our lives it is natural to self-reflect, and thus determine what is important to us? We all did this as children and adolescents when we determined which of our parents’ and society’s beliefs were the ones that we wanted in our own lives rather than blindly following those messages that came from those before us. What we sometimes do not know or recognize is that you do this repeatedly as adults. What values, activities, and relationships reveal who you are? To assist this quest, you might try these questions by Deepak Chopra:

• Who am I?
• What do I want?
• What is my purpose?
• What am I grateful for?

Embrace the opportunity to review and reflect on who you are and who you want to be. Give it time, and make this a no-judgment-zone. Trusted mentors and professionals can assist you so as to not jump back into judgment, or to run back into the inner and outer noise, away from your potential. Learn how to embrace the inner stillness. Learn how to return to love.

Judy Lipson is a Licensed Professional Counselor and educational strategist in West Bloomfield, MI. She helps clients of all ages who have learning difficulties, work or school related anxiety, ADHD, Asperger’s Syndrome or Autism Spectrum Disorders, and those who wish to Remember and Become ‘Who You Really Are’. Contact Judy at 248.568.8665 and judylipson@spiralwisdom.net, and visit www.SpiralWisdom.net for more information.

This article is for informational purposes and is not meant to replace medical care.