By Judith E. Lipson, M.A., LPC

Neurodiversity is on the rise and Einstein is quoted as saying: “We cannot solve our problems with the same thinking we used when we created them”. I hope that this increase in numbers will help bring about the changes that I see needed in so many of our systems.

This article will focus on individuals on the autism spectrum, probably the most recognized neurodiverse group, who hold many promising traits to help our society move forward toward peace. Here is what I tend to see that makes me hopeful:

• When describing the right brain, Jill Bolte Taylor explained that it does not distinguish between self and other. So too are those on the spectrum likely to recognize the energy shared between self and others. Many parents describe their children as having the ability to know things about other peoples’ bodies or health. Even non-verbal kids may walk over to complete strangers and point to, or touch, a certain body part that is known to be (then or in the future as) pregnant, painful, or diseased.
• They have a tendency to express themselves authentically, with integrity and honesty, as opposed to using judgement. (Mommy that man is fat is an observational statement and not meant to carry judgement.)
• They most often have a well-developed ability to see the word visually, which provides a different vantage point for understanding and finding solutions.
• They have an ability to look at patterns, without boredom or tedium, to isolate accuracies and inaccuracies.

I know that there are other strengths in the autism community, and I hope that you will share them with me to then share with others.

There’s a famous (and very true) saying that “if you meet one person with autism, you have met ONE person with autism”. It reminds us that while there are many similarities that lead to diagnosis, or recognition, every individual is unique. This is why autism is recognized as a spectrum disorder.

Many individuals still think of autistics as non-verbal children or adults who rock and flap their hands. While these folks are still a part of the autistic community, there is a significant number of higher-functioning autistics. These individuals used to be identified with the diagnosis of Asperger’s Syndrome, but that terminology is no longer recognized and was merged into the general ASD (autism spectrum disorder) diagnosis in the DSM-5 ten years ago. Since this is a spectrum disorder, there are many individuals who fall within and in-between.

Most of the students that I worked with as an educator, and the clients that I work with now (pre-school through adulthood), are on the higher-functioning end of the spectrum. In addition to the standard developmental and personal topics that come with being human, my focus with them tends to be independent living skills, socialization, and work or school successes.

Society and our systems have failed to provide sufficient and adequate resources to give these higher-functioning individuals in the autism community the chances and the resources to be their best, most successful selves. This ultimately puts a drain on our financial resources as well as limiting our society’s growth potential. (Remember Einstein?)

And what about the more profoundly impacted members of the autism community? Once they age out of the educational community (20-21 in most states, 26 in Michigan) there just aren’t enough resources to care for them. As a result, many parents, especially those of the more profoundly impaired, never “retire” from their job of active parenting. What happens when they are too old to properly care for these adult children with their many needs? I recently watched a documentary called Beyond, which highlighted the difficulties that parents of non-verbal, dysregulated, adult children experience. It highlights the need for residential communities that are designed to recognize, understand, and properly address the sensory, communication, medical, and emotional needs of adults who are unable to live independently. These parents need emotional, financial, respite, medical/dental, and care-giving assistance.

Autism awareness and acceptance moves us to take care of each member of our community: the child, the student, the worker, the adult, and their family members.

And what of Einstein (who is believed to be on the autism spectrum)? When I meet with my neuro-diverse clients, I find that they desire a world of acceptance where all people display integrity and honesty and where there is deep caring for each other. It may not always sound or look like it to those of us who are neuro-typical (NT), but that is because most NTs only know how to see the world through their own limiting, fearful, and judgmental filters. This is why I write, speak, and do my work. My goal is to expand NTs’ understanding to better recognize everyone’s needs as well as their gifts.

It’s time for a new way. I invite you to get to know the autism community even if there is no one that you can get to know personally. (By the way, it is VERY likely that you already know someone, but don’t realize that they are on the spectrum!) Fortunately, there are other ways. Try:

• The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time by Mark Haddon (fiction, but I found it very realistic, and parents and professionals have loved it)
• Born on a Blue Day: Inside the Extraordinary Mind of an Autistic Savant by Daniel Tammet
• The Reason I Jump: The Inner Voice of a Thirteen Year Old Boy with Autism by non-verbal author Naoki Higashida
• Blogs or books by Rudy Simone and many other autistic writers
• com (“take it from us, we’ve lived it”)
• Temple Grandin’s My Life in Pictures (book or movie)
• Ron Suskind’s Life Animated: A Story of Sidekicks, Heroes, and Autism (book or movie)
• The Spark: A Mother’s Story of Nurturing, Genius, and Autism by Kristine Barnett
• Look Me in the Eye: My Life with Asperger’s by John Elder Robison

Now that you know a little more, consider asking yourself the following questions:

• What else do I need to know?
• How can I help?
• Is there a system that I can help to create, or to support financially or in another manner to facilitate better access for:
  • career/jobs access
  • affordable living accommodations
  • skill building
  • family support
  • respite care
  • educational support (K-12 and into adulthood)
  • appropriate dental and medical care that recognizes the special challenges of treating individuals with highly reactive sensory systems (think tastes, textures, lighting, medical instruments, difficulties with transitions, language barriers, etc.)

It is incumbent on each of us to change the experience for us all. This article has focused on our opportunity to get to know those on the autism spectrum so that they and their families can have an easier experience and be able to live independently when possible. My hope is that someday the qualities that lead to an autism diagnosis will be talked about in terms of strengths and challenges (we all have them!), and that we will interact with this community with understanding, strategies, supports, accommodations, and appropriate placements for the success of every individual.

Judy Lipson is a Licensed Professional Counselor and educational strategist in West Bloomfield, MI. She helps clients of all ages who have learning difficulties, work or school related anxiety, ADHD, Asperger’s Syndrome or Autism Spectrum Disorders, and those who wish to Remember and Become ‘Who You Really Are’. Contact Judy at 248.568.8665 and judylipson@spiralwisdom.net, and visit www.JudyLipson.com for more information.

This article is for informational purposes and is not meant to replace medical care.

By Judith E. Lipson, M.A., LPC

I hope that one of the reasons that you follow my work is to continue to understand various ‘differences’ from a more expansive view. This article is about autism. It’s when we understand the “why” of something that we can truly learn to accept it for what it is. Autism is not a condition to cure, but rather it is a series of conditions that causes or allows the individual to interact with their inner and outer environment differently. Sometimes this brings about challenges, but that’s most frequently due to our rigid societal expectations and assumptions. Let’s all learn to recognize the aspects, and see the gifts that are part of this spectrum, so that we no longer view it as a “disorder”.

Q:  What is autism?
A:  Autism isn’t one condition. It’s a collection of related conditions that are so intertwined and so impossible to pick apart, that professionals have stopped trying. If you only check one or two boxes, then they don’t call it autism, they call it something else. Here’s a graphic of the various aspects. Remember that autism is a spectrum condition. Some individuals with autism (sometimes referred to as autistics) have less of one of these issues, or it may no longer be apparent. According to the DSM-5, autism is a life-long condition that can ease in intensity and life-challenging ways, but it doesn’t go away. And remember: If you’ve met one person with autism, then you’ve met ONE person with autism.

Q:  Is the person ‘an individual with autism’ or ‘autistic’?
A:  That’s actually a good question and you will get differing responses. Initially we referred to these folks as autistics. Then perspectives about disabilities changed and it was considered most appropriate to see them as individuals who are not defined by autism, but rather who have autism (recognizing that they have many other facets to define them). I work with a lot of folks on the spectrum, from many age groups, and am frequently told that they recognize how autism informs their daily lives, and thus very positively and proudly define themselves as autistic (along with their other descriptors of spouse, parent, employee, artist, writer, etc.)

Q:  I hear that it is harder to identify girls and women on the spectrum.
A:  It does seem to be more difficult since females present differently than males.

All the literature, clients that I talk to, and my experiences with my own clients acknowledge that recognizing and diagnosing autism in those who are born female can be more challenging. Some believe it’s because many girls seem to intrinsically find it easier to mimic peers as well as others’ socialization. Additionally, they are less likely to have the same types of areas of interests as their male counterparts, so their identity on the spectrum is less recognized.

My intention in this section is to provide you with a variety of links that can better inform you. I hope you find this information beneficial. I encourage you to reach out with questions, and to let me know about any professionals that you have met who are adept at diagnosing ASD in the AFAB (assigned female at birth) population.

From the article, Why Do Many Autistic Girls Go Undiagnosed? by the Child Mind Institute: “Autism is a developmental disorder that is marked by two unusual kinds of behaviors: deficits in communication and social skills, and restricted or repetitive behaviors. Children with autism also often have sensory processing issues. But here’s the hitch, according to Susan F. Epstein, PhD, a clinical neuropsychologist. ‘The model that we have for a classic autism diagnosis has really turned out to be a male model. That’s not to say that girls don’t ever fit it, but girls tend to have a quieter presentation, with not necessarily as much of the repetitive and restricted behavior, or it shows up in a different way.’ Stereotypes may get in the way of recognition. ‘So where the boys are looking at train schedules, girls might have excessive interest in horses or unicorns, which is not unexpected for girls,’ Dr. Epstein notes. ‘But the level of the interest might be missed and the level of oddity can be a little more damped down. It’s not quite as obvious to an untrained eye.’ She adds that as the spectrum has grown, it’s gotten harder to diagnose less-affected boys as well.”

In the article: Autism is Still Under-Diagnosed in Girls and Women, they propose four ways testing should change: “From an autistic woman’s perspective, the diagnostic assessments need rethinking:

• they should consider autistic strengths and not focus solely on deficits and impairments. Sometimes autism isn’t considered because of the presence of strengths
• they should incorporate the common lived experiences of autistic women. These have now been well-documented by autistic women, many with successful careers and yet areas of difficulty
• the differences between the presentation of autism in females and males should be reflected in the diagnostic criteria
• autistic people should be included in the design and content of diagnostic tests.”

Why Camouflage Autism? specifically talks about a female’s potential for camouflaging their autism.

Developing a Positive Sense of Identity by Dr. Michelle Garnett explains more about spectrum women developing a positive identity and includes many insights to recognizing ASD in females. It also discusses the benefits of identifying it earlier, as well as the uniqueness of having ASD as a woman.

Autistic Women in the Workplace provides guidance to identify one’s career, and to recognize greater understanding of the special challenges as well as the special gifts that autistic women (or women with autism) can provide. Gifts can include leadership skills, teamwork, communication skills, and work ethic. Some of these items might surprise you; I encourage you to read the article. The author also discusses guidance for receiving accommodations in the workplace.

And learn how to address social challenges at work as an autistic adult.

The Boston Globe article entitled What Happens to Autistic Children Once They Become Adults offers a bit more generalized approach to ASD and careers. This article highlights some amazing work programs that have been developed in Florida and Massachusetts.

There are many resources for folks with ASD who are in relationships. I happen to love this article since it approaches healthy relationship-building from both the ASD and neurotypical perspective. How to Be the Best Partner to an Autistic or Neurotypical Person is both enlightening and refreshing. 10 Things You Need to Know About Your Autistic Partner is also enlightening.

Anytime we talk about autism I think it is imperative to have an opportunity to better understand meltdowns. This article about meltdowns, written by one with autism, offers an outstanding opportunity to understand the process and the experience. By the way, this is not a quiz asking you to select the correct choice for each item. Rather, each issue provides a variety of ways to understand what is really happening. Please read each item (A through E) that completes each phrase so that you can better understand your family member who experiences meltdowns.

And here’s a related article about autistic burnout. The authors explain that it is different than depression (though depression might be incorporated in the symptoms) because there is increased sensory sensitivity and the need to isolate in order to recover.

Q:  Why does my student with autism make a prolonged noise when I begin to speak, but stops when I stop talking?
A:  Sometimes individuals are highly triggered by sounds, yet by covering it with something they can control (tapping, shrieking, etc.) it is easier for them to deal with the original sound.

Q:  I have been told that my student’s behaviors are stims. What does that mean? I feel that they are distracting and disruptive for my student and I want to know how to make them stop.
A:  Stims or stimming is shorthand for self-stimulating behaviors.  These are actually quite helpful for your student as they help them to soothe their (overly) reactive nervous system in the moment. I was at a conference once where the presenter suggested that we try to mimic these behaviors on our own to see how it feels. Most neuro-typicals do indeed find them soothing. Regardless, it is soothing for your student. I was also cautioned by this presenter to be careful when trying to stop a stim, as it will be replaced by something else, which might not be as socially or classroom acceptable. Here’s a graphic that explains more about stimming.

Q:  How do you teach appropriate eye contact?
A:  First of all, let’s understand the possible reasons why those with ASD or other individuals avoid eye contact:

• Some cultures discourage looking into another’s eyes.
• If the individual has misaligned eyes (eyes that don’t work together adequately), uncomfortable distortions can occur prompting them to avoid looking at an individual’s face. Misaligned eyes, which are typically not recognized by an untrained professional or without a neuro-vision exam, can also cause challenges with reading, eye-hand coordination, balance and/or depth perception. Click here for a questionnaire provided by a neuro-vision clinic.
• Individuals who have experienced abuse have often learned that it is safer to not look someone in the eyes.
• Intuitive, empathic individuals may avoid eye contact because they “know everything there is to know about the person, and feel it in their own body”. (I originally learned about this from a 17 year old student who explained this to me with those words.) The answer to the next question offers a strategy for this.

If it is still deemed appropriate to teach eye contact you can suggest that the individual make brief, but regular or occasional visual contact with the individual’s face, possibly looking at the eyebrows instead of the eyes.

Q:  How do I tune down how sensitive I can be?
A:  Part of this answer is energetic, part of it is how you think about things.

• You don’t need all the possible information to know how to respond, so bring in less.
• Turn down your senses just like you turn down the volume of the podcast or music that you are listening to.
• Understand that it is not your job to take care of everyone, or to ‘save the world’.
• Practice energy modulation and drain your receptacle. (Listen to this short clip to learn how.)
• Practice radical acceptance for having this gift.

Q:  I’m wondering how autism (ASD) and ADHD may be reflecting a more evolved state.
A:  The theory that I offer here is not based on research or data, yet I have heard it discussed by others. I believe the increase in the number of folks with ASD or ADHD may be related to the fact that they are neurologically more sensitive to their environment. We know that these folks tend to be Sensitives. It makes sense that if they are highly attuned to their 5 senses, then they are also sensitive to various factors in our environment. This includes a hyper-reactivity to sensory input as well as various chemicals, additives, and drugs in our food, air and water. All of this can lead to medical conditions as well as neurological over-stimulation leading to meltdowns and other difficulties.

There are also benefits with these heightened awarenesses. These individuals at their core often have a very evolved awareness of Oneness. They seem to have a clearer sense of peace, goodness, and compassion for others and are more in touch with our similarities than our differences. They have a very clear sense of right vs wrong and are often quite frustrated with the state of the world. Hence, I’m very pleased that their numbers appear to be increasing as we need citizens who are more prone to bringing light, goodness, and compassion to our systems as well as enlightened relationships with each other.

Hans Asperger said, “It seems that for success, in science or art, a dash of autism is essential. For success the necessary ingredients may be an ability to turn away from the everyday world, from the simple practical, an ability to rethink a subject with originality so as to create in new untrodden ways.”

And as stated by Albert Einstein, “No problem can be solved from the same level of consciousness that created it.”

Judy Lipson is a Licensed Professional Counselor and educational strategist in West Bloomfield, MI. She helps clients of all ages who have learning difficulties, work or school related anxiety, ADHD, Asperger’s Syndrome or Autism Spectrum Disorders, and those who wish to Remember and Become ‘Who You Really Are’. Contact Judy at 248.568.8665 and judylipson@spiralwisdom.net, and visit www.JudyLipson.com for more information.

This article is for informational purposes and is not meant to replace medical care.

By Judith E. Lipson, M.A., LPC

All of us are energy, we are surrounded by energy, and we interact with it all as we attune to the energy within and outside ourselves. Some individuals are more aware of this attunement. I call these individuals, myself included, Sensitives. We are highly attuned to the five senses as well as energy, intuition and empathy. Others refer to us as Neuro-Sensitives or Neuro-Diverse. Some of these Sensitives are diagnosed with autism. In a recent course with Awesomism founder Suzy Miller I learned some new aspects for consideration.

Are you familiar with the book The Hidden Messages in Water by Masaru Emoto? In his fascinating study he placed water in a number of bottles and labeled them with words like love, war, peace, anger, etc. When he later looked at the water under a microscope he found that water that had been exposed to loving words showed brilliant, complex, and colorful snowflake patterns, while water exposed to negative words formed incomplete, asymmetrical patterns with dull colors. As a result of his study and the visual images, we can better understand how words affect energy, and thus ourselves and each other.

When you realize that everything is energy, it opens up interesting options for you to address certain issues. For instance, let’s imagine that you are a teacher and you are having difficulty with some of your students. Try this exercise: Create a paper doll cutout. Then select the child that you have the most difficulty with. On one side of the paper doll, write out all of the words that describe how you wish this kid would be. Put it on your refrigerator and read that wish list every day. You will likely notice that the child changes. But what has actually changed? Was it your energy changing when you encountered that child because you have filled yourself with these more positive thoughts? Or was it the child who felt the energetic shift through the ethers? I don’t think it matters. Give it a try.

Here’s a different application of the understanding of energy. It is said that neuro-diverse individuals may be able to alter and change things that come into their fields. As a result, they can modify themselves and/or the things that enter their fields. When they access something (like a supplement) they might take as much information from the item as quickly as they can, and then they no longer need it. This might explain why some individuals’ supplements and protocols are in a frequent and constant need for change.

Neuro-sensitives’ fields are more fluid/porous and they can live in multiple realities simultaneously (more on multi-dimensions in October). They perceive time differently and are not likely to see it in the linear manner that our society defines it. Many parents and teachers describe ADHD kids as seemingly unable to follow time requests. I’ve always felt that it is not about their unwillingness. They perceive time differently. We can begin to follow them into their “no time” experience by “feeling” our own experiences and being in the present. It is here that we can feel the presence of All That Is. If you need to encourage them to live in linear time, hold the sensory steps in your mind and visualize the possibility as you experience the situation in linear time. Be careful not to visualize their past actions of not being in time, because then they will be more likely to replicate the behavior that you don’t desire. Feel it how you want to see/feel it.

Neuro-diverse individuals have the ability to mirror or reflect back the various messages that they are receiving whether they or we are aware. Equestrians know that the emotional message that they transmit to their horses is reflected back with their horse’s behavior. Do you own a pet? You can use your pet, particularly a dog, to measure your own feelings. Ready to practice? Watch how your excited behaviors and words make your dog quite excitable? Want the dog to calm down? Intentionally calm your feelings and your body and the dog will calm as well. You can use your pet to provide you with feedback about the moods and messages that you are sending about them, or that you are feeling within yourself. This is especially useful when you live or work with neuro-diverse individuals.

I hope you are enjoying learning more about your autistic, sensitive, or otherwise-named neuro-diverse individual.

Judy Lipson is a Licensed Professional Counselor and educational strategist in West Bloomfield, MI. She helps clients of all ages who have learning difficulties, work or school related anxiety, ADHD, Asperger’s Syndrome or Autism Spectrum Disorders, and those who wish to Remember and Become ‘Who You Really Are’. Contact Judy at 248.568.8665 and judylipson@spiralwisdom.net, and visit www.SpiralWisdom.net for more information.

This article is for informational purposes and is not meant to replace medical care.

By Judith E. Lipson, M.A., LPC

The more I understand about empaths, the more I learn concepts that I had never considered. Please read to the end for the newest information.

Empaths experience more than empathy. Empaths not only care about the others’ feelings, but also feel the other’s physical sensations and/or emotions in their own being. It’s a wonderful gift and is especially prominent in those who serve in the healing professions; yet this gift is often accompanied by the challenges that can arise when one feels deeply, intensely and expansively.

Unfortunately our society doesn’t talk about it (thereby normalizing it), nor do we teach our children to understand, accept and foster this gift, thus minimizing potential challenges.

How I have approached the challenges:

• Cognitively: It is not your role to take in the fullness of another’s experience so that they may be spared their own distress. As a healer (medical, spiritual, or even as a friend), you only need enough information to know what the individual experiences in order to direct them, or your healing modality, to their healing. For this to happen, you only need a little information. Think filling a thimble instead of a bathtub.
• Energetically: Now that you understand ‘why’ you needn’t bring it all in to you, it is often important to know how to modulate the entry. I use the visual model of the whale or dolphin’s blowhole, which opens after coming to the surface of the water, and closes before diving again. Since it is most likely that you access others’ energetic information at your gut, close your eyes and try to identify the size of your own ‘blowhole’. Then try closing it a bit, and opening it again. Just play with the idea and use your imagination. See how you feel when you are more open, and see if you feel differently when it’s more closed. Play with the concept and see what size works best for you, in this moment. Please note that some folks like a different concept for modulating their energy intake. Consider a screen/weave, or a color that is translucent (pink) to opaque (red). I have also had kids and adults choose ocean waves, firewalls (computer security concept), selectively permeable membranes (biology – cell membrane), force fields (Star Trek), and other ideas. Find what works for you.

During the last year, I have had clients (a couple adults, and even a 7 year old) who felt certain that it is their job to take others’ discomforts. They were not deterred by the teachings described above. So we took the following approach:

• If it is indeed your role to be the receptacle, must you KEEP their stuff for them? As these individuals acknowledged, from their own intuitive knowing, that they are to be the receptacle, but not maintain the input, they have used guided imagery to remove from their own system what has already accumulated. They instantly felt better.
• Can you create a way where you remain the receptacle, helping others to release, but then set a ‘drain’ within you for continual release from your own energy field? All of this is done with intention and imagination. See what resonates for you as you acknowledge your ‘receptacle’ and ‘drain’. The technique(s) that you develop today might change in the near or distant future.

Recently, I have been learning about energy frequencies and vibrations. It only partially reflects the procedures and explanations that I have previously taught about energy modulation. It is raw, and there is more for me to learn, but I’ll share it with you now:

When information is shared, received and interpreted, all at the level of frequency, there is less chance for misunderstanding (every stage of transmutation risks altering the message). Additionally, by drawing it into the denser levels of your three-dimensional self in order to “understand”, there is the risk of the body not being able to properly handle it. This can lead to physical or emotional challenges.

In metaphor, let’s compare frequency information/communication to the states of water. Think of frequencies as being the energetic equivalent of a gas. Thus frequencies can enter and leave your system with ease. When you attempt to understand the message of a frequency and draw it into the levels of words or emotions, you drop it to the level of a liquid. As a liquid, the message now has less ease to flow through the system. As it slows and is “seen” by the body, it might even drop its density to more of an ice/solid as the individual purposely or accidentally strives to understand it even more.

If we can remember that in order to understand, we do not need to dwell on that information, running it back and forth through the mind, and through our past, current and future experiences, then it can be understood in its purest state — that of energy/frequency/vibration (the metaphorical gas). This is why the exercise of ‘finding the space between the molecules’ works so nicely. We are taking these extremely dense/now-solid structures that have been formed in the body, and recognizing them as energy/vibrations/frequencies once again. In doing so, they change their state and bring the system to ease once again.

Since I work with a lot of individuals on the autism spectrum, I have considered the application of this concept with this population. Those who are looked at as having developmental delays may actually be exquisitely able to understand their world via frequencies. Their challenge has been to understand the denser neuro-typical styles of communication and language. Dr. Temple Grandin, who is autistic and known for her work with animals, famously describes her life in pictures (in the biographic novel and movie – Thinking in Pictures). She is extremely adept at accessing verbal communication (and the energetic experience of animals) by translating it into pictures. Although this is still dropping the original transmission of frequency and vibration to a denser state, doing so with pictures seems to be less dense than words/language.

I also work with a lot of clients who deal with anxiety, and wonder if a major difference between humans and animals is that when animals experience fear, it is pure and kept at the level of frequency/vibration. I frequently teach anxiety in terms of the prey animal that has a near miss with a predator. The prey narrowly gets away, and then it shakes itself (shaking off the trauma) and moves on with its day seeking food, etc. The rabbit doesn’t sit there thinking, Wow, that was close. I wonder if the fox will catch me next time. I hope that I can get away then. By bringing in thoughts to describe emotions humans anchor these emotions into a denser state.

Since empaths are attuned to the energetic frequencies and vibrational aspects of others, they absorb others’ emotions readily. Going full circle to the beginning of this article, learning to retain the frequencies in and outside of us in a “gaseous” state, will allow us to live in a greater state of ease.

As always I look forward to your thoughts and questions regarding this information so we can all learn and develop our gifts.

Judy Lipson is a Licensed Professional Counselor and educational strategist in West Bloomfield, MI. She helps clients of all ages who have learning difficulties, work or school related anxiety, ADHD, Asperger’s Syndrome or Autism Spectrum Disorders, and those who wish to Remember and Become ‘Who You Really Are’. Contact Judy at 248.568.8665 and judylipson@spiralwisdom.net, and visit www.SpiralWisdom.net for more information.

This article is for informational purposes and is not meant to replace medical care.

By Judith E. Lipson, M.A., LPC

“So called ‘late-bloomers’ get a bad rap. Sometimes the people with the greatest potential often take the longest to find their path because their sensitivity is a double edged sword – it lives at the heart of their brilliance, but it also makes them more susceptible to life’s pains. Good thing we aren’t being penalized for handing in our purpose late. The soul doesn’t know a thing about deadlines.”  Jeff Brown

When many parents bring their kids to see me, we discuss their children’s unique and wonderful traits. Yet many of these children are challenged to live their magnificence in the educational system in which they are provided. As a result, their parents, doctors, teachers, and others label them and sometimes even chastise or shame them for “not fitting in”. This experience often burdens these children for years after they have left their education behind. (I know because I often meet them as adults.)

The lucky ones will remember their gifts in these later years, and begin to feel comfortable and confident in their skin. As their confidence increases, so does their self-esteem. Suddenly these individuals “find themselves” and begin to experience successes – socially, professionally, personally. Society often describes them as late bloomers.

Wikipedia defines a late bloomer as a person whose talents or capabilities are not visible to others until later than usual.I’m glad that so many of these individuals are ultimately recognized as late bloomers, but why do they need to wait?

The number of kids being diagnosed on the autism spectrum or with ADHD or anxiety has increased significantly over the last decades. Many are questioning why this is, and I’m sure there is value in asking that question. But there is another question that needs to be addressed now: WITH SO MANY KIDS BEING RECOGNIZED OR DIAGNOSED, IS IT STILL TO BE ASSUMED THAT THEY ARE THE ERROR THAT NEEDS TO BE CORRECTED?

My goal with the students that I meet is to help them to identify, accept and honor their gifts, as well as to minimize the challenges that they experience. But it shouldn’t just be their responsibility to do the changing, and their true gifts shouldn’t have to wait to be recognized until they are AWAY from the system that pigeon holes them. It’s time that we do more to change our systems to better accommodate the changing child(ren).

One way is to recognize and honor the multiple intelligences as identified by psychologist Howard Gardner. When we accept that there are more ways to be intelligent than the traditional school models of verbal-linguistic and logical-mathematical, we provide an opportunity for more learners to soar. Here are the abilities that Gardner identified:

• Verbal-linguistic (words, language, reading, writing, telling stories, memorizing; this is measured in Verbal IQ assessments)
• Logical-mathematical (logic, abstractions, reasoning, numbers, critical thinking)
• Musical-rhythmic and harmonic (sensitivity to sounds, rhythms, tones, music)
• Visual-spatial (spatial judgment and the ability to visualize with the mind’s eye)
• Bodily-kinesthetic (control of one’s bodily motions, capacity to handle objects skillfully, sense of timing; includes sports, dance, acting, and making things)
• Interpersonal (sensitivity of other’s moods, ability to cooperate as part of a group)
• Intrapersonal (introspective and self-reflective capacities)
• Naturalistic (ability to recognize flora and fauna and to be able to relate information to one’s natural surroundings)
• Existential/Moral (though Gardner did not wish to include spiritual intelligence, he called it existential, and it’s best recognized as a source of guidance)

The concept of multiple intelligences is not new in the field of education. Educators have known about the prevalence of these multiple intelligences for decades, and we were encouraged to remember that some children learn differently. But it was assumed that the verbal-linguistic and logical-mathematical intelligences were the most prevalent and other types were in the minority. As a result, most teachers added some educational delivery or assessment methods to meet the minority’s needs, but it typically was only occasionally.

I’m not convinced that these kids are still the minority. (I would love to see some data on this). Regardless, I believe it’s time to change our educational system to further recognize these multiple intelligences and to more equitably provide educational delivery and assessment for all, with the addition of explicit social instruction.

Regardless of your political beliefs, our society seems to be focused on change – of financial systems, rights, and so much more.  How we perceive these kids and how we educate them should be one more.

Judy Lipson is a Licensed Professional Counselor and educational strategist in West Bloomfield, MI. She helps clients of all ages who have learning difficulties, work or school related anxiety, ADHD, Asperger’s Syndrome or Autism Spectrum Disorders, and those who wish to Remember and Become ‘Who You Really Are’. Contact Judy at 248.568.8665 and judylipson@spiralwisdom.net, and visit www.SpiralWisdom.net for more information.

This article is for informational purposes and is not meant to replace medical care.

By Judith E. Lipson, M.A., LPC

It wasn’t until recently that I learned that if I sit in a ‘mindful’ state and think of people or locations that I know well, I can “feel” each individual or space differently. I’ve come to think of this as being able to identify their primary, or signature, frequency. I realized then (at least at this level of my understanding) that each living thing and environment has its own frequency.

The majority of us move unthinkingly through life, interacting with each other and all the other things around us without this recognition. Yet we are all affected by these interactions, whether imperceptibly or noticeably. If you are an energy-aware individual you probably realize this, though you might not have thought of it in these terms.

To explore this awareness try the following exercise:

Quiet your mind and think of an individual you know well. Imagine in your mind how it feels to be in their presence. Don’t overthink this exercise and don’t spend a long time thinking about the person. Whether or not you have this awareness yet, release your attention on this person, and think of a different person now. See if there might be a subtle difference in how the energies feel. Shift back to the first, and then to the second. If you‘d like you can switch your attention now to a third and then fourth individual, or even a pet.

You are not seeking how they feel emotionally, nor how your emotions feel in their presence, you are sensing the subtle vibration/frequency that you recognize as you bring your awareness to each. As you switch your attention from one being to the other, you might notice the subtle shifts that occur in your awareness, even if you can’t yet identify what it feels like. Sensing that there is a difference may be all that you get.

Now try this same exercise, but with locations that you have visited – specific cities, favorite landmarks, types of geographic areas.

Play with the exercise. You are potentially developing awareness. Please don’t judge yourself if you can’t do it. Maybe you are still developing your intuitive muscles, or maybe my instructions didn’t match your learning style.

Hopefully this exercise has made you more aware of the subtleties that people sense around them, whether you understand it at the thought level or experience it at the energy level.

As I work with the continuum of neuro-sensitive individuals who come to see me, I am learning that their ability to sense these subtleties also spans the continuum, and that some individuals are able to sense subtleties of frequencies that I do not (or that I have not yet recognized). As examples: I have had clients become physically and emotionally distracted when my space heater cycled on or off. Others have described having difficulty passing by the various store entrances while walking through malls. Whether it’s different lighting, music, temperature or something that is not tangible to our senses, their system is challenged to effectively make the adaptation from one source to the next. A very young client of mine reads the heart-space of each of the people with whom he comes in contact, and struggles with the fact that not enough are openhearted.

What they are teaching me is that their ability to easily adapt and transition from one frequency or field to the next is not easy. Unfortunately, society (parents, educators, etc) evaluate neuro-sensitives’ experiences from a neuro-typical perspective, and assume that what is happening is wrong and must be fixed.

I am therefore sharing this knowledge with you so that we can all learn how unique their neurology is, and to realize that it is not a fault that requires fixing. First, accept who they are and acknowledge their gifts. Next, collaborate with them to determine how they can best move through the various energy fields with grace and ease.

It is not uncommon for neuro-sensitives to be described as ADHD. When there is an abundance of energies and vibrations within the body, and the individual cannot readily access an organizational pattern for it all, the body may want to distract from the experience (inattentiveness) or physically try to shake out the crinkles to bring the vibrations into alignment (hyperactivity).

Encourage these individuals to move the energy throughout their body via: traditional exercise, tapping (EFT/emotional freedom technique), dance, yoga, tai chi, etc. These are excellent ways to move and organize the vibrations. Teach them to use the strategies above on a daily basis when they are not in school or at work, and to try more subtle versions (tapping, isometric exercise, brief movement opportunities like getting a drink, sharpening a pencil, etc) so that the vibrations don’t build up to an uncomfortable level.

As a result of the difficulties, neuro-sensitives often experience anxiety. Feeling different vibrations, without a more complete context of understanding, can feel and look like anxiety.

If you think this might explain some of your anxiety, recognize that the changing vibrations that are felt within are different energies or frequencies from outside you. Don’t try to modulate them to your previous state; homeostasis is not the goal here. Allow for the recognition of the changing vibrations even if you don’t know where they come from, or why they are there. Let them all flow through without attachment. Accept their presence with equanimity (a form of acceptance of what is). Let them pass through. Don’t pinch the energies and keep them immobile via too many whyquestions or by focusing on the perceived discomfort. Just allow. It is my belief, and my early experience on this issue, that the perceived discomfort / anxiety will pass much more rapidly.

I believe we all know neuro-sensitives. I encourage you to resist judging and labeling these neuro-diverse individuals through the neuro-typical lens. If you have anecdotal stories or questions related to the neuro-sensitives in your life, I hope that you will share.

If the content of this article intrigues you, consider attending a workshop that two colleagues and I have collaboratively created. Transcending Autism and Sensory Issues: Using Intuition and Energy to Address Neuro-Sensitives will be live this November (2018) in Ann Arbor, MI. Further information will be available on my website soon!

Judy Lipson is a Licensed Professional Counselor and educational strategist in West Bloomfield, MI. She helps clients of all ages who have learning difficulties, work or school related anxiety, ADHD, Asperger’s Syndrome or Autism Spectrum Disorders, and those who wish to Remember and Become ‘Who You Really Are’. Contact Judy at 248.568.8665 and judylipson@spiralwisdom.net, and visit www.SpiralWisdom.net for more information.

This article is for informational purposes and is not meant to replace medical care.

By Judith E. Lipson, M.A., LPC

Are the generations evolving?

Who are these young people who are changing paradigms?

I’m technically part of the Baby Boomer generation. As teens and young adults many of us were called hippies. Though I was aware of hippies during my teen years and wore a few hippie-type outfits (although a true hippie would have scoffed), I know I was not a hippie. But I did agree with many of our generation’s mottos, particularly: “Question authority”, and “Make love, not war”. We were very proud of ourselves for seeing the world differently, and not bowing to the establishment’s pre-conceived notions. We really believed things would be different and that we were the ones to make that happen.

Fast-forward to the subsequent generations. The Center for Generational Kinetics believes that “generations are not cute stories or catchy memes, but groupings of people who help us to see them and the world differently – and more clearly. They make their mark on society and history.” According to the Center:

• Baby Boomers were born 1946-1964
• Gen X was born 1965 to 1976
• Millenials (also called Gen Y) are currently the largest group of employees and consumers and were born 1977 to 1995
• Gen Z was born 1996 to the present.This group is recognized by the fact that 9/11 has always been a memory to them.

Unfortunately, Gen Z seems to have another tragedy in common as well. As I listen to today’s children and teens, one key component of their life is that they all have been affected by the 1999 mass shooting at Columbine High School. These students’ school experiences have not only included annual tornado and fire drills, but intruder drills as well.

WHEN CONVENTION MEETS METAPHYSICS

Since the Millenials are identified as the largest group born to the previously largest population – the Baby Boomers, it seems apparent to me now that many of those hippies of generations past were likely the early waves of Indigos (see box for additional information).

I have been referring to the amazing students who organized the March for Our Lives as Indigos. I now believe that this name is not sufficient for this amazing group of youth. This new group has the same compassion and empathy as the Crystals (see box), coupled with the fire of the Indigos, and the desire for societal change that was initiated by the hippies. This new group also has stamina, persistence, and of no minimal importance, a superb ability to connect with each other. They are the full package, and they are getting it done!

An example: I spoke with an 8th grader (from Connecticut) in Washington DC the day after the March For Our Lives. We were all in line to visit the Holocaust Museum in DC. We noticed in conversation that she demonstrated maturity far greater than her years (we assumed she was a high school senior or early college student). She was eloquent, articulate, and passionate. She told us: You think my generation just sits on our phones, but we use these phones to connect with each other and to communicate. This is why in only 40 days there were 800+sister marches across the US and the world, including the continents Canada, Africa, Europe, Australia, and Asia. Those numbers speak to the ability of social media and the power of these kids.

A further example is her explanation of why she was in line to enter the Holocaust Museum. Although only 14, she realizes that those with first hand memories and knowledge of the Holocaust are nearly gone. She has decided that she should experience the knowledge so that the lessons are not forgotten!

This was not the only type of communication that was happening. I felt it at the march, and I’ve talked to others who participated in various marches, or who watched them on TV. We could feel the palpable connections that were being made between each of us, and with the speakers. We were each connecting to each other around a common theme. We were experiencing Oneness – across a crowd, across the airwaves of television, across hundreds of thousands of people, and across vast distances.

EMBRACE CHANGE

The oneness that we experienced at the march is just one example of what these Star Children (see box) can offer us. There is no coincidence that many of these kids’ grandparents are the baby boomers, creating a generational bookend for these amazing children. We thought WE invented the word change. Seems that THEY are the change we have been waiting for.

And with this recognition comes the potential for a new way of looking at this amazing young generation. Many of the current paradigms and systems that we have may actually be inappropriate for them. For instance, I’ve noticed when working with the children who have Crystal characteristics that the trends of parenting and guidance seem different. The parents’ and teachers’ roles have traditionally been to teach the kids in the ways of the world, but things seem different with this new generation. They have a much stronger sense of self. They are not afraid to have a different opinion as if they know its importance in creating change. As I work with families I observe how the children and teens are frequently teaching the parents a new way of being, of understanding, and of relating.

Be cognizant that it might be time for teachers and parents to take on new roles. I often tell kids that they (the child) have very important information, and new methods of inter-relating. Yet their parents know best the ways of “this” world and “this” society. The kids are here to create and guide us through massive changes, while adults can mentor the youth to navigate the existing currents.

A new shift may be at hand. If the adults sitting in power positions aren’t going to adequately help our youth to navigate our society towards the changes that they are here to develop (peace, oneness, compassion, etc) then they will go around us. The kids seem to have the stamina to play the long game, though it needn’t take long. The process may feel harder for adults who traditionally practice resistance to change. So please, if you are a baby boomer (or member of any other generation) I encourage you to embrace the change that is upon us with the memory that THESE CHANGES ARE EXACTLY WHAT WE WANTED!

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Doreen Virtue, a teacher of metaphysics, has identified the following groups:

• Indigos, born 1975 to 1995, have a masculine energy, with warrior traits of willfulness and natural leadership. They are often sensitive to chemicals, including their own body chemistry. Because of their anger and angst, they need outlets for their great energy, and often result in an ADHD diagnosis. As a group they hope to rid the planet of corruption and greed, and usher in cooperation and integrity. I describe them this way: I know I’m here for a purpose. I know that the way we treat each other and our Earth is supposed to change. I’m tired of waiting. Let’s get on with it!
• Crystals, born 1995 to 2015, have a feminine energy – calm, sweet, and quiet. They are often so quiet that they are diagnosed with autism or Aspergers. Crystals prefer to communicate telepathically or through music to convey their deep and complex feelings. They are often even more sensitive to chemicals than Indigos.
• Rainbows, born 2012 and later, have a perfectly balanced male and female energy. They are wise and serene with a greater recognition of the collective consciousness. Like indigos and crystals, they are psychic and can read people’s feelings. Whatever loving thoughts, feelings, and actions are sent to them are magnified and returned a hundred-fold.
• The term Star Children can cumulatively describe all these types of children, and can also refer to those who sense a connection to other worlds. Star Children are seen as having the abilities to tackle issues in non-traditional and unconventional ways. Their skills often include: telepathy, pre-cognition, telekinesis, remote viewing, intuition, energy healing, and channeling.

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Judy Lipson is a Licensed Professional Counselor and educational strategist in West Bloomfield, MI. She helps clients of all ages who have learning difficulties, work or school related anxiety, ADHD, Asperger’s Syndrome or Autism Spectrum Disorders, and those who wish to Remember and Become ‘Who You Really Are’. Contact Judy at 248.568.8665 and judylipson@spiralwisdom.net, and visit www.SpiralWisdom.net for more information.

This article is for informational purposes and is not meant to replace medical care.

By Judith E. Lipson, M.A., LPC

Last month’s article, Neuro-Sensitives and Sensory Overload, focused on how parents and professionals can reduce the sensory burden that neuro-sensitive children and adults experience every day of every week during various activities in their lives: medical, social, entertainment, school, shopping, etc.

As a continuation of that information, this month’s article will focus on the resulting behaviors that occur when the Sensitive, or their parent/professional, cannot adequately reduce the overwhelming level of sensory input. Certainly different individuals have different tolerances, but sensitives and empaths who understand this phenomenon, and can communicate it, have all described their meltdowns, or of recognizing its approach.

For non-Sensitives, even those who conceptually understand empathy, it may be hard to understand that someone can experience this extent of sensory sensitivity. As a result, since many parents and professionals can’t see it coming, they don’t know how to recognize these sensory meltdowns. In fact, frequently it is assumed that the individual is having a temper tantrum. However, tantrums and meltdowns are triggered by different things and require different responses.

THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN TANTRUMS AND MELTDOWNS

STEP ONE: UNDERSTAND SENSORY OVERLOAD

Sensitive children are hyper-aware of their surroundings. To better understand their experience, think about the input that they receive from all five senses, and realize that they have minimal ability to decrease or minimize it. Additionally, they are often intuitive, and as empaths they are highly aware of others’ emotions to the point that they feel these emotions in their own bodies.

Unfortunately most empaths don’t realize this is occurring. They either assume they are feeling an intensification of their own emotions, or they just react. Empaths who understand what’s occurring describe their experiences as more than empathy. (Empathy is described as, “I can imagine how it must be for you.”)

Here are some statements that empaths have told me to describe being an empath:

• I’m in a room with others and I feel their feelings.
• My anxiety (or worry, sadness, anger) becomes so intense that I need to leave the room.
• When I look in their eyes I feel like I see their soul.
• I’m exhausted whenever I am with others, especially in groups.
• When I look in their eyes, I know everything there is to know about them, and I feel it in my own body.
• I feel like it’s my job to take away their problems or ‘hurts’.
• Being an empath helps me do my work because I know things that my client, student or patient has not verbalized.
• Being an empath helps me because my child cannot verbalize what s/he needs, but I somehow know, and now I can explain it to others.

STEP TWO: MELTDOWN – THE PHYSICAL EFFECT

When sensitives or empaths don’t understand what is happening, and haven’t yet learned sufficient skills for modulating their experiences it is quite overwhelming. Remember that their sensory bombardment is continual and for the most part unrelenting.

Meltdowns are a sensory response occurring at a physiologic (physical body) level and occur when the body is overwhelmed by multiple stimuli and cannot cope with one more entry.

STEP THREE: WHY IT LOOKS LIKE A TANTRUM

What makes it especially confusing is when there are verbal overlays that sound like what our society has taught us are tantrums. For instance, the Sensitive child who is screaming for one more candy, or 5 minutes more time, is doing so because that issue became the one experience that they can identify or recognize (as opposed to a myriad of unrecognized sensory experiences), and they are hoping to control this one thing because they know subconsciously that they just can’t handle one … more … thing.

This is such an important part of understanding meltdowns, because meltdowns are NOT tantrums. Tantrums are willful and potentially tactical.

To recognize meltdowns, and not assume tantrum, it is important to learn about your individual’s sensory experiences. Think about how they usually respond in various environments: sounds, lights, activity, smells, tolerance of clothing and other tactile experiences, and even human touch. And remember that to the amygdala, that part of the brain that evaluates every type of sensory input to keep us safe, one’s emotions – our own and those of others – are also evaluated to assess potential threats.

STEP FOUR: WHAT TO DO WITH A MELTDOWN

The best advice is prevention. As you become more adept at being the detective of your individual’s sensory experiences, you will become better able to reduce their overload experience and thus the subsequent meltdowns. When that is not sufficient or possible, realize that the meltdown is the body releasing energy and tension and has to run its course. Provide a safe and supportive environment for your individual.

For generations our society has taught that children should listen and follow directions and that any counter-response should be met with consequences or discipline. Looking at things differently allows us to realize that meltdowns are a Sensitive’s unconscious and unplanned way of responding to a physiologic need to reduce their physical tension.

STEP FIVE: THE AFTERMATH

Apologies are heartfelt and real. Since this is a physiologic response, there’s no need for punishment. Be careful if you try processing what has occurred. Many Sensitives are unable to recognize the buildup in their systems and can re-trigger easily and quickly.

Professionals, families and neuro-sensitives are striving to find ways to reduce sensory receptiveness and increase sensory tolerance. Diets, education, cognitive behavioral therapy, energy work, craniosacral therapy, prismatic lenses and noise-reducing headphones are just a few of the things that are being tried. I hope to bring more information about options and successes in the future.

Judy Lipson is a Licensed Professional Counselor and educational strategist in West Bloomfield, MI. She helps clients of all ages who have learning difficulties, work or school related anxiety, ADHD, Asperger’s Syndrome or Autism Spectrum Disorders, and those who wish to Remember and Become ‘Who You Really Are’. Contact Judy at 248.568.8665 and judylipson@spiralwisdom.net, and visit www.SpiralWisdom.net for more information.

This article is for informational purposes and is not meant to replace medical care.

Are you ready to live your authentic life?

By Judith E. Lipson, M.A., LPC

The next time you are in the presence of an infant or young child observe the authenticity with which they approach life. If something brings pleasure, they fully radiate joy, and if something is not making them happy, they will certainly express that as well. The real beauty is that they can swiftly return to joy with incredible ease.

Many of you inadvertently lost touch with your authenticity after the socialization process. Seemingly insignificant conversations might have affected your ability to know and remember yourself. An example might be when you were told to hug your visiting aunt. When you said that you don’t like getting close to your aunt, the adults in your world insisted that you ignore your feelings and go hug her anyway. Each time you saw yourself discounted for the ‘greater good’ there was the potential to lose a bit of your authentic self.

Another common situation was when, as a child, you were intuitive or knew things that your adult caregivers didn’t remember, didn’t believe, or feared. Could you see auras? Did you know things about people? Could you predict the future? The child is reliant on physical and emotional safety from others, so you may have discounted your abilities and suppressed them in order to be or feel safe.

As an adult you can understand the bigger picture that you could not know or understand as a child. Now you can understand that adults did not know better. Had they known differently, they would have acted differently; had the child understood that they could have maintained internal and external integrity, they would have.

Recognize that your inner child still reacts to these original experiences. Intentionally rewrite your internal dialogue to reflect your new, more expansive understanding. Change your beliefs and change the paradigm; give your authentic self the permission it has been craving to be expressed.

BECOMING AUTHENTIC

Are you ready to return to your authentic state? Indigo children and adults, and the autistic clients I see, seem to have a head start on authenticity. Indigos live life emphasizing the importance to not suppress. They have a trait, which our societal paradigm describes as rebellious, that doesn’t tolerate inconsistency. When understood accurately, Asperger and autistic clients demonstrate a verbal honesty and congruence between actions, speech and their inner experience.

Maybe you have recognized the desire to be authentic as a thought:
I want to live life more fully.
I am ready to do what I’m here to do.
I want to be who I Am.
I sense that I’m to do something significant.

To become Who You Really Are – a Spiritual Being having a Human Experience – it is necessary to integrate the Spiritual with the Human. These traits include:

CONSCIOUSNESS: Open to the possibility of knowing. This is more than your brain’s memories and knowledge. This is accessing your intuition and your gut instinct. It is not necessary to force this connection; it is already available.

COMPASSION: Bring the heart and brain into energetic alignment and cooperation. Consider Heart Math’s Quick Coherence Technique: Focus your attention on your heart. Now have your breath focus in your heart. Then, remember a very positive emotion to bring about Heart Feeling. Repeat this sequence.

VESSEL: Your body is not the enemy. It allows you the opportunity to experience All That Is. This is a difficult concept for Sensitives who experience frequent sensory overload. Learn to accept your body and to use its sensations as a method of communication.

Have you been living your life with the focus on one to the exclusion of the others? It is not uncommon to see clients who wish to focus exclusively on meditation and spirituality, who emphasize the cerebral, or who focus primarily on the body to the exclusion of the rest. None of these aspects are bad. Your goal is to find balance for all.

BENEFITS OF AUTHENTICITY

As you learn to speak and act in congruence with your values and personal needs, you may notice that your core anxiety diminishes, which increases inner peace. Authenticity can also affect your self-worth.

Living an authentic life allows you to live life in flow and in Oneness. When you stop seeing the world from the polarity of separation the veil of illusion is lifted. Your fears and worry will reduce intensity or cease to hang on. From this place of greater peace, authenticity and oneness, you can then spread peace and love.

Judy Lipson is a Licensed Professional Counselor and educational strategist in West Bloomfield, MI. She helps clients of all ages who have learning difficulties; work or school related anxiety; ADHD; Asperger’s Syndrome or Autism Spectrum Disorders; and those who wish to Remember and Become Who You Really Are. Contact Judy at 248.568.8665 and judylipson@spiralwisdom.net, and visit www. SpiralWisdom.net for more information. 

This article is for informational purposes and is not meant to replace medical care.

Communication is a vital aspect of children’s development and it may be necessary for parents to teach. Below are techniques for how to teach your child effective communication and a unique method to use when your child is resistant to listening. (This is especially helpful for parents of adolescents.)

It’s never too early or too late to teach your child how to communicate and to provide opportunities for your child to practice. Here are some suggestions:

Young children: Rehearse conversations (for phone or face-to-face). Teach your child how to begin a conversation (more than “Hi Grandma” followed by silence). Be very specific. Teach possible questions, phrases to continue the conversation and multi-word responses. Practice an entire conversation. Have fun.

Elementary age: Ordering pizza?  Write down the order (or use picture cues) and role-play the phone conversation.

Elementary / Middle School: While shopping, have the child learn how to request help from a salesperson, purchase the item, discuss return policies, etc.

High School: Encourage your child to talk to the school counselor about scheduling, colleges, jobs, etc. Have your child ask teachers for clarification about grades. Advocate for your child as needed, but encourage them to deal with difficult situations themselves. Practicing at home is helpful.

Help children of all ages to learn how to settle conflicts that arise with siblings, friends, peers, and teachers. Teach them how to express themselves calmly and clearly. Role-play, and practice these conversations with your child.

Keep in mind that some children have significant difficulty with communication, especially those with language processing difficulties, ADHD, learning disabilities, aspergers or autism. These individuals have difficulty understanding body language, vocal tone, idioms and emotions. Anxiety can also impact communication. It is important to explicitly teach, then role-play and practice. For these children:

• Keep instructions clear and simple. Avoid abstract words and ideas.
• They may not apply what they’ve already experienced in one conversation to a new situation, even if it’s similar. Use your child’s prior experiences and teach them the similarities.
• Don’t assume that your child understands. Ask your child, and then explain differently as needed.
• Practice often. Keep these lessons upbeat and playful.
• Remember that your child is not choosing to have communication problems. S/he really doesn’t understand. Don’t shame or ridicule. Praise often.

Communication can be developed at any age, but it’s easiest if you begin when children are younger.

Communication with your older child can be especially difficult. Your child may emotionally or verbally push you away and avoid hearing your message – even when you try to lovingly express it. There is a type of communication when words seem to fail. I have been using this technique, and teaching it to others, for many years. I will describe it so that you can try it in your own relationships. (It can also be used with adult family members or work colleagues with necessary variations.)

Relax into a quiet space (meditation / prayer) and visualize the person in your mind’s eye. See the beautiful being that they are, separate from their fear or anger. Speak from your heart, yet not aloud. Picture the person in your mind seated near you. Open your heart to this person and approach from the most loving space using positive thoughts. Your silent conversation might include:  “_______ , I come to you with an open heart and my love for you. I ask that you respond from your heart as well. I want you to know how I feel … Now please share your thoughts.” (Listen within to hear the message.) “Help me to know how I can best support you during this difficult time. I hope that you will continue to listen to your highest self, and experience the world with love, security and peace.”

You will likely feel a reduced tension between you and the individual and thus the healing begins in person. There is a more complete description in the article entitled Soul-to-Soul Communication on my website. I look forward to hearing from you about this aspect of communication, as well as your experiences as you teach your child to communicate more effectively and with greater ease.

Judy Lipson is a Licensed Professional Counselor and educational strategist in West Bloomfield. She helps clients of all ages who have learning difficulties; work or school related anxiety; ADHD; Asperger’s Syndrome or Autism Spectrum Disorders; and those who wish to Remember and Become Who You Really Are. Contact Judy at 248.568.8665 and judylipson@spiralwisdom.net, and visit www. SpiralWisdom.net for more information.

Published in Metro You Magazine, June 2011