By Judith E. Lipson, M.A., LPC

My writings here are intended to wake people up. Today I especially want to awaken your heart and soul. As I share some of my observations later in this article, I hope that you will listen with your heart and spirit.

It is never my intention to write politically. For me, it’s about love and gratitude and safety and acceptance and empathy and oneness and diversity and inclusion. It’s how I view and define humanity, and most importantly it’s the compass that I use to identify who and what can help us to become the best that we can collectively be. So if you see political overtones with my comments seeming to lean to one direction or individual or another, please know that it is not my intention to be political, but rather to describe my personal experiences and musings.

Let me share some personal reflections over the last 15 years, which are meant to be descriptive and not political. When President Obama was elected, I was not alone in feeling this great sense of hope, and sensing an opportunity for great change and the increase of communal Light. Then in 2016 I was very excited when I thought that we would have our first female president. It should come as no surprise then, to hear that these past four years have been very challenging for me, as I have witnessed the prominence of fear, hate, prejudices, and worse.

As I’ve talked with my friends, family and clients the question of what’s happening in our society comes up, and I can clearly hear these questions (voiced or not):
What’s missing?
What happened?
How can we achieve global oneness and goodness?

I thought I’d offer a small lesson on morality. Not for you to assess yourself, but to understand how morality develops. This may also help you to understand things as you listen to or watch the news.

When I studied for my master’s degree, we learned Lawrence Kohlberg’s stages of moral development:

1. Pre-conventional: Morality is externally controlled and the individual conforms in order to avoid punishment, or to receive rewards.
2. Conventional: The individual tries to support rules set by others in order to win their approval. They also want to maintain social order.
3. Post-conventional or ‘principled’: The individual is more aware of social contracts and the importance of trying to take the perspective of all individuals.

Children begin in the pre-conventional stage and move upward as they age, but there is no guarantee that just because an individual has reached adulthood that they have reached the post-conventional stage.

Recently, as I watched The Democratic convention and listened to Vice President Biden as the Democratic presidential candidate, Kamala Harris as his vice presidential candidate, and the many speeches that others made, I clearly detected Kohlberg’s post-conventional/principled level of morality. And I once again felt hope.

As I looked at Joe Biden, I saw heart and empathy and compassion. And then I watched Kamala with her paradox and juxtaposition of softness and strength. She also holds compassion, empathy and vision. I believe that Joe and Kamala are each the embodiment of the (sacred) masculine and (sacred) feminine. They are each soft and strong.

And this is why I started this article to talk about your heart. Yes I believe in the messages that Joe and Kamala are promising. But more importantly they speak to my heart. They speak to what my soul and spirit know about people and who we are and who we can be. So once again I am hopeful.

With the recent passing of Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg, I felt an acute awareness that others seem to share: Who are the current bearers of the torch of morality and goodness? Who do I now look up to? Who/what provides my moral compass? If you are asking these questions of yourself (and I hope that you are), don’t just look outward! Besides the individuals who are your role models, what inside of you has established itself for that role? Ultimately and optimally our moral compass comes from within.

I love how psychic medium John Holland described this in a recent newsletter: “While your outside world is full of uncertainty, there is one resource you can always rely on, one constant force that will throw you a lifeline and keep you afloat during these chaotic times—your Soul! Your soul is always connected to a Higher Source. (When I talk about “Source” I mean God, the Universe, or a Higher Consciousness – call it what you will.) This is the power that will move you beyond feeling trapped, constrained, unfulfilled or alone. Your soul is the most powerful force in the Universe. It’s your inner GPS system that leads you to your true purpose. It’s the wisdom that guides you through life’s biggest challenges.”

As you read posts and comments in your social media feeds and have unprecedented access to others’ beliefs and truths – let your heart process the information rather than from your mind and fear! Allow for that deep deep knowing that comes from the center of your chest – your heart space. And this heart space knows what your soul needs and will help direct you to next steps.

As Kamala Harris said in some of her final words of her candidacy acceptance speech,  “We won’t just tell our kids how we felt. We will tell them what we did!” In other words, take what you know in your heart and turn it into action. What can you do to change our societal trajectory? What can you do to return hope, compassion, empathy, and protection to all people?

Judy Lipson is a Licensed Professional Counselor and educational strategist in West Bloomfield, MI. She helps clients of all ages who have learning difficulties, work or school related anxiety, ADHD, Asperger’s Syndrome or Autism Spectrum Disorders, and those who wish to Remember and Become ‘Who You Really Are’. Contact Judy at 248.568.8665 and judylipson@spiralwisdom.net, and visit www.SpiralWisdom.net for more information.

This article is for informational purposes and is not meant to replace medical care.

By Judith E. Lipson, M.A., LPC

This pandemic is getting so difficult for so many! This is really not surprising! It’s been nearly 6 months since many began their sheltering-in-place practices. When the weather got nice, and school was over for “summer vacation”, there was an especially acute longing to get back to life – as we knew it. After all, summer is that glorious time when we travel with our families, by ourselves, or with special friends to escape the harried life of work and home responsibilities. Summer has become equivalent for many of us as the time for escape. But instead of getting the green light to take our escape, we were met with resistance. Some saw the resistance coming from the CDC, or their governmental leaders, while some recognized that this is a result of the impact of the novel coronavirus. Regardless, many see this as a time when one’s desires are being thwarted. And we don’t like that!!

In all my years of talking to people I’ve realized that one’s ability to shift and adapt varies. Actually, I will rephrase that to say one’s willingness to shift and adapt varies! One way to improve your adaptability is through equanimity. I’ve written about it previously, but I want to discuss it again in the context of COVID-19, and all that it is revealing to us socially, politically, environmentally, financially, educationally, medically, etc, etc.

I’d like to invite you to take a few introspective moments and look at “being uncomfortable”. This is not about justification that you have a right to your thought or feeling. We’re going deeper than that. Do you even have an awareness of the discomforting thought, feeling, or action? Or have you been so intent on avoiding the discomfort that you hadn’t even sat with it long enough to recognize it occurring? Identify what drives you, what troubles you, what ultimately makes you uncomfortable. In other words, what have you been avoiding or running from?

• Thoughts: i.e., “I don’t want there to be a pandemic.” “There really isn’t anything to be afraid of or react to.” “People aren’t going to tell me what I can or can’t do.” “I deserve this …… (vacation, experience, etc).” Those are only some of the possible thoughts that may have led to your discomfort. What are yours?
• Feelings: Anger and fear are the main emotions that people discuss. But I encourage you to go deeper. Is there frustration? Grief? Loneliness? Anxiety? Worry? Sadness? A sense of betrayal or injustice? Disappointment? Agitation? Feeling misunderstood? What feeling(s) are you experiencing? And have you been running from them?
• Actions: For some people, this is the easiest route to then access the rest. What action have you been taking that has provided you the opportunity to not have to feel the uncomfortable emotion, or think the uncomfortable thought, that you identified above?  For instance, these are two extreme positions, but do you go into public with no consideration of the CDC recommendations? Do you stay home in your bubble when it is not medically required? What actions might you be taking that provide you an escape to avoid feeling the uncomfortable emotions or thoughts?

Now I would like to invite you to look at all of this a bit differently. Most folks’ experiences have led them to become wired to expect only the status quo, or that which was previously in existence. As a result, you may feel that you should avoid change. Change and discomfort, however, do not equal dangerous! So I encourage you to have a conscious inner conversation to reframe the situation and allow opportunity.

Seeking equanimity can help with this by providing you with a greater sense of peace during the challenging situation. (I think this pandemic qualifies as challenging! Don’t you?!) Equanimity is the acceptance of what is. As I explain to my clients, this type of acceptance doesn’t mean that you shout, “Oh goody! This is awesome. I love it. Bring on more.” No, it’s rather a type of acknowledging that what is … IS … for right now. You might still choose to make the inner changes (like acceptance, forgiveness, empowerment, etc), and/or seek to change the situation that you are not accepting (like racism, mysogeny, various inequalities, etc). Equanimity is the practice of finding the peace within your situation, which will ultimately help you to make the changes that you seek internally and externally, more effectively.

When you can experience equanimity you will find that there is less resistance in your situation. See if you can follow this visual: Imagine that you are looking at a ball. This ball represents the issue at hand – that really icky situation like COVID, or like your uncomfortable thought or feeling that you identified earlier. The situation – the ball – is bad enough. It’s already hard to to deal with. But now if you add resistance, you’ve just put a very large coating around the ball. The ball may now feel twice the size of the original situation. There is no need to add resistance. Remember, the “ball” feels like it’s enough of a hurdle all by itself. So remove the resistance, using equanimity, and allow the uncomfortable feelings to feel more tolerable and more manageable.

I want to address one last thing in this article. I stated in the first paragraph: “…there was an especially acute longing to get back to life – as we knew it”. I’d like to caution you about this concept. Change is normal. It’s part of our own personal development – you are not the same as you were in your childhood or teen years. In fact, approximately each decade of adult aging brings about changes. (You might look up Dr. Levinson’s Seasons of Life Theory to learn more.) Change is also part of society’s development. If you look back at history you see the identification of the industrial and technological revolutions, to name a few. I was alive during the civil rights era, the space race, and women receiving greater rights through feminism. What’s likely unprecedented is for us to live through these many current changes, with the onslaught of informational awareness, and to have so many changes occurring all at once during a global pandemic.

Certainly, our knee-jerk desire is for it all to go away, and to return to what we are used to. But we should not want to return to “normal”! We are understanding and recognizing more and more that what we saw as normal, the status quo, was inferior. We can do better. We deserve better. No one need settle for less.

So I urge you. Take a few minutes (with a trusted friend or professional, if needed) and look within. What have you been hiding from? Bring it to the surface. Look at it. Bring it into accurate perspective. Remove the layers of fear and resistance. Seek equanimity with it and within yourself. Then you will have the ability to make an accurate assessment of what you actually want to change and how to get there.

Take a few minutes and look at the changes that seem to be happening around you. Don’t rush to put things back the way they were, nor to create what you think it should be, because you may not yet know the best outcome for it to be. In Alcoholics Anonymous they understand the following: If you always do what you always did, then you will always get what you always got. These are important times and there’s no need to have a knee-jerk reaction to any of it.

Drop your fear and your anger. Open your heart to self and others. Seek acceptance of what is … as equanimity.

Judy Lipson is a Licensed Professional Counselor and educational strategist in West Bloomfield, MI. She helps clients of all ages who have learning difficulties, work or school related anxiety, ADHD, Asperger’s Syndrome or Autism Spectrum Disorders, and those who wish to Remember and Become ‘Who You Really Are’. Contact Judy at 248.568.8665 and judylipson@spiralwisdom.net, and visit www.SpiralWisdom.net for more information.

This article is for informational purposes and is not meant to replace medical care.

By Judith E. Lipson, M.A., LPC

You probably don’t remember, but when you were born you were authentic and you remembered Who You Really Are as well as your plan for this lifetime. But as is so common, you forgot much of that and now I, your Highest Wisdom, have noticed that you are trying to hold on to Who You Really Are, while you are also trying to fit in. The reason that I’m talking to you today is because I noticed that you don’t think that you can be your real self and be like others.

You may be thinking that to be liked by others you need to be just like them. Are you finding that really hard? Adults and even kids say that you should be your own individual, be your own person. Yet they also tell you to be just like them. How confusing. You wonder, “Am I supposed to be like all the others? Does that mean that I can’t be Who I Really Am?” And then you feel even more lost and confused.

To make things more complicated, you might recognize yourself as really different. There is a reason for this. This is so you can bring unique ideas to your family, to your community, or to the world.

I can tell that you want very much for others to like you, and to feel part of the group. But you may also be worried that if you are seen as part of the group that you will seem like them, and then you will lose that special aspect of who you are, as well as the real purpose of why you’re here.

I don’t mean that you’re special in a bragging kind of way, but special in an important way. And when that’s true, it is what it is, and you are who you are, and actually that’s just perfect!

You may also be afraid that, to stay special and to not be like the others, you will have to be alone, and you are afraid of feeling lonely. The good news is that you can be part of your peer group and not lose yourself. I bet you’ve seen others who seem really confident, and must be “part of the group”. You might be surprised to know that many of these people accept that they are different, stay unique, and keep their head held high while in the midst of others. You can do it too!

You can be Who You Really Are and also fit in. So let’s brainstorm. Identify what you like and what you know how to do that is similar to the others, so you can mingle comfortably without trying to be, or pretending to be, completely like them. If you try to be exactly like them, then you’ll feel like you lose yourself and it’s important that you be Who You Really Are.

You might want to talk to your parent, your teacher, a counselor, or someone else whom you trust to learn more about how to be similar to them and also very much yourself. They can help you find what you have in common with others, and how to talk to them. And don’t forget about me, your Highest Wisdom.

Remember, when you are being honest with yourself and others, you will make yourself happy. And when you share your Real self with one or more people who you trust, you feel Real. Hold your head high and stand proudly! And always remember to be Who You Really Are.

Call me anytime; I’m always available.

Love,
Me – Your Highest Wisdom

Judy Lipson is a Licensed Professional Counselor and educational strategist in West Bloomfield, MI. She helps clients of all ages who have learning difficulties; work or school related anxiety; ADHD; Asperger’s Syndrome or Autism Spectrum Disorders; and those who wish to Remember and Become ‘Who You Really Are’. Contact Judy at 248.568.8665 and judylipson@spiralwisdom.net, and visit www. SpiralWisdom.net for more information.

This article is for informational purposes and is not meant to replace medical care.

We all judge; and have our opinions on how things should be and how people should act. We get turned off if somebody acts in a way that doesn’t live up to the way we want things to be. At the end of the day we are all different and it comes down to unconditional love and acceptance. ~ Lenny Kravitz

By Judith E. Lipson, M.A., LPC

There have been many great leaders urging us to accept each other as equals. The foremost leaders for my generation were President John F Kennedy and Martin Luther King, Jr. President Kennedy said, “If we cannot end now our differences, at least we can help make the world safe for diversity”. Martin Luther King Jr’s: “I have a dream that my four children…will not be judged by the color of their skin, but by the content of their character” is still revered.

We call the United States the melting pot, yet we have been striving for more than two centuries to fully accept our diverse members. Our Declaration of Independence states that all men are created equal with the right to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. Our Constitution was written to support these inalienable rights. Yet it took a Civil War and the Emancipation Proclamation before African Americans had the right to live freely, and an additional 50 years before the 19th Amendment allowed women to vote. And still there are groups that don’t have equal rights, so the conversations continue. 

Some of our identities, like ethnicity, are handed down through generations. Other identities are ours to experience alone, and we especially feel the need for acceptance by society, family and self. If any of the three aren’t present there is a tendency to become fearful of isolation and disconnection. Fear is a powerful emotion and can lead to anger, despair and even self-loathing.

FOSTER ACCEPTANCE OF SELF:

• While you strive to be the best you can be, resist comparing yourself to others.

• Look within at the perfection of your inner being to find and then appreciate your true self.

• To avoid feelings of isolation seek those who most resemble you. You may need several different groups of people to accomplish this.

A diverse society allows us to see and understand those who don’t appear to be like us. It doesn’t require agreeing with the other or their beliefs. Rather, acceptance suggests that we look at another without fear. And avoid False Evidence Appearing Real (F.E.A.R.). Fear occurs when a person thinks that their way of existence might be threatened, and this often leads to non-acceptance, prejudice or discrimination.

Acceptance provides more than peaceful co-existence. When you accept another for who they are and allow them to be authentic, you experience a relaxed internal experience. In contrast, fear carries a lot of weight and negative energy.

The goal is to move beyond simple tolerance to celebrating the rich dimensions and differences contained within each individual and across our planet. I’m thrilled to see that many of our youth and young adults describe people’s skin color just as easily as other generations point out hair color. Though seemingly small, it’s a sign of growing acceptance.

Everyone wants to be accepted. Though tolerance is not the same, it is an acceptable mid-point in the process. Here’s how you can foster acceptance:

• Help others to find the similarities between self and other rather than focusing on the differences.

• Remember that differences don’t imply inferiority, even if someone is viewed as minority.

• Provide opportunities for children and adults to meet people who are not like themselves. This can include skin color, ethnic heritage, faith traditions, physical or cognitive differences, clothing styles, etc.

• Acknowledge the risk that another person takes to be their honest self, and the additional risks that they take to be seen authentically.

• Connect with another’s emotional pain, and experience the empathy that can be felt for another.

• Teach children, and encourage adults, to look at people’s character and not their appearance.

• Advocate for the rights of all people.

Fear creates separation, and this impacts your sense of well-being and peace. Additionally, fear can sabotage your own happiness or lead to the prejudice of others. Strive to see another’s true self and be cognizant of your own insecurities. This is the time for us to come together to make life better for ourselves and all of humanity.

Judy Lipson is a Licensed Professional Counselor and educational strategist in West Bloomfield. She helps clients of all ages who have learning difficulties; work or school related anxiety; ADHD; Asperger’s Syndrome or Autism Spectrum Disorders; and those who wish to Remember and Become Who You Really Are. Contact Judy at 248.568.8665 and judylipson@spiralwisdom.net, and visit www. SpiralWisdom.net for more information.

Published in MY Magazine August 2013