By Judith E. Lipson, M.A., LPC 

It seems that everyone I was talking to, or reading on social media, was focused on the completion of 2020 and the hopefulness for better days! In December, I had a conversation with a client about navigating the unknown. She pointed out to me that there can be a myriad of possibilities of outcomes (that can be viewed through the lens of acceptance, curiosity, and even willingness). At the time I don’t think either of us imagined that we would see such a stark difference of possibilities within the span of two weeks in January.

Like you, I was glued to the news (print and TV) on January 6 when the insurrection at the Capitol in DC occurred. I was frightened not only for all those in Congress on that day, but also of the realization of how our democracy had become so fragile.

There was a lot of news in the next days, but let me jump ahead two weeks to January 20, Inauguration Day. Everything related to the inauguration of President Joe Biden and Vice President Kamala Harris filled me with hope:

• Their demeanor
• President Biden’s speech
• The presence of three previous presidents and a vice president, representing BOTH parties
• The outgoing vice president’s participation in the United States’ democratic process of the peaceful transfer of power
• The many entertainers who honored the events
• THAT SPEECH by our youngest poet laureate, Amanda Gorman
• The many firsts: South Asian descent, female, Jewish, Second Gentleman, etc.
• The virtual celebratory inaugural activities that included messages of hope, inclusion, science, caring for each other, and amazing and pertinent lyrics
• Those in attendance following the necessary protocols to minimize the spread of COVID-19
• And the fact that it all occurred safely!

Now let’s talk about the entirety of this time. As I read metaphysical blogs and journals, I am reminded of a concept that I have shared with you in previous articles: In order for us to achieve Oneness and compassion for all, we need to make visible all that is not aligned with those concepts so that those issues can be revealed and addressed. Boy, were they ever revealed on January 6! In those intervening weeks leading to the inauguration, the news shared stories of arrests, the involvement of many individuals of varied social and political significance, and the misinformation and disinformation of the previous years.

As the truths were being revealed, there was a significant contingent of followers who still thought that everything would be dismantled at the inauguration. After the inauguration I read articles quoting tweets and comments on social media that these followers were writing during the event. It was quite fascinating. They still thought that there would be arrests of all the presidents who were present that day. They still believed that violence would reign on the event. As these things didn’t happen their social media messages changed. They were shocked and aghast. They had believed the promises, and they thought the promises were for them. They were frustrated, hurt and angry. They expressed feeling lied to and betrayed, and as I read their responses, I could hear their disorientation.

As I acknowledged their disorientation, I recognized a new possibility, re-orienting! Now is a great opportunity to orient them (back) towards hope, optimism, empathy, compassion, Oneness, and the Light. If this is of interest to you, and you know some of these previously disillusioned folks (a family member, colleague, neighbor, etc.), I encourage you to read the blogs of author, social science researcher, and empathy pioneer Karla McLaren. She has been writing specifically about cults – how they happen, how to support your loved ones who have gotten hooked, and how to potentially bring them out.  Everything that I read, and even stories on the news tell of the importance of trying to stay in contact with these folks so there is less likelihood of them being drawn back to their previous group, or into a variance of what they currently seem willing to leave. Maybe we can help them to see hope in a different type of outcome.

For guidance in this process read the aforementioned blogs by Karla McLaren and watch this four minute video with Dr. Dennis Tirch, founder of The Center for Compassion Focused Therapy. He explains that “compassion is the sensitivity to the presence of suffering and the willingness to do something about it”. He additionally suggests the following belief: “I wish for their suffering to cease and I wish for the suffering that they are causing to cease.” He goes on to point out that there is nurturing compassion and there is also strong, protective compassion.

I believe in Hope! It was so lovely to feel hope on Inauguration Day. As I watched the last event on Wednesday evening, and saw our new leaders at the Lincoln Memorial looking out toward the Washington Monument with fireworks illuminating the sky, I breathed in the day’s events and felt relief and hope wash over me. I openly cried tears of relief and spoke aloud, “It’s been a really long four years!!!” You may have felt similarly.

During my life I have fought against all kinds of prejudice, bullying and inequities. In these last years they were not only visible but supported. I’m glad that those who tried to take down our democracy no longer have representation in our highest office, but this mindset is still in our government and they are in our midst. So now though I feel hopeful, I will be mindful to not become complacent.

I will BE hopeful AND vigilant.
I will BE hopeful AND insist on respectable behavior in my presence.
I will BE hopeful AND have my own voice and actions stand for integrity, authenticity, and compassion for all.

How about you? What will you BE?

Judy Lipson is a Licensed Professional Counselor and educational strategist in West Bloomfield, MI. She helps clients of all ages who have learning difficulties, work or school related anxiety, ADHD, Asperger’s Syndrome or Autism Spectrum Disorders, and those who wish to Remember and Become ‘Who You Really Are’. Contact Judy at 248.568.8665 and judylipson@spiralwisdom.net, and visit www.JudyLipson.com for more information.

This article is for informational purposes and is not meant to replace medical care.

Which are you? The answer might surprise you.

By Judith E. Lipson, M.A., LPC

Society understood introverts and extroverts simply. Those who were outgoing and comfortable in social situations were called extroverts. Those who were shy and reserved were deemed introverted. Interestingly, Carl Jung, who first talked about introverts and extroverts in the early 1900s, did not intend that people would be one or the other. He recognized it as a continuum.

During my childhood and early adulthood years, I identified myself as an introvert. It was not a description that I recognized approvingly because others led me to believe that this was not the best way to be. In my mid-adult years, I noticed that I was far more comfortable with people – 1:1 or in groups. I wasn’t certain why this changed, but I recognized that I was not the same person I had been. I began to consider myself more an extrovert and was pleased with the change since societal belief, along with my own discomfort, had led me to believe that extroverts were the proper way to be. How sad that this judgment of introverts/extroverts seems to have habitually continued to this day.

Is any part of my story like yours?

A new recognition of myself has emerged in recent years. I wonder, do you note this familiarity? I still find myself loving the company of others, but I often feel a great need to be alone. It all made sense a few years ago when I read a new (not exactly new, it was what Jung was saying all along) description of introverts and extroverts. The terms introvert and extrovert don’t describe your comfort level or involvement with others, but rather your method for recharging your mind and spirit. Introverts recharge alone, extroverts recharge with other people. With that in mind, how would you describe yourself? Do you want or need quiet after a stressful experience? When you have been with a crowd of people, do you crave solitude or silence? Do you desire the companionship of others to re-energize?

Are you a Sensitive? If you are, then you receive substantial input through visual, auditory, tactile, smell, and emotions during everyday activities. What that means is that it’s common for you to need ‘downtime’, therefore appearing like an introvert. This is not a bad or good thing, but it is important to know if this is who you are. When you are aware of your needs you will have less judgment about your actions. When you release these judgments, you can accept your true self and provide adequate self-care since you will no longer be fighting against your truest inclinations. Self-care means that you realize when you need to take downtime. Plan for it and don’t be embarrassed by it. Accept it.

As youths, introverts can seem invisible and therefore overlooked, or appear weak, and thus become vulnerable to bullying. Introverts reflect on new information at length and react relatively slowly. Extroverts are geared more for action, so they reflect and react at nearly the same time. This difference may lead introverts to be judged, or judge themselves, for not responding quickly enough. Extroverts often have a higher activity level, and their quicker processing and willingness to volunteer may make them stand out socially and academically.

As a result, in the workplace, extroverts are more likely to volunteer for multiple committees, be more social, and take on leadership roles. They may overpower certain clients or colleagues who try to keep things “strictly business”, and they can burnout due to over commitment. Introverts often prefer to work in solitude and can get angry if interrupted. They may wait for an assignment to be refused by others before stepping up. In leadership positions, introverts can utilize their impressive concentration and problem-solving skills, providing detailed, well thought-out plans. They make good diplomats since they are observing from a distance and can remain emotionally uninvolved.

It is important to realize that neither introvert nor extrovert is better than the other. Know who you are and honor your temperament. Recognize, understand, accept and support who you are to experience a greater sense of peace in your life.

SUPPORTING INTROVERTS:

• Respect their privacy
• Privately reprimand or teach new skills
• Let them observe new situations
• Provide thinking time and don’t interrupt
• Offer transition time and notifications
• Encourage one similar best friend and don’t force more
• Don’t try to make them an extrovert

CARING FOR EXTROVERTS:

• Respect their independence
• Compliment publicly
• Accept and encourage enthusiasm
• Understand when they are busy
• Let them dive right in

Judy Lipson is a Licensed Professional Counselor and educational strategist in West Bloomfield, MI. She helps clients of all ages who have learning difficulties; work or school related anxiety; ADHD; Asperger’s Syndrome or Autism Spectrum Disorders; and those who wish to Remember and Become Who You Really Are. Contact Judy at 248.568.8665 and judylipson@spiralwisdom.net, and visit www. SpiralWisdom.net for more information.

Cyber bullying can result in anxiety, depression, social withdrawal, absenteeism and lower grades. 

By Judith E. Lipson, M.A., LPC

There are too many children who feel inadequate and have low self-esteem as a result of bullying by their peers. As society recognizes the need for effective intervention, bullying has become even more menacing because of technology.

Cyber bullies use emails, text messages or social networking posts to send an inappropriate or vicious statement which then spreads rapidly to numerous people. Sometimes a student sends a private message or picture to another thinking it was safely sent to a friend, but in the wrong hands it can intentionally or accidentally be forwarded and, suddenly, one recipient becomes hundreds. Cyber bullying can even involve sexting – sending a sexually suggestive or explicit message or picture via text message.

Some adults have made light of cyber bullying since it is not face-to-face. But for many adolescents, their Internet world is as real and as important to their social lives as school. And the effect is greater than for earlier generations when the awareness of a bullying episode was limited to the observers present in the hallway, or those who learned later by word-of-mouth.

Victims of bullying experience distrust, humiliation, embarrassment, fear and sometimes physical discomfort. The apparent anonymity of the bully in cyberspace increases the fearful experience for the victim who feels there is no place that can be considered a safe haven since the cyber world removes restrictions of time and place. Even at home (once considered sacred space) there is the potential for 24-hour victimization, where the victim might relive the bullying over and over.

Anonymity also increases the boldness as well as the type of perpetrator. Since there are no immediate consequences, the bully may be more ruthless because the negative impacts of his or her actions are not seen. You also see students who would not normally be suspected of bullying, including prior victims, who do things they would not do without the cloak of anonymity.

You can help your child to not be a victim of bullying by allowing your child to handle life’s small challenges. Provide instruction because many children require explicit lessons to know what to do. These life experiences develop a sense of competency and empowerment in your child, which will help him or her to not become a victim or a bully. If you want to work with your child on empowerment and assertiveness, see Empower Your Child.

Other ways to protect your child is to understand the technology so you can recognize a problem when it occurs. Monitor your child’s Facebook, phone and Twitter accounts.

If your child is a victim of bullying, take it seriously. Create a safe haven by removing the visual or audible reminders. Computer and/or phone use may need to be closely monitored. Help your child focus on current activities. Staying in the present reduces stress and fear. Breath work and meditation can assist. Encourage movement (exercise, dance, yoga, etc) to shift the emotions and help them to not get locked in the body. Bring family and true friends around to counter your child’s sense of isolation. Seek out professional assistance if the experience and subsequent emotions interfere with activities – sleep, school attendance, nutrition or safety.

Addressing and reducing bullying is important. Research has shown that the fear, social anxiety, shame, low self-esteem, and anger that bullying causes can affect a person throughout adulthood, often at crucial moments, causing individuals who were once bullied to stick with easy, safe or defensive choices instead of those that might be most beneficial. Victims of childhood bullying also often experience depression, anger or aggression in adulthood.

The kids who are being bullied often lack the self-esteem and confidence to let adults know what’s happening. They also worry that turning in a tormentor will intensify the level of bullying. Talk to your kids about bullying, just as you have the drug talk or the drunk-driving talk. Most parents don’t directly address this topic, perhaps because they hesitate to think it’s an issue for their kids. And if your child is accused of the bullying, address it as you would any other unacceptable behaviors.

Many children who are bullied are from a different culture, a different socioeconomic group or have a disability. Expose your children to differences, and model understanding, acceptance and friendship.

Let’s recognize the consequences of all types of bullying and reduce its occurrence in schools and in our communities. We need to develop more safe zones. I take responsibility to be respectful in my interactions and to expect the same of those around me. I hope you will too.

Judy Lipson is a Licensed Professional Counselor and educational strategist in West Bloomfield. She helps clients of all ages who have learning difficulties; work or school related anxiety; ADHD; Asperger’s Syndrome or Autism Spectrum Disorders; and those who wish to Remember and Become Who You Really Are. Contact Judy at 248.568.8665 and judylipson@spiralwisdom.net, and visit www. SpiralWisdom.net for more information.

By Judith E. Lipson, M.A., LPC

Some children encounter bullying. It is right for parents to be sure that schools and other organizations take precautions to educate and protect children from bullying behaviors. It is also important for parents to teach children how to handle bullies and bullying.

I have taught many children and adults empowerment skills. The first step in the process is a discussion of why others bully. Typically bullies are individuals who are fearful or sad. Sadness and fear can become anger, and for some individuals it turns into aggression. Some bullies learn the behavior because other family members have bullied them.Understanding the reasons for bullying can provide understanding and compassion for the bully, but your child still needs to know what to do! These techniques can be taught to children of all ages. The words can be varied as needed.

Posture:

• First, teach your child how to sit tall. Model it for them. Show them what it looks like to hold the head up, chin level with the ground, looking straight ahead, shoulders down away from the ears.
• Breathe from the power center (this is at your solar plexus – just above the navel).
• Now move this to a standing position. Demonstrate for them again. Stand tall, shoulders down. Be comfortable, not rigid and stiff. Play with the movement and the posture. Breathe into it again.
• Now practice feeling the difference. Invite them to slouch forward, looking down, shoulders forward. How does this feel? Now bring it upright again and breathe. FEEL THE DIFFERENCE?
• Walk with this posture. Stand with this posture. Sit with this posture.
• A child who looks strong, feels strong internally, too. The child who feels strong, looks strong to others. This child is not likely to be bullied.

Words:

• Teach your child about his/her assertive, big voice. Use your big voice. Let them hear the difference between a big voice and a meek or whiny voice. (Explain also how this is not an aggressive voice.) Practice with your child: “Leave me alone.” “Stop that now.” Be silly. Make it fun.
• Teach your child the importance of short, concise messages, and that it is important to deliver the message and then turn or walk away. Don’t turn away in a huff, or with a threatening manner. Just turn or walk away. Too many children wait to be heard and want to have their message validated. Would you really expect the following from the bully? “Oh my goodness; no one ever explained it that way before. Thank you so much. I’ll never bother you again.” NO. Move away.

Bystanders:

• Your child has a responsibility to help and protect others.
• Teach your child to use their big voice and clear statements to help others.
• Help the victim to get away.

Reporting:

When children can only rely on others to stop the bully and to provide protection, they feel less empowered. It is important that they learn to stand up to the bully. But sometimes it is a dangerous situation, or a bully who will not stop after several strong messages. Then children should be taught to report the bully to a trusted adult who will intervene. And if that person does not validate your child or get involved, tell them to find another adult who will.

Protection:

• Only become physical to the degree that it is necessary to LEAVE.
• As soon as you can get away, do so.
• Report the situation immediately.

When you teach your child empowerment you teach them to respect themselves and others. You also prepare them for healthy friendships and relationships. It is never too early, or too late, to teach these lessons. Play with the lessons; begin today.

I am available for additional strategies to assist you or your child. I also teach these skills to groups – of all ages.

Judy Lipson is a Licensed Professional Counselor and educational strategist in West Bloomfield. She helps clients of all ages who have learning difficulties; work or school related anxiety; ADHD; Asperger’s Syndrome or Autism Spectrum Disorders; and those who wish to Remember and Become Who You Really Are. Contact Judy at 248.568.8665 and judylipson@spiralwisdom.net, and visit www. SpiralWisdom.net for more information.

Published in Metro You Magazine, February 2011